Monday, January 9, 2017

WWF Raw 12-22-97

It's Wayback Playback time! We get a recap of the LOD being taken out by the NAO  and DX. FIVE MAN POWEBROMB to Animal through a table here. They have fake snow going on in the crowd - showing that WWE could actually let fans have fun at one point. DX is out with their bath robes and HHH's hair is amazing. HHH's forehead hasn't grown out quite yet - amazing how that doesn't usually happen to people. They moon the fans with the MERRY XMAS text on their asses, which is shown censored.

Sarge comes out and tells HBK that he can either defend the Euro title tonight or surrender it to Slaughter. Slaughter makes HBK vs. HHH for the title tonight. HHH says that you can't make me face him and lose. HBK takes offense to the idea that he could lose - so we have dissension. Rock also faces Taker in a non-title match. Ross, Cole, and Kevin Kelly are in front of a green screen and the Headbangers come out.

The Godwinns are out, with Henry in a confederate flag shirt. Wow. Thrasher vs. Henry Godwinn starts things off. Yikes. Thrasher hits a crossbody off the top and Phineus jumps in and we have a DQ. Well, they kept it short. They whip the Headbangers with straps and Pat and Jim talk about how Cornette's fingerprints are on this and the ether-soaked rag in the opening highlights. We get a recap of the NAO beating the fuck out of Mick's head with a chair - for nothing.

They show him being suplexed on the ramp and then being tossed off the stage and through a table that he overshoots. Mick's got hip replacement surgery planned for a reason. Mankind cuts a promo swearing revenge - Mick as Mankind is something else. We see Austin meet with Santa the prior week and Austin toss the Rock's IC Title into the river. Santa brings a fan into the ring and the kid figures out it's the Brooklyn Brawler. Steve Austin comes out and stands up for the kid  - it's amazing how Steve can do this and still be a badass.

Steve says that if he's the real Santa, he'll know what he wanted when he was 6 - and it wasn't tiddlywinks. AUSTIN STUNS SANTA! DX "argues" in their locker room. Rock comes out with the Nation, while Taker has a badass theme. Taker's rope walk is countered by a Bearer distraction and PG-13 getting involved. People's elbow gets 2 and the nerve hold is on. Rock punches him in the back of the head and gets another nerve hold. Rock ducks and gets a fameasser. Rock gets chokeslammed and tombstoned - but Kane's music hits!

Kane attacks Taker, who refuses to fight back. Kane is being booked as a total monster and they draw a comparison to Braun - who has had far more time to mature in that role. Kane was only around for 2 months here and already made.HHH vs. HBK is hyped up for the main event. We get a recap of Kane beating up Taker. It's the War Zone era - so we get the same intro again and then DX's intro to start again too. Chyna comes out and chews gum during the DX seizure bit. Owen jumps HHH, so by gum, the match can't happen now! The Christmas decorations on the set are reasonably nice. We get another angle of the Owen beating. We get another recap of Owen beating up HHH. The Outlaws search for Mick in the basement and beat up some guy.

Marc Mero comes out to face Scott Taylor. LOLing at the fan flipping him off in the front row. Sable comes out dressed as a reindeer. Marc is impressed by her RACK of antlers. Taylor gets some chops in and hits a flying lariat off the top for 2. Pat talks about how Scott went from a guy doing a lot to a guy who can just do one thing forever - good move in the long run. Marc is distracted by his wife and gets cradled for 2. A sloppy TKO ends it. Pat talks about how Sable beat Marc and Austin immediately nixed working with him. Ball shot by Marc leads to another TKO, but Tom Brandi makes the save. Sable strips down and shows off her body - so you know that all women are meant to be appreciated for their personalities.

Re-re-re-re-replay of the Owen attack on HHH. Cripes - the Zapruder film has been replayed less. 8-Ball is mid-ring with his SS tat. The Jackyl and Kurrgan come down and he puts costume jewelry on a blonde. This match has fans to get soda beforehand. 8-Ball hits some God-awful punches and worse kicks. 8-Ball goes after Callis and Kurrgan actually axehandles him off the apron! Kurrgan lumbers and lacks Khali's size and whatever kind of charisma he had. Kurrgan hits a basic sideslam and wins - that wasn't even a finisher in '90, let alone '97. 8-Ball jumps Callis and the Truth Commission attacks. The other Harris makes the save. The Commission leaves and the Outlaws search for Mankind still. Riveting.

The 1-800-COLLECT rewind focuses on the Kane vs. Taker attack from before. WE GET TWO REPLAYS OF THE HBK-HHH GRAPHIC and then an earlier tonight recap of HBK and Slaughter. D'Lo is out to face Shamrock. I'm gonna go out on a limb and predict a win for the Irish. Ken's robe is nice and JR hypes up Frank Shamrock's UFC win on Saturday to make it all seem live. Ken gets a kneebar after Cornette complains about Bob Hope being cancelled. Ken gets a la majistral and a few armdrags. D'Lo tries to outwrestle Ken on the mat - this ends poorly for him. Ken's Magnum TA-like belly to belly leads to an ankle lock win.

Rock cuts a promo on Ken about him having ShamROCK in his name - so that's enough for a feud. Rock's bitch tits are out of control here and his nipples are unbelievably white. Shamrock vs. Rock is official for the Rumble in an IC Title match. HBK is backstage and "talks trash" to HHH. BACK TO THE OUTLAWS, who get beaten up by Mankind. They brawl and Mick is put in the freezer. Luna and The Artist Formerly Known as Goldust are out, with the latter dressed like a Christmas tree.

We get a very lispy reading of Twas the Night Before Christmas. Santa comes down and boy is Dustin fat here. He has to be nearly 280 pounds. Santa beats up Goldust and VADER CLAUS IS HERE! Goldust hops off the apron and squishes Luna between him and the apron. HBK vs. HHH is next. Possibly. Hopefully. DX INTRO AGAIN. HBK and HHH take off their Chyna shirts and stretch. HHH POKES HIM AND HITS A BIG ULTIMATE WARRIOR SPLASH TO WIN. HBK breaks into fake tears. Slaughter is NOT AMUSED by any of this. Slaughter is going to make HHH face Owen for the title at the Rumble.

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