YAY AJ'S ON COMMENTARY! 6-diva tag...I think the same lineup from Raw. AJ doesn't need an army - she's a one-girl revolution! Moves were done. Zero shits were given for anything outside of AJ, who rightfully pointed out that she sold more shirts than anyone else. Layla's ass got a nice-closeup before AJ got involved and thankfully ended this. Everyone ganged up on the teeny-tiny champion. It's impossible to not like AJ here. Dolph faces Ambrose tonight, and if he wins, he gets a title shot on Sunday. Vickie has a HUGE SURPRISE FOR THE WWE UNIVERSE NEXT!
Dancing With THE SUPERSTARS. Oh yippy. And they all get intros to further kill time. At least it allowed JBL to do WHAT'S UP! Cole pointed out that Fandango only does three dance moves. Miz came out and both looked and acted like an annoying douchebag. He's the Mizco Inferno - which led to JBL burying Gliberti. Loved Miz grabbing a jacket from a fan who just happened to bring a pink sequined coat with him. Truth moves around shockingly well for a 40 year old dude. Fandango's dancing, and particularly the upskirts of Summer Rae it led to, were tremendous. Loved JBL burying Miz and the silly Kimmel twerking video. Miz was a bigger goof here than he was doing the Dirt Sheet. Khali did something resembling movement and JBL said WE DANCE ON FRIDAY NIGHT! Miz won and split his pants. Miz and Truth beat up Fandango. Remember when they were main eventers raging against the corporate machine? Kinda surprised to hear the song they used mention getting your rocks off. Edge looks 25 in the Cutting Edge graphic - thank God he got out of wrestling.
Los Matadores are still coming soon. The Ole song will get them over. And JBL singing it rules. Ryback, the interviewer, and CONCERT PIANIST, interviewed Mixed Martial Archie and his giant teeth. And beat him up. Everything about this ruled. I heart The Big Guy, and fear for his health due to his giant Test-like gut. Vickie talked with Ricardo, she doesn't want him in Arby's corner at the PPV. Or RVD's I bet. And she made Alberto-Ricardo. Why not do that on Raw since it would actually be important given their history? AND WHY NOT BUILD IT UP!? The intellectual savior of the Hershey corporation came down for a match.
I got a Mayweather-Canello ad - they're going all-out on this, and giving you three months of Showtime if you buy it. So you can get that, or get NoC, which will have all of its important events followed up on for free, and some undercard rematches done on TV over the next couple of weeks. We're getting Sandow-Santino. This should be a lot of fun. Santino's silly power walk rules. JBL AND COLE SHOW HAS EDGE AND CHRISTIAN! YAY! A fan held up a bad for business sign for this match - THIS MAN IS WRONG. They pimped his Battlearts academy a lot, so I can definitely see them using that place as a place for folks that aren't quite ready for their own performance center to see what they're made of. Between a comedy gimmick that preserves his body, and a gym WWE can make some use of as a satellite group, Santino should be set for quite a while. Loved JBL saying that PETA should stop the cobra. COBRA FOR THE WIN! I can really see Sandow cashing in at the PPV because he needs some momentum, and the world title does nothing for Alberto. Axel/Heyman interview is next, and Heyman now has cheek fuzz. It looks hideous on him - ages him a decade. Main event interviews have come to SD!
BUT FIRST, Cole wanted to remind Heyman of his own personal history with a fancy video package - complete with narration about the PPV match. Cole exposited about the end of Heyman-Punk being due to the WWE Title loss, instead of it being due to Taker. Heyman's eyes were bloodshot, and his appearance here reminded me of Mick saying he used sandpaper to look worn down for a promo. LOLed at Axel saying that Punk can't beat him. Heyman is now an advocate of peace, and is boycotting the PPV. So if the show bombs, they can just blame the angle working - win/win! Heyman outright said that Axel was losing, but not due to Punk being better - but due to Punk using his own tactics against him. And that on Sunday, Punk will hand him such a beating. Which means it's not happening. Heyman lured Punk into a false sense of security with the stubble, and has a gameplan in mind. Heyman said he loved Punk and always will, but HATED HTE FANS! He was so great here. Cole asked one question in this "interview". Show recap from earlier. Alberto came out for his goofy match with Ricardo. This feels like such a TV Title-level feud.
RVD came out with Ricardo, whose backstory now involves Alberto taking care of his family FOR DECADES. Or three years. Or 10 years. They showed ADR doing the point, and Ricardo doing a dropkick that missed by 20 miles. Tremendous sell on the basement superkick. Nice tornado DDT from Ricardo. Ricardo took the reverse superplex, and held onto Alberto's body while kicking off the ringpost to help expose the move. Having those pointy flags on the ringpost during a spot where a guy's face is flying right at them is stupid. RVD hit the frog splash, so he's losing at the PPV. Shame too since that's about the perfect title to have him hold right now since he's over. I love the black and white NoC graphics - Orton/Bryan looks great. The video package showed the HHH video from the site that they've never aired on TV. It also had clips from Raw. Dolph's out to face Ambrose after the break.
GTA V ad rules. I might just rent that on the PS3 at Redbox at midnight to play it ASAP, even with the 360 version pre-ordered. Approximately zero seconds of the Don Jon ad seem fine to air on a PG show. They came back and plugged Haven with Edge. The dialogue on this show seems pretty stilted. Dolph being in the U.S. title hunt makes it seem like his star has really fallen, although realistically, I see Ambrose being a bigger deal than Alberto - so in a way, both belts seem about equal given that one has the built-in prestige of being a world title, while the other is held by a more important act.
JBL joked about Lawler dying due to the repeated elbows. They came back and Cold talked about how NOTHING CHANGED DURING THE BREAK. Stinger splash into corner mount punches. Shield interfered after the fameasser, so I guess the title match is on. Usos came down to make a holla holla six man tag, playa! This break makes for a fine chance to check out the CMLL show. It's got a fairly elaborate intro with fireworks and even dancing! Some massive tits on this chick in a pink outfit. Nice to hear "La Gasolina" this decade. Also, IT'S GOT THE TOUCH! They ran down the turmoil match and did everything but say that the Usos were winning. The UNIQUE RULES for this turmoil are...the same as ever. Love that snap dropkick Ambrose does - it's right out of Firepro Returns. It's 9:40, so thank God this impromptu match was made.Uso splash was countered by Rollins' knees and a cradle for the win. This was fine. Cutting Edge is up next.
Edge came out dressed as Adam Copeland and got a big RAAATTTEEEDD RRR SUUUUUPPPPEERRRSTAARRR intro from Chimel. I like Edge's new Abbey Road spear shirt. A good for business chant broke out. Loved Edge saying HHH lost his balls, and ordering Christian to come back and destroy the goon squad. Cole put over Bryan beating Cena, one of the best of all time, clean for the WWE Title a month ago. Loved Edge owning Orton for getting the amount of world title he's won wrong - 11 and not 10, which is something else given that he won his first one in '06, retired in early '11, and was out for months due to injuries in that timespan. I do love that Edge is already a far better actor than Orton's appeared to be in any film so far. I liked Bryan saying the best things in his life don't involve making money for WWE - instead, he's all about love, passion, and DREAMS. THE WWE TITLE IS HIS DREAM! He's never dreamed of being the face of a corporation - all he's dreamed of since he was a kid, was holding this title. Tremendous. Orton jumped him, but got put in the YES Lock. So they did the same "face challenger leaves heel champ laying" for the world titles - meaning at least one of those things is likely to work as it should in theory to build momentum. Okay interview bit - great when Bryan was talking. I liked the little tag afterwards with Edge plugging Haven and Bryan asking if he could be on it.
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