Tuesday, April 19, 2016

TNA Impact Wrestling 4-19-16

Jeff Hardy is shown coming into the building for tonight's main event - Jeff vs. Matt Hardy in an I Quit match. "It's Hardy vs. Hardy, IT'S CAIN VS. ABEL" TONIGHT. Gail is out to face a whole bunch of folks for control of the division. Josh calls Pope the most entertaining commentator in wrestling. Pope puts the stipulation over by saying he doesn't care who wins the match - way to sell it. Marti and Rebel come out as a team, with Marti showing her ass off more. Maria is out in her gear too. Marti, Jade, and Rebel all come out to "Doll Parts" - they're determined to get their money's worth out of it.

Everyone goes after Maria, but she ducks and leaves to hide. BPs do some stuff with the Dolls, who are apparently a bond akin to the mafia. Maria climbs the ladder, but Gail chases her down and then chases her around until Jade kicks Gail. Rosemary jumps Gail on the apron with a kendo stick, while Marti and Rebel eat some terrible BP offense. Jade gets sent RIBS FIRST INTO THE LADDER IN THE CORNER. Maria headrams Velvet into Madison, and Pope says it's a Bushwhacker reference daddy and that's the 80s reference for the day. Josh says it's an early '80s one. Actually, late '80s INTO THE LATE '90s. Marti powerbombs Jade off the ladder, and Maria canes Gail to grab the contract. Drew tells some guy that he's calling Lashley out next. Okay then.


We see Gail being kidnapped by Decay. Drew bitches about being speared and being told he can't wrestle - but THEY DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT HIM FIGHTIN. Spud comes out in his generic gear and even worse theme. This heel turn did wonders for him. Spud talks shit and then Tyrus comes out and says that Drew has a target on his ribs. Drew says he's cleared for next week - and we get Drew-Tyrus next week and they jump him. Splashes galore and a Vader bomb with a chair. A really jittery Hardy Brand Cam shows us Matt bragging.

After a break, Rosemary says that Gail is their pawn to get what they want. Trevor Lee vs. Eddie Edwards vs. DJZ is up in an X Title match. I believe this match features all of the X division in it. Tons of chops and forearms to Lee on the floor. Sitout F5 by Eddie to DJZ gets 2. Andrew Everett returns from FALLING OFF THE ULTIMATE X AT BFG, returns to toss DJZ off the top and into a big knee for the win. 630 by Everett. EY and eternal TNA signee Bram walk backstage and EY says he'll change wrestling forever next.

Helms talks about The Helms Dynasty running the X Division. EY says he hates everyone, he's the most dangerous man in wrestling WITH THE MOST DANGEROUS HOLD IN WRESTLING. THE KING OF WRESTLING. EY says this is the last you'll see of him - he's taking his title with him and WE'RE QUITTING. Bram doesn't want to quit. He's tired of being his lackey and playing second fiddle to him. Bram says the KOTM Title looks heavy - it should be around his waist. Bram cuts a fine promo here and says EY doesn't have the balls, so Bram gets kicked in his. EY piledrives him and grabs scissors to trim his beard since he's the first one with a beard in wrestling. Mike, with Maria bouncing by his side, are out next.

Bennett talks smack about EC3 for a while. He now runs the Kingdom of Miracles. Still isn't over. EC3 says that they're both great - but he doesn't get his hair cut with a spoon or skip leg day. EC3 says that Angle, Sting, and Bully couldn't beat him - so if Bennett wants to be the best, best him. Also, next week is Sacrifice. In the Decay lair, Gail is strapped to a weird device and get slapped around by Rosemary. They'll stop when they get attention and gold.

Al Snow comes out in his Al Snow Wrestling Academy shirt to bitch about the internet bitching about wrestling online. Al Snow says that he's in the ring and he damn sure wouldn't pay to see any of the fans in a ring. Ironic statement to say on a show with 300 comp fans, out of 300 fans total. 53 year old Al Snow vs. Shera is our match here. Josh begs for you to DVR the show either on Tuesday or on Saturday morning. Pope says it's great to see wrestling return to Saturday mornings. Al Snow beats up Shera, grabs a mic, beats him up more, and asks for fans to come in the ring. This is the best Al Snow gimmick in at least a decade...of his probably two gimmicks over the past decade. Shera gets an edge, but Al goes to the floor, goes under the ring and attacks from the opposite side. This is one of Shera's longer matches, and...less awful than usual thanks to Snow. Snow grabs knucks and bonks Shera before slyly selling and coming into the ring slowly - a great little touch there. Gail says they're insane while Rosemary talks about happy endings and sacrificing Gail.

Eli Drake goes into the production truck showing the actual taping time, and then says next week he'll debut The Fact of Life talk show. Decay comes out with Gail. They threaten her and demand Beer Money. Storm has a slick new long-sleeve compression shirt underneath his Beer Money shirt. They'll let Gail to get a title shot. Abyss demands a Valley of Shadows match - and gets it.

Jeff and Matt have their match. Basic deal to start, and Spud comes in when Jeff gets an upper hand. They go to the floor and Jeff lariats him over the railing, but Matt tosses a chair at his head. More fighting with a chair on the ramp and backstage. Chair Twist attempt by Matt, but Jeff bites his hand and climbs the steps to sliding chairshot him down the steps. They fight on a ladder and Matt gets a side effect off a ladder through a railing. In an odd bit, Pope says this isn't the usual  Impact production and they don't even have lights in some of these places. Jeff chokes him out, and the ref says he's out - but Jeff says it isn't over until Matt quits. Jeff teases a ladder swanton, but climbs the steps he slid down earlier. Limps slowly is more like it. SWANTON OFF THE STEPS. Jesus is this nuts. Everyone nearby cusses up a storm here, which is different. This is really great stuff - they made this stand out and seem very serious. Definitely watch the show for this match.



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