Monday, November 11, 2013

Raw 11-11-13

Cena's VO for the Veteran's day video package was nice. The same Show beatdown vid from SD aired here. Great shot of the crowd - looks like a full house. The Authority is on vacation, SO WHO IS IN CHARGE!? Um, the GM? They've got some nice lights around the edges of the entire ramp and entrance area that looks awesome. Orton, as WWE Champion, is in charge. Maddox came out to a fairly big face pop. Libertarian Kane is out as the director of operations, which makes him the guy in charge. His hair is really spotty. Maddox nutted up to him and made Orton-Cody tonight. Kane made Orton-Goldust. Vickie, the SD GM who should have no power on this show, came out. AS A FORMER RAW GM, and SD one now, she's claiming power. It's impossible to hear Vickie over the crowd - she made Orton vs. the tag champs. VINTAGE DX with the tag champs facing one guy. WWE 2K14 ad - I hope they hype up the NWO DLC coming tomorrow. Big RANDY'S BORING chant. Followed up by a JBL one. Jerry chant. Great bit with JBL saying he's the king and was almost mayor. Break. Not a whole lot happening so far. Moonsault from Cody got 2 - visible Triforce on the boots. Orton got counted out intentionally. 

Well, this was okay, but not as good as I hoped it would be. Show's out and barely mobile. The opening of Raw in 2013 has wacky stuff with the steps and announce table - VINTAGE ATTITUDE ERA! Chokeslam through the table off the steps...that are level with the table - perfectly level. That seemed like something you'd save for the end of the show. Multiple replays of the chokeslam and they're teasing an injury. Well, that explains why they did it to start things off. Show got into a cab to go get drunk. Los Matadores came out. Santino's out with them with bull horns. 3MB's out as the Union Jacks, with themed gear and a punk theme. Tremendous! Somersault dive off the top to the floor from the bull. COBRA WITH HORNS for the win. This was fun. This was a new way to have a hometown guy job. Orton bitched to everyone, leading to Kane already teasing an issue with the group one week in. Dolph faces Axel. Goddamn has Dolph fallen off a cliff.

 Sandow's in the ring with his shirt in tanktop form - good look. Makes him seem tougher. He's going to face Kofi, in his Best Buy gear. The hot crowd died to the point where you can hear each person chanting. Sandow, the wise man, did a bunch of headbutts in the corner. Take down with some punches from Kofi. Still no reaction. Full nelson slam wins. Axel-Dolph is the hour 1 "main event". Raw Country will be next week's theme. Oh boy. 3MB as country singers should be funny. Clips from last week's Dolph-Axel match. Holy shit, I had absolutely no recollection about that match. Crowd's hot for Dolph. Cole rattled off some WWE Facts about the IC Title. Heartstopper elbows by Dolph led to JBL telling him to not get hot about it. Cole talking about how important the IC Title has been. Dolph took an insane over the top bump - it was almost like AJ's fosburry flop, but more out of control. Cole said that Axel, a 34 year old, has potential. Well, if 30's the new 20, I guess that's not too worrisome. Axel's hairline is Flair-esque right now. Nice slingshot from Axel that led to an even better schoolboy cradle - this led to Dolph recovering and hitting a famouser. SUPER X FACTOR got 2. Whattamaneuver gets the win. This match was so important it didn't get a replay. Instead, we got comedy bickering with Maddox and Kane. Maddox made the Real Americans against Cena. Good lord, way to buy a sorta-thriving tag division. The Shield also faces Bryan and Punk. YAY! Ad for Miz's movie. I'll watch it if it ever gets skewered on TGWTG.

Ryder's got a goatee and is doing a WWEShop ad. He's talking a mile a minute. Goofball. Tamini-Nikki is up. Kharma got a plug thanks to a WWE site poll. They're doing some moves. Crowd gives no fucks. WM 30 is the 30TH ANNIVERSARY OF WRESTLEMANIA! Hilarious flying headscissors by Nikki. Nikki hit a...thing that involved her hand flying through Tamina's hair and Tamina selling. Kick of fear set up the Superfly dive. Brie came in after a largely fair victory and attacked AJ. What a bitch. Cena vs. the Real Americans got a graphic - I hope this is leading to him facing Cesaro in a PPV semi-main. Nice hype vid for Cena-Alberto at the PPV. "Goddamn undercover cop". This movie ad isn't very PG. WWE 2K14 hype. They'll be showing custom characters on SD. Orton met with a trainer doing the exact same test as the trainer before the Shield met with them. They said they don't work for Vickie, Kane, or Maddox, so they didn't have to help. They should have said they fell asleep when he started talking. Fandango got a huge pop when his theme hit, the fans did the deal, Summer Rae looked hot, and Fandango's got Union Jack gear. THIS RULED. 

They showed clips from Total Divas soon with EVERYONE TRAINING IN THE RING BECAUSE IT'S ALL FAKE. Tyson's his opponent per the clip, and has a new pretty kick-ass theme. Super-fast action to start. This would be a perfect modern-day X division match. Crazy bump over the top from Kidd. Rana into the buckle from Kidd. Less great rana from the apron from Kidd. Fandango wins with the Bret-Bulldog finish! Cena's handicap match is next. A nice Hire Heroes ad aired - House of Hardcore really ripped off their logo something fierce. Zeb's British accent rules. Zeb buried Mr. Bean. A surprisingly high amount of people cheered for the guys wanting them to pay respect to "a superior nation.". Cesaro destroying Cena on the outside led to a break. Swiss uppercut brought it back from the break. Big OLE OLE OLE chant. THEY CUT AWAY FROM THE CESARO LIFT to show Alberto relaxing in a chair. Two Swagger bombs hit Cena nicely. Cesaro swing teased, but it led to an STF. Swagger tags in and gets the Patriot Lock...sorta in kinda. Tag to Cesaro, crossbody off the top into the AA - saved by a knee clilp. Cesaro teases the Neutralizer. Cena's giving him a ton. AA countered into the ankle lock. Throw off into an AA. Cesaro got to make the save. KNEELING POWERBOMB from Cena to Cesaro got 2. Cena and Cesaro exchanged shots before Cesaro sent Cena into orbit for the uppercut. Flying uppercut into the corner from Cesaro.  He and Cena have incredible chemistry. Tag, STF to Swagger gives Cena the win. Cesaro got some post-match stuff in before being sent out and Alberto beat him with a chair and used the armbar. Why waste a chairshot on this feud? Armbar with the chair...which does more damage somehow. Big E saved Cena. Maybe Langston can join the Real African Americans and be managed by Hayes. I think we got a Big E Langston chant. He's definitely great as the third guy in a six-man trio since he's got something, but not quite main event-anything. 

AJ faces Nattie for the Divas title on Main Event. Maybe. They showed clips of Nattie beating her with the sharpshooter on SD 2 weeks ago to set it up. Alberto met with the authority figures and they made Alberto-Kane for later, I think. Ryback came out with some sweet black and smoke grey gear. Truth's out. Now Truth's burying Ryback in rap form. That's a great little addition to the act. Cole read a tweet from Ryback where he said he was born 30 years ago and spoke in full sentences. JBL buried him and said that he's regressed. Wow. This is like a burial you'd give a guy going to TNA in '05. JBL talked about Big Daddy's nephew showing he and Cole around town. Press slam>powerslam to Truth. JBL said that Truth, THE FORMER WWE TITLE CONTENDER AND PPV MAIN EVENTER, he'd need to get lucky to win. Reverse bearhug from Ryback. This started with some heat, then it just died. Meathook missed and Truth won via schoolboy. Wow. The burial continues. 

Recap of the opening of the show. Alberto's got his silver and black gear on. Crowd is dead for this. Fans amused themselves doing the wave. They went up for the wave as Big E did the giant splash. Crowd's chanting WE ARE AWESOME. Big E tapped to the armbar. This was a match. Veteran's day vid re-aired.  They hyped up an ARM WRESTLING CONTEST for SD. Heyman's in the ring with a neck brace and in a wheelchair with Axel by his side. Heyman called Ryback a BIG UGLY DUMMY! I pray they're turning him face. Heyman's teeth look completely disgusting, but the greying beard makes him seem even sleazier. He promised to return and hover over Punk like the sword of Damacles and drive the blade through his heart. Axel and Punk brawled. Punk of course won. Punk spun him around, then dumped him...before caning his back brace. Cole called this unhyped deal "the final retribution". Punk-Harper recap from last week. Cole said the Shield's only been around less than a year, and JBL said they've had a bigger impact in a year than anyone. Well, that's quite true. Can't wait for a Best of Shield 12 disc set in about a year at the rate they're at.

JBL was buried by both guys for abandoning Ron Simmons. JBL rattled off all the halls of fame Simmons is in. Gorgeous super-rana from Bryan to Rollins. Running Yakuza kick to Ambrose allows Rollins to hit him with an enzuiguri. Raven-esque finger-bending spot from Rollins to Bryan. He's such a hybrid of the best of Raven and Roberts, but a better worker than either of them. JBL compared Reigns to Terry Gordy in the Freebirds. Punk came in and got the knee in the corner with a clothesline and flying elbow. Suicide dive to Rollins, but Reigns took him out. Punk took Reigns out and Ambrose got hit with the head kick. GTS to Ambrose was avoided, but it hit Reigns. Roll into the vice was interrupted by the Wyatt break-in. Harper argued with Rollins. They teased a brawl between the groups and they actually did it! Reigns told Wyatt they'd take their asses out, so then they brawled. The crowd is going batshit crazy for all of this. Now the face team is surrounded by both factions. Usos and the Rhodes Bros. are out. Oh yes! Faces clear the ring of evil. THIS RULED!

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