Monday, September 7, 2015

WWE Raw 9-7-15

Generic Raw intro starts - so this is just going to be a holiday filler show. No pyro either. Seth's out to talk. They're seemingly doing the WWE Title match before the US Title match - which is quite odd. Seth shocked EVERYONE IN THE WWE UNIVERSE WHEN HE KNOCKED CENA OFF THE WWE MOUNTAIN! After several more minutes of rambling, he gets a boring chant. Seth talks about his statue needing to be near the announcers. Seth's statue would probably do better commentary than JBL. Just give it a pullstring and see what happens. Sting DUSTS THE STATUE. 
 
 
 Such greatness. Sheamus comes out and gets insulted, so he and Seth argue for a bit. Sheamus is called Ronald McDonald and Sheamus says that's his family. This can only mean they're a team. Sheamus says he could have a third match at NOC. So Seth is now battling against 1-on-3 odds with two title matches...he's a face, right? Paige faces Sasha next.

BUT FIRST, Seth meets with Steph because he's worried and only she can solve his problems. HHH can't help him...and BY GOLLY, HE'S RIGHT BEHIND HIM. WUT WOAH sound effect was really needed there. HHH tells Seth he needs two matches to fill time...err...test him out before NOC. He faces Ryback in the first match, and he'll team with THE NEW DAY to face the PTPs and Cena. We get a couple of good minutes of action before a break.

The DIVAS REVOLUTION continues with a post-break chinlock thing. They had a pretty quick little match, with a weird finish. Naomi RAN IN and Sasha reversed the PTO into a cradle for a win...even though both sets of shoulders were down. Paige got a slick wheelbarrow suplex, but no one really shined more than Sasha here. Roman and Dean have a tag match next.


AGAINST THE ASCENSION!? DEAN AND ROMAN COME THROUGH THE CROWD!? Love it. Cole calls Viktor "Vintner" Roman gets a billion corner lariats, the Punch, and they win with the Doomsday Device. Roman pushes Dean to hit a spear, and Dean wins with the DDT. Fun match. Renee interviews Ryback, and they recapped him beating Show and now facing Seth.

The commentators do some goofy Dolph-Summer deal. #steamysensualstor I bet they might've even made whoopie by now. They're ripping off TMZ badly here. TM-Sleaze did a better job of doing this than WWE. Seth gets a jobber intro and Ryback gives the title to a Make a Wish kid. That was cute to see. Ryback dominated for a bit with ARM HOLDS in some comedy, then Seth came back and started paintbrushing him to my amusement before posting him for an ad break.

After the break, Ryback sells the shoulder like Peter Griffin sold his knee and Seth locked on a chinlock. Ryback's "flyback" splash misses for 2. Seth takes a nasty bump for the suicide dive - he's killing himself to get a two star match out of Ryback. Seth is DISTRACTED BY A STATUE ON A VIDEO WALL AND HE LOSES. Ryback beat the double champ and sure gained nothing by it.

Sting did some more awesome comedy. He has the statue and put HIS MASK ON IT while going up and down out of frame. Sting is clearly getting hacking tips from his buddy Solomon Crowe too. GREATNESS FROM NEW DAY AND SETH! E and C come in. Wow, that Edge-Seth thing was nearly a year ago. And man does Edge look younger than Christian now. Dudleys defend Edge, and I just now realized that Bubba's giant arm tat says FAITH on it. THEN THEY SANG WITH NEW DAY. This ruled. Summer is now dressed like a very low-rent whore who found a "good" dress at a thrift store. 
 

"THE STORY THAT GRIPPED THE ENTIRE PLANET" AND NOW THEY'RE PLAYING THAT FUCKING VIDEO AGAIN. Rusev is out with his tracksuit jacket. Boo - Rusev should be wearing the world's biggest and wackiest tuxedo ever. Summer apologizes to Rusev and called him RURU. Dolph added more homoerotic subtext by saying Rusev's got a bikini wax. Sheamus and Orton do whatever for a bit and they go to a break.
 
 

Orton beats Sheamus in every match they've ever had with an RKO "outta nowhere". Wyatts beat him up and BRAUN STROWMAN destroys him with ease. Recap of Braun after the break. DUDLEYS ARE OUT to face the Matadores. After one of the bullfighters smacks the bull around, the Dudleys win with 3D while JBL brings up them being 24 time tag champs. The bull gets abused more before the Dudleys see JUST ABOUT ENOUGH and attack the evil bullfighters. I guess the bull is going to be Bull-y Ray or something.

Miz did some skit with Cesaro on the Network and now we have this match. Mostly comedy with Cesaro being great using JBL's hat as a prop and Miz running away from Big Show. Cesaro gets KOed for good measure. Ugh. Bella Army promo takes up some time. They're trying to get over "Bellabration" as a thing. Charlotte gets the spear and figure 8 - Charlotte-Nikki is now on Raw and not the PPV, due to an off-screen storyline petition.

Love Big E cranking on a headlock to the rhythm of the trombone. Cena eats a ton of offense before tagging Titus in, leading to the faces winning after a tag to Cena and an AA to Kofi. Really fun main event that at least put new guys in it - even if it didn't do a thing for the PTPs, New Day came off as a bigger deal being in this. Sting gets on the tron and reveals that....HE WAS IN FRONT A CURTAIN WITH A TRASH TRUCK! So Seth's statue was just a hollow copper thing? Shouldn't Seth be insulted since the Authority made it for him? 

Screens -
http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/zwxbj534tscmqvozg2vevp2r416f4ix4

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