Monday, December 21, 2015

WWE Raw 12-21-15 - Slammy Awards

So after a huge ratings draw in the one night ascension of Roman Reigns as The Man, we get... the fucking Slammy Awards.Just what Raw needed to start off the Roman Reigns era - a video package focusing on Stephanie McMahon and how everything affects her. Recap of Vince kicking Roman in the balls. Well, at least they didn't show Steph slapping him to tears. Hilarious early aughts porno video filter for that ending there. QUEENDOM! Steph's out smiling because it's THE SLAMMYS! Hopefully Dreamer gets comeback of the year. He at least got one pop. Roman got no reaction interrupting Steph. Steph orders him to leave. This is murdering Roman six ways from Sunday. Steph reminds everyone that she owns the company, the building, and Roman.

Grey Shirt Guy waving "no no no" amused me greatly. Steph threatens Roman's family with a match against THE NEW DAY! Oh no - NOT THE GUYS THAT CENA COULD BEAT ON HIS OWN! Step by steph app instructions again. This is the best Dolph has looked in many many years. He's in a slick suit with his hair slicked-back too. Neville wins breakout star. Yes! A LIVE NEVILLE PROMO! Owens interrupts and says he should've won. Owens says that he beat Cena on his first night and insults Dolph, who he calls a has-been. They brawl for several seconds and refs break it up.

Then the Wyatts are just mid-ring for whatever. Oh, A MATCH WITH KANE against Bray. Maybe you want to hype that up for several minutes? They all beat up Kane for a DQ. Team ECW comes for a save. Jesus, this show...Wassup to Harper. 3D to Rowan, but Harper lariats Devon for the win. Sudden cut to awards bullshit. Santino's out for LOL moment. LOL @ Bray just ducking under the side wall there. Miz ED ad is nominated. New Day DANCES WITH THE STAR OF RAW STEPHANIE MCMAHON. Somehow, I totally forgot about Truth having an angle this year thinking he was in MITB. Truth wins and Santino takes the award. Feud of 2016 - Truth vs. Santino. Mick, Noelle, and Dewy did a Christmas skit. Saint Mick takes credit for giving Woods the trombone. Okay then. Heyman says every award should go to Brock. Kalisto wins for the SDS at TLC. He says three words and then they just go right to Owens for Owens-Dolph. Christ. Can't let ANYTHING breathe on this show.

During a chinlock, we get a recap of why Owens vs. Dolph is happening. Super SmackDown LIVE is tomorrow. No reason was given to actually care - it's just on, so watch. Superkick from Owens for an ad break. POWERBOMB OUTTANOWHERE for the win. ALL HAIL QUEEN STEPH is out for superstar of the year. Seth wins and gets a nice babyface reaction. Seth cuts a heelish promo, with a babyface capper saying he'll be rebuilt and win the title again. ADR faces Cena next week and Alberto faces Swagger with both guys getting jobber intros now.

ADR beats him with the foot stomp. WWE does a Hero in All of Us Award to remind us of all the good WWE...and its superstars sure yeah, do. DON'T YOU DARE FORGET ABOUT HOW MUCH WWE DOES FOR THE TROOPS! Cena wins, but Henry accepts and gives a fantastic speech. Santa's out - AND IT'S BO. BO BO BO! Surprise of the year should be ADR. Sting wins and Bo accepts. New Day jokes about Star Wars and Kofi says the team calls him Pops. Usos are up to face New Day. New Day apparently face the Dragons, who also apparently have MORE MOMENTUM THAN ANY TEAM IN WWE. Despite losing the ladder match.  Big E splash gets 2, and the champs lose. They defend the gold against the Dragons. OF COURSE!

Truth presents diva of the year. Paige wins and of course, the black guy made a mistake and she didn't win. Nikki won. Nikki is dressed like...a classy stripper at a ball? She's in a see through dress with lingerie underneath. She dedicates it to ALL THE WOMEN SHE'S WRESTLED and who work in the company. Quite the women's empowerment speech there from a woman dressed in that getup. Rusev vs. Neville is up, and everyone in the gang just beats up Neville. How is the This is Awesome award different from the Most Shocking Award? Shield will hopefully win this. Ronda might though. Ronda and Rock win, and Miz accepts for his fellow A-listers. Becky faces Brie. New LOL moment of the year - "HEYYY WE WANT SOME BAY-LEY!" song breaks out. Nothing match is won by Becky with the armbar. Sting vs. HHH is up for match of the year, as is Owens vs. Cena I. Brock vs. Taker at HIAC wins. Nice speech from Brock. Dean vs. Sheamus is up and the goons all beat up the Usos.

Ambrose vs. Owens vs. Dolph for the title sure makes sense when the Authority COULD book him in a 4 or 5 on 1 against the League of Nations to get revenge on Roman... Sheamus brogue kicks Dean to start. A "this is boring" chant breaks out. Well, some of us do have to wake up in the morning for work. SUPER WHITE NOISE hits for 2. Dean does the flying standing off the cage for 2. Spear OUTTANOWHERE for the league on the floor. Roman attacks everyone with a chair and he prevents Sheamus from escaping just like the League did earlier. Remember when babyfaces would hold themselves to a higher standard than the heels instead of lowering themselves to their depths and it was just okay? They fight it out on top of the cage and then down, but Sheamus kicks his ass too much and Dean wins. The winner via getting his ass kicked too much, Dean! And then Sheamus eats a spear anyway. Well, this got no one over. Then Steph beat up Human Friend.

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