Sunday, October 25, 2015

WWE Hell in a Cell 2015

Corey appears to have just come back from prom here. Owens cuts a promo on the statue of "Magic Jackson".  Excellent Brock-Taker hype video here that should've been on Raw. King predicts Taker to win - so Brock's winning. Six man tag time. Stardust's gimmick is now that HE IS JEALOUS OF THE ATTENTION CESARO GETS. So how is this better than him being Cody Rhodes again? Odd for them to basically make Lana out to be a harlot here by saying she had an affair with Dolph.CESARO KILLS FUCKERS WITH UPPERCUTS! Poor Cesaro - he's getting over again. Time to job a few times in a row to Show again. 15 revolution swing leads to the Red Arrow and a win! Now see, IF THEY WANT TO, they can have Cesaro accept the challenge and finally beat Cena for the title. Tom interviews the Dudleys and asks them what they feel about what they did to the Dudleys. They've taken Xavier out tonight so he can get married - good for him. Dudleys say that tonight will be their new greatest moment.

After a fantastic video package for the show, Cena comes out to start the show. So odd to have the biggest full-time star in the opener. ZEB'S BACK! Zeb should really ask John about his cousin Juan Cena and whether or not he's a naturalized citizen. He wants the world to come together and brings out ALBERTO DEL RIO! Well, that's a shocker even with it being speculated in the Observer that he could be coming back in. AAA is so fucked. Cena covering his face like he was about to be hit by a bear off an Alberto chop off the top. Nothing amazing so far. Alberto hits the kneeling superkick of death AND WINS THE TITLE!

Roman vs. Bray is up next. Bray's out and King says he's afraid of "Ronda Reigns". Not much of a reaction for Roman. No reactions during the match either - they must've turned the crowd down. Double kendo sticks! Yuke's should really add dual wielding to the games. After a slew of weapon shots, including chairs and kendo sticks, JBL brings back the "toys" line to minimize everything. Roman teases a suplex off the apron through a ringside table, but Bray turns it into a uranage off the apron. Bodyblock against the cell by Bray. Great - Roman gets a powerbomb through a table BEFORE THE DUDLEYS MATCH. Dammit D'LO! Crazy spear off the apron by Roman gets 2. Abigail gets 2!

A beautiful Taker video hypes up...TAKER WRESTLING AT SURVIVOR SERIES. It was almost played off like a retirement ceremony.  Recap of Dudleys taking out Xavier while we see New Day come out and Kofi talks about getting your UNICORN HORNS! Nothing really much to the match beyond E and Kofi teasing a whazzup, then D-Von counters and they take control. Kofi feigns a trombone shot ala Eddie with a fake low blow, and a TIP kick wins. Okay then.

Nikki vs. Charlotte gets a Steph-heavy video package. No heat for intros. Nikki is put over as the veteran and dominates with a fantastic half-crab. Charlotte's grunting in either pain or too much pleasure - can't quite tell. Super German by Nikki is countered by a flip that could've killed both of them. Nikki is put over for fighting through all the pain... so then she's the face, right? Charlotte nose gets all fucked up, but she rolls through on the mat for the figure 8 and the win. This got to be...good-ish and a clusterfuck. Paige comes out to celebrate and no one is acting like anything's amiss. So wait, now PCB is ACTUALLY BACK!? Well, that was a month or so of storytelling for nothing.

Dean and Roman tease Roman going for the belt. Epic Kane recap video - so the IC Title match happens AFTER the WWE Title match and in the death slot. Kane starts it off with a DDT and a basement dropkick. Seth gets a chinlock. In an amusing bit, we get them saying "this isn't gonna be good". Kane gets bounced off the announce table, and before that, he sent Seth over it and screwed up  the commentary audio. High fly flow gets 2. Pedigree gets the win. God, this was such a nothing match.

THEY MADE RENEE PUT A JACKET ON! How dare they insult her breasts on breast cancer awareness month. HUGE POP for Owens. Halloween-colored Ryback gear is some of his least-bad in quite a while. Not even Owens can get a good match out of Ryback, who got up less for the powerbomb than a 40+ 400+ pound Mark Henry. Henry's match was far better too. Alberto-Cena recap.

THE BRINGER OF DOOM is out first. Taker gets an epic intro and they start things off with strikes. Taker sidesteps a German and sends Brock to the floor. Brock goes into the post and we get blood! Taker gets double-legged down. Chair to the back! Doc comes in to clean Brock up. Taker eats a big punch and TAKER SUPLEXES BROCK ON THE FLOOR! VINTAGE CHAIR THROAT-CRUSHER! JBL talks about this being the young lion vs. the old lion. The young lion here is 38. GERMANS TO TAKER! Taker is busted open too and an F5 gets 2. Brock shoves the doc and gets a second F5 for 2.5! The games need a doctor stoppage and a QTE where you beat the shit out of him.

Brock tosses the steps in. Steps to the head! 2.5! Step shot attempt on the ground is avoided by Taker. Next, he just kicks the steps into Brock's face - which looks odd. They bring up Kane, so maybe we'll get the Brothers of Destruction against...the Wyatts next month. Hell's Gate is on. BROCK SMASHes out of it. VINTAGE BULLY RAY as Brock tears up the ring. CHOKESLAM ON THE BOARDS! to..the boards gets 2. Taker slashes the throat, but BROCK PUNCHES HIM IN THE BALLS! F5 ON THE BOARDS GETS THE WIN!

They put Brock over huge and Taker struggled to do the situp, but got it and got a nice ovation. Big "Thank you Taker" chant. Taker is the best badass grandpa ever in pro wrestling. Taker goes for the kneel, but IT'S THE WYATT FAMILY! Wyatts vs. BoD and Not the Shield would be great. The Wyatts must've distracted Roman with catering. No one is out to help Taker, who eats some good stuff from Harper and bad stuff from Braun. They're carrying him out - and seemingly going to tie him to Bray's symbol - a sleeping fan. 

Screens -

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