Sunday, June 18, 2017

WWE Money in the Bank 2017


A giant Jinder video in the pre-show makes him actually seem like THE MAN. The Colons face the Hype Bros on the pre-show and lose a nothing match. The women's MITB match starts things off. Byron cannot say "Carmella" to save his life. It always sounds like Kamala. Everyone gets an intro and then everyone just stands around for a video package for some reason. This is about the women's revolution, which now includes Beth and Jacqueline. All righty. Charlotte runs wild with running boots in her Joker gear. I don't know how it's possible to take a bad bump off a Samoan drop, but Carmella found a way. Nattie and Becky fight over the ladder. Why fight over the ladder? Just let your opponent grab it and then beat the shit out of her. Ass-first bump on the ladder by Becky. Ouch.

Charlotte gets crotched on the ladder by Carmella and they fight up top. Tamina tosses them off onto the ropes. Well, that boot to Carmella was goofy - she sold that way too quickly. Charlotte hits a flip dive to the pile off the top rope to the floor. Becky climbs up, but Ellsworth dumps her. Ellsworth grabs the case for her. So logically, Shane the babyface comes out and nixes this, right? JBL is clearly being yelled at to say "what rule did he break!?" over and over.
Tag title match is up. USOS DOUBLE SUPLEX KOFI INTO THE POST! I demand that be in 2K19! Kofi gets a mushroom stomp! Kofi is locked in the sunrise, and a dive is caught by E for a belly to belly. Kofi gets a dragon clutch! BIG ENDING OUTTA NOWHERE for 2. Midnight Hour gets 2 and the Usos bail and lose by countout.



Bob Orton Jr and Sarge chat. Naomi vs Lana is up with them saying AFTER JINDER WINS THE TITLE, this could be the biggest upset of the century. Lana lands a pair of snap suplexes into the rope. Rear View gets 2, but she eats a high kick. Lana gets locked in whatever Naomi's submission is and loses. FASHION VICE!"It's a VHS tape! is it Coliseum!?"
 

MIKE AND MARIA KANELLIS ARE HERE! They're basically doing their TNA deal, only now it's with the power of love. Miss MITB recap leads to that awesome Jinder video since it's already time for that one. Baron, Larry Hennig, Greg Gagne, Sarge, Bob Orton, and Flair get their intro. Jinder's face being covered up really does give him an badass aura. They've got something with this.

Orton vs. Jinder is up. Jinder avoids an RKO, but the Orton stomp hits. Jinder gets tossed into the legends, so he attacks the knee and smashes it on the announce table. Jinder does the figure 4, then the spinning toehold of Dory, but Orton avoids the superplex to do his own. RKO, but the Singh brothers put his foot on the rope! They get tossed out, but go after Bob, so Randy makes a save. Randy once again murders them through a table.TABLE TO TABLE RKO! This allows Jinder to get the cobra clutch slam and win it. 


FASHION POLICE ARE OUT! And it's to face the Ascension. Yowza. Crowd dies. Fashion Police win. Everyone comes out, but Baron jumps Nak during his intro. Baron deep sixes Dolph on the floor. KO eats a nasty slam off the top into the ladder by Sami! Sami hits a sunset bomb off the ladder to Dolph! HALF AND HALF SUPLEX ON THE APRON. KO is nuts. AJ DIVES ONTO CORBIN, WHO CHOKESLAMS HIM ON A LADDER BRIDGE! KO pulls Sami off the ladder into a low blow. AA OFF THE APRON ONTO THE LADDER. Jesus. KO is going to kill himself. AJ hangs on the hook and falls, and thankfully lands face-first. Baron goes to climb, but Nak's theme hits. Baron is stopped by music for some reason.NAKAMURA-AJ STAREDOWN! They have a good back and forth exchange for a bit. Baron knocks them off the ladder and wins.

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