Tuesday, April 12, 2016

TNA Impact Wrestling 4-12-16

Hardy Brand starts the show. Pope is sadly back on commentary. Matt calls out Jeff and say she wants him to change his name from Hardy - Sully the Charismatic Enigma is fine. Jeff isn't worried about that, but he is worried about Reby's crazy bitch genes in their gene pool. Jeff accepts. Beer Money is out with a Boozer Cruiser cam. BroMans answer the challenge, but Decay and EY/Bram come out. Everyone does shit for a while, but EY punches Bram accidentally and eats a superkick to lose. Matt tells Jeff that their match is next week. Jeff wants Full Metal Mayhem and Matt wants an I Quit match - and the stip will be determined by a tag match main event tonight.


Maria comes out and cuts a brief promo on the knockouts. Jade is out, followed by Gail. Gail tells her that just because Maria is the dog that barks the loudest, it doesn't make her the boss - she's just a bitch. Maria calls the wrestlers dumb sheep and then bahs like a sheep. Rebel and Marti come out and blame Maria for breaking them up. BPs come out and everyone argues before William Corgan tells them that Jade defends against Madison tonight, and that in-ring action determines title matches - not Maria's schemes. Corgan says that next week, one match will make a leader for the division. EC3 tells Bennett that he thinks he's a God, but he's not a deity.

GS Helms is mid-ring with Trevor Lee and says with Eddie out, he has no opponent and no one has the balls to face him. DJZ in a new, wacky getup accepts the challenge. DJZ gets a fluke and GS Helms jumps DJZ. Eddie makes a save. Bennett cuts a promo in some heaven-looking area on EC3. Jeff says that Drew will be his partner tonight. Maria welcomes us to her place of worship. Again. Bennett looks like fish meat with his no-tan. EC3's SuperEC3 gear looks great. EC3 gets some ground and pound. Straightjacket choke by Bennett. Jumping Flatliner by EC3 gets 2. Bettett hits a cutter, but can't cover. Cobra clutch with a bodyscissors by EC3 and Mike taps. EC3 grabs the chair and hits Mike for a DQ. Recap of Al Snow breaking Grado's arm. I like that I was able to work a closing shift, come home to my recorded show, and then run through all of the pertinent action by the time EC3-Bennett began. I thought Al was suspended for a week last week - why is he here? Oh, to apologize...while he's suspended. What?

AJ Styles DVD ad legit has better action in it than the show so far. EC3-Bennett recap. AL SNOW RECAP THAT WE JUST SAW. Al says he made a mistake to show talents to pay dues. Snow actually looks more roided up than Shera. Shera grabs him and shoves him, but Al tells him that hitting him will make it harder to explain. He says if he you don't like the explanation, then you can hit me. Al says he's 53 and he's been doing this since he was 18. When he got in, he had to scratch and claw to get into the business. When Al was 19, he was in St. Louis, and he was beaten so badly that he went blind in his left eye for an eye. He says he's sorry for what he did because he did to them what was done to him - he was jealous, and he'll pay for Grado's medical bills. 

 They shake hands and hug before he teaches Shera to never turn his back on a guy - and he tosses him into the steps back-first, and then head-first a billion times. Josh says that Al is the hero that has seen himself stay around so long that he's the villain. Drew plays a game on his phone before Tyrus w/ Monster headphones interrupts. Tyrus tells Drew that he really should look into a bodyguard because bad things happen to good people, and Drew's a good guy. Jade-Madison is next.

But first, Al tells the camera guy that PUNK KIDS WALK INTO HIS WORLD THAT HE'S USED TO FEED HIS FAMILY FOR 34 YEARS. YOU WANT MY RESPECT, STICK IT UP YOUR ASS AND EARN IT! Madison high fives the camera. TNA has Madison bending over the top rope and doesn't do an ass shot. Why!? Jade keeps "Doll Parts" and gets the worst TNA tron since Orlando Jordan's first one - it's light blue with a dark blue JADE. Double hop cradle gets 2 for Madison. A crucifix is countered into a Samoan drop. Josh says that the leader match will be a ladder match. Josh says that Jade reminds him of RONDA ROUSEY. Final Cut by Jade and Pope and Josh make a billion shit's creek jokes. Pope talks about Billy Corgan while Josh says he's William now. Madison blocks the STO with the rope. Discus forearm by Madison gets 2. Crossbody misses and an STO wins it for Jade.


Lee vs. Eddie vs. DJZ is announced for next week. Jeff and Drew do this weird somersault/fistdrop combo that is all sorts of mis-timed to Tyrus. Ad break. Tyrus corner splashes Drew. Jeff dives onto Tyrus, who eats a Claymore. Reby gives Matt a hammer and he hits Jeff with it and wins with the Twist. Impact, like Raw, had the most nothing-happening match as the main event. I love Matt saying "I WON CLEAN WITH MY FINISH!" though. Lashley comes down and spears Drew. Pope wonders why. WELL, HE'S THE WORLD CHAMP. Spear into the steps. DON'T TAKE THAT BUMP IN TNA.

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