Monday, October 5, 2015

WWE Raw 10-5-15

Kane-Seth recap leads to BROCK COMING OUT and a recap of Brock-Show. Brock's new Road to Hell Tour shirt is great. Awful echo in Heyman's mic tonight. Heyman says that WM was Taker's event until Brock took that away, and he'll do it again at HIAC. Summerslam recap too - that finish remains perfect. Heyman names the cell a structure of ULTIMATE consequences and says that it's the final Brock-Taker match. Wow. They're really nixing the possible WM main event for THIS show. It really is hitting me that they're nixing the main event of the biggest WrestleMania in history for Hell in a fucking Cell. Heyman cut an amazing promo here on Taker before Show came out. Show gives him some false praise before calling him out and eating a belly to belly and F5 for his troubles. This was a thing that ate up 20 minutes. Seth was going. To team with. The Big Show. But now. Who will team with him. Against the Dudleys. Seth's acting was as bad as Shera's punching, dancing, and moves. Roman's out for a six-man tag.

He's teaming with Dean and Orton against the Wyatts, I think. Yup. Fun three point stance double tackle by Dean and Roman to Braun spot. Cole is all echoey now, as is JBL while Byron is clear. Great spot with Dean diving onto Braun, who catches him and just chucks him on the floor. It takes Braun two tries, but he finally goes over the timekeeper area with Dean. Bray hits Roman, but Roman still beats Harper with the spear. Neville is in the ring with Barrett on commentary, and it's apparently Sheamus vs. Neville. Amusing bit with Sheamus demanding "a bit of respect for a REAL IRISHMAN PLEASE!". Neville jumps him and then gets his head kicked off. Kane's foot has healed quite a bit over the past 48 hours, because he's now just in a walking boot.

Kane is mid-ring with his walking boot. Kane volunteers to be his partner, but Seth is in his Rise Above Cancer shirt disagree. Kane cites his coffee mug stating that he is in fact the best director of operations. Kane citing a COFFEE MUG to prove his point amuses me greatly. Kane says that he needs to bring out the best in Seth, and judging by Seth's win/loss record, Kane is correct. Can. Seth. Please stop. Talking like this. To drag. His promos. Out. OH THANK GOD IT'S QUEEN STEPHANIE! "Seth with your anonymous complaint!" "Too obvious. Mr. Seth no no S. Rollins sent an e-mail." Steph talked about football - she's now a big Pats fan. If Kane doesn't beat Seth for the title, then Kane won't be DOO. Dammit no! Steph makes Corporate Kane and Seth vs. the Dudleys.

Show came back to of course MORE TALKING with Seth and HHH. Nattie's out to face Paige and we get a Team PCB post-breakup team compilation from Raw. Nothing from the MSG show, oddly. Love Paige doing a "we want Nattie" chant while rocking back and forth on the abdominal stretch. Paige turner gets 2, and Paige gets to the ropes off a Sharpshooter, but taps to it when it's applied again. Good-ish match here. Owens-Ryback recap from SD. Now, AFTER RYBACK LOSES HIS TITLE, we get a big Ryback hype video  making him look like a world-beater. Holy piss test - Ryback is even more ripped than usual. Owens comes out and we're told this was built up on the pre-show and we'll find out about a few minutes. Fuck off.


Owens apparently mouthed off to the Lucha Dragons, so he killed Sin Cara in the match and tried to kill Kalisto after, but Ryback saved. Then Steph was on her phone, presumably tweeting about charity before the New Day came in and she cut all of their balls off. Way to kill WWE's one fun undercard act. Cena's in the ring with cancer survivors. I'm just not watching this. My mother survived breast cancer in '04, but passed away from it in 2009. God bless everyone in there who survived it, but fuck WWE and Komen for exploiting the deepest emotions you possibly can from people for profit. The roster stands up on the ramp to stand up against cancer. IF YOU BUY WWE'S MERCHANDISE, YOU CAN HELP FUND CANCER RESEARCH.


Kane and Seth are the show should logically be over after this, right? They've hyped up nothing else. Dudleys are out. WWE HAS SO MANY AWESOME CITIES. SO MANY GREAT SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT TOWNS! Now I do honestly wonder if Seth is high enough in the pecking order to beat Former TNA World TV Champion D-Von here. After several minutes of whatever, Kane "hurts his ankle" doing the basement dropkick. He handcuffs Kane to the ringpost, and then they just broke when Kane came off the apron. Well, thank God they gave that whole handcuff story about 20 seconds to be told. Kane distracts Seth as Kane is taken to the back and Devon gets a schoolboy. DAMMIT! Devon almost got the win there!

Dudleys get the table, but Seth dropkicks it into them for a DQ...somehow. The demon goes to attack Seth, but the Dudleys hit him with 3D. So now the Not the Tag Champs Dudleys>Kane and WWE World Champion Seth Rollins. Seth should probably move faster than the Yeti to set this table spot up. Seth should try to use the Yellow Devil trick against Kane at Hell in the Cell. Seth jumps into a chokeslam through a table. Seth has to be the worst-booked World Champion in at least a decade.

WWE thanks its fans for whatever. Cole throws to... Team Bella coming to the arena in a limo BUT THEY MEET TEAM BAD IN THEIR SUV. SO THAT MAKES WHAT WE'RE ABOUT TO SEE PRETTY INTERESTING...or not. Sasha grabs the mic and says it's great to be back home and puts the BOSS IN BOSTON! Nikki goes for local sports team heat here against the Sox. They talk and talk and talk. Naomi and Nikki went at it, but Sasha...tried her outside-in double knees spot, but there was no room, so she went with a Bombs Away. Nikki gets the perfect necksnap to Naomi and a back elbow to Sasha on the apron. SASHA GOT A HOT TAG AND THE CROWD CAME BACK TO LIFE! Sasha taps Fox to the Bank Statement. Awful Charlotte promo. And oh yeah, Becky was there too.
Sweet Jesus, Summer out for a death spot promo. Rusev's out and Summer made a wacky tribute video for him. This was amusing - so it's on par with instantly being the best thing on the show by leaps and bounds. Hot Summer knows that the way to a man's heart is on her knees. She pops the question! "THIS IS NOT YOUR CHOICE. SHE DID NOT ASK YOU, SHE ASKED ME - SHUT UP!" Mr. and Mrs. Barnoshev! Ha! You get a ring when I GET A TITLE! I like Rusev tying marriage to a title shot. Dolph's out for the US Title match. I like this - Dolph wins and then Rusev beats Dolph for the title. BUT New Day brings out his battered body. They say they're serious, but WHO WHO WHO will answer the challenge like an owl. Ha! Great buildup for Big E here with them bringing up BIG things.

E gets the apron spear and apron splash, but eats an AA for the loss. Dolph comes down and "accidentally" superkicks Cena. Dudleys are out, but everyone gets laid out by Kofi's kick. Kofi Kingston - killer heel is something else. They put this over as the dawning of a new era. I don't know quite what it was, but it wasn't that.

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