WWE Raw 11-30-15

RAW IS NEW DAY! New Day are now officially a main event-level act...and boy is that a sign of WWE's good points and bad points all rolled into one. They go for some cheap heat on the Steelers and then announce that they're having a party for Sheamus. He has a suit on and looks slightly less goofy. Xavier said that Roman's reign lasted as long as a Street Fighter IV fight. Yes, have Sheamus dance like the mid-card goobers - establishing that they're the real stars while THE CHAMPION is the sidekick. Sheamus is trying to get "Sheamus 5:15 says I JUST KICKED YER ARSE!" over. Good luck with that. So if there was any doubt, there is ZERO hope for WWE with Sheamus as champion. Sheamus comes off like a fan who is overjoyed to be handed a replica belt and get to pose like a real wrestler at Axxess. Then Roman cheapshots him like a dickhead, and then he steals that title that Sheamus earned fair and square. HHH and Steph THE HEELS logically point out that the babyface is in the wrong. Now they want to get "Magic Mohawk" over as a thing for Sheamus. And tonight, Roman faces Sheamus for the title - and to win, he has to beat him in under 5:15.

 

 Tyler vs. Dolph is up to allow SOMEONE to join the exclusive 50/50 club. They do fuck-all before the break, and we get a post-break chancery. Dolph wins with the superkick. Rusev and Lana return to TV on Miz TV.  Excellent - can they go back to being Evil Ruskies again, please?! Lana returns and says she never went all the way with Dolph, while the fans chant "yes you did!". Also, them breaking up just made their love stronger. "I broken her heart, BUT THAT'S IT!" Rusev is amazing. Ryback is against love, apparently. Now we're told that Ryback vs. Rusev was already scheduled.

Despite the show being over 3 hours long, we're joined in progress. It's a Ryback match, so this is probably a good move. And the Power of Love costs Rusev a match. Way to get zero human beings involved over, WWE. Quite the roid belly under the singlet of Ryback. HHH threatens Ambrose, and the Dudleyz come out. Joe-Balor recap from NXT. LOL. They're actually re-doing the Dixie spraypaint angle, only with duct tape and paint. Devon rattles off the VINTAGE DUDLEYS commandments. The babyfaces call out the heels, who accept the challenge. DREAMER IS BACK IN WWE. So much for that TNA agent gig. And he has a new theme! So to recap Raw, Tommy Dreamer is more over than both the WWE World Champion and his top contender. To re-recap Raw - there's no reason to watch TLC because all of the big matches are happening for free in some form here. Dudleys and Dreamer against the Wyatts here. All heck has broken loose! It's a no contest. Bubba sends Bray through a table.

Goldust...who gets no name in his graphic faces Alberto. WWE is fantastic at spending a lot of money on writers to ensure that their highly-paid talent comes out to dead silence. They recap Swagger vs. Alberto from SD. Alberto buries Goldust for being out of date and full of hate. JBL rants a bit. "HE'S A FOUR TIME WORLD CHAMPION AND HE'S THE UNITED STATES CHAMPION, AND HE'S NEVER BEEN BETTER!" By definition, he has been better at least four other times in his career. Del Rio wins with the double stomp. Becky has a great idea. "I have a great idea to prevent you from thinking about Paige - MENTIONING PAIGE!" And to wrestle Charlotte for reasons. Ric shows up and says he's paid to woo, so he woos after a pinky swear. GOOD GOD ARE THESE HUMAN BEINGS ANNOYING.

Lucha Dragons are out for a no. 1 contender's match against some other team. THE USOS. Okay then. New Day does commentary and interferes to prevent having anyone to face them. Steph punishes the Usos for being associated with Roman. Brie's out to face Sasha. WHAT THA!? is Naomi's thing now, I think. At least Naomi looked at a screen. Now that can fuck right off with this "unity" shit. Authority has approved Becky vs. Charlotte! Nice of Brie to time the kicks by slapping her thigh long before the foot lands. Backstabber>Bank statement wins. THE WORLD TITLE MATCH IS NOW!?

Several people fist bump him. Sheamus kicks out of a pair of cradles at 1 and 2 for a lariat. 1 and a half minutes into a 5 minute match and I'm already not interested. Roman hits a running whoopsie to take Sheamus down on the floor. Samoan drop gets 2. Mid-card heels ADR, Barrett, and Rusev save Sheamus. MexAmerica has now added a Brit, a Bulgarian, and an Irishman. Sheamus relaxes next to Lilian and is completely exhausted in this FIVE MINUTE MATCH! Now they're the League of Nations. Sheamus says everyone's name and Roman cheapshots him. Wacky merch shilling with NEW DAY! NEW DAY HOODIES WITH HORNS!

Charlotte comes out with Ric and does THE WORST STRUT EVER. Paige and JBL bury Byron. Fantastic Power Rangers fight here with everyone almost making contact. Charlotte fakes an injury to win. VINTAGE RIC FLAIR SO IT'S OKAY! Paige the heel points out the awful sportsmanship here. Roman Empire battles the League of Nations in the main event. Becky points out that Charlotte cheated to win. Charlotte says she didn't cheat - she didn't hurt her. Becky is pissed and Paige rubs salt in the wounds. Michael Cole talks about Adam Rose and the WWE Minute. He recaps the Rusev-Lana-Dolph-Tyler-Summer deal and buries Rusev. So whatever this was was bad. Well, that was awful. STARDUST IS SURELY THE SOLUTION TO THIS SHIT! Titus attacked Ascension and Stardust now hates Christmas. LOL @ "this is awesome" chants for SD. Bubba Ray faces Bray on SD.

 

 

 Roman's team gets no intros, while the League of Nations gets a new tron with Sheamus's theme. New Day is out. New Day is not Austin - don't overexpose this largely one-dimensional act. They get to join the League of Nations. CAN ROMAN OVERCOME THE ODDS!? Babyfaces do the Unicorn Stampede on New Day. THAT IS THEFT. SHAME! Everyone in this match is "Special Main Event"-level KISS Demon. After some moves, an Uso goes down to a knee injury. USO HEEL TURN INCOMING!? Roman has MORE ODDS to overcome! After several eons, we got some ADR-Roman stuff. Sheamus kicks Dean's head off, because IN A MATCH WITH THE USOS, Dean Ambrose should do the job. Sheamus kicks Roman too. Cole ends the show with "THIS IS THE STATE OF WWE NOW!" Wow.

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NXT 11-25-15

Cole is here to be "in charge of this episode of NXT" because it's just a TV show. Cole says that while Regal didn't want Eva Marie vs. Bayley, "corporate" overruled Regal because everyone has a boss. Yup, that's what you need to do to the one authority figure that can be taken seriously - cut his balls off. Joe vs. Balor is the main event of the next Takeover, and Balor's out to sign the contract. One big downside to this not being on demand is I can't skip through the filler. Cole says that he WAS going to introduce Joe first, so he does, and calls him one of history's most acclaimed-international superstars. Joe comes in, signs the contract, and just leaves - ha! Joe jumps him and a brawl erupts. Joe chokes him out and the crowd chants "JOE JOE JOE!". Well, one guy is a giant ass-kicker, and the other is a little dork who plays with LEGOs.

After a break, we...see what we just saw. Asuka vs. Dana is up later, and the Vaudevillains are out to face the Mechanics in their tag title rematch. This really is quite a loaded show. Gotch gets some nice uppercuts, while English lands some Japanese armdrags. Aiden's arm is worked on for an ad break. Gotch gets 2 off a sunset flip. Smashing Machine kills English. Wow. Near squash-levels there for the former champs. Enzo and Cass returned pissed off and beat them down a bit in the ring. Tom Phillips meets with Eva Marie in Regal's office. Eva has turned it into her dressing room! LOL at Eva turning the British badass's office into her girly dressing room. She calls Bayley "a swell girl" AND SHE'S GOT TONS OF GIFTS EVERYWHERE. And Nia Jax!

Asuka-Dana recap. Wacky soulful country song is sung by a bearded guy who isn't identified. okay then. ASUKA IS HERE! Dana yammers on in a pretty hot outfit. Her cleavage is on point. Emma jumps her, but regrets it. The numbers game wins for the heels though. Emma lock, alongside Dana's thong being revealed. Bayley says she's a WRESTLER and that's why she'll beat Eva. SAMI ZAYN HYPE VIDEO! He'll be returning...at some point. Crews is out to face Jesse Sorenson. Graves says "where else would he be!?" and Byron says he trained with the Dudleys.So Jesse's got a bad neck and a giant knee brace...I don't like his chances of getting a bigger role on NXT. 21 second delayed suplex gets 2. Crews squashed him with a wacky powerbomb. Baron vs. Crews is made for Takeover.

Charles Robinson comes down to a "Little Naitch" chant! Corporate has sent him down to make sure there's no controversy. I don't sense that going well - should be fun to watch. Eva arrives with Nia. Byron says the fix is in and we get a hilarious like about him being anti-shareholder. Bayley's new black and blue gear is fantastic. "This young referee, whatever his name is" literally looks like a CAW ref from a video game. EVA ROCKS OUT AFTER GAINING A MINOR ADVANTAGE! Tremendous. BELLY TO BAYLEY but Nia pulls the ref out! Eva gets a schoolgirl, but Charles only counts 2. Charles looks at the ref being taken out and Nia gets a headbutt for 2. Bayley clotheslines Eva down. Sliced Red gets 2! Robinson goes down! Nia pulls Bayley to the floor, but Bayley takes her down. SUPER BAYLEY TO BELLY GETS THE WIN! Nia lays her out to close the show.


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WWE Raw 11-23-15

They start things off with highlights of the finals - which basically wound up being the whole damn match. Steph does a bad impression of her dad's walk. Or she's trying to march. HHH amusingly says he isn't petty. Sheamus comes out to absolute dead silence. Well, he's been booked like a goober for 90% of his run since returning. Sheamus begs for more "you look stupid" chants. Roman comes down and wants his rematch. Why should Roman get the first shot? RYBACK PINNED SHEAMUS LAST NIGHT. So there's Steph cutting Roman's balls off - 8:14. JESUS! This has already been going on nearly 15 minutes. Rusev sneak-attacks Roman. Get me RUSSIAN UMAGA! is his new role. HHH just announces a TLC match for the title between Sheamus and Roman. So he doesn't even have to beat Rusev to get a title shot. Okay then. That's rather nice of the Authority, then. Wyatts-Brothers of Destruction recap leads to Wyatts vs. Dudleys next.

Dudleys kick a bunch of ass before a break. Discus lariat pins Bubba. So the head and arm tie choke is now a weird bearhug variant. Cole buries Byron for being a dork and we get another Taker/25 video. WWE's narrative of "literally every single era in our history is better than our present" is killing them. YAY SASHA! Tamina appeared to stick her finger in an electrical socket based on her hair. Sasha vs. Becky is up. Becky is nearly as orange as her hair. They go through the motions of an okay match before the armbar is on and Becky is cheated out of the win by a Team Bad save and distraction schoolgirl. Paige yammers on a bit. Paige is the only diva on Raw with a bit of stage presence to her. Paige points out that Charlotte was under the rope - so the win shouldn't count. Well, she's right. Well, Paige is factually correct - Charlotte was under the ropes and thus the ref should've broken it up. New Day hoedown is next.

New Day comes out with Unicorns on a stick and JBL makes Roy Rogers jokes so bad that Cole buries him for being old. Big E, unlike Sheamus - is at least over for SOMETHING.
KOFI HAS A UNICORN HORN HAIRDO! Kofi had a weird bit in here. "This is me saying this, not my character - COUNTRY MUSIC SUUUUCCCKKKS!" Kalisto cuts a horrible promo about "New Day Runts" and the "open the tag team challenge". Usos come out to make it a triple threat. E's "YOU HAVE RUINED OUR JAMBOREE!" "SHAME!" So we get nothing. Paige faces Charlotte tonight for the title.

Charlotte respects Paige, but will win tonight. WOOO! "You can insult my dead brother, but I WILL STILL RESPECT YOU!" Henry's out to face Neville - so I think he's a heel this week. They talk about Henry respecting him on Neville, so maybe he's still a face. Henry dominates until he misses a corner charge, eats a kick and a Red Arrow. Henry shakes his hand and says he'll be good one day. Stardust talks about the forgotten brother being an atom. Titus compliments him on his fine setup - he loved science in school. How about that - Titus actually made a Stardust segment amusing. Cosmic crew faces PTPs and Goldust next. Goldust has some of the best entrance gear in the company. Skinny Ascension guy took an apron bump for THIS match. Chubby one jobs to the Sky High. OH THANK GOD A STATE OF MEXAMERICA ADDRESS WILL SAVE THE SHOW.

Zeb points out that Alberot lost, but Zeb calls it a growing pain. Zeb treated it like an actual nation. Petoria vs. MexAmerica must be settled via War Games. "You went to Grinder and Tinder!" So THAT'S why Zeb's suddenly a big fan of Alberto - his new physique. ADR closes the border to MexAmerica. THEN JACK SWAGGER COMES DOWN! Swagger has aged a decade since his last appearance. Unless Jimmy Golden is coming back as Daddy Swagger, this MexAmerica vs. Swagger thing can just end on SmackDown and I'd be fine with that. Swagger does we the people and the heels...just leave. Paige vs. Charlotte is next.


WWE NETWORK IS  MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN SLING TV! Basic chickenshit heel stuff from Paige leads to a sick back bump on the buckle from Charlotte. Pseudo Regal Stretch from Paige. Paige suplexes her into the ropes a couple of times. LOL-worthy version of Big E's spear through the ropes by Charlotte. They brawl to a double countout on the floor. OH NO! IT'S THE DREADED PTO ON A STABLE SURFACE! Refs break it up, but not Becky - she's a bad friend. Recap of the Authority stacking the deck against Roman.

HEATH SLATER LIVES ON RAW! Heath Slater preparing to sing with wacky kung fu sound effects was amusing. AND HERE COMES RYBACK! Slater bumps like a champ for Ryback, who hits his three moves. Why not just do a match then? Dean and Dolph team up to face Owens and Tyler. OH GOD! Dean is now on par with Dolph Ziggler...who will probably beat Tyler here. VIVA 50/50!

Zero intros here.  Dolph joins Owens in the working in a shirt club. Dean beats Tyler with the Dirty Deeds. Heck of a push for the new guy. We get a skit with JBL and Torito, and Henry wanting Mexican or Texican food. Mark Henry dreams about TexMex and JBL-Torito. ALL THANKS TO CARL'S JR! Oh my fucking God. That Carl's Jr. skit was literally worse than the White Castle of Fear. Rusev's out, followed by Sheamus, who will be on ESPN tomorrow.

Big Dog outpunches Rusev to start. Roman sends him packing and argues with Sheamus for a sec. Post-break chinlock from Rusev. Sheamus gets tossed and Roman gets 2 off a distraction schoolboy. Superman punch hits while they're all shocked that Roman's move that gets 2 got 2. Superman punch on the floor. Drive by. BARRETT BULLHAMMERS ROMAN! LOL. Barrett gets beat up with his own chair. Then Rusev eats it too.




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WWE Survivor Series 2015

Missed about 15 minutes of the pre-show due to Network issues. Booker yammers on about THE ROMAN EMPIRE MAN THE ROMAN EMPIRE MAN THE ROMAN EMPIRE MAN! This divas revolution video package is awful. Hasn't brought up Reid yet, but it's still awful. Charlotte meets with  Human Friend and apologizes for her actions on Raw. Sadly, doesn't apologize for horrible Flair cosplay. Renee calls him Milhouse. Pre-show match is the traditional Survivor Series match involving...some people. Miz, Bo Stardust does cartwheels now. Can still fuck off, and has his goon squad. The black and red color scheme works for Stardust though. Neville the angry elf, Dudleys, and PTPs are the face team. GOLDUST TOO! Goldust beat Skinny with a powerslam. Neville flips onto the pile for a break. "WE ARE SOLD OUT HERE TONIGHT" right as they pan to a shot showing half the lowest bowl area being all blacked out. Goldust beats Miz with a schoolboy. Goldust making use of that rare bit of wrestling logic where KICKING YOUR LEGS AROUND LIKE MAD during a cradle makes it work better. 3D beats Stardust and the "sole survivors" are THE ENTIRE TEAM.  OH MY GOD CAN THIS TYLER AND SUMMER THING JUST END. "Googs it!" Well, that got a mild chuckle.

BEWARE AND BE FORWARNED...OF THE BIG DOG! Lilian sang the national anthem. That big drawn out BBRRAAAAVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE was a bit much. Awesome video package for Taker. Love the frame by frame tombstone taken from it being done over the past 25 years.  Roman's rubber vest looks quite a bit less cool than his previous one. Alberto sure has slimmed down over the past two weeks, and whatever WWE is paying him is too much because they're not recouping 20 cents on this angle. He and Alberto go back and forth for a bit. Roman's thrown out and throws himself into the apron for whatever reason. YES! A CHINLOCK! That'll add some heat to this slowly-boiling pot of water.0.6 Hamrick bump there by Del Rio. Superman punch misses and the backstabber gets 2. Alberto HUGELY OVER AS A BABYFACE HERE for a matter of seconds. Superkick gets 2. Double stomp misses and he GOES FOR A SPEAR AND EATS A SUPERKICK FOR 2! AWESOME! FANTASTIC sequence there. Well-worth fucking AAA over just for that. Armbar into the schoolboy big doggy bomb for 2. Armbarouttanowhere! Spear gets the win...well, they had a good few minutes here - real good at the end.

Jojo and Roman have a wacky deal backstage. Con-grat-u-lations on win-ning and go-ing on in the W-W-E World Hea-vy-weight ti-tle tour-na-ment. Nice back and forth punch stuff between Owens and Dean. Dean gets crotched going for the flying lunatic elbow. HERCULES CUTTER BY OWENS! Owens takes him to chinlock city, but Dean fights back with the chop/punch exchange. Moonsault misses. Diving elbow gets 2. Super Sidewinder Suplex for a 2. "Cole TELL HIM TO STAY DOWN, DAMMIT!" Iffy rana counters the powerbomb and Dean gets Dirty Deeds to win. Good-ish match, but not amazing. Hoping Dean wins the title - shame it now and not a year or so ago when he felt like a real main event-level guy instead of a token one. Legends panel clips on Taker. More HHH bitching and moaning about how there aren't anymore actual stars left.

Another Survivor Series match is up with MORE PEOPLE THAT HAVEN'T BEEN ANNOUNCED. Ryback, Lucha Dragons, and the Usos against New Day, Barrett, and Sheamus. AMAZING pompadour on Xavier. Ryback with the flying sofa dive onto a pile. Unicorn stampede stomps in the corner by New Day. Everyone's just doing whatever. Match feels like it's been going on for an hour at this point. Woods beats an Uso. Sheamus, possible WWE Champion via MITB case, is bragging over getting a cheap win over one half of Los Jobbers. Kalisto and an Uso double team E to beat him. New Day all leaves, so Sheamus is on his own. So the bully heel is now greatly outnumbered. Holy christ what a clusterfuck this is booking-wise. CAN THE FORMER MULTI-TIME WORLD CHAMPION BEAT THIS PARADE OF MID-CARDERS!? Nope. Ryback beats him. Rolaids ad.

Awful Charotte-Paige recap video. Abdominal stretch by Paige. Figure four by Charlotte, but Paige reverses. They do things...slowly...Charlotte gets the spear for 2. Charlotte with a big "spear" from one barricade to the next. Looked more like a video game spot with bad collision detection and glitching thrown in. Figure 8 gets the win in this fairly bland match. Cole throws to the ALL STAR PANEL.So yeah, Tyler beat up a former World Champion with a selfie stick...and some wonder why the World title means nothing. I don't know what Dolph is wearing, but it's bad.

 

Rolling half crab by Breeze! Breeze tries to cheat to win, but Dolph counters it for 2. Killswitch/Unprettier wins this nothing match. Wyatts vs. Brothers of Destruction is up. FLAMING TAKER SYMBOLS! Nice evolution of the Deadman clips in the casket tron. Taker's vacation on the sun has tanned him well. Double chokeslam takes Rowan out. It's going to be Bray and Harper.  Still LOLing at them building up Taker vs. Bray at WM...after doing Taker vs. Bray at WM. At least they're doing a better job this year than...earlier this year. Gotta say, it's really cool to see Brodie Lee mixing it up in there with Undertaker. JBL talks about Taker winning the title from "the immortal one". Braun tosses Kane over the English announce table. DOUBLE CHOKESLAM TO STROWMAN THROUGH THE SAT! Awesome. Stereo situps lead to stereo chokeslams! Tombstone to Harper wins! This was fun - nothing to rewatch, but fun. JBL continuing the notion that literally every era but this one was the good old days.

Network ad for new shows. Every single one of these shows reeks of "we need to make content, but not spend any money on it at all". BIG DOG comes down to boos. Tonight, someone becomes a WWE Champion for the first time...and I really don't care which guy does despite liking both. Not a good thing. Fast start with the crotch-lift suplex. Big Superman punch counter to the diving standing elbow. Dean gets 2 off Dirty Deeds and Roman pins him with the spear. Wow. Zero fucks given by the crowd. Pyro and confetti for THIS!? This is like a parody of a World Title win. HHH comes out. This never-ending confetti looks shitty on a Network stream. Roman spears HHH. Sheamus cashes in and gets 2 off the kick. A second kick wins! The "you look stupid" era has begun. Again! Sheamus the giant pale rooster looks ridiculous with Hunter. HHH vs. Roman at WM, seemingly.

 

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NXT 11-18-15

Tonight, we've got Bayley vs. Alexa in the main event! Carmella comes out and she's apparently a face despite being so cocky. Nia Jax isn't like most girls - and she's facing Carmella. Basic '80s big guy vs. jobber match. Nia gets a long bearhug. Nia misses the sunset flip butt splash attempt and Carmella gets some dropkicks and a quick chant. Nia picks her up off a rana and spinebusters her and wins with the legdrop. Alexa is GOING TO DESTROY DREAMS! YES!

Ascension vs. Gable and Jordan is up. Ascension's out and they're hugely over, while Gable and Jordan have new wacky singlets! Great amateur-style stuff from Jordan here to send Chunky into the corner. DOUBLE NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX gets 2. YAH beatdown in the corner to Gable. Gable saves Jordan and does a flip dive to Konnor. Double pop-up German gets the win! Bayley vs. Alexa recap video - Izzy is wonderful. Speaking of wonderful, Emma is out to beat up some black and gold-clad jobber named Mary Kate. Corey ponders where Ashley is. Emma squashes her and holds the Lock on past the bell.

Crews-Balor recap led to a recap of Baron and Crews' brawl last week. Dash and Dawson are in action next. Mechanics vs. the Job-Rs. These are seriously jobberiffic mofos. Vaudvillians face the  Mechanics next week for the titles. 3D Codebreaker wins off a hot tag - I liked that. Even if you think you have momentum against them, you're doomed. ASUKA'S SCARY MASK STARTS A PROMO! Dana interrupts her and she's TIRED OF HAVING HER HEAD PATTED BY ASUKA. She wants a rematch! YES! And she responds yes in the scariest way ever. NXT Takeover UK card is recapped and Joe cuts a promo saying the title is his.

 

Alexa has a new dubstep version of her old theme and is PISSED AT IZZY. Bayley has such a special connection with the crowd - and what she has going with Izzy is just one example of it. I hope that she goes up when HHH takes over, because Vince is just not going to get any part of this act. Alexa is pissed at the "hey, we want some BAY-LEY!" chants.

Alexa eats some stomps in the corner, but lands some of her own and SURFS ON BAYLEY'S BACK! VINTAGE Nikki forearm shot by Alexa, but Bayley snapmares her and hits a sliding D. Kneedrop gets 2. They fight to the floor and Bayley gives Alexa a massive wedgie, but Bayley is sent into the apron LED so Alexa gets the edge. Face stomps on the apron lead to a break.

 

 

 

Alexa and Bayley trade armbars and Alexa gets 2. Bayley gets some running axehandles, but eats a BIG SLAP and a double knee moonsault for 2! Alexa goes up for the splash, but Bayley meets her, pulls her off and gets 2. Alexa gets a sunset flip for 2. Bayley to belly wins! THEN THE RED QUEEN OF NXT COMES OUT! "The star of Total Divas" cuts a promo on her. I think the Paris trip was kayfabe for her getting her tits done. Holy Jesus. Eva can't even get words out before she gets drowned out...and buries the crowd for being a "bunch of little dorks!" Eva vs. Bayley is apparently on tap for next week.

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Raw 11-16-15

I've been dealing with a nasty store throat/possible cold since Friday - so my coverage might be even sloppier than usual tonight. Raw starts with a moment of silence for the victims of the Paris attacks. No pomp and circumstance - just a classy tribute...until the regular intro. Very odd to have the druids out right after the Paris tribute. Filthy Tom is there in spirit adding in "And Kane!" to the "Under-Taker" chants. They spent a long time talking about Hell and fire. Bray and the family came out and he yammered on for a while. The lights flickered and the druids had sheep masks on. BoD beat them up. Well, that filled the stupid quota for the evening. Owens vs. Neville is up and we get some basic stuff until Owens rolls to the floor and eats a moonsault off the top.

Great bit where Owens backdrops him onto the apron and he hits a superkick party begging the ref to get to counting. Crazy bit where he crotches Neville and goes for the powerbomb, but Neville hops out and hits a superkick before a big REVERSE RANA for 2! SSP misses and Owens wins with the powerbomb...kinda anti-climactic, but a good win for Owens. We see a Seth surgery recap. He's built up as a total babyface here with him being super-positive about recovering and being better than ever. Tyler Breeze comes out to silence. Truth comes out to several white people dancing to "What's Up!" RVD pinning takedown into a half crab by Breeze. Truth sells the knee after the axe kick, but Breeze flips out of a second hat rack crack and hits the spinkick for the win.

Dolph vs. Dean is up. Lots of fast stuff. X factor off the top...ish thing.  DIRTYDEEDSOUTTANOWHERE for the win. "Divas revolution hits Raw" THIS WAS 4 MONTHS AGO!? Nothing has really evolved with this. They all have zero actual character. New Day is out and a very chunky white kid is overjoyed. They mock Usos with Uce-OW!

I went to make soup to soothe my throat and missed this. Doubt I missed too much. Recap of Charlotte winning the title at NoC and CHARLOTTE RESPONDED TO A TWEET earlier. HHH chats with Cesaro about finally reaching the brass ring and ROMAN'S OUT!? Things Roman Reigns is bad at - delivering exposition. Power displays by each lead to JBL comparing them to Danny Hodge OR DAVEY BOY!? One of these things is not like the other. FLYING UPPERCUT to mid-ring leads to a barricade uppercut on the floor!

Cesaro goes for a second, but eats a big dog boot! Swing! SHARPSHOOTER! CROSSFACE! He turns it into a Samoan drop for 2! Cesaro is sent over the top and hits his "bad elbow" on the apron. Drive by! Schoolboy powerbomb gets 2! FIST IS COCKED, BUT HE EATS A VERY EUROPEAN UPPERCUT FOR 2! Cesaro can't get the powerplex and eats the Superman punch up top. Uppercut counter to the spear! Backslide gets 2! SUPERMAN PUNCH DAZES HIM, SPEAR PINS HIM! Literally couldn't have been a better match for either guy.

Nick Bockwinkel gets a tribute graphic and a quick chat about him from the announcers. "Go to the website for something you might enjoy, for now, HERE'S THE ASCENSION!" Dudleys win with 3D. Alberto and Zeb say words before HHH interrupts and tells Alberto that he COULD BE THE MAN.

Recap of Kalisto beating Ryback with an SDS off the top. Rana off the apron highlights the pre-break portion. POST-BREAK CHINLOCK! Alberto kicks away, avoids a super rana, and gets the double stomp. Paige-Charlotte contract signing is the main event. Expect new lows in viewership. Recap of Becky cheating to win and that being totally okay because Paige did it first. Charlotte ponders What. made. you. like. this. Charlotte is finding new ways to add syllables to words and it's charming. Horrible. But charming. Charlotte says that she and Paige didn't grow up like everyone else, and tears up talking about her dad and especially Reid. Paige comforted her during that time and...why on Earth is this promo fodder? Why? It's not part of her story on WWE TV until this very moment.

Charlotte talks about Team Extreme and the Horsemen and implies that Team PCB was going to be like that. Nah - Team Extreme was over. If they're going to make "Charlotte is living Reid's dream for him in his absence", which is true, part of the story then DO IT FROM DAY ONE. Not right now. Oh yeah, this is a contract signing. I forgot about until Cole tried to bring this back on track. Paige calls Ric an old fart which pisses Charlotte off. ...and now they're using Reid's overdose in an angle. What in the fuck. Of all angles to even bring Reid up in, let alone outright exploit his death, why this one? Unless Charlotte vs. Paige is main eventing the PPV (and even then - no), there's no benefit at all.


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WWE NXT 11-11-15

I love having NXT in the on demand section about 20 minutes before the show goes "live". Crews's rise to the title shot is recapped. Corbin's beatdown and then the Joe turn are shown. Byron's deadpan "will someone please tell me what's going on?" like a robot that has heard of emotion, but isn't sure what it is, amused me. Tye Dillinger is out for the opener. Tye's Perfect 10 baseball shirt rules. He's facing Baron McWolfiecycle. Baron stands mid-ring and gets jumped by Crews. Apollo's ground and pound looks awful.

Bayley's out and IZZY'S GOT A CHAMP IS HERE SIGN! The fans have somehow turned "Pop That Pussy" into a kid-friendly chant for Bayley. Basic back and forth headlock stuff with a bit of cheating at times. Bayley gets the upper-hand and Alexa tags out. Some amazing booty shots of Alexa during all this.

Corey is burying the babyfaces gloriously throughout this, saying that Slimer is on the loose so you've gotta call the Ghostbusters. Alexa grabs the women's title and leaves. Bayley prevents cheating and BAYLEY TO BELLY'S TO MURPHY! Hype Ryder wins! Awful Ascension Warriors promo. Poorly-miced backstage bit with Nia Jax and Eva. Nia's in action. Nia's going to face a chick dressed like an Italian flag with a Ferrari-style logo on her gear. Nia Jax destroys Italian Jobber. Tag title match is up next - so the Joe explanation deal will be the final segment. Bayley gets her belt back, but Alexa goes to steal it only to be stopped by Nia so she can grab it and stare at it.

Heels are out first, followed by the champs and their MANLY POSING. Lots of basic arm and leg work here. Dash gets a nice slingshot snap suplex for 2 on Aiden. Trailer hitch or whatever it's called (Noble's old finisher) won the match. Bayley vs. Bliss happens next week. Joe came out and said that you're made by your words and the actions behind them. Joe said that he carried the team with Balor and wanted one thing - a title shot. Balor walks down with purpose. They fight for a bit and Joe cheapshots him to get the choke.

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WWE Raw 11-9-15

HHH comes out and says that Seth exceeded all expectations, and Seth gets a big chant. Odd to not bury him for being durable when that would set up Seth-HHH. HHH calls him being a champ ON THE WAY TO BEING ONE OF THE GREATEST WWE CHAMPIONS OF ALL TIME. HHH brings out Roman while Cole talks about Roman coming out being interesting because it's an interesting development. JBL's "as the old saying goes, chaos creates ladders" was baffling. HHH tells Roman he can basically sell out and become champ tonight, or he can fight in the tourney and re-earn it. HHH asks for Roman to be his man...okay then. HHH also wants him to be a "reality man". "All you have to do is be my man!"  So is Seth's dick pic what got HHH to see him as "the future"? Roman tells HHH to shove it and HHH thanks him for reminding him why he didn't choose him - and after 15 minutes, we're back where we started. BIG SHOW VS ROMAN!

Show dominates with punches in the corner. After seemingly eons of nothing really happening, Roman gets the drive by, but Show catches the Superman punch and chokeslams him for 2. Roman kicks out, gets the punch, the spear, and wins. We get brackets for this tournament - STARDUST, Tyler, and Kalisto COULD be WWE Champion via this deal. Much like TNA, shouldn't the idea be that everyone in the tourney is credible enough to be champion?

"Thanks for cutting my music - if you want to hear it, you can buy it iTunes and put some extra change in my pockets. And yes, I have pockets in my wrestling gear because I can!" He then buried the royal family and was generally amazing. He also has a new shirt! Titus tosses him around for a bit, but eats the powerbomb and loses. Owens celebrates with his title and JBL's hat - Owens rules! Paige calls Becky the B in PCB and says she'll beat the C in PCB at the PPV. We see Taker beat Sid at WM 13 and Kane beating Rey at MITB 2010.

Recap of Paige attacking her former teammates two weeks ago with them acting like it was the first time and not the 900th. Rope-based forearm flurry after they do the inside-out and back in tie-up spot. Crowd's dead for everything even in Paige's homeland. Big knee from Paige gets 1. Superkick gets 1.  Rampaige gets 2. Paige tries to win via tights pulling and gets 2, while Becky does it and wins. Cole is IMMEDIATELY okay with this and then Paige beats her up. Paige gets the PTO on the announce table. Why would the PTO hurt more on the table than in the ring? It's Undertaker week on the Network, complete with a show talking about how great he is.

 

 

Miz vs. Dolph is up. BOTH OF THESE MEN ARE FORMER WORLD CHAMPIONS. So is Dolph's character a CAW from a wrestling game or something? Why does he randomly have a headband on now? They do moves. Fans don't care. Miz gets the figure four and the fans get behind Dolph for a bit. Superkick wins for Dolph. Recap of Alberto beating Cena for the US Title. Alberto seems to gain five pounds of muscle each week. Alberto has found Vitor's heavenly supplements. Alberto is against haters. Boy if I was AAA, I'd be pissed about not only losing him, but losing him to THIS shit.  Zeb says that Alberto is going to run the table and we get a VIVA MEXAMERICA from Alberto. Team Bad dances and Nattie is facing Tamina for reasons. Nope - Naomi. Naomi gets an edge thanks to Sasha posting Nattie. So now Team BAD are heels, right? Why would Naomi just jump and put her ass in the air if Nattie wasn't running towards it? Anyway, she gets bonked into Sasha and loses. This sucked. Summerslam 2008 clips with Taker vs. Edge. I should really watch that in HD on the Network. Kane preventing the Edge-Lita wedding is shown!

Sheamus and Barrett are out and Barrett will be on ESPN. Cesaro's out to face Sheamus. During the break, Barrett buries Wayne Rooney. They talk and talk about guys "running the table", which I guess is a new WWE term. Cesaro sends him to the floor with a big uppercut. Cesaro flips out of an Irish Curse and gets the waterslide! Cesaro looks better with the shaved goatee. Suplex to suplex to over the top suplex! Leaping uppercut is turned into the Kruch for 2. Cesaro counters the Brogue into the sharpshooter! That got the crowd super-hot, so of course it's just a transition spot and Sheamus immediately makes it to the ropes. Wouldn't want to elevate anyone. Barrett distracts Cesaro, who eats a rabbit lariat. Rooney slaps Barrett and he bumps! WACKY LUCHA CRADLE FOR THE WIN! Brackets are up again - Owens vs. Reigns seems like it'll be at Survivor Series for the title. Dean vs. Breeze is next.

Dean comes out and we get Tyler and Summer burying his getup. Supermodel kick gets 2. "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU MESS WITH DOLPH ZIGGLA!" This kid rules!  Dean gave Tyler a ton, but a small package gives Dean the win. End of an Era HHH vs. Taker match is shown in clips. Ditto Kane taking out 9 people in the '01 Rumble. RYBACK VS. KALISTO!? BARRETT VS. NEVILLE?! Don't blow all the big matches on SD now guys. NEW DAY IS OUT! A motherloving Spice Girls reference from JBL in 2015. Greatness from New Day on the mic and they're facing Neville and the Usos. JBL calls them the Gleebirds! Usos with hunter camo under their bright blue shorts looks odd. Crazy corkscrew moonsault off the top to the floor from Neville to the pile. Big high kick sends Woods down, but E crotches him and Woods CHEATS TO WIN!

Main event talking with Bray. The crowd sings "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands" since the spring of 2014 was his peak. The Taker-Kane video airs again but now the powers activate without Bray doing it. Kane and Taker RETURN FROM DEATH. AGAIN! I like the blue lighting giving Taker an almost X ray effect here. Funny how WWE does an excellent job building to a Bray vs. Taker WM match in the same year, but after actually doing a Bray-Taker match. Bray uses his powers to make the Family appear. Bros beat up everyone - so why have the PPV match then?

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NXT 11-4-15

The opening video package focuses on Apollo Crews and his rise to the title shot. ASUKA THE BRINGER OF DOOM IS OUT! Asuka is over like crazy. Amazing how it didn't take WWE 8 years to make this star. Cameron's ass is out to face Asuka. "Asuka's gonna kill you" chant rings through. Well, they're truthful. Asuka gets the armbar and Cameron gets the ropes. Cameron gets a split and does a kick - which seems like it would do less damage with the kick. "Cam-ron sucks" chant leads to a snap suplex and 2 for Cameron. Asuka mocks Cameron, who screeches. HIP ATTACK to Cameron. Asuka kills her with kicks and palm strikes! Asuka lands THREE SPINNING BACKFISTS and then a spinkick! Asuka drags her around, gets the Asuka Lock and the win!

 

Carmella gives a medical update on the goons and gets mocked by the Mechanics, who are called George Costanza by her. Dawson and Dash offer up a single wheelchair for the Vaudevillians - what jerks! Making two people share a wheelchair. Meanies. YAY IT'S JORDAN AND GABLE! Hilarious bit where Gable calls them the World's Greatest Tag Team and Jordan tells him to not do that. Bull's out and according to Corey, he's on an all-carb diet. Bull's facing Dawkins. Bull wins and Dawkins's partner whose name escapes me leaves him. Vaudevillains aren't amused by the wheelchair. Crews is in the back and stares at the NXT Title.

 

Bayley brings in the Hype Bros as her partners tonight. Mojo is dressed like 1992 for Halloween. Eva Marie is out in white and red gear looking amazing in her red and black robe. Eva faces some girl from Jersey who has Jersey on her jersey and delivers a sitout hiptoss for 2. Eva gets a big boot to Cute Blonde in Leather Booty Shorts and nails a flatliner for the win. Crews is out to face Finn, whose Balor Club intro remains impressive. Izzy is gobsmacked by Finn.

 

They trade basic stuff for an indy standoff. After a break, an Irish whip shove-off leads to a big Crews dropkick. Crews with a Lashley-like delayed suplex, but with charisma!  Big basement dropkick by Finn gets 2. Balor sends him outside and gets a flip dive! After a break, Finn chops the daylights out of him in the corner. Finn avoids a press slam, but eats a big high kick, and then gets a Slingblade. DIVING HART ATTACK BY CREWS! PRESS SLAM AND MOONSAULT GET 2! Shotgun dropkick hits for Finn! Crews avoids the double stomp, but eats a Pele kick! DAMN YOU BARON VON WOLFIE! He interferes and causes a double DQ/draw. The worst part about this beatdown is Baron's offense. Joe comes down and saves Finn... and then kicks Finn's ass too. This show is such an easy, and fun watch.




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