Monday, November 2, 2015

WWE Raw 11-2-15

The show began with THE BIG DOG coming down and then a recap of him winning the fatal 4 way. Big Dog's proud to be here with these fans and Seth's good, but he's great at brown-nosing and kissing ass. He doesn't like suck-ups and will beat Seth. Seth came out to contest this point. Authority's out - Here comes mommy and daddy to set the boys straight. Steph asked how many of the fans wanted to see Seth vs. Roman, and how many wanted it for the WWE TITLE...just not tonight. Survivor Series will have that match, and it's "the 25th anniversary of Survivor Series". HHH made a 5 on 5 Survivor Series match tonight and Hunter hints that Roman's title shot could depend on it. Owens-Dolph is up.

Kevin's now the "greatest IC champion ever", and dominated the knee until eating a DDT. Tyler came out to distract Dolph, which is probably not a smart thing to do during the break. During the break, Owens hit a fallaway slam into the barricade - which like his apron powerbomb, needs to be in the game next year. Why were they surprised Tyler came down if his VIP area was right next to them? Dolph's kick to the gut might've been severe enough to slightly unpuff a marshmallow for half a second. Dolph gets distracted by a man taking a selfie and loses via pop-up powerbomb. Tyler takes a selfie with Dolph on the mat, eats a punch, and hits the Beauty Shot.

Seth sucks up to Owens to team up with him. Owens should refuse to team with Seth because he's a loser. Nope - he'll team with him, but Seth owes him. PCB re-re-re-beakup angle airs. RENEE IS IN A JACKET! And Becky is offended being called the B in Team PCB. Then they buried Byron on commentary because of course they did. Cesaro vs. Miz is on right as I fire up the Bruce Mitchell show on WWE creating no new stars in a decade. How about that. Cesaro counters a leapfrog with a powerslam ala Rick Steiner back in the day. Stardust is now cosplaying the Ascension. This poor deluded motherfucker. Million revolution giant swing and a sharpshooter win! Wyatts are out next. 

Wyatts are out and Bray says shit and has STOLEN THEIR MAGIC. BROTHERS OF DESTRUCTION RECAP VIDEO rules throughout this. Goddamn, it's such a shame they did Taker vs. Bray earlier this year with no real build instead of now with this build. The Lucha Dragons need to fire whoever made this shitty-looking camo gear for them.A HIGHLIGHT REEL ON MID-CARD TALENT!? What kind of divine insanity is this?! They're facing Barrett and Sheamus. God, Barrett looks like he's found a new lease on life with this team.

Love Barrett just dragging him around for MORE OF A BEATING! Sin Cara is moving slowly for everything. Hunicara and Caristico should team up on the indy scene in a few years. Kalisto came in and did flipz. Kalisto should be sponsored by the Flipps app. SDS wins for the Lucha Dragons. Jack Swagger and Zeb have a little meeting. Jack has a beard, shaved sides, and a black leather jacket now. He almost looks like a man with a personality now. Alberto somehow got more ripped in the past week. Jesus.
Also, the US Title has been renamed off-air and we were apparently supposed to know about it based on this commentary. It's the MexAmerican Title. WHAT HAVOC WILL BRAY WYATT CAUSE IN THE WWE UNIVERSE!? Alberto gets a tree of woe and wins with the double stomp - which is a lot less cool-looking than the kneeling superkick. 2005 Survivor Series recap. "On the silver screen..." would apply to a movie, not a TV show like Grey's Anatomy. Seth meets with New Day to get them as partners, and they now have gear that matches their wacky shirts. XAVIER RETURNS AND NEW DAY IS GREAT AGAIN! New Day is basically the new age E & C with the trombone instead of a kazoo. Very tits forward getup on Sasha tonight. JoJo. Has. Questions. For Sasha. I should ponder this more often, but what in the fuck is Becky wearing? She's in some gold/copper getup.

Becky's green and bronze gear does her no favors. Everyone does shit for a bit. Weird late save by Sasha leads to a break. Tower of Doom with Becky as the base. So how exactly did moving forward slightly render Becky unable to move for a while? BECKY GETS SOME MOVES OVER and hits the Disarmer, but Sasha breaks it up. Sasha gets the Banks Statement on Becky, but Paige breaks it up. Rampaige to Becky gets the win. Last year was PERHAPS the most important Survivor Series match ever - a stip that is presently rendered completely useless with the Authority in charge.

Renee meets with her guest at this time Charlotte. Charlotte, THE DAUGHTER OF RIC FLAIR, is offended by Paige's cheating. Charlotte is offended by being called Baby Flair, and she is. Greatly offended. By that. Woo! NEW DAY ROCKS and asks for a show of horns as to why they rock. Big E is a 25 on the Big E scale.

Big Mega Dog of the year with a new arm sleeve. Usos are back and have new gear - one has red arm and leg sleeves and the other has blue - brilliant! THE USOS WILL BE ON SPORTSCENTER! Usos SUPERKICK AND SPLASH Woods to take him out. Usos vs. New Day at the PPV now has a perfectly logical reason to happen. New Day corner beating is fun. Great facial expressions on the Red Uso Ranger here. Blue Uso Ranger tags in and runs wild on Kofi. Double dive leads to Red Uso face-planting. Usos take out Kofi - so it's 5 vs 3 advantage babyfaces. Wacky spinkick leads to a superkick, but E takes out the Red Uso - so it's 4 vs. 3 now. Owens powerbombs him to even things out.

Owens is flying around marvelously for Roman here - they should have a little program. Seth dominates Roman. E beats Ryback. Great bits with Owens mocking Dean's chants. Dean eats a superkick party! Dean ducks the knee and it hits Owens! Dirty Deeds for the win! Dean prevents an escape by Seth, who eats a beating! Drive by outta nowhere on the table! Seth grabs a chair and hits them both - so the faces win via DQ. 40 minutes for that...and I'm fine with it. The point was to protect the champion, which they finally realized they needed to do after six months. Superman punch post-match keeps Roman strong, and Seth remains a chickenshit for leaving.

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