Thursday, April 25, 2013

TNA Impact 4-25-13

Hogan's doing a promo before the show talking about fighting Bully on Spike IN A MATCH. Also, Spikeamaniacs is now a phrase. Show-opening vid involves the Aces making faces look like jobbers and Hogan looks like an asshole. The Aces were threatened by security, who were told by Bully that Anderson would bite their faces off. I'm fine with Anderson resorting to cannibalism if it prevents him from saying words. AJ's calf slicer was highlighted, and it's now called the calf killer. Great stuff there. SORRY ABOUT YOUR GOSH DIDDLY DARN LUCK! Tremendous sign. Kaz and Daniels were tremendous talking about TNA needing numbers, FOUR to be exact - VIVA LA FORTUNE! Crowd gave no shits about this until Storm got low blowed. Then the Aces came out. Anderson took nine hours to set up a powerbomb, which gave Park enough time to save Storm. Park got 3Ded for his efforts though.

LOLed at Bully saying that there no heroes left and citing Joseph Park. Tenay said that AN HOUR AGO, Hogan left the building...before he shot the pre-show promo apparently. They hyped up the KOs, leading to...Taryn coming out. Her outfit rules, and two guys in wacky bolo tie suits were amazed. They came back and Hogan's back - they pointed out the idiocy of the timeline problem and Hogan told the guy to shut up. They hyped up some silly thing with Dixie on Twitter involving being the GM in the war room or some shit. They did a bunch of moves, some fine, and Taryn won with a schoolgirl during the booty shake sault. Robbie E met with Jesse, who wasn't with Tara. Terry-Jesse is up next...WHY IS THIS ON THE LIVE SHOW AND NOT THE TAPED ONE!? I liked Robbie hyping up George Washington-bro and Al Bundy-bro. I demand a Bro-Maam faction in TNA.They showed house show stuff to hype those up, and the Joker's Wild PPV is next week. Jesse showed that he's about five billion times better than Terry right now. Fireman's carry Freakbuster won. Rob Terry can do that and a side slam pretty well. TNA's got new graphics for the show that look way better.

Bad Influence met with Roode. Oh yeah, Fortune had five guys in it. Aries heard the pitch, and they came back with a weird angle showing Taz being counted down to talk. They teased that Jeff Hardy might retire while Tenay made wacky faces. Then they aired a shocking Sabin return vid. It's not shocking that he's returning, just that they're hyping it up! Nice vid showing his injuries, him training out and getting the phrase HAIL SABIN over as much as possible. I'm quite excited about this - they seem to be finally pushing someone in the X division seriously. Shame they've spent seven years burying the division in some way or another. Aries talked to Roode about his loyalty, and brought up that they are just a team of world champions, but if Fortune was so good, why did he beat him? This was really good stuff. Despite not even saying the Dirty Heels would face the tag champs before the last segment, they made this match seem important.

Daniels replaced Tenay, and oddly said that they're here to bring the salad days back to TNA. Why is no one in TNA ever happy with how things are presently? I'm digging his nickname of Bo-Ro for Roode though. Roode didn't tag Aries in, but it could've been an accidnet since he was just looking at Bad Influence. I loved the delayed vertical that went on for nine hours from Hernandez. Air Mexico missed. Aries' mockery of Chavo with the shuffle always amuses me. Aries took the greatest wacky crotching bump ever, and Daniels' attempted help backfried and cost his bestest buddy Bobby the match. This wasn't quite as good as their prior matches, but furthered the storyline nicely.

They showed some really hot Mickie pics from the new KO site and then...Matt Morgan cut a promo. I think he'll be at the show later. They showed a Hogan's Beach press conference with Hogan giving a coach a TNA Belt. The TNA replica belt looks outstanding. Sting's past with Bully was hyped - it would make sense, if Hogan doesn't win the title, to have Sting win since he's always been TNA's savior for some reason. It also showed Morgan's beard looking perhaps a foot long because he was apparently the focus of this. And now he's coming out. So much for the show flying by. He's upset about not being number 1 contender...when he was hanging around Joey Ryan...Yeah. He also said that Hogan and Sting were best buds FOR 25 YEARS! Morgan invited Hulk to come on down...about an hour and a half after he said he'd start the show at 8 PM. A fan's got a Rubix sign - maybe he worked a dark match. Matt Morgan put himself over by saying he's big and tall, and that's it. Hard to believe they've been doing basically the same "destined for world champ" deal with him for like five years in TNA. Also, he exists on a planet were Matt Morgan is in demand. This angle feels like reading through a book with several chapters missing. OH MY GOD, Hogan's talking about the Shea stadium robe snatching angle. I totally forgot about it. Hogan said HE HOPED MATT MORGAN WAS THE SECOND COMIING OF THE MANIA. Oh my God. Hogan didn't have his extensions in, which just highlighted how old his neck looks. This ate up A LOT of time. KOs title match is up next.

They recapped Hogan saying he'd come into the ring with Bully later. Bully said that he didn't want anyone coming in. ON THE CLOCK lets you choose between Rashad Cameron, Rockstar Spud, or Suicide for the first show in May for an X title shot. Crowd is shockingly hot for the KOs title match. Todd said "NICE STRIKING ABILITY ON DISPLAY FROM VELVET SKY". Amazing. She tweaker her knee and Mickie went after it with a leg hold. They came back and Velvet reversed the hold on Mickie. They did a hilarious enzuiguri spot. Velvet's selling of the knee got funnier and funnier as the match wore on. Velvet won with a flash cradle that looked like shit and basically pinned herself. Bully talked with Devon, while Hulk talked with Brooke Hogan, who chose a meeting with her father to show her tits off.

It's 9:51 - time for the main event promo. They exchanged words, Bully spat on him, and Hogan tore the shirt, thew a few punches, and tossed into into the ropes for the big boot before Bully left and the Aces surrounded him. The lights went out, took forever to get back on, and when Sting was shown with Hogan backed up on the buckle, it made sense. He bonked guys with the bat and Hogan did some punches. Hulk's saggy skin made this sadder than usual and my God, it's 2013 and they're building up Hogan and Sting a main event match AGAIN.

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