Monday, July 6, 2015

WWE Raw 7-6-15

Recap of last week's show-opening took age.s Heyman had some great lines in the Brock promo. BROCK IS THE GOD OF somesuch now, and the Mayor of Suplex City. Then we get a wacky Photoshop montage of Kane on vacation and J and J. Ryback faces Show and Miz is on commentary. I predict bad things. I get them. Show at least got a second rope elbow, and man was Miz hilarious running in with little sister slaps. More bad comedy with J and J and Kane, and they left the sticker on the car for J and J.
Paige had a bad match with Brie, who won. Brie's Brie Mode knee missed and somehow hit both Nikki and Alicia - so she should get her knee checked out for massive swelling. Recap of Roman-Bray. Roman's so enraged by this man that he's coming out to fight someone else and take his sweet time doing so. They do some stuff before a break. Post-break chinlock from Sheamus. Bray distracted Roman and he got counted out. Riveting. Orton came down and brawled with Sheamus. The WWE Network is NOW IN ITALY. HHH meets with his adopted son and his son's two friends that he doesn't like, but has to tolerate and make sandwiches for anyway. HHH told Seth he had to avoid violating the 11th commandment, and Seth said he'd call out Brock now.


Rusev badly needs the Russian imagery again. Sure, the Bulgaria stuff makes more sense for the character now, but he looks so less major league. He gets whatted and says HE WON'T APOLOGIZE, HE GIVE US ALL SUMMER! Oh thank God, Rusev appears to be healed up. He beats up Dolph with the crutch to prevent a possible catfight. CAN THEY PLEASE JUST MAKE RUSEV AND LANA AN EVIL RUSSIAN COUPLE AGAIN!? It is so much better for both of them. Rusev kicks ass! More Rusev beatings. MORE I SAY! YES! Rusev could have crushed Dolph's windpipe - thus preventing him from cutting promos AND doing standup comedy!

Bo came out, talks about Dolph, and he's facing Dean. Stellar use of Dean, who loses to main eventers on big show, but by God, he can beat Bo fucking Dallas. Dean beats Bo with his finish. King Barrett's out to face Truth. Joy. Chicago crowd is once again dead. Truth gets the safest crucifix cradle ever for 2. I went to get a soda and missed the finish. Oh well. Rusev-Dolph recap. Seth and J and J come out with the car for the hour two main event segment. Seth came out to talk, but his promo was interrupted by poorly-timed videos that drowned everything out. Brock's out. Now I want to play WrestleMania XIX and have Brock smash cars to bits. Brock gets A PAIR OF AXES and beats the fuck out of this thing. Brock Kimuras Jamie and tosses Joey around. I so want to play the older SmackDown games where you can just toss the fuck out of guys onto shit.

New Day's out to face Lucha Dragons with PTPs on commentary. Titus buries E for at one point wearing a onesie. Dragons do a double dive off the top to the floor, and boy is Sin Cara too old for that. NEW! DAY ROCKS! Abdominal stretch is great. TITUS OWNED JBL in a billion ways. Oh my God he was so great. WWE 2K16 - continuing to let you know that the company's best days are behind it and not ahead. Cena's out for the challenge and with the Dusty special, Cody being the opponent would make sense. They could save Cody's career and yeah, not winning the title would hurt Owens, but he'll be fine without it.

Balor-Owens recap video. Owens comes back out like he did last week. Owens says that every week is the same, but Cesaro says that he wants the match because he didn't win last week because of Owens. Cesaro grinds away on a headlock and gets an uppercut for a break. Cesaro gets 2 and JBL puts over Cesaro being a good US and Tag Team champion. Delayed squat suplex hits for Cesaro. An extended chinlock leads to a break. We come back and Cena gets his comeback, but the fistdrop is countered with A CROSSFACE! Cena gets the STF. Cena powers up from the swing position into a DDT - nice! Hilarious delayed reaction from Cena off a Cesaro dropkick to the top.

Backdrop from Cena to Cesaro into the timekeeper's area. Great bit where Cesaro uses a water bottle to massage his neck a bit. Sharpshooter fails, so Cesaro transitions smoothly into a crossface! NEUTRALIZER HITS FOR 2.9! CESAROPLEX FOR 2! Cena avoids a super Neutralizer, but gets a super AA for the win! Wow. Cesaro was elevated in defeat, and in WWE, it's rare that anyone is elevated in victory.

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