Thursday, April 11, 2013

TNA Impact 4-11-13

WORLD'S WORST TENANTS HAS A FLAMETHROWER and TNA has tables, ladders, and even chairs! AJ's portion of the opening video involved too much of Anderson talking. I like that the tag titles got some focus during the video, and they recapped the Bully-Hardy deal nicely too while even giving the KOs some time to shine. Hardy met with Hogan to start the show in what I'm guessing is the Smurf section of the building judging by how blue it is. Great Impact Live video opening running down the cast of major characters with nice artsy shots of them. The Mexicans are out and thankfully not speaking, with some boxer waving the Texas flag for them. Chavo's theme is heat-death. A fan held up a WHERE'S PEPE sign for them. Thanks to a sneak attack, the champs got the first fall in maybe a minute. Then the faces won with a flash cradle, making the third fall occur maybe two minutes in. Hernandez got chucked into the steps to add some drama to the hot tag. Ramp to ring Air Mexico double clothesline ruled.

Three Amigos on Aries, then Roode, got a light Eddie chant. Air Mexico flew again and hit Chavo accidentally, but only for two. Tremendous nearfall there. Double suplex counter by Supermex led to a frog splash win. Really good match from the Mexicans and the wacky heels once again. Brooke Hogan's nipples walked backstage. They've got a new wacky ShopTNA ad hyping Dixie's figures, POSTING PHOTOS OF YOU WITH HER FIGURE, and possibly winning CRAZY PRIZES! The Aces who can ride motorcycles rode them into the building. I loved Joseph Park being call corny and Taz mocking him for talking so wackily. Joseph Park knows divorce code, and he's got annulment papers for Bully and Brooke. I wonder if he's Mr. Bully or Mr. Ray on the document. Devon came out and ripped it up. I hope they do a skit where Joseph charges by the minute to reprint it. An epic Gail-Taryn vid was up, and Kenely ended the segment with Taryn stretching by saying "the only thing separating these two is the break". I'm sure he meant the women and not her breasts, but that was funny.

Taryn shook her ass wonderfully before this grudge match, and ODB's the new KOs ref with a black and white shirt...due to black handprints on her tits. Taryn won via a schoolgirl after Gail's attempt to win via cheating again backfired thanks to ODB. They showed Pearce with his massive shorts and Magno backstage - Gut Cheeeeeccckk is next. Danny Davis's yellow tie and red shirt were wacky.  "Mango" didn't impress Al. For the live portion backstage, Snow was back in his wacky brown jacket, while Davis was in a better-looking black and red suit and shirt combo. Prichard's promo was super-echoey. Adam Pearce was cut from the pre-cut section, so Magno gets his chance later. Tremendous video on AJ led to Hogan saying that HE CAN'T THINK ABOUT THE WORLD TITLE DUE TO AJ. Birds chirped while AJ met with Anderson. He said stuff, but I couldn't pay attention to it because of birds chirping in the background. This angle rules just due to the comedy potential in it that TNA is more than happy to replay over and over again.

Hogan came down, called this building the Impact Zone, and said HYAH HYAH HYAH for some reason. Storm came down, cut a short promo, and then Bad Influence came down, and told Toby Keith to leave. CD's a John Byrne guy. Daniels tried to win him over, and brought up the Claire Lynch deal being bad, BUT NOT AS BAD AS DIXIE CARTER NOT TRUSTING HIM! AJ pouted and joined no one. Hogan, for some reason, made AJ fight a babyface in Storm while trying to win him over and make him see the light. AJ left to presumably go to Hot Topic before they close.

Angle cut a promo in the locker room, looking 900 years old, and announced a handicap match next week with Wes and Garett. Joey's out to face a guy with a Terminator tron...ROB TERRY! The Tarrynator! A very orange Rob Terry won with the fireman's carry spinebuster in a couple of minutes.

Magno's pacing backstage because GGYYYUUTTT CHEECCCKKK is next. But first, THE WACKY SHOPTNA ad. Brooke and Hogan met in the Joker wing, full of green and purple paint. Brooke's coming down DESPITE HOGAN'S INSISTENCE. Dun dun dun! Heel turn's a comin, and Morgan's a shit-stirrer again. Morgan comes off as a Z-rate '03 O'Haire imitator. They said Magno was from Texas, and the fans still booed him. Davis voted no along with the fans, so he had to kick out, and he tried to cut a promo in English. Tried. God bless him. He got "no" voted by Bruce as well IN BOTH ENGLISH AND SPANISH. Then Anderson cut a promo with Bully reciting their catchphrase, and Bully said that tonight, HE NEEDS TO GO IT ALONE. Seems a bit soon to show any likeable parts to him. Anderson was beyond annoying again. I think he's only in the gang so they can draw and quarter him on TV.

They hyped up last week's One Night Only PPV and ran down next week's card, now with Mickie-Tess for a KO title shot and during Storm-AJ, Taz brought up Hogan just making AJ's decision to join the Aces easier. Hardy came down at 9:35, so this is getting a ton of time. They showed Brooke, WHO IS REALLY ONLY THERE TO SEE THE LOOK ON BULLY'S FACE WHEN HE LOSES. Honest. Bully came out standing on the barricade looking like a badass. The poor fan next to Brooke with a giant Aces sign got no attention. Loved the guy in a GWAR shirt in 2013. Shocking start with a Twisto stunner and poetry in motion. Unlike saying IT WAS THE 29TH ULTIMATE X MATCH IN COMPANY HISTORY on the PPV, Tenay saying this was only the seventh FMM match actually seemed impressive. Bully got the edge with a backdrop to the ramp, which made a great thud that they totally missed on the replay.

SUPERPLEX OFF THE LADDER helped him out a bit before the break. Hardy took a sick bump on his ribs and legs on the inner part of the ladder. Love Bully doing the Hogan ear cup while the fans chanted for Jeff. Bully Ray took a flip bump for a basement dropkick - amazing. Brooke struggled with her top, then flipped off Bully. Swanton off the top to the floor through a table got a muted holy shit chant. Come on - even WWE let that through on Raw. Taz gave Bully a hidden hammer, which unlike A BARB WIRE 2X4, actually made sense to hide near an announce table and Bully won after a hammer bonk on top of the ladder, knocking Hardy through a table. Outstanding match, great show, and Bully closing it with an asshole promo was great.

Screens -




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