Monday, October 26, 2015

WWE Raw 10-26-15

Just what I wanted after a 10 hour workday - an HHH opening promo! Steph talked about how historic HIAC was, and HHH puts over Alberto. THAT WAS THE SHOW MEANT TO PUT OVER THE NEXT GENERATION OF WWE!? OH MY GOD THEY ARE DOOMED! Steph calls Seth the man known simply as the man - I thought that was Jessie Godderz? Steph "puts Seth over" by saying he's following HHH's lead. Because SETH HAS WON TOO MANY MATCHES, so the winners of last night's show will have matches tonight to have a fatal four way to face Seth. Roman comes out to chat. He's against Seth and wrestles next.

New Day sans Xavier really aren't all that over. Wow. Kofi's facing him while we get a bit of a New-Day-Rocks chant. Roman runs wild for a bit and sends Kofi to the floor with a swinging neckbreaker. A Big E distraction leads to a nice baseball slide kick to the floor. Big Doggy Cool getting ready for the jackknife! Kofi counters it, but Roman gets the schoolboy>powerbomb for 2. Lord Biggeth Dog wins with the spear.

Miz is backstage with geeks to shill the video game. Alberto beating Cena gets recapped, and he'll face Neville later. E faces Dolph too, while Owens faces Cesaro next. Tons of Cesaro Section signs, and he's out there so pumped up. YES! It's the bi-monthly "God, I'M SO HYPED" excitement for Cesaro maybe getting a mid-card push. Tons of cradles get 2 for Cesaro. Kevin SCREAMING as he goes up for a suplex rules. Double down off a double suplex on the floor leads to a countout tease - but they come in and we get a break. Super-fun match so far. UPPERCUT EXPRESS! CESARO HITS HIM WHILE HOLDING A SIGN! VINTAGE RVD bump from Cesaro off a DDT. Tornado uppercut hits! Owens cheapshots him with a superkick and gets the powerbomb and the win!

Paige is on the couch on the phone, and then CB comes in and they're offended. Paige takes credit for the revolution again, and they're back to being enemies. So is the angle now that Paige's head is too big, or that her friends are just sarcastic assholes? Or both? Not much to the match. Horrendous botched neckbreaker by Charlotte. Nikki hits the forearm after Becky lynches up and beats her with the rack attack. Paige is a huge babyface here, as she turns on her friends...who were kinda dicks to her. Brock beats Taker in the game.

They run some goofy graphic from Forbes where WrestleMania is the fifth most popular sports brand in the world. Renee interviews Alberto and Zeb. Zeb is now a big fan of John Lennon and wants Mexico and America to be one nation. Zeb has formed MexAmerica and THAT'S IT. ZEB WILL ANSWER NO MORE QUESTIONS ABOUT THE LOGIC GAPS IN THIS! And Alberto's a heel now because he hates immigrants like Neville. So if you're wondering how long it would take them to kill every last bit of heat Alberto could have, it took a day. They can't get over seeing the Mexican and American flags together? Goddamn - just wait until 2025 when they finally see a Tito Ortiz walkout.

We get some boring armbars and flippy dos for a break. Rana gets 2 for Neville. Neville counters the armbar with a wacky cradle for 2 and then eats a nasty lariat. Alberto gets the tree of woe double stomp for the win! So Alberto now has the armbar, the kneeling superkick, AND the Warrior's Way as finishers! Nothing match, sadly. Dudleys and Ryback face King Barrett, Sheamus, and Rusev next.

I wouldn't mind King Bully of Dudleyville next year. After whatever, Bubba loses to King Barrett via distraction schoolboy. Bray rambles on for a bit. YES! JUST WHAT A FEUD NEEDED FOR SOME NEW LIFE - KANE! Kane vs. Strowman? Get those snowflakes ready. Wyatts destroy him and carry him out. Dolph's out to face Big E, and we get THE OFFICIAL RAW DEBUT OF TYLER! He's got his own velvet rope section next to the commentary team. Dolph takes an awesome flying bump into the post off a slingshot. Giant flapjack gives E an edge, but the Zig Zag wins.

WWE hates breast cancer, and they love black people because Titus is mid-ring cutting a promo about RISING ABOVE CANCER. And for only $30 per shirt, you can give A PERCENTAGE of that money to Komen - of which, a percentage will actually go to research. Titus can't keep all of his WWE Buzzwords straight here. While Titus is busy getting over here, Steph of course has to do the RISE ABOVE CANCER in her shrill voice and destroy this.

Miz beat Steve Austin in the game, and then we get STEVE AUSTIN LIVE ON THE SHOW WITH NO HYPE. Seth's out to do commentary. Goobers come out, AND THEN THE BIG DOG. Seth compares himself to JBL. JBL, like Seth, can relate to being a chickensheet heel World Champion who has nothing secondary title reigns. Cole gets in a "fast and furious" reference ala Josh on Impact. Heels dominate faces back and forth here. BIGDOGGABOMB gets 2. Dolph gets an awful fameasser for 2. Doomdog Device! Owens runs wild with the cannonball on Dolph, and then he does it to Alberto - who also eats a drive by. Owens and Reigns is fresh and could be a fine main event on a B-level PPV. SUPERMAN PUNCH OUT OF THE POWEROMB. SPEAR WINS! This ruled!

Goddamn - his timing off the pop-up powerbomb into the punch was perfect. Shame this wasn't right before WM - because if this was the WM main event, they'd have built him up with a lot of momentum. Some of it feels organic too. A big staredown and "Roman" chant close the show - such a shame they have to get things right for such a long time for this to work.

Screens -

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