Monday, December 28, 2015

WWE Raw 12-28-15

Generic intro to start leads to them hyping up Cena vs. ADR, but not for the title. Vince comes out and says that he is out to settle a score. He would've done it last week, but he had to have dental surgery - didn't say Roman though...until a few seconds later. Roman comes down and we get a recap of Steph trying to cut his balls off last week and beating up Tom Phillips. Vince calls HHH his brother in law before correcting himself and then he knocks Roman for embarrassing a McMahon. In an amusing bit, Vince says he owns the WWE World Title belt. "Daniel Bryan!" chant. Woah boy.

A CM Punk chant breaks out and Vince buries Afa and Sika. Why on Earth would anyone in 2015, almost 2016, give shit one about the names Afa and Sika? Vince plays like his neck is broken. Well, the second this started to rely on a McMahon's acting talent, it was doomed. Steph comes down to act. They're not going to arrest Roman. Now they're threatening Steph. Steph is going to be arrested for...being critical of a police officer's work? THE MCMAHONS ARE GODS AMONG MEN! LOOK AT HOW GODLY THEY ARE AND ABOVE US THEY ARE! Vince grabs Old Cop and the cops come in. Old Cop is doing a really shitty job of being a cob by cribbing Miranda Rights. After a million years, Vince is led away.

"During commercial" we got Steph saying OCCIFER BRUTALITY! OCCIFER BRUTALITY! OCCIFER BRUTALITY! So we got 80 years of this and Owens gets no intro. Owens vs. THE SLAMMY AWARD-WINNING, NEW SENSATION LEADER OF THE ALTITUDE ERA NEVILLE. Neville gets a hype video. Neville gets a fluke win off a rollup in maybe 40 seconds. Owens beats his ass in a post-match beating that went longer than the match. A recap of the match and beating lasts longer than the match. A second beating of Neville lasts longer than the match itself. Dean has seen JUST ABOUT ENOUGH and brawls with him.

SD recap with Team Bad mocking Becky. Becky is wearing...something ungodly bad in an interview with Jojo. She got a bit of a hometown pop saying she bartended in Hell's Kitchen. Naomi is in a purple and white...tablecloth/pant combo burying NY. Well, Becky's jacket looks cool. Cole talks about how MAN HAS BECKY MADE AN IMPRESSION HERE. Yup, we knows she's Irish...STEAMPUNK! Becky and Sasha botch somethiing mid-ring and Becky baseball slides the rest of Team Bad before diving off the top onto the trio for a break.They are in the "we are doing moves" portion of the match. A boring chant breaks out. Great spot where Becky sidesteps and Sasha dives onto Team Bad. Sasha regains control briefly, but eats a snap suplex into the buckle for 2. Naomi attacks Becky and Sasha hits the backstabber and the Bank Statement, which Becky rolls through into the armbar, and Sasha rolls through THAT for the win. Vince's "mugshot" is shown and we get Renee acting like this is 1991 with the announcers having credibility.

Kofi mocks the crowd for voting for Kalisto and then says that parents can call them and they will fight their children. Impressive hops and flips from Kalisto and Kofi here. Then Kalisto just won. Woods says that revenge is a BIII...GG EE and he'll face Sin Cara. Sin Cara gets pulled off the apron and they check on him after an apparent shoulder injury. Well, they COULD have gotten him over a bit with this ending off that - instead, it's just nothing. Whisper in the Wind hits E, but the Big Ending wins. MIZ TV IS NEXT. Miz gets mocked by Ryback, Goldust, and Ryder. Then Truth comes out. Then Slater. Show comes out with gigantic knee braces. In the best bit here, Truth punches himself to avoid getting knocked out - and then gets chokeslammed.  Ryback vs. Show is up. They fight for a bit and then Show just leaves.

The "lead heel" group is resorting to IRS-level cheap heat. Sheamus calls them the "Yousos" and Dean does the loser L bit on his forehead.  Usos sell wonderfully for Rusev, and Barrett's back too. Uso crazy dive to Sheamus. Sheamus Brogues one of them to win. No one was helped by this...a recurring theme on the show. Owens jumps Dean to continue their treadmill feud, but he at least got to powerbomb Dean through the announce table while one guy yelled "fuck him up!".

Recap of everything. Cena's out in a new green and orange shirt. Cena cuts a promo about ADR being a pussy by not putting the title on the line, so he agrees. Not much going on before the break and afterwards, he misses a crossbody for 2. Imagine every ADR-Cena match and this is a boring version of it. Tornado DDT gets 2 for Cena. Ref bump leads to interference, but Cena kicks out at 2. ADR's superkick of death gets 2.9. Armbar leads to a counter and an AA for 2 thanks to interference preventing a 3. USOS MAKE THE SAVE FOR CENA!? Kinda - they eat a beating. GIF-worthy spear to Rusev in the aisle by BIG DOG. Sheamus swings the chair, but eats a Superman punch before Vince comes back. Quite the slick red, black, and white tie on Vince here. Vince makes Roman vs. Sheamus next week, and the referee is Vince! Seems a bit early to do the Vince as ref deal for this feud. Vince saying "happy new year" needs to be a ringtone.

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