Sunday, November 22, 2015

WWE Survivor Series 2015

Missed about 15 minutes of the pre-show due to Network issues. Booker yammers on about THE ROMAN EMPIRE MAN THE ROMAN EMPIRE MAN THE ROMAN EMPIRE MAN! This divas revolution video package is awful. Hasn't brought up Reid yet, but it's still awful. Charlotte meets with  Human Friend and apologizes for her actions on Raw. Sadly, doesn't apologize for horrible Flair cosplay. Renee calls him Milhouse. Pre-show match is the traditional Survivor Series match involving...some people. Miz, Bo Stardust does cartwheels now. Can still fuck off, and has his goon squad. The black and red color scheme works for Stardust though. Neville the angry elf, Dudleys, and PTPs are the face team. GOLDUST TOO! Goldust beat Skinny with a powerslam. Neville flips onto the pile for a break. "WE ARE SOLD OUT HERE TONIGHT" right as they pan to a shot showing half the lowest bowl area being all blacked out. Goldust beats Miz with a schoolboy. Goldust making use of that rare bit of wrestling logic where KICKING YOUR LEGS AROUND LIKE MAD during a cradle makes it work better. 3D beats Stardust and the "sole survivors" are THE ENTIRE TEAM.  OH MY GOD CAN THIS TYLER AND SUMMER THING JUST END. "Googs it!" Well, that got a mild chuckle.

BEWARE AND BE FORWARNED...OF THE BIG DOG! Lilian sang the national anthem. That big drawn out BBRRAAAAVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE was a bit much. Awesome video package for Taker. Love the frame by frame tombstone taken from it being done over the past 25 years.  Roman's rubber vest looks quite a bit less cool than his previous one. Alberto sure has slimmed down over the past two weeks, and whatever WWE is paying him is too much because they're not recouping 20 cents on this angle. He and Alberto go back and forth for a bit. Roman's thrown out and throws himself into the apron for whatever reason. YES! A CHINLOCK! That'll add some heat to this slowly-boiling pot of water.0.6 Hamrick bump there by Del Rio. Superman punch misses and the backstabber gets 2. Alberto HUGELY OVER AS A BABYFACE HERE for a matter of seconds. Superkick gets 2. Double stomp misses and he GOES FOR A SPEAR AND EATS A SUPERKICK FOR 2! AWESOME! FANTASTIC sequence there. Well-worth fucking AAA over just for that. Armbar into the schoolboy big doggy bomb for 2. Armbarouttanowhere! Spear gets the win...well, they had a good few minutes here - real good at the end.
Jojo and Roman have a wacky deal backstage. Con-grat-u-lations on win-ning and go-ing on in the W-W-E World Hea-vy-weight ti-tle tour-na-ment. Nice back and forth punch stuff between Owens and Dean. Dean gets crotched going for the flying lunatic elbow. HERCULES CUTTER BY OWENS! Owens takes him to chinlock city, but Dean fights back with the chop/punch exchange. Moonsault misses. Diving elbow gets 2. Super Sidewinder Suplex for a 2. "Cole TELL HIM TO STAY DOWN, DAMMIT!" Iffy rana counters the powerbomb and Dean gets Dirty Deeds to win. Good-ish match, but not amazing. Hoping Dean wins the title - shame it now and not a year or so ago when he felt like a real main event-level guy instead of a token one. Legends panel clips on Taker. More HHH bitching and moaning about how there aren't anymore actual stars left.

Another Survivor Series match is up with MORE PEOPLE THAT HAVEN'T BEEN ANNOUNCED. Ryback, Lucha Dragons, and the Usos against New Day, Barrett, and Sheamus. AMAZING pompadour on Xavier. Ryback with the flying sofa dive onto a pile. Unicorn stampede stomps in the corner by New Day. Everyone's just doing whatever. Match feels like it's been going on for an hour at this point. Woods beats an Uso. Sheamus, possible WWE Champion via MITB case, is bragging over getting a cheap win over one half of Los Jobbers. Kalisto and an Uso double team E to beat him. New Day all leaves, so Sheamus is on his own. So the bully heel is now greatly outnumbered. Holy christ what a clusterfuck this is booking-wise. CAN THE FORMER MULTI-TIME WORLD CHAMPION BEAT THIS PARADE OF MID-CARDERS!? Nope. Ryback beats him. Rolaids ad.

Awful Charotte-Paige recap video. Abdominal stretch by Paige. Figure four by Charlotte, but Paige reverses. They do things...slowly...Charlotte gets the spear for 2. Charlotte with a big "spear" from one barricade to the next. Looked more like a video game spot with bad collision detection and glitching thrown in. Figure 8 gets the win in this fairly bland match. Cole throws to the ALL STAR PANEL.So yeah, Tyler beat up a former World Champion with a selfie stick...and some wonder why the World title means nothing. I don't know what Dolph is wearing, but it's bad.
Rolling half crab by Breeze! Breeze tries to cheat to win, but Dolph counters it for 2. Killswitch/Unprettier wins this nothing match. Wyatts vs. Brothers of Destruction is up. FLAMING TAKER SYMBOLS! Nice evolution of the Deadman clips in the casket tron. Taker's vacation on the sun has tanned him well. Double chokeslam takes Rowan out. It's going to be Bray and Harper.  Still LOLing at them building up Taker vs. Bray at WM...after doing Taker vs. Bray at WM. At least they're doing a better job this year than...earlier this year. Gotta say, it's really cool to see Brodie Lee mixing it up in there with Undertaker. JBL talks about Taker winning the title from "the immortal one". Braun tosses Kane over the English announce table. DOUBLE CHOKESLAM TO STROWMAN THROUGH THE SAT! Awesome. Stereo situps lead to stereo chokeslams! Tombstone to Harper wins! This was fun - nothing to rewatch, but fun. JBL continuing the notion that literally every era but this one was the good old days.
Network ad for new shows. Every single one of these shows reeks of "we need to make content, but not spend any money on it at all". BIG DOG comes down to boos. Tonight, someone becomes a WWE Champion for the first time...and I really don't care which guy does despite liking both. Not a good thing. Fast start with the crotch-lift suplex. Big Superman punch counter to the diving standing elbow. Dean gets 2 off Dirty Deeds and Roman pins him with the spear. Wow. Zero fucks given by the crowd. Pyro and confetti for THIS!? This is like a parody of a World Title win. HHH comes out. This never-ending confetti looks shitty on a Network stream. Roman spears HHH. Sheamus cashes in and gets 2 off the kick. A second kick wins! The "you look stupid" era has begun. Again! Sheamus the giant pale rooster looks ridiculous with Hunter. HHH vs. Roman at WM, seemingly.

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