Thursday, November 14, 2013

TNA Impact 11-14-13

Great little recap of the whole world title situation, tonight's Aries-Angle match and the Sabin-Hardy deal last week. Brooke came out shaking her ass in some nice black lingerie. The club ain't about quantity - it's about quality. Bully said he'd piledriver Ken through the stage, so I guess next week's match ends with Ken winning via piledriver. Ken came out and said words annoyingly. Ken said his wife's at home pregnant with twins, and if he loses, he'll leave TNA to just be a dad. So TNA doesn't pay well enough to make it worth his time to provide his kids with a better life. Bully said he'd love to piledriver his pregnant wife and Ken responded by saying he's FEELING FRISKY for a fight. Ken-Knux was made next. The show is not lighting my world on fire. Ken's working in a long-sleeved shirt and jeans. I feel like I'm watching two guys working in front of 50 people in an armory, only in HD. Punches. Mongolian chops from Knux. Mic Check gets a win. Joseph Park said that having an appletini thrown in his face was DOWNRIGHT WRONG! He wants Daniels one-on-one - HE'LL FIX HIS LITTLE RED WAGON! What in the fuck is up with these backstage videos? Did they downgrade from a pro HD camera to an iPhone? Ah - there's an Impact365 graphic...yeah use this shit for Youtube, not national TV. Roode came in as well, so...they're at the arena and not shooting in full HD quality why?

Wheel of Dixie recap. Aries said that he liked submission matches because you don't need to be the biggest. Nice bit from Angle talking about Thesz and Shamrock being submission experts, and it led to Malice tapping from Ken's ankle lock.Well, this ruled. Daniels is out with his silly shades for a comedy match with Park. Tenay JUST LOVES IMPACT365! I dig it on Youtube, but it doesn't hold up on TV. Chinlock by Daniels. Taz insulting DW. Suplex by Park. Low blow and a cradle win for Daniels. This was a waste of his talent. EC3 is up next.

Knux was pissed about losing, but Bully didn't give a shit because he's going to beat his ass next week. Bully and the boys went to a strip club and swore they wouldn't tell Brooke. Hopefully she doesn't watch the show. EC3's up to 7-0 - next Goldberg up in here. The tag team of Barnes and Vernum are his opposition. They sound like they should be partners at Park, Park, and Park. God, these fuckers are '90 AWA-level. At least you can tell the difference between the stars and the jobbers in TNA. For now. Tenay hyped up the PS4 launch show after Impact. Vernum hit the worst tornado DDT in human history for a 2. 1%er kills both of these dudes. Double pin, so he's 9-0. Never use these jobbers again. Spend $20 more and get Delaney and Shark Boy.

New friends of AJ vid showed three more moves in his match with Mesias...and then raising each other's hands later. That was odd. Nice backstage bit with Hardy saying he busted his teeth up in the match with Sabin, but it's worth it for a shot at the gold. Good Aries vid recapping his world title win. Dixie ranted at Big John. Dixie's out cutting a really bad promo about KICKING THAT REDNECK OFF HER ROSTER! Ya know, I can actually see this angle driving up AJ's price when his contract comes up. Thank God, this show's halfway over. She said AJ's defending her title...and then said he isn't the world champ. So which is it? She brought out Roode, Storm, Joe, and Magnus. Joe looks like a schmuck in jeans and his shirt. Joe buried her. Recap of Angle's 06 debut and '07 world title win. Hannah Blossom came out, strangely with her being talked about as not being on the roster...despite being on TV before. Okay match – the highlight was probably Gail on all fours. Main event is up. Good lord it feels like nothing has happened tonight. 

 Park's out to continue this whole vibe by recapping his year and a half in the company. He called Abyss a legend and future TNA Hall of Famer. Park brought up Abyss being missing - how's he supposed to know? Abyss is bonkers! He offered to face Abyss to prove that he's not Abyss, or something. Yet another recap of next week's card. I think it now has more matches on it than Survivor Series. Updated graphics for the tourney killed more time. Aries looks super-sleazy with the full beard. Angle's got his MEM shirt on. Instead of the full intro, we get Anderson screeching to Garett and walking around with him in a fireman's carry. Fucking hell. 

Yet another recap of TP's card - it'll be the first show from their new Orlando soundstage. Nice matwork to start leading to some snap armdrags from Aries. Sub-Bella rolling half crab from Aries. Roode's out to watch on the ramp. At least he's in a suit and looks like a star again. They really should've recapped that feud here. TOP ROPE AXEHANDLE FROM ARIES COUNTERED INTO A BELLY TO BELLY ON THE FLOOR. Awesome. Yet another WWE 2K14 ad - Hogan's been on the show more tonight in this ad than he was as part of the roster. ShopTNA ad for Black November. Giant pendulum elbow from Aries. Aries boxed the ears and was met with a giant lariat. PS4 hype along with Rampage's Bellator debut. Boy are they not getting jack shit out of that with so little hype being done for it. TREMENDOUS rolling elbow by Aries. Flying axehandle finally hit Kurt after it failed before. Dropkick countered into the ankle lock! Brainbuster hits perfectly leading to the Last Chancery. Angle got out of it and did the rolling Germans. This feels like a really good technical-based video game match, but they're just going from move to move to move. Run-up German countered before taking nine hours to do a 450, it missed and they teased an ankle injury. Aries gets sent into the buckle - crossface from Angle gets the tapout to further set up a Roode match. That was a pretty good match, but wasn't quite worth watching the whole show for. Anderson's theme hit so they could do the show-closing angle with he and Garett. Nice piledriver on the ramp to send Garett out of the company. 

Screens -

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