Here's a show I never really watched growing up and haven't really done it in the Network-era - so a BOARD watch is as good a reason as any to do so. This starts off with Jesse and Tony before a BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD sign reminds us that it's 1993. Regal vs. Steamboat is on first and Regal BEING DISGUSTED BY PYRO is a great touch. Tony bullshits about the fans still filing in and they go to a close-up of Regal showing all the non-fans.
Regal gets sent over the top ONTO THE RAMP and Jesse is pissed about that not being a DQ before the building goes bright. Ricky's ribs are taped on the left side due to an umbrella shot and gets a brief edge thanks to a simple double thrust to the ribs. Ricky works him over on the mat with an armbar. Regal goes for a Romero Special and turns it into TWO DIFFERENT more painful versions after Jesse opines about Regal using his over the shoulder backbreaker.
TOMBSTONE GETS 2 FOR STEAMBOAT! Double arm chops hit for 2. Steamboat skins the cat but BILL DUNDEE DOMES HIM WITH THE UMBRELLA and a German suplex wins the TV Title for Regal! What a fantastic finish! The Nasty Boys yammer on about a surprise and finishing the Horsemen with a bulldog off the top. Big Sky comes out to face CHARLIE FUCKING NORRIS, who even as a kid bored the shit out of me since Tatanka was "the Native American" star of his time and actually LOOKED LIKE A STAR. Charlie runs wild with his Chief Jay Strongbow offense and big boots him to win.
Tony throws to special correspondent Scott Dunlap who has CP and chats up DAVEY BOY ON THE WAR GAMES!? You have literally anyone on Earth on that team to promo and you pick him!? Orndorff and THE FUCKING EQUALIZER are out to face Bagwell and Scorpio. Jesse talks about working with Wesley Snipes on "Demo Man" which is honestly better than this. If Karl Stern can call Dory Jr Boring Funk Jr then I'm calling him the Fertalizer. He gets a LONG CHINLOCK before the faces square off in the corner before the heels dominate Buff before a heel miscue leads to Paul kneeing Fertalizer and a 450 ending it. Thank God!
Regal and Sir William take offense to any implication of cheating. GODDAMMIT NOW A MATCH WITH THE TEXICANS!? The best part of their stuff is Jesse calling them the Texicans and seeing their chyron butchering their names. Okay, so it's just Henry Godwinn facing Ice Train here ON PAY-PER-VIEW. Not Worldwide. Not WCW Pro. An event that was like $30. Pierce clubs Train from behind when Shanghai distracts him by existing. JESUS. Train almost northern lights bombed him trying a powerslam! At least that's the finish. I liked him running through the bullrope lariat attempt but damn was he awful.
Missy is out with the Nasty Boys and Jesse says she got Nastycized - popping Tony. Jesse asks who painted Missy's pants on and well, this is a form-flattering getup. This is actually a low-key good match with Knobbs not in a lot and Saggs working with Arn a ton. Some nice work on the leg between Arn and Roma before Arn gets double-teamed off an abdominal stretch. Roma runs wild with a missile dropkick and swandive, but Saggs elbows his head and the Nastys win it!
Cactus-Vader feud and amnesia angle recap to set up Jack vs. Yoshi Kwan. We get a goofy recap of the amnesia but also Jack as basically Mick Foley saying it was all a ruse done to trick Race and Vader. He talks about his family and says that he did lose his mind - but they censor the "Big Van" part of Vader. Jack vs. Yoshi Kwan is up and shockingly Chris Champion makes for a poor-looking Japanese man - but the getup is good. There's a great bit where a fan's two signs are shown - one about Gene coming in and the other about Missy buying her tits, so Jesse picks the Gene sign.
Mick runs wild on both Kwan and Race before Kwan gets some kicks in and then a choke. Double arm DDT hits and wins basically right in the ropes but whatever. He suplexes Race and grabs the bag! Flair vs. Rude is setup with a Flair for the Gold with Rude attacking him after Flair has to repeat the line because Rude's late with the belt shot - and also Rude is dressed as 1991 in '93. Gorgeous purple robe for Flair here. Rude looks bloated facially and within nine months, his in-ring career is over. I'm glad he got "a" World title run in WCW because he deserved it after his '92 run and while he's a shell of himself, he's still better than 90% of the company as an act and 75% of the guys in the ring.
Tons of arm work before Rude works the neck over with a camel clutch without the arms. Chops and punches in the corner from Ric before Rude presses him into a hot shot on the rope! Flair goes off the top to the floor with an axehandle! Figure four, but Rude knuck shots him thanks to a Fifi distraction to win the belt. This was good-ish at points, but never got out of first gear.
War Games starts off strong with Dustin vs. Vader in a 5 minute match. LOL @ Dustin in yellow and red. Dustin's ribs are taped so he beats the shit out of Vader with his boot. Tony says THEY WERE GOING TO START WITH THE SHOCKMASTER. Holy fuck! They shoot Vader's beating on Dustin in the corner in such a way that you can't see a fucking thing except for Vader's face. Dustin runs wild, but Stevie Ray is in to slow things the fuck down. He pisses Vader off right away taking for-fucking-ever to hit him with a boot shot.
Sting comes in and the heels attack him before he runs wild until Sid's in. Giant one-arm chokeslam by Sid! Sid is perfect in this kind of match where he can come in late and just do cool shit. Another reason's he's such a blast to use in video games. Sid and Vader recreate the Doc pressing Gordy into the cage spot - which looked better then since Doc did it a ton to Gordy and they just do it once.
Davey's in and Vader dives off the second into a powerslam. Booker's in and then Dustin has Sid in a figure four, but it's not the Match Beyond. Shockmaster is the last guy in and slugs away with Vader. He slams Booker into the cage and then Shockmaster BEATS BOOKER WITH A BEARHUG! Sid yells WE DEMAND SATISFACTION. That's for goddamn sure.
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