RIZIN - Breakfast With Fedor

 

We start with a PRIDE-style drum celebration and TAKADA COMING OUT IN A WACKY OUTFIT and giving a giant thumbs up. Glorious. The Bellator announcers tell us that Aoki vs. Sakuraba is opening - which is good, since I have to leave for work soon - so I'll get as much of this done as I can since the intros are so elaborate. Saku has no mask, and no business fighting - but he at least gets a cool intro.

Sean Grande talks about Antonio Inoki being a pro wrestling kingpin, and how the idea to put the Tiger Mask on Satoru Sayama and that made Sakuraba a fan. Saku looks ancient, but in-shape. Still, it's far more fun watching him play pretend MMA fighter in pro wrestling than actually fighting as an MMA fighter. Aoki takes him down and we see the never-ending knee wraps on Saku. Aoki gets the mount and lands about 100 shots before the ref stops it. Saku had nothing left, but "just" got bloodied up a bit - so he at least didn't seem to suffer any lasting damage.

Recap of the GP fights so far. Big John is the ref for Mo vs. Teodorus, who came out as Ryu Hoshi from Street Fighter II in the walkouts that weren't shown here. Basic jabs and kicks for the first round - nothing really noteworthy. Mo takes him down for some ground and pound in round two. He winds up for a big standing punch to his mounted opponent, but it doesn't connect. A second one hits flush and Mo dominates - so he should win this one and does win by judges' decision. Vadim vs. Jiri is up for the GP. It's a crazy war for the first round with all sorts of craziness - including a near flying knee at the end. During the replay, Nevkov is passed out - so it's over. Jiri wins. Saiga vs. Tokoro is up. MILLION DOLLAR DREAM into an armbar for the win for Tokoro. Hasegawa vs. War is up. Not much to the first round - but we get some north-south knees in round 2. Ward wins with an RNC. Kron Gracie vs. Yamamoto is up .Triangle into a powerbomb leads to a triangle win for Kron Gracie.

Gabi Garcia vs. Lei'D Tapa is up next. She is a 14 TIME WORLD JIU-JITSU CHAMPION according to the hype video. SHE STANDS AT THE BEGINNING OF HER DREAM. LADY BEAST LEI'D TAPA's video up next. She is called a popular pro wrestler and Tapa says she embraces her curves. Gabi is GIGANTIC next to Big John. Tapa lands a left and takes her down, while Gabi gets up and goes for wacky Crusher punches that can be seen from space. Her lumbering punches actually connected a few times. An accidental backfist takes Tapa down and we get some ground and pound for a Garcia win. Souwer vs. Nagashima is up. TONS of hard shots to the head and body lead to a win for Souwer. Jiri vs. Mo is up. Mo KTFOs him with a right hook to win!

 

Fedor hype video. HIS FIGHTING SPIRIT HAS RETURNED! Singh video at least makes a case for him being a contender by taking out Russia's number two fighter in K1 and training with Cain. Lenne Hardt's FROM RUSSSSIAAAAA with LOOOVE! bit never gets old. Fedor dominates and beats him with ground and pound. After a dozen hard shots to the head, Fedor wins. We get a "who's next!?" ala Goldberg for Fedor and Jimmy says Fedor needs to face a non-can. This show was just about exactly what I expected it to be - and a fine template for future Rizin shows.

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WWE Raw 12-28-15

Generic intro to start leads to them hyping up Cena vs. ADR, but not for the title. Vince comes out and says that he is out to settle a score. He would've done it last week, but he had to have dental surgery - didn't say Roman though...until a few seconds later. Roman comes down and we get a recap of Steph trying to cut his balls off last week and beating up Tom Phillips. Vince calls HHH his brother in law before correcting himself and then he knocks Roman for embarrassing a McMahon. In an amusing bit, Vince says he owns the WWE World Title belt. "Daniel Bryan!" chant. Woah boy.

A CM Punk chant breaks out and Vince buries Afa and Sika. Why on Earth would anyone in 2015, almost 2016, give shit one about the names Afa and Sika? Vince plays like his neck is broken. Well, the second this started to rely on a McMahon's acting talent, it was doomed. Steph comes down to act. They're not going to arrest Roman. Now they're threatening Steph. Steph is going to be arrested for...being critical of a police officer's work? THE MCMAHONS ARE GODS AMONG MEN! LOOK AT HOW GODLY THEY ARE AND ABOVE US THEY ARE! Vince grabs Old Cop and the cops come in. Old Cop is doing a really shitty job of being a cob by cribbing Miranda Rights. After a million years, Vince is led away.

"During commercial" we got Steph saying OCCIFER BRUTALITY! OCCIFER BRUTALITY! OCCIFER BRUTALITY! So we got 80 years of this and Owens gets no intro. Owens vs. THE SLAMMY AWARD-WINNING, NEW SENSATION LEADER OF THE ALTITUDE ERA NEVILLE. Neville gets a hype video. Neville gets a fluke win off a rollup in maybe 40 seconds. Owens beats his ass in a post-match beating that went longer than the match. A recap of the match and beating lasts longer than the match. A second beating of Neville lasts longer than the match itself. Dean has seen JUST ABOUT ENOUGH and brawls with him.

SD recap with Team Bad mocking Becky. Becky is wearing...something ungodly bad in an interview with Jojo. She got a bit of a hometown pop saying she bartended in Hell's Kitchen. Naomi is in a purple and white...tablecloth/pant combo burying NY. Well, Becky's jacket looks cool. Cole talks about how MAN HAS BECKY MADE AN IMPRESSION HERE. Yup, we knows she's Irish...STEAMPUNK! Becky and Sasha botch somethiing mid-ring and Becky baseball slides the rest of Team Bad before diving off the top onto the trio for a break.They are in the "we are doing moves" portion of the match. A boring chant breaks out. Great spot where Becky sidesteps and Sasha dives onto Team Bad. Sasha regains control briefly, but eats a snap suplex into the buckle for 2. Naomi attacks Becky and Sasha hits the backstabber and the Bank Statement, which Becky rolls through into the armbar, and Sasha rolls through THAT for the win. Vince's "mugshot" is shown and we get Renee acting like this is 1991 with the announcers having credibility.

Kofi mocks the crowd for voting for Kalisto and then says that parents can call them and they will fight their children. Impressive hops and flips from Kalisto and Kofi here. Then Kalisto just won. Woods says that revenge is a BIII...GG EE and he'll face Sin Cara. Sin Cara gets pulled off the apron and they check on him after an apparent shoulder injury. Well, they COULD have gotten him over a bit with this ending off that - instead, it's just nothing. Whisper in the Wind hits E, but the Big Ending wins. MIZ TV IS NEXT. Miz gets mocked by Ryback, Goldust, and Ryder. Then Truth comes out. Then Slater. Show comes out with gigantic knee braces. In the best bit here, Truth punches himself to avoid getting knocked out - and then gets chokeslammed.  Ryback vs. Show is up. They fight for a bit and then Show just leaves.

The "lead heel" group is resorting to IRS-level cheap heat. Sheamus calls them the "Yousos" and Dean does the loser L bit on his forehead.  Usos sell wonderfully for Rusev, and Barrett's back too. Uso crazy dive to Sheamus. Sheamus Brogues one of them to win. No one was helped by this...a recurring theme on the show. Owens jumps Dean to continue their treadmill feud, but he at least got to powerbomb Dean through the announce table while one guy yelled "fuck him up!".

Recap of everything. Cena's out in a new green and orange shirt. Cena cuts a promo about ADR being a pussy by not putting the title on the line, so he agrees. Not much going on before the break and afterwards, he misses a crossbody for 2. Imagine every ADR-Cena match and this is a boring version of it. Tornado DDT gets 2 for Cena. Ref bump leads to interference, but Cena kicks out at 2. ADR's superkick of death gets 2.9. Armbar leads to a counter and an AA for 2 thanks to interference preventing a 3. USOS MAKE THE SAVE FOR CENA!? Kinda - they eat a beating. GIF-worthy spear to Rusev in the aisle by BIG DOG. Sheamus swings the chair, but eats a Superman punch before Vince comes back. Quite the slick red, black, and white tie on Vince here. Vince makes Roman vs. Sheamus next week, and the referee is Vince! Seems a bit early to do the Vince as ref deal for this feud. Vince saying "happy new year" needs to be a ringtone.

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NXT 12-23-15

A week after NXT Takeover, we've got TNA on POP TV with around 100,000 viewers, WWE undoing all of their good with last week's Raw, and now an NXT follow-up that should be pretty good. Post-Takeover shows usually are. Takeover recap with HHH's voiceover, despite him being disabled as of Raw. Vaudevillains are out to face the Hype Bros, BAM, and Jordan/Gable.

Vaudevillains are dressed as Sherlock Holmes and Watson, which Corey calls out as blatant pandering. Hype Bros are slightly over. New red and white gear for the Vaudevillains. BAM's in their Krueger getup. Gable and Jordan are ungodly over. Great stuff with Gable and English doing nip ups. Blake, who thanks to Alexa, I know is the guy in the short trunks eats some Dick Murdoch headscissors takedowns. ARMBAR IN THE ROPES FROM GABLE! BUDDY MURPHY! MURPHY HAS A FIRST NAME! Jordan runs wild with dropkicks. Double back suplex with a bridge wins! Emma-Asuka recap leads to them showing the fantastic post-match bit with Dana, Emma, and Asuka mocking Emma with her dance.

NXT UK tour recap. Every act here is so hot, it's astounding. If a mainstream news outlet watched this, they would easily think that WWE as a whole was on a hot streak and high point in popularity. Tye Dillinger cuts a promo on Sami - so he's a heel now this week or something. Vignette for the drifter - he debuts next. Flying elbow wins for Samson. Bayley-Nia Jax recap. Tye is out and slightly over. The "Ole" chant begins the second Tye is in the ring. Sami's out with a new jacket and super-duper over. The fans sing his theme as he hops into the ring, and it's glorious. Tye works on the arm a bit, leading to Sami as the underdog - yay! Sami gets his comeback and lands a fisherman buster for 2. Blue thunder bomb gets 2.5. Buckle exploder by Sami! Helluva kick wins and he gets a "you deserve it" chant for his post-match promo.

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WWE Raw 12-21-15 - Slammy Awards

So after a huge ratings draw in the one night ascension of Roman Reigns as The Man, we get... the fucking Slammy Awards.Just what Raw needed to start off the Roman Reigns era - a video package focusing on Stephanie McMahon and how everything affects her. Recap of Vince kicking Roman in the balls. Well, at least they didn't show Steph slapping him to tears. Hilarious early aughts porno video filter for that ending there. QUEENDOM! Steph's out smiling because it's THE SLAMMYS! Hopefully Dreamer gets comeback of the year. He at least got one pop. Roman got no reaction interrupting Steph. Steph orders him to leave. This is murdering Roman six ways from Sunday. Steph reminds everyone that she owns the company, the building, and Roman.

Grey Shirt Guy waving "no no no" amused me greatly. Steph threatens Roman's family with a match against THE NEW DAY! Oh no - NOT THE GUYS THAT CENA COULD BEAT ON HIS OWN! Step by steph app instructions again. This is the best Dolph has looked in many many years. He's in a slick suit with his hair slicked-back too. Neville wins breakout star. Yes! A LIVE NEVILLE PROMO! Owens interrupts and says he should've won. Owens says that he beat Cena on his first night and insults Dolph, who he calls a has-been. They brawl for several seconds and refs break it up.

Then the Wyatts are just mid-ring for whatever. Oh, A MATCH WITH KANE against Bray. Maybe you want to hype that up for several minutes? They all beat up Kane for a DQ. Team ECW comes for a save. Jesus, this show...Wassup to Harper. 3D to Rowan, but Harper lariats Devon for the win. Sudden cut to awards bullshit. Santino's out for LOL moment. LOL @ Bray just ducking under the side wall there. Miz ED ad is nominated. New Day DANCES WITH THE STAR OF RAW STEPHANIE MCMAHON. Somehow, I totally forgot about Truth having an angle this year thinking he was in MITB. Truth wins and Santino takes the award. Feud of 2016 - Truth vs. Santino. Mick, Noelle, and Dewy did a Christmas skit. Saint Mick takes credit for giving Woods the trombone. Okay then. Heyman says every award should go to Brock. Kalisto wins for the SDS at TLC. He says three words and then they just go right to Owens for Owens-Dolph. Christ. Can't let ANYTHING breathe on this show.

During a chinlock, we get a recap of why Owens vs. Dolph is happening. Super SmackDown LIVE is tomorrow. No reason was given to actually care - it's just on, so watch. Superkick from Owens for an ad break. POWERBOMB OUTTANOWHERE for the win. ALL HAIL QUEEN STEPH is out for superstar of the year. Seth wins and gets a nice babyface reaction. Seth cuts a heelish promo, with a babyface capper saying he'll be rebuilt and win the title again. ADR faces Cena next week and Alberto faces Swagger with both guys getting jobber intros now.

ADR beats him with the foot stomp. WWE does a Hero in All of Us Award to remind us of all the good WWE...and its superstars sure yeah, do. DON'T YOU DARE FORGET ABOUT HOW MUCH WWE DOES FOR THE TROOPS! Cena wins, but Henry accepts and gives a fantastic speech. Santa's out - AND IT'S BO. BO BO BO! Surprise of the year should be ADR. Sting wins and Bo accepts. New Day jokes about Star Wars and Kofi says the team calls him Pops. Usos are up to face New Day. New Day apparently face the Dragons, who also apparently have MORE MOMENTUM THAN ANY TEAM IN WWE. Despite losing the ladder match.  Big E splash gets 2, and the champs lose. They defend the gold against the Dragons. OF COURSE!

 

Truth presents diva of the year. Paige wins and of course, the black guy made a mistake and she didn't win. Nikki won. Nikki is dressed like...a classy stripper at a ball? She's in a see through dress with lingerie underneath. She dedicates it to ALL THE WOMEN SHE'S WRESTLED and who work in the company. Quite the women's empowerment speech there from a woman dressed in that getup. Rusev vs. Neville is up, and everyone in the gang just beats up Neville. How is the This is Awesome award different from the Most Shocking Award? Shield will hopefully win this. Ronda might though. Ronda and Rock win, and Miz accepts for his fellow A-listers. Becky faces Brie. New LOL moment of the year - "HEYYY WE WANT SOME BAY-LEY!" song breaks out. Nothing match is won by Becky with the armbar. Sting vs. HHH is up for match of the year, as is Owens vs. Cena I. Brock vs. Taker at HIAC wins. Nice speech from Brock. Dean vs. Sheamus is up and the goons all beat up the Usos.

Ambrose vs. Owens vs. Dolph for the title sure makes sense when the Authority COULD book him in a 4 or 5 on 1 against the League of Nations to get revenge on Roman... Sheamus brogue kicks Dean to start. A "this is boring" chant breaks out. Well, some of us do have to wake up in the morning for work. SUPER WHITE NOISE hits for 2. Dean does the flying standing off the cage for 2. Spear OUTTANOWHERE for the league on the floor. Roman attacks everyone with a chair and he prevents Sheamus from escaping just like the League did earlier. Remember when babyfaces would hold themselves to a higher standard than the heels instead of lowering themselves to their depths and it was just okay? They fight it out on top of the cage and then down, but Sheamus kicks his ass too much and Dean wins. The winner via getting his ass kicked too much, Dean! And then Sheamus eats a spear anyway. Well, this got no one over. Then Steph beat up Human Friend.

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NXT Takeover London 12-16-15

HHH opens the show as a huge babyface and cuts a fiery promo about NXT. We get a quick recap video showcasing the major matches. Asuka's out, so we're starting with a fantastic match in Asuka vs. Emma. Emma is out and has shades, but sadly, also longer shorts. A giant "Asuka's gonna kill you chant" breaks out and she gestures in the most animated way possible in approval. Asuka outwrestles her, but a missed dropkick lets Emma get a quick 2. Flying Fujiawara armbar by Asuka! Asuka lands kicks and a FLYING HIP ATTACK to the floor. Dana distracts her a bit, and Emma takes advantage.

It's amazing how NXT builds up Asuka vs. Dana and we wind up getting MONTHS OF STORYLINE out of it, and they're logical and can lead to a 2 on 1 handicap match with the heels actually feeling outnumbered. Elbow to the neck from Emma. Emma gets a snapmare kick and 2, leading to Asuka screaming in rage.

Asuka gets 2 off a backslide, but Emma gets a near-Rainmaker for 2. Great bit where Asuka stops short on an Irish whip, so Emma just slaps the shit out of her. POP-UP MISSILE DROPKICK FROM ASUKA! Big dropkick and a jumping spin kick! Kicks and elbows! HIP ATTACK! D-Bryan kick combo! Emma ducks a backfist and gets a cradle, but it only gets 2 and she eats more backfists! HIP ATTACK. Emma gets the Dilemma and a butterfly suplex into the buckle! Emma Sandwich gets 2. Emma lock is countered into an Ankle lock! GERMAN SUPLEX! Shining black! Asuka Lock is on, but Emma shoves her into the ref! Dana throws her glove to Emma and the ref sees it, but doesn't think she used it. Emma goes for a cradle, but get Asuka Locked! Emma taps, but Dana has the ref. The screen goes black and Emma loses via high kick! Super-fun match.

Tag title match is up. Some poor man is an Enzo cosplayer, and Enzo himself is in black leather overalls and a bright red leather jacket. "Bad" is just one way to describe this look. The Mechanics have added WHITE GEAR, so they kind of have some visual identity. Big Cass is so great just dominating in the corner with body blows - definitely gotta throw those into his moveset in 2K16. Mechanics take Enzo apart at the shoulder. VINTAGE ANDERSONS. Hammerlock Northern lights gets 2. Cass eats a trailer hitch, but gets to the rope. Schoolboy gets 2! Big boot and a tag! Rocket launcher gets 2 when Dawson pulls Enzo out of the ring. SUPER SMASHING MACHINE WINS!

Baron vs. Crews recap, and Crews looks like such a star with this theme and entrance with so many fans in the building. Corey talks about Baron retreating strategically...much like his hairline. Baron dominates and lands a big boot. Crews gets a nice tackle and some awful punches from the top. Again on the floor...wow does he need work on the striking. Flatfooted moonsault off the apron to the floor! Stinger splash from Crews leads to a spinning sidewinder suplex from Baron for 2. END OF DAYS WINS! Zayn hype video. Nia Jax will dominate! BAYLEY HYPE VIDEO!

Nia's new ring jacket is ridiculous. BAYLEYMANIA! Even "ONE FALL!" got a sing-along bit here. The crowd sings wacky songs for a while. A sunset flip is countered, so Bayley kicks away, but just gets tossed around. Big headbutt too. They show a long shot and it's very TNA-esque with the darkened crowd. Bayley gets a bit of an edge in the corner with a counter and lands some flying standing elbows. Dropkick to the..we'll say knee. Shining black and a flying back elbow off the top can't take her down .Bayley hops off and just gets shoved. TRIANGLE CHOKE BY BAYLEY! Nia lifts her up and chucks her onto the top rope for a headbutt. Nia gets shoved trying a superplex and a swanton hits for 2! Samoan Drop City here from Nia. Legdrop city to the throat and neck. Nia mocks Bayley and does her pose. Bayley gets a guillotine choke locked on, but Nia powers out. Nia leans down, but it's on again! Another toss by Nia. It's on AGAIN and Nia goes down to a knee! Bayley turns it into a pin, and then a slick neck crank! Nia taps! Not an amazing match, but a great story match.

 

 

 Joe shadowboxes in the back and comes out. Jack the Ripper video replays for Finn, and we hear a woman scream and blood trip on the tron. FINN THE RIPPER! Joe isn't amused by any of this. They size each other up a bit before Joe goes to the floor and eats a baseball slide dropkick and a PK apron kick. Shotgun dropkick into the steps! Double stomp on the steps misses and Joe nails the STO on the floor. Joe runs wild with shots mid-ring. Nasty chops too and then the corner high kick lands. Chop to the back and the running kick lead to a jumping knee for 2. Inverted atomic and the running kick hits, but the senton misses!

Balor has hope! And that's dashed with a running plancha for 2! Powerbomb into the crab! Crossface into a modified Rings of Saturn, but Balor gets the ropes. Big DDT from Finn. Corner high kick sends Joe to the floor, where he eats a swanton dive. Double stomp to the back hits for 2. Slingblade, but Joe rebounds and goes for the Muscle Buster - but Finn cradles him for 2. Pele! Rolling elbow into the choke, but Finn runs and ducks into the buckle. Finn rolls out of the choke and lands a double stomp! Slingblade transitions to the shotgun kick fires up Joe, but he eats a dropkick to the back and Finn goes up. Joe gets up and goes for the Buster. Finn chops, and Joe high  kicks him. SUPER FISHERMAN BUSTER teased, but Finn chops and stomps for the win!

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WWE Raw 12-14-15

Steph's cleavage starts the show being very angry. HE'S A DADDY BY GOLLY. Roman begs to be fired and Steph says that THAT THE CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD IS COMING TONIGHT. Dolph's out to face...DEAN!? Dean's actually wearing the IC Title, which is kinda neat. Hook and Ladder gets 2. Owens attacks both guys and powerbombs Dean a couple of times. Owens refuses to justify his actions. Team ECW says words. TESTIFY! Steph yammers to some blonde in a very gaudy floral dress. TRUTH LIVES! He's facing Bo until Vince comes down and tells them to get the hell out of his ring.

Vince compares himself to God and has a great little bit. He wants a chair and the stagehand gives him a folding chair, so he kicks it and takes the nice office chair. Vince just being in the ring with Roman makes Roman seem like a big deal. Vince wants an apology, but Sheamus says he'll force him to apologize TONIGHT. Sheamus says he can beat him any time, so he'll beat him tonight too! Roman says that Vince's grapefruits are shriveled prunes now, and time has passed Vince by. Vince gives him the match, but if he doesn't win, he's FIIIRREEEED! So this ruled. Except for Vince badly kicking Roman in the balls and him selling it.

Swagger and Ryback team up to face ADR and Rusev. Rusev beats Swagger. Neville beats Tyler thanks to "Miz's coaching" via giant director's horn thing. Wyatts against Team ECW in an Extreme Rules match. Tommy gets the ECW baseball slide into Luke and a trashcan...and is wearing those damned Dusty pants. JBL plugs House of Hardcore a bit. Spicolli Driver off the stage through two tables onto Harper. Boy this is fun. 3D to Harper through the table gets 2 thanks to Bray! Bray Abigails Rhyno and a Rowan splash through the table kills Rhyno. Recap of tonight's events.

New Day's out to be wacky. They congratulate their enemies and DANCE WACKILY. Woods DOES A HANDSTAND! Then their enemies attack like cowards! Becky and Charlotte team up against Team Bella. Thanks to cheating from the Flairs, Becky locks on the Disarmer but she didn't see it. Wacky Ttitus Christmas merch skit. Title match is up with Vince totally being pro-Sheamus. Big match intro time sets up some stiff shots before a break.

Post-break chinlock time. Roman bomb gets 2. Edgucator is locked on by Sheamus. Superman punch hits, but Vince pulls the ref out. League comes out, but Rusev gets punched. ROMAN SUPERMAN PUNCHES VINCE! Brogue gets 2 Brogue leads to a spear - an exact repeat of last week's finish, but for the gold. The fans went pretty wild for Roman here, and hey, they needed to make him THE MAN. They absolutely needed to, and yeah, they hot-shotted, but they need something and did it.

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WWE TLC 2015 Coverage

It took half an hour for the pre-show to work, so...yeah. I missed WWE People saying WWE Words. Tamina has a Team BAD...clipboard? Banner maybe? Well, I got through 12 and and 11 of this Tamina and Co. doing bad 12 Days of Christmas comedy. Back to Observer Radio. Two dudes on the hard camera clapped for Becky, who is so doomed on the main roster. They do some arm-based stuff. Sasha jumps up and lands a face full of stuff to Becky, but eats kind of a flapjack. They do some nothing and we get an ad break. WWE Ride Along looks like it has the budget of literally a GoPro camera. Straightjacket camel clutch locked on by Sasha, in theory. Becky is being choked out by...I guess a ghost underneath her throat or something there. Becky gets the armbar, but Naomi cheats and Sasha wins with the backstabber and Bank Statement. #AskADR...so why did you leave AAA without doing "the time honored tradition"? Sheamus-Roman hype video. Oh yeah. Sheamus wore a suit for one show. That did a lot of good.

Nice of the League of Nations to rent out Stardust's room for this skit. Sheamus plugged the UFC show, and he says he'll defend his title in spectacular fashion too. They pushed Sheamus 5:15 hard in the video. This version of WWE feels like what Batman would be like if you just wrote Batman off, and had goofball Robin take over without any explanation and just expected everything to stay the same. Tag title ladder match starts. Woods buries Boston saying they aren't worth a good hair day. Kofi with bright blue and pink dealies in his hair amuses me. This promo can end any time though.

 

Goofy bit with everyone but the Usos on the floor and grabbing a ladder. Morons. Just DROP THE LADDER. Nope. They eat a dive. Woods calls himself a bard for helping out via trombone. Wacky Rey dive from Kalisto. Insane Sin Cara swanton over the top to the floor ON A LADDER. Fun bit with Kalisto climbing the ladder over E, so E lifts and Cara hops on until E presses Cara off and Kailisto dives on the Usos. Goofy tree of woe assalanche where an Uso smashed himself into the ladder. Xavier compares this match to a video game, which is fairly accurate. Crazy rana into the rana from Kalisto to Kofi. Damn. That would be a really fun video game spot. JAYSUS. Crazy SDS from Kalisto to an USO OFF THE LADDER THROUGH ANOTHER LADDER!

 

 

 

Uso dive off the top to the floor on a ladder onto E! Xavier points out that it's NO DQ and tosses and the trombone. Trombone! Vintage Konnan shoe-throwing! Ryback - hater of love, and workrate against Rusev is next. Network died right in the middle of King telling a joke. Probably a good thing. It comes back with Ryback doing shoulderblocks in the corner. Peak of this is Cole rattling off Rusev and Lana's marriage plans. Camel clutch wins via passout. Swagger-Stardust recap from Raw. Swagger eats a beating for a while. This match doesn't know what it wants to be. Swagger gets the ankle lock on with a chair. So how would a chair really help this move? Isn't it harder to actually apply the hold properly with all this crap in the way? ADR with a flying nothing into Swagger results in a mega wedgie. ADR kills him with chairs to the back in the corner in the backstabber position. Double stomp into the chairs nearly blows ADR's knee because he lands so weird.

Wyatts come out and then Team Old Guys get their own intro. Bray has a goofy horn hat now. Rhyno and Devon go out after several seemingly endless minutes of garbage. TOMMY DREAMER survives alongside Bubba. Flying whoopsie-daisy lariat from Bubba to Braun on the floor. Bubba canes the shit out of Bray to avoid Sister Abigail. Bubba busts out lighter fluid. This match needs a reason to have actual heat - not fire. Strowman chokeslams him through the table to nix that. New Royal Rumble logo echoes the original regal-looking one. Owens vs. Dean is okay stuff so far, but nothing exceptional. Memorable-ish bit with them mis-timing a swanton for 2. Dean gets a rana out of the powerbomb to WIN!? Wow. I kinda like the idea of Dean winning out of nowhere with something new. In part, because it's at least something new. Paige vs. Charlotte is up. Paige's ass looks fine here. Major camel toe action too.

I'm reasonably sure that Charlotte is a heel here. Paige is making babyface comebacks, but she does the figure four. Charlotte gets 2 off the worst moonsault block this decade. Kneeling Rampaige by Charlotte. Rampiage by the ropes leads to Ric putting her foot on the rope. Charlotte pulls the trunks to snake eyes her into the buckle and wins. Okay then. Fan engagement skit for Kay Jewelers. Awful acting with Charlotte and Becky and Ric. Main event is actually up next. Wow.Cena gets a we want Cena/CENA SUCKS chant to start it. Ha! They toss each other into ladders and stuff on the floor. Sheamus takes a nasty bump into a pile of standing TLC props and cuts his arm up. Suplex toss through a table on the floor by Sheamus. LOL @ Sheamus just bonking Roman during the drive by. White Noise off the apron through a table by Sheamus. Schoolboy powerbomb into the ladder by Roman. Giant New Jack-style running chair smash by Roman. Samoan drop off the apron by Roman through a wooden ladder bridge. Roman takes a nasty leg bump on the rope off the ladder. League of Nations comes out to save Sheamus. Roman attacks ADR. Roman pulls him down, but eats a brogue kick. Well, Roman's a failure - and they all just kept coming up with a new way to say he's a loser. Roman, the dick, attacks the victor. HHH comes down to check on the fallen champ, but eats a Superman punch. LOLing so hard at a chairshot to the back of a kneeling HHH caused him to jump high in the air. Roman powerbombs him onto the SAT, and then elbows him through it. The state of the ac-ting here. FINALLY. A CHANT FOR ROMAN. And all it took was him killing the top heel faction, injuring the champ, and taking out the boss without any hype. As they try to pick HHH up, Roman runs around and spears him.

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WWE NXT 12-9-15

The show is up on-demand a whole FOUR MINUTES EARLY! It's the NXT Takeover go-home show, so clearly, we should get tons of talking and skits. Team Sawft is out being serious, with Cass appearing to be GIGANTIC and now with Kobashi kneepads. They're going to face Hollis and Skyler - JOBBERS INC. Nice Mr. Perfect dropkick from Enzo, and the boxing-style shorts are a big upgrade. Challengers get an impressive win and cut a nice, serious promo for a change. They're family, the champs tried to end it, and now they're gunning for revenge. Emma insults Tom for asking stupid questions and she says she started the revolution with the Emmalution. Dana mocks him for being tall and he hunches down for a head pat. Ha! Nice hype vid for The Perfect 10.

Asuka seductively licking her mask is something else. Deonna Perrozzo, the Ferrari logo tights girl is out to be victimized. Asuka does a lot of stuff around Deonna so she can look good and do next to nothing. Deonna escapes the armbar, but eats a billion and one kicks. God, I really need to make her in FPR. Heels come out to distract her, but she just kicks Deonna anyway and knocks her out. Asuka is OFFICIALLY the smartest babyface in WWE. Also, its biggest badass since she's the first act since Brock to win via KO. Hype Bros are annoying backstage. Especially Mojo, who references shit and Mrs. Doubtfire. ALEXA HAS NEW EVIL GEAR! And massive cleavage. Their Kreuger gear is great.

Graves burying every single thing about the Hype Bros amuses me greatly. "Get on the Hype Train!" "I'd rather lay across the tracks!" Graves buries Mojo for jiggling and being generally awful. Fun little match here, mainly due to the banter. Mojo's uber-goofy discus punch gets 2. Hype Ryder WINS!? This doesn't bode well for the Dubstep Cowboys. Joe tells Baron that they don't see eye to eye, but they have common enemies.

IT'S BAYLEY is out! Payton's theme is pretty good club music. Doesn't fit...whatever her character is. Tremendous "Better than Eva/THAT'S NOT HARD!" chant. Not much of a match here, but Bayley is crazy over and wins with the Hugplex. Eva and Nia come out and get booed. Bayley's look of hatred at THE BIG MEANIES rules. Bayley looks terrified and heartbroken over the mere thought of not being champion. Amazing how such a simple story works. Apollo and Balor exchange WWE Promo Words for a bit. Sami hype video showcases the Cena match and Bret promo. Apollo's lighting is ready to #jointheforce.

God does Finn have "it". So great at every little thing he does. Great intro just in the jacket. Love Joe tagging out INSTANTLY to avoid Balor. Baron does it to Apollo, meaning that they're actually doing a better job of building up Crews-Corbin than the TLC main event. Wacky flippy-ma-do slam to Crews gets 2. Joe and Balor go at it and we get a series of forearms alongside a penalty kicks! CORNER MOUNTED ELBOWS. Brock must steal that immediately. Corbin shoves Balor off into a death valley driver, and he gets choked out! He's "foaming at the mouth" and it's a great scenario for Joe since he credibly beat the champ here. Great show.

 

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WWE Raw 12-7-15

The show starts with a generic intro and then a long League of Nations video. They now have a theme. Bully on them. It's a CAW Royal Theme for the World Champion's faction. The worst thing about this group is that it's clear Sheamus is retaining. So Roman fails. AGAIN. Sheamus yammers on. Wyatts come out. So we're getting this...why? And is Bray a face? If so, why? So now the Wyatts are aligned with the LON...again, WHY!? Dudleys and Dreamer come out. Rhyno is out in his...black and pink gear being called the Gore Machine.

A 16 MAN FATAL FOUR WAY ELIMINATION MATCH. This is surely the cure to "Raw drags on too much".Dreamer beats Rowan after everyone does shit. Dreamer probably feels good to not be the only guy on the team to work in a T-shirt. Massive bald spot though. Cole goes nuts over ROMAN AND RHINO!? This is the state of "drama" in WWE. Bubba eats a Brogue kick to take the ECW guys out. WHY WOULDN'T YOU PIN DREAMER!? Byron says that Dean is a different piece of toast. Wow. ENGLAND'S PRIDE AND JOY WADE BARRETT. England is clearly in a state of deep depression. Alberto gets the armbar on Roman, but an Uso dives onto ADR. Roman spears Sheamus to further doom himself at the PPV. Flair and Charlotte will be on Miz TV. Yup. The cure for what ails the Divas Revolution is definitely more Miz TV.

Sheamus insults Renee, and we get a goofy Stardust deal. Jesus Christ can Stardust fuck off forever. Titus tells him to get laid...or rather, read and then get drunk off wine. Of course Vince would be the one person other than Cody Rhodes to like Stardust's act. Dolph vs. Summer is so nothing already. ANOTHER MATCH between them here. JBL references Gene Kiniski, who was old in 1983. Breeze is in the VIP area. Okay then. Owens faces Dolph in a match that acts as a backdrop to Tyler sipping a drink and JBL plugging Vader on the network .I'm begging for an "I AM SLEE-PY!" chant here. Owens wins with the pop-up powerbomb and then Dean just comes down...so why even do a finish then? Dean tosses popcorn and soda on Owens. What a bully. So to recap Raw, the big angle for the IC Title involves soda and popcorn being thrown on someone.

They did this Superstars Exposed deal with Lana. How very odd to mention Lana's acting roles. Neville, who has an awesome new shirt, meets with Miz and is called an Elf on the Shelf. Donny from Donny meets with Miz and Neville. Well, this was bad, and then we got Team Bad doing UNITY! again and again. She Calls it the Rear View wins. New Day dances with them. So then New Day impersonated trees and cats. I cannot take my eyes off this balding ginger in the bright red shirt opposite the hard camera with no eyebrows.

Lucha Dragons vs. New Day has flipz. Usos beat up Xavier and the Dragons win via fluke rollup. Roman talks to Renee like an asshole. Flair dancing to Charlotte's theme is perhaps the best part of the show so far. Ric and Charlotte have matches Rolexes. Char-lotte. Is. Aw-ful. Here. Je-sus. Miz is amazing. So Paige comes out after pointing out that Charlotte was a coward and is...proven right...okay then. "HEY MORONS, DON'T BUY THE PPV ON PPV!" Ryback vs. Rusev is up next, and Tribute to the Troops is hyped.

Ryback hits Rusev with a plancha after they bury Rusev and Lana for being a couple. Ryback gets 2 off a dropkick. And now...two jobbers just in the ring and Swagger goes for his finish to "start" the match. Swagger is distracted by ADR, who is back with Zeb. Titus laments that Stardust's career has been killed since he became Stardust instead of just being Cody Rhodes. Swagger beats Stardust, and then ADR just chairshots Swagger to death - so why do the finish then? Great line from Titus about Byron - "Go to a tailor and get some better clothes". ADR beats up Stardust too. DREADED CHAIRS MATCH INCOMING! Zeb's all like "talk to the scooter, son!" and drives away from an angry Swagger. Awful Rosebush segment leads to Alberto being angry over people laughing at him due to Zeb's scooter. Alberto tells Zeb that he doesn't need him. Astonishing how Alberto gets bigger and more vascular each week. Roman - top babyface. Too stupid to make a foldable box.

Tommy Dreamer comes out for a singles match against Braun. Raw's roster is so thin that TOMMY DREAMER is working double duty. Team ECW faces the Wyatts at TLC in a table match. Strowman wins with the bearhug/choke thingy. Roman rambles a bit and talks about beating down Sheamus with "all the toys". Not weapons. Toys. Ugh. JBL's goofy term has festered. Quite the poor teaching getup for Sheamus here. He owned a suit last week, too. Roman is a cocky asshole to Sheamus. Roman jokes about Sheamus having tater tots for balls. Vince is obsessed with penises and testicles for SOME REASON. Roman calls him "tater tot" a billion times. Be a star, Roman. Roman takes nine years to remove every prop from the ring, seemingly just to be beaten down by the LON. Roman, whose WORLD TITLE REIGN LASTED FIVE MINUTES, calling someone else a footnote is amusing. Cole has some great insight. TABLES, LADDERS, AND CHAIRS ARE SYMBOLIC OF THE TABLES, LADDERS, AND CHAIRS PPV! AT 11:15, the show mercifully ended with Roman spearing him through a table.

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WWE NXT 12-1-15

Before the show, there's a hilarious Beyond the Ring with HBK talking about turning down Vince for a movie role and Batista not being around, so HHH got the gig and called him a dick. So THAT'S THE STORY OF RAY BRADSTONE! Love the irony of them mocking Vince for last-second planning and how it makes everyone's lives a living Hell. Generic intro starts things off before we see the crowd and they talk about Takeover in 2 weeks. BARON VON WOLFIE comes out to face the Perfect 10 Tye Dillinger. Tye is so perfect with whatever this gimmick is. Baron gets a wacky flippy-do pumphandle slam to spin him around. Dillinger gets a Thesz press and some mounted punches with both hands to mix that spot up. Superkick gets 2 for Tye leads to him diving off into a fallaway slam>End of Days - slick. Baron has improved quite a bit. Apollo says he'll team with Balor next week, but it won't be a preview for Takeover - but for the NXT Title scene. Joe vs. Ciampa is tonight's main event! Nia Jax gets to kill Blue Pants next.

Ciampa cuts an excellent, realistically-intense promo about how he has no title shot - and that makes him dangerous. No one thinks he can beat Joe, but he does and he'll prove it. Nia Jax has new gear that appears to have been made in Fire Pro Returns - including wacky shoulder pads. I guess they changed the Price is Right theme over some kind of legal thing...like not paying to use the Price is Right theme. They should've gone with that awful game show theme they gave Dusty on the WM DVDs. Blue Pants makes stupid Power Rangers poses and gets her ass kicked for it. +1 for Nia. Nasty hair Biel by Nia sends her down violently. Nia has added a shoulder breaker to her arsenal and some elbows. Corner avalanche leads to a Samoan drop, the legdrop, and the win with a foot on the chest. Good showcase for her if I ever want to make her in FPR. Corey calls Blue Pants Soiled Pants...okay then. Human Friend interviews the tag champs, who have matching tracksuits. Team Sawft faces the champs at Takeover. Heel champs point out several valid reasons as to why the "number 1 contenders" don't actually deserve it, but they enjoy competition, so they'll give them a shot. Great bits where they call Enzo Cass's carry-on. Vaudevillains face Gable and Jordan. Storm vs. Rose is up next, and Storm is called "the Cowboy" instead of "the Outlaw", which is a better name.

Adam Rose comes out and cuts his theme, which is bad for him since it's the only part of his act that is over. The fans sing it anyway. He has giant Dr. Seuss hat-style socks on. "The Bearded Outlaw, the Cowboy" James Storm is out! Storm has white and red gear with shiny black knee pads and shiny boots - it's a good overall look. Kneeling cobra clutch from Rose is fought out of by Storm. Nice babyface comeback by Storm leads to the high kick and CLAPPING! LAST CALL superkick wins - so much better than the wacky spinny-ma-do he won with before. Storm's style isn't well-suited for squashes, but this was a better match than his first one. Love Storm singing his theme. Amazing how much more of a star he comes off as an NXT guest star than as a regularly-featured act on TNA at literally the exact same time on TV. Vaudevillains cut a promo on Team Gable, and Jordan has a Dusty tribute on while looking EXACTLY like a tan Kurt Angle in 2000. Sami Zayn video showing his journey for the NXT Title.

Vaudevillains come out while Team Gable is hugely over and gets a "Ready, Willing, Gable" chant and "Ga-ble!" chant right away. Goddamn - Gable is so smooth with his ringwork. He picked the leg and did a spinning legsnap smoother than anyone out there. Jordan tags in and gets a crotch lift takedown. If WWE won't bring Kurt back under a contract, at least have him be Team Gable's manager at WM. Kneebreaker into a dragon screw INTO A TAG! CHRIST! Could Gable please not kill himself taking a bump to the floor in a mid-card NXT tag match. Scary bump there. Series of dropkicks from Jordan leads to a big suplex and the double German gets the win! Vaudevillains refused a handshake. Great bit with Emma and Dana backstage. Fat interview guy got head-patted by Dana, which relieved her. Drifter promo.

 

 

This look is easily Emma's best - perfect color scheme. Emma has added a little ass shimmy in-tune with her theme and is wearing black gloves too. Liv Morgan came out as a Jersey girl with "head-bopping music". Emma's dark-rooted look is also great, and she just destroys Liv with her regular moves. Liv goes for a perfectly-valid submission and then...spins through it to land some goofy punches. Ugh.  Emma keeps her on track for a few things and curb stomps her to set up the Emma Lock for the win. After the match, we see Asuka hit a heavy bag and she says she'll see her in 2 weeks. Simple and perfectly-setup match here. Shame that the "divas revolution" will never reach even 10% of this greatness. They legit have acts that can sell out 20,000+ seat buildings with the NXT women's division, while the main roster's women couldn't sell out a small armory. Blah Bayley promo about facing challenges head-on before a straightened-hair version of Nia appears and looks right at her, and looks far better than usual. Nia tosses her through a door that falls over without any effort whatsoever. Otherwise, good stuff here.

 

 

Byron talks about how Joe introduced Ciampa to his wife, and tied the promo from before into this match. They proceed to BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF EACH OTHER! Super-stiff chops and slaps here. Ciampa gets an O'Connor roll into an arm stomp, which looked great. Tremendous Fire Pro combo from Ciamp with slaps, elbows, and knee strikes. Front choke from Ciampa leads to big elbows too. Now he's got Brock's Kimura on before Joe tosses him into the buckle. Giant kick hits Ciampa! SNAP POWERSLAM hits. Goddamn, this is the best Joe has looked in WWE. Can they release the NXT DLC for 2K16 now so I can do Brock vs. Joe, please!?  This is the first match that has had me on my feet while just watching it in ages. Muscle buster into the Kokina clutch gets the win. OUTSTANDING show this week.

 

Screens -
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