Monday, March 25, 2013

Raw 3-25-13

CENA AND ROCK ARE HERE TONIGHT! Thanks, opening video. Punk's starting the show with Paul Heyman bearing the urn. Sorry, THE SACRED TALISMAN THAT HE ABSCONDED WITH! What a ridiculous thing to say. Punk's constant THEY mentions reminds me of Immortal. He was also really offended by Taker pointing to the WM sign. Loved Punk saying "speaking of dead" after the ECW chant since they're in Philly. Then he dropped the urn because it doesn't matter to him, but it matters to Taker. There's also NO ONE IN THE WORLD WHO WILL BEAT HIM AT WM. HE IS THE 1 IN 20 AND 1. Wonderful. Then after what felt like nine hours, the lights went out, came back on, and Taker whooped some ass. Rock and Cena will be in a Q AND A SESSION WITH HALL OF FAMERS...they do have ideas for this right? The Taker-Punk deal only took up 10 minutes. Impossible to believe.

FANDANGO IS NEXT. Cole said, AND I QUOTE, that the feud with Jericho was over Fandango's name being spoken incorrectly. Boy, hearing that aloud it seems about as stupid as the Edge-Booker feud over shampoo, or Kane-Jericho over coffee. Before the match could happen, Jericho ran down and kicked his ass. Apparently, Jericho was going to face Dolph later, which we weren't told before. Dolph came out and this amazed Cole since THIS MATCH HAPPENING RIGHT NOW! So...why should I care that this match that wasn't announced before is happening now instead of later? Taker and Heyman are trending on Twitter - something seems wrong with Taker's name even being on Twitter.

They had a good little match until Jericho hit the Lionatamer and won. Then he got hit with Big E's move. Fandango and his chick danced over his fallen body before attacking him. Loved him shouting WHAT'S MY NAME, SAY MY NAME...while the crowd chanted you can't wrestle. Great save for King for that by saying that they're chanting that, but he sure can fight. He hit the flying legdrop afterwards. This accomplished the same thing that the SD bit did, so a replay would've sufficed in theory, but given that he's new, I'm fine with them redoing it. They've done a nice job of establishing that he's got a sinister side beyond the facade. THE KING OF KINGS SPEAKS. Yup, HHH.

Striker hilariously asked Sheamus to look at like five minutes of footage from SD. This led to an ass-kicking from the Shield before Orton came in and THE HOUNDS OF JUSTICE took over, before Show saved them. Henry's coming out to face two guys...after the break. Usos gonna get their ass kicked...after a token Superfly dive. Killed one with the slam for the win, then killed other one, and the first one again. NOBODY SPLASHES ME! Take note, pool patrons. Loved Henry's eyeline going towards the TRENDING ON TWITTER graphic - trending - IT'S WHAT HE DO! Alberto faces...CESARO!? next. Why? Cesaro lost to Miz and somehow earned a match with the world champ. Non-title, sure, but still - a match with the top champ on SD.

IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE WWE APP, THEN YOU MISSED VICKIE ANNOUNCING RYBACK-3MB later. Ricardo came out on crutches to introduce Alberto. Cesaro looks like such a jobber just carrying the belt and wearing his shirt. At least they gave this a champ vs. champ graphic. Cole talked about Alberto and Ricardo's long relationship...adding to the ho-yay aspect of their tandem. Then King brought up taking and giving after the reverse superplex. Swagger attacked Ricardo again, which led to a brawl giving Cesaro a win by countout. I'm fine with that. Nice shirt on Swagger too. Alberto then acted like an asshole by attacking Cesaro for celebrating his victory. Ugh. Okay, that part I didn't like. Loved King saying "he's got some protection, but he's still in a lot of pain". He was hilarious here. This led to a recap of the Punk-Taker stuff from earlier. Bryan and Kane come out to do something next.

Rock's Kid's Choice Awards stuff was recapped, and the PTPs are in the ring to get beaten. Nice overhead belly to belly by DY. They brought up the washrag bit again and Cole called King Mr. 6 Days Off. Ouch. Chokeslam won for the champs. For the first time so far, they mention that THE SHIELD WILL BE COMPETING TONIGHT. They replayed the HHH-Brock vid from SD, then HHH got his full intro and they talked about all HHH has done for the business without citing anything, and making it seem like a bad thing that we COULD BE SEEING HHH'S LAST  MATCH!
HHH said that if you go against Brock and don't think your career could be over, you've already lost and rambled on about wrestling for 20 years like his life depended on it. Then they kinda redid the deal from before where a guy comes out apparently out for a match, but it can't happen. Now due to HHH cheapshotting Barrett. This didn't do a thing for me.

Miz is out to face Barrett. Wow, what a great way to earn a title shot for a face - another face did all the work for him. Inverted atomic drop starts the match, and Cole AS THE MATCH BEGINS considers this a break. Other than that, they just had a generic match. Cole called this a doozy. I call this a terrible way to preview a possible WM match.  Barrett took control ON THE WWE APP. Barrett got on offense and a boring chant broke out. Miz won after the figure four when Barrett crotched himself on the ropes - this got pretty good towards the end. Well, I guess if they're doing Miz-Barrett at WM, Miz is losing. Tag champs bickered over AJ and Kaitlyn told them to get a grip. I love AJ being on-screen, but no one actually seeing her. Cole said it would now be 4 HOFers for the Cena-Rock deal, but didn't elaborate, and the Shield wrestles next.

They hyped up the Charity Buzz thing they're doing. You could GET ON THE SET OF A WWE FILM, or pitch an idea to Mark Cuban - I'd go with that one. Khali, Ryder, and Gabriel face Shield. While they came down, a fan held up a STEPH, RESIGN FROM CREATIVE sign. Ambrose ruled it with his punches and other strikes that he makes his with his body language and facial expressions. Nice bow and arrow from Ambrose before Rollins won with the flying knee. Through a miracle, they hit the triple powerbomb. For some reason, the faces came out now instead of BEFORE THE POWERBOMB to make the save. They attacked Rollins and did a fine go-home deal here...13 days before the PPV. Great bored facial expression on a fat guy in a blue polo shirt when the Shield was in the crowd.

Recap of the Jericho-Ziggler deal and the attack from Fandango. Cole called Fandango A BALLROOM DANCER TURNED BARROOM BRAWLER. I'd love a skit where he fights in a bar dressed like that. Jericho met with Vickie off-screen and got a match with FAN-DONG-GO at WM. Sandow came out and cut a great promo on Philly being known for greasy sandwiches and ARENA WITH A PRISON IN IT. They hyped the Bellas, and TRS is up to face the Dancing Bears. They aired a kick-ass montage to save Punk-Taker. The chicks brawled, while TRS won after the disaster kick and Naomi hiked her shorts up for some reason. WE, THE WWE UNIVERSE, got to see a clip of the GI Joe movie. Ryback walked backstage in a Spidey-style netting singlet.

Ryback debuted a giant splash that looked pretty good. Weird of the fans to confuse Ryback for the Rock's accountant Ira Goldberg. So after earlier stating that Ryback had done his finisher to two guys before, King said THIS WAS IMPOSSIBLE when he did it here. Ryback and Henry are having...a weightlifting competition on SD. Wow. I hope Jesse Ventura comes out to give Henry a 2 pound edge. AJ faces Kaitlyn next. They showed an old photo of Arnie and Bruno to hype up Bruno's HOF induction. Kaitlyn missed a spear and it gave AJ a win via countout after some really nice brawling from the two. They hyped up WWE '13 being back in stores thanks to 2K Games. Smart way to ease the transition from THQ to 2K and get some more sales out of it.

Rock returns to SD on Friday. Shield 6-man was made for WM. King said the HOF panel will now have superstars...with Booker on the panel. Given that he's a future HOFer, I've got no problem with that. Same with Foley, who got a mini-HOF vid when he came out. Dusty and Bret were the last two. Dusty looked great, and I loved the fans in both a winged eagle belt and a Monday Night Jericho shirt.  Bret looks to have aged a decade since the Rumble. Loved "Midnight Rider" playing in an ad after a Dusty segment. Rock came out to a huge ovation, while Cena got a mixed reaction. Mick said he was a Cena support and took a lot of flack, so he asked him if he was prepared to lose again.

Cena talked about Donovan McNabb and HOW THE WWE UNIVERSE ONLY SUPPORTS THOSE WHO WIN THE BIG ONE! Cena said he could handle failure, but that DWAYNE never experienced it. Then Rock fucking owned him by saying he got a mattress from an hourly rates motel, got a big break, nearly fired after blowing his knee out and asked for one thing - a mic. Then he ruled the world with more stuff. Bret played the part of Wade Keller by asking why they didn't focus on tearing each other down this year.  Then Cena...put Rock over a ton, which was weird. Booker said he's the only guy who's faced both guys and asked why Cena had to beat Rock, then Cena said...cuz I have to.

Rock buried him for this shit and Cena basically pouted and made excuses for losing because "he went for Rock's stupid move", then he acted like a cocky asshole. Rock quoted Flair because Cena can't beat the man cuz Cena isn't the man. Then he plugged the bionic elbow as being the original people's elbow and Dusty put the match over as being about winning and losing. Dusty cut his best Dusty promo in ages, easily better than anything Cena's done tonight and asked what each guy wanted. Then Cena was a dick again and said he wanted to haunt Rock for the rest of his life. Rock said he'd wake up the day after WM with the belt, while Cena will stuff his face with Fruity Pebbles. Rock earned his WM payday tonight trying to save the show. They did a little mini-brawl with Cena going for the AA and getting Rock Bottomed while the legends looked on in amazement. Rock stood tall and Cena looked on sad - good, Rock ruled this and it's a shame he probably won't be champ after WM, because he's been incredible.

Screens -



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