Monday, March 18, 2013

Raw 3-18-13

Brock and HHH have a contract signing tonight. I demand a table be at least thrown by Brock during it. YAY, the Impact-style opening recap is back and did a wonderful job at explaining the newest parts of the Brock-HHH feud. Nice recap of the Punk-Taker deal too - Taker's bow looked so much better without logos all over it. Cena's out with A NEW SHIRT. It's basically his existing one but with yellow and blue instead of blue and yellow - looks better that way. They showed what appeared to be a giant Fandango light outline above Cena and a  PART-TIME CHAMP IS A CROCK sign behind Cena when he was showing off his BRAND NEW SHIRT AVAILABLE NOW ON WWESHOP.COM. Then they showed a Cena Nuff sign while he looked bewildered - great stuff. Cena gave a shitty drill instructor speech about the Cenation. PTPs came out with Titus dressed like an afro-clad janitor and talking like Uncle Ruckus. This went from hot to cold, but got great when Titus talked about DY being on the cover of Cocoa Pebbles and the name being changed to PRIME TIME PEBBLES! Pancake Patterson offered to fight Cena, but his gout flared up something fierce, and it's bingo night Friday, so it's up to D-Young to battle Cena.

DY got killed after a few minutes. The skit was way better and more memorable than the match.They recapped the Shield-Henry-Ryback stuff from SD. Ryback's coming out to kill Otunga. He did so, then cut a promo about it being FEEDING TIME on Mark Henry...while still talking about the Shield deal, which they changed up on their site earlier. Henry came down and Vickie and Teddy came down for some reason. Vickie took Ryback out of the Shield match and put him against Henry...Well, that was a clunky way to change the card up. King's theme played over the Brock-HHH contract signing graphic, so I guess he'll be in the ring for that and possibly take a beating from Brock.

SD was the most socially active show on a dead TV night. Fandango's set on the ramp looks great. I guess they figured they'd better just kill the pronunciation deal before it murders the gimmick. And then Cole buried the light-up Fandango deal as just being a Lite Brite. This match is being made because Fandango was so offended by Khali on SD, which they showed - largely the DONG stuff. Instead of Ryback Fears Clayton, the sign should read Ryback Fears Dr. Black. Loved Nattie's "FAN-DANGOGETTIMKHALINOW!" bit. Fandango refused to wrestle again, and got YOU CAN'T WRESTLE chants instead of Khali. 42 minutes have passed and next to nothing has actually happened, but it's been a great trainwreck.

They showed Brock in Muscle and Fitness. Loved Truth's white and gold look again, and he's facing Mr. Sandow - yes! Sandow is now a Kentucky Colonel AND HIS FAMILY CONSULTS FOR THE CURRENT PRESIDENT. Good lord. I loved King referencing Teo when talking about Little Jimmy. This was a nothing match, so Sandow left it. Wow. Cody was with the Bellas, and Kaitlyn was all jealous. That was indeed something and somehow led to a Taker return next. This has been the strangest first hour to Raw in ages.

Taker came out and promised to hurt Punk, and hurt him bad. YES! Without the beard, and some grey in what's left, Taker looks nine billion. Punk then did an impersonation of Bearer while holding the urn and talking to him. Punk cut a great promo about not being supernatural while standing next to a forklift and for some reason, not being dressed like Ryo Hazuki. He played with the urn, dropped it, went "oh shit" and was generally a cocky shithead here.

A new HOFer is going in later and the tag champs are out to face Primo and Epico. I loved Bryan mixing up low right and mid-left kicks in the corner. Cole calling the urn a talisman annoys me, as does him talking about its epic legend. Enough explaining, it's the urn, and it's Taker. Cole talked about it being hard to tell Kane's expression because he wears a mask. Yes, one that covers maybe a third of his face and none of his mouth. Cole talked about Bryan measuring his beard - it's 6 inches now. Crowd was pretty much dead during this. AJ came out in her Harley Quinn pants to distract Kane, who still managed to win. Looks like Dolph and Big E against the tag champs at WM, in a match made in part due to water being splashed on AJ. And then they just cut backstage to Jericho with Josh, who were interrupted by Fahn-don-go! Or Fandumbo, Fandunghole, Fandangler, FanDodgeDurango, FANBINGOWASHISNAMEOO! And now we've got a WM match over pronunciation. Loved the bit him calling him by his get movie tickets.

They replayed the SD filler video of Nattie and Alicia Fox in Africa. Cody needs to get his cape/vest thing to match his gear - he's only got the purple trim one. The very Mexican WORLD CHAMPION FROM MEXICO, WITH HIS MEXICAN FRIEND, ALSO FROM MEXICO came out to face Cody. Loving the new theme - far more celebratory and less rich-folk sounding. They showed Alberto facing Show on ME in a match so important it wasn't even brought up on SD. I love Alberto' running rana and la majistral cradle. Nice punt kick from Alberto to the arm, sold as to the head by Cole until King corrected him and they turned it into a build for the armbar. 

Tremendous super gord(ita) buster by Alberto as a counter. It was weird, but refreshing to hear Cole talk about each guys' amateur skills and how a win for Cody would catapult him to a future title shot. Armbar won for Alberto - really good match overall, it did some good for Cody since he looked pretty strong in defeat. Swagger attacked after the match and threw out Ricardo, who took a glorious bump to the floor. LOVED the look Alberto gave Zeb, and then how Zeb tried to beg off. LOLed at the giant USA USA chant after Swagger said "WELCOME TO JACK SWAGGER'S AMERICA!". They did the fake snapped ankle bit for Ricardo after ht ankle lock. Well, if there was a character to do that to, he's it.

THE WWE APP showed Ricardo being loaded onto a stretcher. It's a shame Zeb and Swagger didn't make the EMT cross a border to get to Ricardo. Booker's going into the HOF! GO BOOK! Definitely wasn't expecting this. Great video too, including some GWF stuff and some of his best kits. I demand a Blu Ray of just his skits. They showed WE COMIN FOR YOU without the N at the end - tremendous. Huge cheers for Booker here. Congrats to him for this - he's earned this and it's great way to cap off his wrestling career. Between this and his book, it's been a tremendous year or so for Booker T. It's like a time of great redemption for him after years of blah in TNA put a hurting on his legacy.

Orton and Sheamus came out to face the 3MB, and they re-replayed the attack on Ricardo - good, they desperately need to make that match seem important. 3MB got squashed. Show came out to save them from an attack by the Shield - this look a lot longer than it really should've. Best part about it was Show hustling to get down to the ring. After weeks of trailers, we get more - now for the GI Joe movie. Well, at least it stars the WWE Champ and is a big film. This "exclusive trailer" showed stuntwork being done, which seems a tad odd. 

Kofi's out to face Dolph and continue their best of nine billion series. Kofi hit a really nice springboard off the middle rope on the inside for a splash on Dolph, then nailed the boom drop and the fulcrum kick before getting his legs clipped by Big E during a dive attempt. Dolph won with the Zig Zag and then the tag champs came out to make a WM match. AJ accepted for HER BOYFRIEND BIG E AND BIG E...yeah...Loved the return of YES YES YES to accept the challenge. Loved the ZIGGY AND BIG E name King gave them. TOUTS will be up after a Rock-Cena vid.

They recapped the Punk-Taker stuff tonight then replayed the Rock-Cena vid from last week. Kinda lazy, but still a great vid. IC Triple Threat is up as the main event match with Miz coming out - this all took up 8 minutes of TV time with about 7 1/2 of that being a replay.  They brought up Honky here because Jericho could make the claim of being the greatest IC Champion, and seemingly build the Fandango-Jericho match with Honky as Fandango's manager. Match with a few minutes before hitting a break after a tower of doom powerbomb spot. Loved the Lionsault to break up the figure 4. Cole hyped this up as a battle between whose movie was better with Wade and Miz. Oh and it's for this belt-thing too. Crowd popped huge for the Codebreaker. Wade took a great bump into the barricade for Jericho here. According to the Twitter crawl, someone thinks the 6-man tag is a triple threat. I'm not quite sure how that could even be remotely true. Barrett stole the pin after Miz hit the Finale. Really fun match, but more of a collection of things happening than an actual match.

They showed clips of the WORLD PREMIERE PARTY FOR THE CALL! Otunga looks like a totally different person without the goatee. TOUT TIME! A bald guy in a grey sweatshirt wants falls count anyhwere, TOUT GIRL wants to be the ref, a black guy wants it to be a Three Stages of Hell match, and a dude in a blue shirt wanted POSSIBLY AN AMBULANCE MATCH. HHH came out at 11 PM to do this while Cole hyped up THAT IS THE TABLE THAT WILL BE POSSIBLY USED TO SIGN THE CONTRACT when they showed it. Tremendous comedy there. They went on for a bit before HHH lost it when Heyman mentioned that the LOSER SHOULD GET STEPHANIE! Loved Heyman having blue socks on and Brock's t-shirt underneath his button-down shirt. HHH bullied Heyman, ripped his shirts off, slapped his bare chest, and choked him before throwing a chair on him. HHH was a huge asshole here. Brock saved this by murdering a steel chair and HHH holding him off with a hammer. They capped things off by announcing a NO HOLDS BARRED match and HHH's career is on the line, oh yeah, he's winning. That got no reaction.

Screens -




Have you seen any black cars?

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