Thursday, November 21, 2013


It's the first show at the new Universal studio, and it's also Turning Point. Impact 365 starts things off with the Roode-Storm brawl, thankfully being shot with a full HD camera instead of a fucking phone. The WHEEL OF DIXIE world title tourney got a crazy epic video package. Dixie met with Joe and told him that she rewatched Impact last week and felt like she was amazing, and he wasn't - and if he isn't careful, he'll wind up like AJ - wrestling in third-world countries for pesos. Way to fucking bury AAA there. Tie-dye grandma...or grandpa is distracting. Loved Dixie putting over the SI site piece on her - makes TNA seem major league. Love her claiming that the fans are booing AJ. Dixie's going to guarantee that no company makes money with her talent. Starting with TNA. Storm's out and has thankfully dyed his beard to not look 45. Storm demanded MORE STIPS for his bullrope match. Wouldn't be a TNA show without last second stips added to a stip match. Did TNA steal Wade Keller's audio equipment? It's way too hard to hear Storm. I loved him saying that he'd call the cops on Roode if he didn't get his way since he wants to kick some ass...on his terms. Storm's got his main event fire back - that's one great thing about this tourney, it brings guys back into the main event mix who've been out of it for way too long. Loved her saying that she'd agree if she told everyone things were perfect since even on-air Dixie has her head in the sand. Park-Abyss and Bully-Anderson were hyped up. Christy's boobs introduced Magnus for the falls count anywhere match. Joe cut a promo about how he didn't come here to talk, he wants to fight. SO GO OUT AND FIGHT THE GUY. Pussy.

They came back and showed clips of them breaking shit during the break. That's dumb enough to do on the WWE app, but at least it gets focused on later. Here, it was just stuff that happened. And then a minute later, they're just out at ringside otherwise, so why the fuck start backstage then? Flying elbow got 2. Taz strangely corrected himself saying that the tricep hit and not the bone of the way to make the move seem less damaging. Magnus looked for something under the ring, but couldn't find what he needed, so he moved around and found a chair. The chair wedge led to Joe basically walking into the chair head-first because his momentum completely stopped. Nothing about this worked. Oh yeah - the main event is no DQ...just like the opener.

Bad Influence is out and Daniels is in a brown and black suit combo that works far better than it should. Pretty nothing promo - they're just interested in Park-Abyss. Park said he's been around for 18 months, which seems impossible. Nearly 2 years with this gimmick. Wow. Christy's hot dress introduced Abyss didn't come out, so Daniels insulted Park a lot. They dunked fake blood on him that looked more real than the usual fake blood to make Abyss come out of him. Tenay played this up like it's weird that the blood didn't set him off - why, IT ALWAYS HAD TO BE HIM BLEEDING that led to Abyss coming out. This was really stupid and the first 40 minutes has been lackluster outside of Storm's promo.

Gail's challenge was met by Candace Larea. Candice hit a nice double-jump rana - kind of like Layla's crossbody spot, but with a rana. Wacky sunset flip got 2. Eat Defeat got the win a few minutes in. This was sure a lot less of a deal than I expected. Friends of AJ video showed him in Japan. Holy shit. This is like a cell phone video killed by Youtube's encoding. This sucked. Anderson said the Aces were DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE. I hate this act. Mr. Intensity, the Modern Day Viking Gunner Manchild met with Storm to say he doesn't need to use weapons to beat Roode. Outstanding recap of Beer Money and their great '11-'12 feud. The worst part about this AJ deal is I like the idea of that feud FINALLY being over the world title again than I do AJ recreating Punk's angle. Roode came out and got jumped by Storm in a cane. Because babyfaces should always lower themselves to the heel's level.

They did shit with weapons. Foley knee bump from Roode on the steps. Please don't take that bump in TNA. Just do that in WWE. They're basically recreating their BFG '12 match only without Mo. Great Flair flop off the trash can shot. Roode is so damn good. Shame he's not in WWE because he's so good in every way and deserves to be in WWE. Wacky back and forth can lid shots. This is like a Smackdown game match from a decade ago. VINTAGE bottle to the head from Roode. Okay, now it's feeling even more like a greatest hits show. Death Valley Driver through two chairs from Roode. Roode BROUGHT OUT A BARB WIRE BOARD. Why not save that for Bully's match since it got ECW chants? Gunner threw in the towel...and that was indeed a finish. AN HOUR AND 15 MINUTES IN and the best thing is still Storm's promo.

They came back and Storm was pissed at Gunner for throwing in the towel. If this is leading towards Storm being a heel - boo...unless it leads to Beer Money reforming. Which reminds me, where are the tag champs? Wacky Samuel Shaw bit. Why the fuck is Cena being shown on TNA TV in a wrestler's artbook? Loved him macking on Christy and getting her number...and he's rearranging everything she touched. So now he's an OCD stalker? EC3 met with Fernum and Barnes, one of them was dressed like Waldo and the other looked like Dante Hicks. He's facing a TNA Legend. Okay, so that's where Shark Boy comes back. Bully cut a good promo about saving Anderson's career after TNA killed it.

TNA is shooting five billion things at the new Impact Zone in the new few weeks. Angle was in a light blue Impact Wrestling shirt that looks okay, but generic. EC3 intro helps him out a ton - he comes off like a star with it. I love Shark Boy basically using the FPR version of Austin's theme. Tenay hyped up Angle being a part of a One Direction show. They hyped up Genesis coming to Spike in January, then Sharky fucked up a facebuster spot and the 1%er wins. Bully-Anderson is up next. OH THANK GOD! Aces recap video. No thank you. Hey, it actually showed Sabin being world champ! Oh and Anderson piledrove Garett on the ramp last week - they should've recapped that before this. This video didn't do a good job of either setting up the end of Anderson's TNA career or the end of the Aces. Show's nearly over and there haven't been any ads for sex toys yet. Amazing!

Angle and Roode are going to spin THE WHEEL OF DIXIE! Thanksgiving's all about family, turkey, AND IMPACT WRESTLING! Nope, no wheel of Dixie - it's just a Survivor Series tag match with them as captains. Well, that should be pretty good. BROOKE IS IN JEANS! NO! Anderson debuted long tights - so he can work in a shirt, but at least still appear to give a fuck. Then music played for some reason. Dudes came out. Anderson's dressed EXACTLY like Shane Douglas from his 2010 TNA run. Bully used Brooke as a shield, and it sent her low rise jeans a tad too low. I'm now fine with these jeans. Anderson had his shirt ripped off and chopped. He really doesn't need the shirt. A fan had a wacky hairdo with dye and an Anderson shirt. The A on the left side of Anderson's gear looks like the Star Trek logo. They teased a piledriver on the concrete for many one billionth of a second before Anderson backdropped him. Anderson pulled the he could piledriver Knux on them. Finlay roll led to them fucking things up a bit being on different pages before Bully did a spear through a table and they called some spots. Angle and Joe bullied Taz to make him give up his cut. Well, given that Taz said the club sucked, it shouldn't have been too big a deal. Oh, and next week, Anderson hosts the funeral for the Aces. Maybe it was Sylvia Brown's last prediction before her death and she told the TNA production crew.

Screens -

No comments:

Post a Comment