Monday, February 4, 2013

Raw 2-4-13

The opening video set up The Shield vs. Cena/Sheamus/Ryback nicely for the Chamber and recapped the Heyman deal. Punk came out and gave the GTS to a fan's IT'S MY BIRTHDAY sign. YES! Loved Punk saying that it wasn't Heyman, but it was CGI and that Vince would doctor footage on his TV show. Booker came out to shut him up. Booker said he was out here at the behest of the managing manager of general, Vickie Guerrero to name Punk's opponent for tonight - a former WM foe...and he'll let the Universe decide who it is. So Vickie apparently sent Booker out to do this...for some reason, and has no problem with him letting the fans decide his opponent ONLY ON THE WWE APP. IF YOU AREN'T ONE OF THE 3.8 MILLION WHO HAVE THE WWE APP, here's a tutorial video to show you I guess he knew about this beforehand, or just randomly made a WWE app tutorial. This makes Nintendo putting video walkthroughs of games seem necessary by comparison. They hyped up Bruno's EPIC INDUCTION without mentioning him, but plugging ESPN's site so you could figure it out.

They showed a boring Orton promo about facing Punk. Loved Cole saying that Cesaro hasn't eaten desert in three years and chooses to workout on his birthday instead of eating cake and ice cream. He also enjoys MAGICAL HERBS.They came back from a break to have Cole alert us that it's a TITLE-FREE MATCH. Non-title is on the naughty list I guess. I love how many matches they're giving Cesaro with Ryback - they're not the greatest matches, but it shows they have a ton of faith in him and gave him a near-fall via countout here. After being thrown back in after an attempted escape through the crowd, Cesaro hit a yakuza kick, went for it again and got powerbombed for his efforts. Great spot. Shellshock gave Ryback a win - great stuff here. Loved the camera shot of Ryback's face next to a SHIELD IS GOING DOWN sign. Cole called Ryback ONE OF THE MOST UNIQUE SUPERSTARS IN HISTORY. Wow. I'd go with most powerful there. Cena recap vid from last week's Raw. Shield recap vid is coming up after the break.

Chilli was there...and WWE acted like this was a huge deal. Rey cut a good promo on his history with Punk and how he took his hair and mentioned being a WWE Champion in the past as well. Great stuff there. Shield vid was the same one from SD. John Cena reacted to it by...making a face. Vickie convered with him in a swank red and black Sinister Minister suit. Trish's tits HOF vid re-aired. Striker remains the only bad part about it. During the break, Jericho cut a promo on WWE ACTIVE ON THE WWE APP! Santino came out and Booker joined the commentary team...oh lord. Booker thanked the WWWE Universe and Cole called Swagger "the Real American". If that was his theme, he'd at least get a pop. Booker said that Rey's got a country behind him - DAT'S A BUYRATE, DAT'S RATINGS. Swagger killed him quickly with the Patriot Act ankle lock. What a stupid fucking name that is. Not as bad as the Souvenir, but still bad. Swagger demanded that Booker be impressed, which at least explained to some degree why Booker was out there. King begged everyone to vote because the Punk match is next. Great ME hype vid aired.

Cole apologized for the app being down, leading to them delaying the match and putting voting on the site. Alberto came out for the hour one main event...that hasn't been announced yet. They showed the Show-Alberto brawl. Cody gets to be the victim tonight. This should be quite good if it's given time. They sadly continued the breakup for the Rhodes Scholars and Cody's new terrible mustcahe shirt. Alberto came off as just another guy here due to the crowd being dead. Nothing they've done with him on Raw since winning the title has really done much for me, but on SD, they're doing a lot of good with him. This went like three minutes. I think they've spent more time hyping the app tonight than anything involving the world champ. Alberto's promo got Whatted terribly until he praised them and yelled a bunch. Then Show calmy explained that he wasn't afraid of Alberto and that he was in a hotel for Alberto's safety, not his. I loved his calm tone here - very different from the norm.  King awkwardly talked about the app voting, which Jericho won by a landslide.

Kane and Bryan argued about their loss and Bryan demanded that Kane stay backstage so he doesn't lose tonight. Cole seemed confused by this and said he'd explain about it in a moment, which I guess will be after he's shouted what he should say. Cole explained the chamber qualifiers to impress Booker, which would be a lot easier to understand if they were actually just qualifiers and not just vague "impress Booker" matches. YAY, REY-BRYAN! Rey's got his better-looking Rumble singlet top on here which looks way better than his sleeveless shirt. Bryan hit a tremendous tilt a whirl into an upside-down Codebreaker. I demand that be creatable in WWE '13. Loved the sinister face Bryan made during his arms to side bit - didn't so much dig King's Just For Goats joke. Bryan got the No Lock, which Rey countered into a cradle nearfull. Dug that. Splash from Rey missed and THAT allowed him to get the No Lock and the win. Super-fun match. MARK HENRY RETURNED to kick Bryan's ass, then came in and beat up Rey, who was still down due to the No Lock with a new running spinebuster. Tremendous return. Sin Cara came out with new sweet half-Mistico/half-Sin Cara gear and springboarded into a WSS, which he then did to Rey and hit him with a Vader bomb. THAT return was about twenty billion times better than Swagger and had a car in the background of the building for some reason. Mayble Alberto parked it there. Goddamn this ruled. Jericho-Punk was hyped up awkwardly with WWE ACTIVE ON THE WWE APP!

Bryan and Kane argued again, which led to a glorious calm Kane mini-speech. Then they re-aired the Vince-Heyman deal. Show got room service from the burliest hotel worker in human history. Sheamus came out for a match that Cole ABSOLUTELY COULDN'T WAIT FOR...then why wasn't it announced beforehand? It's against Kane...which sure sounds like a match I could wait for. Hype vid for THE INCREDIBLY MEXICAN WORLD CHAMPION FROM MEXICO also brought up SD too.

For some reason, a Shield/Cena vid aired in the middle of the ad break. Rey, Bryan, and Orton are now in the Chamber. Sheamus got Kane up for the Irish Curse. Crowd remained dead despite it. A loud BORING chant went up. Bryan distracted Kane and cost him the match. Goddammit, another team's breaking up. MizTV with Heyman is next. Miz's grey and black checkerboard suit was terrible and I was so glad that Heyman begged him to shut up. Miz was God-awful here compared to Heyman. Heyman outclassed him in a few seconds here. They blathered on for a bit before Vickie screeched her way to the ring and said that she re-hired Brock because he was a free agent. And like all free agents, they made a DVD on him while he was outside the company. Vickie's acting here was sub-Miz. Heyman was so great consoling Vickie when she broke into tears. Miz called them both fat, which led to Heyman making a great face and Brock coming out. He looked so out of place with the wacky MizTV set. Brock killed Miz after a shove, then tossed around the sofas like they were nothing, then F5ed Miz. The best part about this was Heyman apologizing on behalf of the destroyed Miz.

Orton came out to face Barrett, and Bo Dallas cut a terrible inset promo. Cole talked about the history between Orton and Barrett, which I've completely forgotten. Cole then brought up Barrett breaking his nose over a dozen times in "bare fighting". Cole talking about Barrett's scar was more interesting than the match. Orton won after countering the Wasteland with elbows, having the RKO shoved out of, then backing into another one - that was nice, the match was boring. IC Title feels like such a nothing title right now. Punk-Jericho is next. A tremendous "I'll Do Anything For Love" M&M ad aired as did a FANDANGO promo. FAN-DAN-GO!  Loved Punk countering the springboard dropkick with a neck snap smoothly. Cole hyped upp Cena calling out the Shield, which I'd forgotten about. Still no Bruno video either. Sweet high kick hit perfectly and got 2 while the vise was escaped via a long trek to the ropes. GTS countered into the Walls to a huge pop. Punk made it to the ropes, but couldn't get the GTS due to the Walls. Nailed it after weakening Jericho with the buckle. It started as a fun match, then got really good. I was more impressed by Bryan-Rey though. Bruno's HOF vid was tremendous. MIKE TYSON talked about being inspired by him. Huge ovation by the crowd for this. So glad to see this deal get worked out.

I loved Punk saying that Rock has the physical belt - he has the title of champion. Great hype vid involving the Rock's title win getting a bunch of media, then Cena cut the happiest angry-sounding promo ever. Show talked with Booker on the phone while the second-most jacked hotel worker came in. Show doesn't do birthday tweets or autographs - tremendous. Alberto then attacked Show when he wasn't expecting it. Alberto then blinded him and hit him with a fire extinguisher and told people that his friend ate bad Mexican food...haha...Mr. Mad-ox came out at 11:05 to say that Heyman preyed on his desire to be an UP AND COMING SUPERSTAR. LOVED him calling out the Shield so Cena couldn't - he was tremendous here. Then Ambrose cut a tremendous promo on him and they destroyed him. Cena entered through the crowd with Ryback and Sheamus. Not sure why they didn't see the Shield up there. They were in the crowd and Shield's other victims crowded the ramp. JUSTICE CENA STYLE involves having a massive numbers edge...just like his enemies. A very minor beatdown ensued to set up the chamber match, which really should've been announced here. Maybe they'll save that for either ME or SD.

Screens -



No comments:

Post a Comment