Thursday, February 7, 2013

TNA Impact 2-7-13

I loved the Bar Rescue ad - I wonder if they'll commission a Wrestling Rescue show and focus on TNA. Great recap of the Bully/Hogan deal - Bully's face last week when he got reinstated was amazing. Angle being turned on getting wacky chanting music was amusing. Wes looks like a badass in the biker getup. Pretty sure they're using the same crowd shot as last week to open the show - I remember the Austin 3:16 guy and the fan with the neon yellow Hogan sign, brotha. Loved Garett doing Eric's fake chest pound/I love you! bit when he came out. According to Taz, the Aces are RULING PRO WRESTLING. Anderson lost last week, as did Devon. Devon cut a promo and was awkwardly interrupted by a cutaway to Angle being demolished by the Aces - that looked terrible. Couldn't they put that in at any other point? WWE does that and sets it up better - this was awful. Garett cut a fine promo while Wes just seemed nervous and called Hogan 'Hawk Hogan'. Tara and Jessie talked about George and Jessie talked about Myspace, which was great. Then Brooke Hogan was all annoying with them.

The first ad break for Impact involves Extenze and new EXTENZE LUBRICANT. They should've followed that up with the lingerie ShopTNA ad. RVD's defending out X Title against King and Ion. Taz talking about the X Title made me wonder why the Aces haven't tried to get it yet - they made the WORLD TV TITLE their top priority, and while they took out Hardy, I'm not sure who in the group is up to the task of being a remotely viable contender for it. This was fun when RVD wasn't involved. He is just too slow to attempt to keep up with these guys, and it isn't exactly like they're super-fast DGUSA guys either. I liked the five star onto King during a Northern Lights - great finish, best part of the match by far. Aries and Roode bickered marvelously about being former world champs and winning tag gold later.

British Bootcamp vid made me hope that they eventually throw that onto Youtube. This was a great way to introduce the cast onto US TV. Rockstar Spud is such a tremendous-looking douchebag. Bruce Prichard and D'Lo, in horizontal stripes, talked about Wes and Garett joining the Aces. D'Lo shouldn't have worn that - looked awful. Jessie came out to offer the folks a Pectacular photo op - Storm took offense to this. Sad to see Storm in the 'random match against geek' slot when he should've been world champ 10 months ago...and three months ago. Match was fine - Jessie is quite good in his role. Storm turning Jessie into a ventriloquist dummy ruled. Tag titles are on the line next. An ADT ad buried Comcast's new home security service because they're mainly a cable company known for shit service - valid issue.

Loved Taz calling Tenay A FREEEAAAK of nature for knowing so much about Chavo and Hernandez's title reign, and him agreeing with his fellow heels saying the tag titles would be the easiest to win, and his bickering with Tenay ruled. Roode going OW, WHAT ARE YOU DOING after Aries' accidental dive onto him was tremendous. Hernandez hoisting Aries up during a headlock and putting him onto the buckle so he could do a cocky point was amusing.  Loved Kennely using the UK taping as a way to say that Tenay loved to eat spotted dick and Tenay saying that if Aries wins, he'll be a triple crown champ in TNA. YAY ARIES! Loved Roode and Aries bringing back the hand clap phantom tag here. Taz saying that Bully being reinstated was HOGWASH amused me greatly. Loved Aries already starting to bump for the shoulderblock before Hernandez could even touch him.

Watching Hernandez do impressive shit here made me think that he's basically exactly what WWE wants Ryback to be, minus the habit of dropping dudes on their heads. Loved the sequence with Roode leaving, then coming back to rotate finishers with Aries before the 450 won. Chavo's teeth were re-killed by the corner dropkick. This wasn't the greatest tag match I've ever seen, but damn it was a lot of fun. Sting, Bully and Brooke met in the back, where they gave away the building's WiFi password Sting reversed the "get the tables bit" on Bully, then Hogan came in and cut a promo saying THIS WAS THE END of the Aces and calling Bully a good guy, resulting in Bully saying he isn't a good guy - he's just good to Brooke and hasn't forgotten being wronged by the Aces. In fact, HE'S A VERY BAD GUY. This ruled, and then he called Hogan 'dad' angrily.

AJ's shitty year was recapped. What's Cena bitching about having a bad year? At least he wasn't accused of having a baby with a crackhead. Tess came out for her match with Tara. Tenay brought up them being former KO tag champs, titles I'd forgotten about before that. Tara did a hair grab that existed only to show off her ass and Tess's crotch while Tenay talked about Lord Alfred Hayes and then Taz talked about how he and other British legends would do in the Aces. Tara did the booty pop stinkface to Tess mid-ring. That was something else. Then Kennely channeled Hayes with the 'promotional considering paid for by the following' bit. Brooke's facebuster is now called the Tess Shot. Fine move name, this was okay.

JB introduced Rockstar Spud, who looks more like a star than anyone in ROH even though he looks like a British MCMG member. Love Robbie E being too big of a douche bag for big RT to tolerate. I loved Bigger Rob having plausible deniability for allowing the punch since he dropped the clipboard. Spud making Rob Terry dance WITH THE DEVIL HORN HAND SIGN ruled. This was an absolute blast. I'll miss Dos Robbies, but the Rockstars Spud and Terry should be fun too. Yup - TNA got more out of their UK-only show by doing the video earlier and this than WWE got out of everything with TE. Maybe they should've had Hogan beat him up and never let Spud got any offense on him. Sting and Bully had a bit that peaked with Brooke going IT'S SHOWTIMEOMIGOSH!

Bully looked awesome with the warpaint and the lighting. Loved Bully doing the Stinger Splash so well he sent himself over the top rope - five star Stinger Splash there, then he let Sting do it before a double stack Stinger splash. Bully doing Devon's part in the WAZZZUPPP headbutt was him taking Devon's spot with the table grabbing spot. Goddamn this rules. The crowd was unbelievably hot for this - Sting should just retire except for the UK tour and BFG because he comes off as the icon they sell him as here. Very surprised to see Sting even tease a superplex, let alone do one. Knox is now THE MONSTER OF THE ACES AND EIGHTS! They should've just called him Doc and given Doc his Ring Ka King Isaiah Cash name. BULLY HULKED UP ON DEVON. Loved Taz telling Devon to hit him harder and it not working. Bully put Devon through the table. This was tremendous fun. This show was a blast - not the greatest show or biggest, but a lot of fun from start to finish.

Screens -


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