Sunday, September 25, 2016

WWE Clash of Champions 2016

Nia and Alicia have a sloppy match. Holy Jesus is this match just nothing. LONG CHINLOCK. Nia wins with the Samoan drop and Alicia's ass looks nice in her gear. God, even the recaps of the storylines are just boring now.
New Day vs. The Club is the opener. New Day says words. Jokes. I'm exhausted and the show has just begun. YES! New badass long vests for the good brothers! Running Ligerbomb gets 2 for Karl right away. Boy, way to kill that move dead. Luke runs wild with some nice shots in the corner and gets 2 off a chokeslam. Big Ending gets 2 when LG pulls E to the floor. FLYING TROMBONE SHOT hits Karl and the Big Ending/Flying DDT end it. Commentators hype up Ride Along.

Cruiserweight Title is up IN ITS DEBUT in the second match on the card. This division is so fucked. Generic Brunette Human talks to TJP about him being a WWE Superstar and WWE Cruiserweight Champion. Loving Kendrick and his wacky flag. The ropes are purple for CW matches, and then Mega Man music is used for TJP! Code of the Cruisers not being adhered to! Also, the apron LEDs and buckle logos are purple - because THAT fixes what was horrible about the cruisers on Raw.

Kendrick does the Finlay ring skirt beatdown. Pendulum by TJP. Triangle rana sends Kendrick to the floor for 9. Wrecking ball dropkick hits Kendrick, but the 450 misses. Kendrick goes for the bully choke, but it's countered into a kneebar. Sliced Bread hits and gets 2! Fireman's carry kick into the kneebar ends it. Pretty boring match, sadly. Kendrick kicks his ass after the match - so no one really gained anything here.

Speaking of which, Cesaro cut a promo in his prom tux. Cesaro hits an uppercut to counter the outside-in shoulderblock and he hits a flying Thesz press off the apron. Sheamus goes for the splash mountain, but Cesaro sunset flips him for 2. Sheamus clubs away in the corner, but Cesaro hits a 619! Tossing irish curse gets 2. Cesaro necks himself on a dive! Cesaro recovers and gets an Okada dropkick before Sheamus dives to the floor into a sloppy uppercut. Cactus Clothesline over the barricade by Cescaro. And that's a non-finish. Are you fucking kidding? RAW IS IN A FIGHT FOR SURVIVAL AGAINST SMACKDOWN LIVE, so here's an ad for the SD Live PPV. Bayley and Charlotte chat backstage and WWE still hates cancer.

Sami's out to face (the gift of) Jericho. Jericho working as a slower wrestler is so much better. Love his super-slow basement dropkick. These two just aren't gelling much here, and Jericho wins with the codebreaker. Goddamn Raw is hopeless. Women's match is up for the mid-card death slot. Sasha and Charlotte get all wacky with brawling. Sasha GETS HER HAIR PULLED for her "stay on the floor for five minutes" spot. Sasha gets shotgun knees to Charlotte in the gut. Sasha lands a double decker NO ONE MOVE kneedrop. Sasha dominates with...high school slapfight slaps. Bayley breaks up the bank statement/crossface. Wedgie for Sasha and a yakuza kick to Bayley wins it for Charlotte.

Hot Lana introduces Ru-Ru! Rusev grounds and pounds him. Long chinlock by Rusev. CM PUNK CHANTS. DELETE! RUSEV! CRUSH! Now the crowd is hyped! Spear gets 2 because Lana pulls the ref out. Spear.  ROMAN, WHO WON THE WWE WORLD TITLE AT MANIA, GETS HIS NEW BIGGEST WIN EVER...THE US TITLE!  Universal Title match is up. Seth gets a PK! Owens mocks him for the architect moniker. Seth gets his ribs worked over and they trade frog splashes. Jericho distracts Seth, who eats the package sideslam for 2. Pedigree gets 2 thanks to Jericho putting KO's foot on the rope. Another pedigree, but the ref is out. New ref is out, powerbomb hits and wins. Ugh. This show really got no one over.

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