Thursday, November 7, 2013

TNA Impact 11-7-13

TNA's brought back Pacman Jones...via Youtube...why couldn't they just leave him alone? Hardy-Sabin in Full Metal Mayhem was hyped in the pre-show video during the credits of Hulk - I forgot about that due to Pacman. Dixie's with Pacman in an orange top and skinny jeans. Mr. Anderson looks fucking homeless. "Ken, Pac - PAC-KEN!" I love Dixie. Show-opening vid recaps AJ leaving the company with the belt. Pacman's in the crowd shown as a Bengal, which means he thankfully won't become a champion tonight. Holy shit, it's the Main Event Mafia! I forgot that was a thing. Sting cut a promo, I think announcing the Aces and 8s are dead. Also, that the MEM is back on the shelf. Sting said that Angle, Joe, and Magnus will become world champs. Crowd cared about Joe and Angle - not so much with Magnus. And Sting's going to deal with entitlement! So I guess Sting's going to face EC3. Sting hugged Angle, Joe, and Magnus while crying. So is he retiring or what? Joe cut a good promo about getting his title back, even if he has to go through Magnus and Angle to do it. Magnus cut a promo on Angle. And are these guys facing off in the brackets - if so, why isn't a graphic on-screen? MASSIVE Angle chant here. Holy shit. Angle said he'd win the world title and if he did, accept the HOF nomination. Did a blind man dress Bobby Roode? He's got blue jeans, an untucked maroon dress shirt, and a black blazer. I demand these two face off at Turning Point in the tourney finals. Nice brawl here. These two have tremendous chemistry.

Another sit-in? The last time I remember caring about this was when Savage did it in like '96. Angle DEMANDS that Roode get his frickin as out here! This sit-in lasted about 30 seconds before Roode came down for another brawl. Now Roode's just in a wifebeater. DRESS LIKE A FUCKING STAR, MAN! More separation>brawling. Simon has a shoe problem - they're bright yellow/green and he's in all blue. I love Kaz and Daniels holding Roode back. I hope EGO doesn't split up - they just got new shirts. Taz has his cut on, so maybe the Aces are alive or something. More hype for Roode-Angle being the possible finals. I wouldn't mind a disputed finish for the title leading to an undisputed champion being crowned in a three-way between Angle-AJ-Roode. Bad Influence are talking shit to the Bengals. They jumped the rail and slammed them. Pacman did his first wrestling move! Pacman's theme hits - because that's what you'd do for a fan who hits the ring. Hardy walked backstage while Sabin showed off his toy X belt. Velvet-ODB-Brooke is up next to determine a contender for Gail. ARE THERE ANY FACES IN THIS DIVISION OTHER THAN ODB?

Anderson talked with Bisch and Knux about leaving the club. Velvet's out in a super-short skirt and no stockings. Wow. Brooke looks great and Christy's in one of her cleavagey outfits. Velvet and Brooke started this match with an ass shake-off, when ODB smashed them with her tits. Bunch of stuff happened. Nice flying elbow off the top from Brooke - way better than Punk's. Gail and Tapa are out for an ad break. They came back and the faces did a double crab to Brooke. Gail interferes during the In Yo Face. Tapa demolished Brooke. Tapa and ODB square off - holy hell, Tapa towers over her. TKO with a stunner ending to ODB, who basically does that as her finisher only with a cutter. Gail issued an open challenge to anyone outside of TNA. Maybe that could lead to Mickie coming back. Or Kong, or maybe Ivie.

A Friends of AJ Styles promotional video aired out of nowhere to show clips from TNA TV and of AJ beating Mesias in AAA for the TNA Title. They'd better replay that thing because they spent NO TIME AT ALL on that. You could take a piss break and have no idea what happened. Recap of Hardy winning the title at BFG 2012. The Aces met and argued. Knux nutted up, stood up to Bully and demanded a vote with EVERYONE (and Taz). "I DO NOT CARE ABOUT ADVERTISERS!" - I love Dixie. Nice way to address the AJ bit being a bit wacky logic-wise without saying it'll end. EC3 said his streak could end tonight. Garett's in the ring cutting a promo looking like a glorious douchebag. Taz is in his...biker leather shorts. Nice upshirt of him. Nothing about his outfit is flattering. Anderson came out in his thrift store getup. "I'm just here to watch this implode - carry on." - PERFECT delivery there. Knux hung up his cut too. Bully looks so thin next to Taz. Bully was a dickhead to Taz. Taz as the mouthpiece for a Garett-Knux team could work. Taz is bringing it on the mic tonight. Shame they're building up Taz-Bully.  Can they please do a sim match for Taz-Bully in Fire Pro Wrestling Returns to pay off this build? Nope - instead they'll do Anderson-Bully. Nice hype job by Anderson. Bully said that for a guy who respected Stone Cold so much, he couldn't believe he forgot the first rule - DTA. Garett and Knux jumped him. '98 WWF being used to build up a TNA match in 2013. Goddammit, this was going somewhere possibly good with Taz being a mouthpiece for a tag team that needs one and now it's just...this...

More focus on Hardy-Sabin. This hasn't been a perfect show, but I do like the focus on one match. Oh, and Taz is back to being a heel with the Aces. Roode's out and pissed. This roster feels like it's got 10 guys on it. EC3's out for his match. Dewey Barnes is out. I hope this builds to Shark Boy getting a one-shot. EC3's gear is wacky, but looks star-level. EC3 demolished this poor fucker's shoulder with a Hook and Ladder facebuster drop. Dewey's skin is like fish meat. The headlock driver is called the 1-percenter. That was one shitty name, although I dig the finger gun to the head before it. Joseph Park hunted through a candy bucket but was bullied by Bad Influence. They said he's eaten too much candy corn, but Park said it's okay - candy corn's a vegetable. Tremendous. EY came in and said he was a scientist, then challenged them to a match.

Third ad for WWE 2K14. Actually, I wonder if that Dixie promo backstage could also be about these airing on her TV time. Bad Influence vs. the comedy geeks is match 3 at 10:30, which means this had better end soon because I want the main event to be given time. Taz now mocking Park for having no-budget gear. FLAIR FLIP by EY, complete with a strut. Tenay hyped up the Tourney of Champions show ONLY ON PPV. Or Youtube, which they tell you about on Facebook.  Taz made a reference about avoid pronouns because they're a bad habit. Daniels threatened to use a hammer on EY here in this comedy match. Appletini to the face beat Park. Sabin's walking backstage ready for battle.

They hyped up the Black November sale and Hardy's album - the songs sound terrible from the preview here, but I like the lithographs. Angle's out at 10:40. Dammit - GET TO THE LADDER MATCH! Angle wants Roode, but Aries is out to say that they're facing off in a match next week. Bout time we get some kind of time table on this tournament. Austin's beard looks weird without it being consistent with his hair. THE WHEEL OF DIXIE made it a submission match. Aries and Roode are brawling. Dixie looked so awkward backstage, it was hilarious. Match intros begin at 10:45. Hardy's got a new theme. It's worse than his other ones, and they cut down Hardy's intro for an ad break. What. The. Fuck.

Taz started this by saying that Hardy was X division before there was one, as was Sabu - and the modern-era guys were just following in their footsteps. Way to fucking bury the entire X division in one shot there. Nice Goldust Final Cut neckbreaker off the ropes to Hardy on the ladder - makes me want to download a Sabin CAW for 2K14 and give him that move. Backdrop to the ladder onto Sabin. DON'T TAKE BUMPS ON A FUCKING LADDER IN A TEN MINUTE TV MATCH! Table hinge broke so Hardy had to go around and get another one. Alley Oop into a corner table was turned into a rana by Sabin. Good, I hate that move - you can hit the guy with a powerbomb - JUST DO THAT! Hesitation dropkick with a chair led to the yambag stomp, which Hardy escaped by hitting him with a chair. Well, that's a unique way to get out of it. This ends via pin, right? Because there's nothing above the ring, but they've never said how you win one despite implying it's a TLC match. Hardy missed a splash through the table on the floor, despite Sabin leaving the table before Hardy dove. They're seemingly going to an overrun because it's 10:59 and it feels like they've got at least five minutes worth of spots to work in. Sabin went for a splash through the table, but Hardy got his knees up and the table shattered anyway. So...what good did getting the knees up actually do there? Twist hits. LEAPFROG SWANTON OVER THE LADDER WINS. Holy shit what an awesome finish. Velvet came in with the doctors to check on Sabin.

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  1. " This roster feels like it's got 10 guys on it. " Yeah, that fact was compounded when they filmed next week's show (I was there live) and re-used all the same guys again. I will not spoil anything but that 2nd ep. was a pretty rough go. Angle v. Aries was probably match of the night though

  2. Oh, and Shark Boy, Cincinnati area native, was there but worked a match for Xplosion tapings.

    1. Good for him getting a payday. He'd have been fun to watch on such a filler-filled Impact show.