Tuesday, April 26, 2016

TNA Impact Wrestling 4-26-16


 We get a very generic tribute graphic for Chyna to start things off and then Josh yammers on and then we hear Tyrus say "tick tock tick tock" - it is still 9:00 by the way. Tyrus says his name, then Spud says it and then Drew comes out. I think their match is up. Josh asks Pope if bruised ribs make it hard to breathe. Finally - the Pope is on the smart side of a two-man debate. Tummy claw doesn't do much. Drew gets a flying lariat off the top. Spud comes in and talks shit, resulting in Drew hoisting him up for a Brock-esque belly to belly across the ring. Claymore gets 2 - because TYRUS needs to be kicking out of finishers. Pope does an awful job calling a superplex - sounding like he's gargling glass. Future Shock wins it. Josh TALKS about the crazy stunts from the Matt vs. Jeff match before showing them. Bennett vs. EC3 is shown and we're told it will end via pinfall or submission - or as Dixie called it "pinball or submission". Maria talks to the KOs about her reign beginning tonight.

Backstage, Storm asks Roode which trunks he should wear - green or red. We get a bizarre deal with Maria's theme kinda playing while she talks mid-ring, and we see clips from the ladder match. This music is drowning out every single thing she says. Gail casually talks about how Maria was the reason she was TORTURED. Gail says she should kick her head in, but Maria says she can't since she's her boss. Maria makes Gail vs. Rosemary. Josh says that Gail is up shit's creek during a submission move on Gail. The Valley of Shadows match is now a Valley of Shadows - Shadows of Darkness match. Either Valley of Shadows or Shadows of Darkness would make a fine Castlevania game subtitle. They don't work as a name for a match stipulation. A Maria distraction leads to mist and an F5 for a Rosemary win. R
 Eli talks from "the red carpet" about his show. Jeff Hardy hobbles backstage. Eli is in the ring with a sleeveless tux and a $2 set before saying that the Impact Zone is full of dummies. He's here to name dummies. Jeff is a dummy. Drew is a dummy, yeah - yeah! He brings out the BroMans. Josh says he loves this show more than Huh. Josh would of course find a way to bury a ONE WEEK segment. Blah blah blah. This is stupid. EC3-Bennett rundown, and the tag title match is next.

Storm gets jumped and Pope says "Storm never even had a chance to take off his Championship Title". Pope talks about the Decay lighting effect here - where EVERYTHING IS EVEN DARKER THAN USUAL. Plunder spots aplenty. Blockbuster by Roode. Spinebuster gets 2. Abyss gets the barb wire board, but Steve eats a suplex through it. Mist misses Storm, so he beer mists her. Beer bottle to the head gets 2. Storm gets tossed off the top through a table, and Roode's Roode Bomb is stopped by a low blow and then a chokeslam to tacks - Decay wins it. Bram says he's taking EY's title tonight.

EY tells him to get his ugly, smelly ass out there now. Bram's shortened beard looks good. EY goes under the ring and gets a trashcan lid - but then Bram drags him and the can around. DDT gets 2 for EY. Dragon sleeper by EY. Impaler DDT off the apron through a table on the floor by Bram gets him the win and the KOTM Title. More "championship title" BS. YOU AREN'T IN WWE - STOP USING THEIR WORDS. Jeff hobbles down and talks about how hard it was to do what he did to Matt. He wants it to be a wakeup call for him. Reby and Spud, dressed in black jeans and a tiny black belly shirt, come out and talk shit. More yammering and Jeff gets cheapshotted, but Twists Spud. Okay then.

Main event time - with JB's intro now being drowned out by William Corgan's Impact theme. Chops on the floor by EC3. Problem 1 with the main event - Mike Bennett is in it. 2 - Mike Bennett is doing a long nerve hold in it. TKO gets 2 for EC3. Cutter by Bennett gets 2. Bennett chairshots him a ton in the back. One Percenter by EC3, but Maria breaks it up. EC3 flips him off, which we only hear about, and then EC3 chairshots Mike's back. EC3 goes for a cobra clutch, but Bennett runs up and does a sloppy Bret-Piper pin for the win.


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