Thursday, September 26, 2013

TNA Impact 9-26-13

TNA posted on Facebook that there was a SECRET MEETING between the Aces and 8s 30 minutes before Impact. Credit vid for Impact focuses on the AJ/Dixie drama, and pimps the Rampage-Tito deal. The opening vid is focusing on the MEM and EGO. Bully thanking Brooke's ass was recapped. Dixie was shown in the truck looking angry as AJ cut his promo, and then Dixie was shown to be a raging bitch. Real Estate Steve met with Dixie, now dressed like a flamboyant table cloth. Dixie's now referring to herself in the third person. Bully and Brooke's ass in tiny booty shorts came down. Bully talked about strategizing for AJ and how he doesn't need to do it thanks to Dixie. A granny in an NWO shirt was unimpressed by Bully's promo. The Aces came out, with Knux now as the mouthpiece. Holy hell. Bully ordered Knux to never call her a ho again, leading to a chant and a chick waving her tits around in the crowd. Oh, and if the Aces lose to the Mafia, the loser of the fall gets booted. Sabin faces Manik for the X title because...I guess you get a pity shot at that after losing the world title. Goofy 6-person tag is next. Park sang "Sweet Caroline" and tried to shave, but EY told him to not shave since he'll bleed and become a monster! BroMans logo rules. Gail's got some patch on her side.

Loved Robbie running into Joseph and just bouncing off - leading to Park once again saying he did nothing. Park as a face in peril rules. Park got his ass kicked by Gail!  EY came in and was ungodly smooth in there after doing a crossbody onto the Bro Mans. ODB won with a splash after the guys did their finishes to Robbie. This was super-fun. Aries looks like a colossal douchebag backstage - he'll be cutting a promo next.

BUT FIRST, Hogan has to earn his $35,000 by saying he's read transcripts of Impact. Well, that could be more fun than watching it. Taz pondered if Tenay had little drummer boys with him. I doubt it. Maybe Patterson would. Aries said that even though he won't be headlining BFG, he's always the main event. Kenny King came out in the cheapest-looking MMA-style shirt ever - TNA's way late on that crazy. Kenny cut a decent cocky promo about destroying the X division last year, then saying that Sabin was frail...despite him being a heel now. King blamed Aries for taking HIS title, which I'd completely forgotten about with the Suicide ploy. Kenny said that Aries was Gen Next a decade, isn't King about his age? They started brawling and this is a huge step up for King.

They came back and showed a close-up of Kenny's head being split open. First time we get blood on national TV in ages legit and it's Aries-King. Stun Gun attempt from King sent Aries over the top. Kenny rubbed his hand over his head and rubbed blood on his chest. Nasty, but awesome. Kenny did a the bottom rope for a legdrop. That just seems stupid. It's one thing to risk a blind dive off the top since you'll in theory do more damage, but you're not really going to do that off the bottom rope. Nice strike exchange between the two leads to King doing a jumping spin kick. Kenny is shining brightly here. Super head and arm Tazplex by King got 2. King missed a corner dropkick, but Aries hit his and nailed him with the brainbuster. This overdelivered big-time.

They came back and hyped up the live BFG pre-show. A Tapa vid aired. God, it just seems wrong for her to get a shot before Ivie. Also, this video came off like a low-budget indie version of a Memphis video - think about that for as sec. Sabin was a smug shit to Aries, and actually came off like a bigger asshole to set up I guess those two going at it for the X title at BFG. The Aces-Mafia logo showed off just how much...stuff is in the MEM logo. It's got gears, a sun and some other shit. Magnus spazzed out about EGO. Sting told Magnus to listen to Joe and calm down. Yes, listen to the man who wore PJs, carried a knife around, and murdered a dude. Hogan's out next.

 AJ-Dixie vid aired. Why is Dixie, who has the power to shut the show off, allowing the promo to re-air that she shut the show off for? A clip of Dixie going COME ON to that fan that popped her with his sign at BFG '11 was shown in the video too. This might've been funnier than the actual deal as it went on last week. Hogan came out and they showed more Danielson shirts than Hogan shirts.
NWO Granny loves Hogan. TNA is spending $35,000 an appearance and a quarter-million a week so Hulk Hogan can get vanity pops on a bi-weekly basis. Hogan needs to DIG UP SOME POWER. Better dial up Zahorian. Hogan's in the same shitty shirt that King was. Hogan's arms are looking really old now. Maybe that'll lead to him finally stop trying to keep his arms looking gigantic. These crowd shots are amazing. Lots of XXXXL shirts. And NWO Granny - the true star of the show. Taz said the Aces are about, QUALITY over quantity and admitted he messed up. His continued paycheck is baffling. Angle hype vid aired - he'll return at BFG. X Title is on the line next. I guess Aries costs Sabin the win and they do a 3-way at BFG.

 A little hype vid for ETHAN, with diamond and silver blinged-out logo aired. I have no idea who that is, and they gave no hints beyond him probably having a generic theme. AJ was emo to the camera guy. Velvet came out with Sabin in her hottest dress ever. He prevented the pigeons from being let loose. Sabin's knee went out. Poor guy. Velvet walked Sabin to the back, who then tossed her into him so he could kick Manik's face off. Then he did one-legged squats. HEEL SABIN rules. Manik dragged Velvet in due to Sabin, then locked on a wacky Firepro cradle for the win. Velvet isn't a heel yet - she's against Sabin, but stuck in the middle because she loves him. Or something like that. Wes cut an awful promo about the how THE CLUB IS CRUM-BLING! Bisch was decent. Knux cut a passionate promo about fighting for the colors and fighting for the cuts. This is the most jobberiffic team ever - even worse than X-Factor.

They hyped up the Tag Team BOGO sale. AJ is meeting with Hogan later. Angle vid re-aired, so they're clearly hoping he can lead to some extra buys. EGO was upset about that, so hopefully he gets to German suplex them a ton at BFG. Daniels' douchey scarf rules. Kaz said that Magnus is a great loser - better than anyone else. Daniels and Kaz did a big bad guy laugh, but couldn't get Roode to join. This was awesome. I would so watch the EGO Choco-Bot Power Hour. Wiz Brisco is coming out! Christy is just awful sometimes. Taz called the Mafia the MAIN EVENT is that a burn? Sting came in and did his awesome backhand chop thingy a bunch. He can still do that really well - and no game has really replicated that move well. EGO jumped Magnus then left.

Taz of all human being had the nerve to call the Mafia complacent. Joe's awesome boxer shorts have now become basic small black trunks with a shiny...kinda olive-colored belt. Looks super-cheap. Stinger splash to the jobbers, and Knux. Wes got choked out and he's now out of the group. Bully and Brooke's ass came down. Bully asked for a mic and got it eons later. Even by wrestling standards, Wes is a bad actor and way too orange. Big NO chant here. Bryan is the biggest star on WWE and TNA TV. Bully told the other goons to take his cut. Bully attacked Wes and asked them where their balls were. AWESOME piledriver to Wes from Bully. Bully told them to take the cut now or he'll drill him again. This was great stuff. They took it, set him down gently, and set up a great turn. Knux and Bisch are now Show, only with a giant world champ bullying them around instead of a mother of 3. Hogan and AJ speak NEXT! Hopefully they make it quick because it's 10:47 and they still need to do intros for both guys.

Hogan's in the ring to talk about doing things TNA STYLES! AJ's in the team for TNA...or something at BFG. AJ half-emo intro just isn't working - this had better be leading to the return of the full proper intro for him at BFG. Hogan's been around the block a few times with Hulkamania brother, BUT HE CAN'T EVEN HEAR HIMSELF THINK due to AJ. And he said AJ was going to win the title at BFG and gave him a new contract because they can't have a guy fight for the belt without one. AJ...signed the contract without incident. Dixie came out. AND SHE'S GOT PINK PANTS ON TOO. Giant DIXIE SUCKS chant broke out. She thanked Hogan for opening doors and teaching her so much about the business. Oh boy. He's so getting another contract. She cracked me up turning AJ's "on your knees" line against him with DARLIN, IN YER DREAMS BABY! Then she tore up the Phenomenally Marginally One's contract. Dixie is so great. GO HONEY! She's the 1% and the people can't understand what her life is like. IT'S SO HARD, AND Y'ALL JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND! She told Hogan to get on TEAM DIXIE!

Screens -

"Bad Guy Laugh, c'mon!"

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