Monday, August 10, 2015

WWE Raw 8-10-15

Generic Raw intro starts things off. We'll hear from Hall of Famers and Superstars about Oh, and it's Roman and Dean against the Wyatts - so no Sting there. JBL says that Seth is the future of the World Wrestling Entertainment!? 8:01 and JBL's already drunk. Seth came out to brag for a bit. Perhaps a century. Mid-'90s Conan bits again. God. Seth and "Cena" on the tron did stuff. THANK GOD CESARO! He's kind of getting "and on and on and on" over here though. Cesaro wants the challenge, but it was a one week deal. Owens comes out. Raw is SmackDown tag match main event.

"I beat John Cena" is going to be Kevin's "I scored four touchdowns in a single game!" in WWE. Randy Orton is not the cure for a boring segment. Orton buries Kevin for gaining weight, but puts over Cesaro's shades...I think. Seth calls them all jerkoffs and then dad comes out to discipline everyone. HHH says Cena is 50/50 at best - so you would, maybe, perhaps possibly want to strap a rocket to someone. Nah. 20 minute promos. That's the solution to the problem. Cesaro vs. Owens vs. Orton and the winner competes in tonight's main event against Seth. So HHH is pissed at Seth, but gives him a match against a guy tonight who has already had a match. This is like Burns taking 5% out of Smithers' check for trying to kill him. Seeix divas action according to Byron is up next with Team BAD against Team Bella.

The Submission Sorority are now Team PCB or PCB or The Freak Show. I'll be busy thinking about what Paige meant when she said that she's exciting to finally have Charlotte and Becky around to her to ignite a flame with her. Charlotte calls herself genetically superior. Becky is great I saying "I put ____ in the disarmor." Cole "hypes up" the NXT show saying that Becky is facing "Belly". Brie does Bryan's spots, which get a babyface chant in Seattle although I think the Bellas are heels here. Brie wins with a shitty schoolgirl off a 2.5 pinfall. Big brawl at the end. See, now what they're doing now might actually mean something if they had weaved in some regular NXT stuff - just video packages, to keep you informed of who the major stars are and what their characters are. Instead, it's just random people doing whatever so why care?
 NEW! DAY ROCKS! against the bullfighters. Kofi has spring-loaded skipping legs tonight. New Day won after a variety of wacky comedy - yay! Then after another fantastic skit backstage with Renee...we get Seth and HHH have a brief, friendly chat. Triple threat match is up next. Shockingly, Cesaro gets a jobber intro - which is more than anyone else gets. T-Bone hits on Owens. Owens gets corner shots. A SPARRO SECTION sign is on screen - ha. Crossface and wacky escape. Lots of spots - nothing too exciting beyond a big Owens dive.

Cannonball in the corner gets 2. Double draping DDT. Cesaro has an extremely hairy ass. Can we please never get that camera angle again? Fantastic fallaway slam on the barricade sets up a springboard uppercut and an amazing Owens-Cesaro exchange. Orton gets in and hits an RKO off the Pop-up Powerbomb attempt and then one to Cesaro for the win. Great finish, but Orton wins...really!? FANTASTIC Taker-Brock video. This is pretty damned great - zero reason this couldn't have been done from week two.
 Dean's out and after a break, Roman's out too. Dean and Harper are out for their match. They do some moves, no one reacts. The most deadly move in wrestling, the schoolboy, gets 2 for Harper. Discus lariat hits after a lot of craziness on the floor. Whatever. Bryan's on MizTV next. Miz talks about Amell and they show Bryan Alvarez for a few seconds before Bryan (Danielson) comes out to a huge reaction. Miz's shoes might even better than whatever his hoodie/robe is. Miz as Troy McClure is so great. Big Show comes down and talks about how Miz still has white teeth despite all the crap he talks, and oh yeah, it's all about the IC Title now. Holy shit - Ryback actually winds up with a swank shirt...and he's somehow not last any mass despite being disabled with staph for weeks. What genetics! This was fun.

Charlotte hype video. So...why don't they actually just call her Charlotte Flair? AND WHY IS STEPHANIE ALL OVER THIS VIDEO!? Lana's cleavage is on commentary for Rusev-Henry, which ends via DQ when Lana and Summer fight. This got so great - beyond the upskirts, we got Rusev TEACHING SUMMER THE ACCOLADE resulting in its own funny leg positioning that could easily be misinterpreted and RUSEV GETTING HIS FACE ON THE BULGARIAN FLAG!

Recap of the Neville/Stardust thing and Amell, and Stardust-Ryder. Barrett's out to face Neville. Joy. Amell gets pie-faced by Amell after Neville wins and we see Craig and AMELL HOPS INTO THE RING AND HITS A GREAT SPEAR! Looks like we're getting a Summerslam tag - not bad. Bayley NXT vid. So logically, if/when Bayley beats Becky, shouldn't she be on the main roster since she's then officially better than a main roster talent? Ditto when/if she wins the title at Takeover. Backstage, HHH shushes Neville while Amell cuts a fine promo about WANTING THIS MATCH. So to review, in one minute, Chris Amell was just made a star on a pro wrestling broadcast. They followed up on this by burying PPV and we get a bad Sheamus promo backstage before he makes a wacky O face.

After a few minutes of stuff, we come back to the longest shot in WWE history of a chinlock by...SETH!? Seth did the Draping DDT. Seth - WWE Champion as an homage to other, better wrestlers is not exactly a good fit for him. Fine for Eugene - not for the Champ. Beautiful flying RKO off the diving knee, but Sheamus comes down to interfere for a DQ. Sheamus kicks Seth's head off and he hands his case in, but he eats an RKO after verbally doing the cash-in which...of course makes it null and void despite the whole idea of the case being a risk/reward thing.

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