3MB's out and JBL compared them to the Spirit Squad if they were at a karaoke bar. Usos are out to face them, so they should at least get a TV win. They're teaming with Truth. I love JBL playing sing-along with their themes. Cole went into way too much detail explaining the origins of this worthless match, although I appreciate the effort. I love Drew going batshit crazy on the apron, and JBL saying that the guy's impossible to understand backstage and he wishes he could have Rosetta Stone - but then nixed that because he'd have to talk to him. Double Uso dive let Truth pin Jinder. Good for him. LOLed at JBL calling him a young man. I think he's five years younger than JBL.
Funkadactyls are out to face AJ and Tamina. AJ plugged and buried the Total Divas show, which is basically saving WWE's entire quarter right now. Cole recapped season 1's big wedding. JBL buried Kidd's kissing skills AGAIN. Naomi did some flips to...avoid coming into any contact with Tamina. JBL said he's glad Flair didn't get the date of his title wins tattooed on his neck like AJ. Fucking hell - God forbid anyone actually give a fuck about a championship win in 2013. If the wrestler doesn't care, why should fans? AJ has the hottest Gulliotine choke ever. Cameron did Rey's wheelbarrow bulldog spot. Cameron went for a rana, but got caught, yelled loudly, and got hit with thepowerbomb.com gloriously. Stiff forearm from Naomi, and AJ tapped her with the Black Widow. They shot Cameron in a way to show off her gut a lot. Ass-tapping returned.
Alberto's out. JBL recapped everyone being a perro gringo on Raw and that his strategy would be to attack the arm...just like it was before...when it failed. Alberto is proud to be a world-class MEXICAN athlete because it makes him better than the gringos. Alberto played Tito Ortiz and talked about having 5,000 injuries after the fact. If he was American, he'd have called in sick, but as a Mexican, he has pride. Cena came out, unhyped, with a new Even Stronger shirt that appeared to take 5 minutes for an intern to design in photoshop. He told Cole to jot down some notes - get him a good, not great edible arrangement. Also, get him a card that plays his theme. And be sure to watch the JBL and Cole show on Youtube. Alberto said he was acting like a child. Cena said we should make it a championship edition of SD and have the rematch tonight - Alberto agreed, and wanted a doctor along with a referee because he was going to break his arm. Vickie came out and said SHE WAS A CHARGE, and the rematch won't happen here. Cena bullied Vickie. Be a Star, John. He was a real dick here. Alberto...agreed and then he and Cena did a little comedy bit. What in the fuck. Vickie made Cena-Ryback - once a PPV main event, now a random SD main event. And Alberto will face A DIFFERENT MONSTER...Khali. Oh this poor fucker. Khali can barely walk to the ring. Hogan moves around faster.
Nice superkick to the leg of Khali by Alberto. Alberto's doing as much as he can possibly do that involves varying up offense to a man who cannot move. Khali's doing Baba-level offense standing in the ropes. Over the rope Tarantula-style armbar to Khali was terrifying as Alberto landed RIGHT ON HIS ARM on the apron for the powerbomb-style counter. He got the armbar afterwards and won. This was better than it should have been. Bryan-Harper is next. They showed some clips from the new game and hyped it up as ONE OF THE HOTTEST GAMES ON THE ENTIRE PLANET. Hashtags and at symbols sound ridiculous being spoken aloud.
Recap of the Wyatt stuff over the past few weeks, complete with wacky exposition from Cole. Suicide dive hit Harper, but Bryan held his shoulder - TREMENDOUS facial expression from Bray after that. This guy needs to be an actor - there's no reason he can't at least get some work on SyFy stuff. Harper has great chemistry with Bryan. They're just hitting each other hard and then doing some holds as well. THE INDIAN DEATHLOCK ELBOWS RETURNED. I demand that be in 2K14 as DLC. Great sitout powerbomb counter to the buzzsaw kick. Rowan gets in to cause a DQ during the Yes Lock - this was by far Harper's best match on WWE TV. Punk came down to prevent a beat-down. I cannot wait for Team ROH against the Wyatts. Raw Rebound focused on the show-closing angle, summing it up just fine in like two minutes.
The Bellas shilled merch. WWE makes an ungodly amount of random stuff. They zoomed in on Nikki's tits shamelessly here. I love the SurSer graphics. Brief clip of the HHH-Cole interview talking about Kane's new role as Director of Operations. I love HHH saying "you will see..." regarding just what that job entails. CORPORATE KANE was trending on twitter. Kane is #vigilante. HASHTAGMORETHANMEETSTHEEYE. Enough with actually saying "hashtag". Cena came out, got a reaction, then came back out to get a better one and said "It must be Snoozeday!". What an odd thing to say on a show they pretend is made on Fridays. JBL buried Lilian for not calling him the champion. They recapped the Cena-Ortiz thing. SIDE HEADLOCK TAKEOVER by Ryback. Wow. Remember when facing Ryback was a career-threatening thing three months ago? Well, now Cole's just concerned that he might "ding up" Cena. Cole then recapped that Cena might break Flair's record, and that he's an 11-time WWE Champion. He said that DESPITE THE FACT CENA COULD BREAK FLAIR'S RECORD, he's at best top-5 of all time. Well, that sure makes all those world title wins seem a bit less important - they do come and go though. Ultimate press slam by Ryback, dropping Cena right on his injured arm. VINTAGE WARRIOR!
Boston Crab brought us back from a back with an immediate counter - why waste that on the app? At least have it take 30 seconds on TV. JBL talked about steam engines - I was hoping he'd bring up Steam Machines instead to seem a bit more current. Nice front chancery from Ryback. Good bearhug too. This has become easily their best TV match together. Five knuckle shuffle countered into a spinebuster. Shellshock countered into a DDT. JACKHAMMER gets 2 and they bring up Goldberg again. Meathook was countered into a drop toehold>STF. SPEAR by Ryback gets 2. Ryback called for a powerbomb, which JBL said was stupid - Cena countered with a full nelson into a neckbreaker. JBL put this over as Cena learning. Yup. One new move. AA teased, but countered into a spinning powerslam. This match rules. It's now better than any of their PPV matches, and without any gimmicks. Meathook hits. Shellshock turned into the AA for a win. THIS MATCH RULED! Post-match beating by Alberto to the arm. Everything in the last half-hour of the show should've been on Raw, because it was great.
Screens -
http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/r1kwm9pcy705oywvg813eou89bcu6ufx
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