Thursday, June 20, 2013

TNA Impact Wrestling 6-20-13

The cutting for Spike's hype for Impact is terrible. "I'M GONNA CREATE MY OWN...MAIN EVENT MAFIA!" The show starts with Real Estate Steve walking into the building in a swank suit. It's infinitely preferable to wacky paint+t-shirt. Nice BFG Series vid, even though it seems absurd to go from the dramatic ex world champs to...Jay Bradley and Joseph Park. Oh, and it's OFN. 10 of the 12 BFG series guys - everyone but Hardy and Roode, are in the ring so Hulk Hogan, the company's real top star in 2013, can get a big pop. The tie-dye fade blue-to-white Impact Wrestling shirt makes Hogan look fat. Roode's got a new IT FACTOR shirt that looks really low-rent since the font is just the TUF font and there's nothing on the shirt but that. Hardy's now got neck paint, which Taz points out, looks ridiculous. They hyped up last week that the show would START WITH A CALL-OUT, not Hogan blathering on about shit. Why does the callout matter if they're in the ring at the same time now? Hardy won the poll.

Okay, apparently the deal is that the guy who won the poll gets to pick who they call out, I just figured they'd make a stip for Roode-Hardy since they hyped a match between them at some point. Hardy decided to pick Roode, and then a brawl broke out. I'm glad because it ended the nothing speeches, although Daniels had a great few lines, and Hardy's promo made it seem like he had some too.

They replayed everyone fighting for whatever reason. They ran down the BFG series - a DQ loss costs you 10 points while a win gets you 2...that seems unfair. Shockingly, a 50+ year old guy is in the front row in a XXXL Velvet Sky shirt. Anderson began talking, so a fat chick in a Cena shirt started texting instead. Anderson let him do a headlock on him, which was great since Park's the one guy you can do that deal with. Loved Taz saying Ken's almost in slow motion. Nice dropkick to the knee from Anderson. Park got a nearfall for his finisher - the fluke schoolboy. Park hit some nice punches, then did two little shoves and celebrated. Thanks to Doc's help, Anderson was able to pin Park. Rest of the BFG guys are in the back and AJ is literally in the shadows sulking. 

Anderson and DOC argued over being the VP. Jay Bradley's in the ring dressed like a gas station attendant, and called out Aries. I love Bradley's fire and he's good on the mic, but that look makes him look like a bit of a jobber. Aries accepted the challenge and each guy fought like it was a mad dash. Bradley wanted to win quick to guarantee a lead, while Aries wanted to just kick his ass for demanding this. Nice running corner dropkick to the knee from Aries. Boomstick countered into the crucifix driver. Corner dropkick leads to a struggling brainbuster. This was a shockingly good match. Nice MEM vid. Sting's backstage with...grey in his soul patch...yargh.

Sting met with...someone backstage, who shook his hand to accept instead of saying anything. Chavo said something about BRING IT ON, POINTS. COME ON! There's one asshole in the BFG series who pisses him off - Daniels. Tenay tied this into Daniels hitting him with the tag title belt and costing the team the gold - I love that. I also like Daniels's new blue arrow-trim gear. Shoulder tackle to the gut on the apron led to Air Mexico. Hernandez looked so badass doing that, then doing his pose with his mouth all bloody. Low blow led to the BME and a win for Daniels. Why is Brooke Hogan dressed like a chick in Vegas who hangs around high rollers?

Kaz is out to insult the turd burglar and challenge Magnus, who Dixie thinks is cute, teehee giggle. Slick Windhim-style flying lariat from Magnus. Missile dropkick from Kaz led to an iffy transition into the cloverleaf for the win - I'm all for getting new finishers over. Hogan talked on the phone, but decided to CHOKE BULLY RAY, then challenge him to a fight tonight. Bully reminded Hogan of the terrible Impact ending from a couple weeks ago with Brooke stopping Hogan from de-braining Bully. So...yay more of that shit later. Or next, as Brooke is out to address the KOs. I hope she tells them to never interrupt her.

They found a couple of people cheering for her in the crowd. Brooke cannot be heard. EMOVE THE MIC UPWARDS OR TALK LOU-DER! Even the 50 year old guy in Velvet's shirt seems bored by Brooke's cleavage. EY and OBD are out with their belts and the music here is amazingly generic. Everyone but Mickie was out. I have no problem with Mickie demanding to not come out to that shitty generic song. And wow this getup is awesome. Mickie talked about getting a national commercial and how it's not as hard for her to carry the division as it is for Velvet, whose knee is hurt but is not sold or being protected in anyway. ODB was pissed because Brooke talked to EY once...a year and a half ago. EY talked about technically not being a woman. I'm astonished TNA hasn't tried to bring Fallon Fox in to be KO tag champ. EY made use of it being national kissing day...and then his thong slipped out of his pants. Egads. Loved Taz talking about them needing to rent a port-a-john or a hotel. Brooke made Taryn-Gail in a ladder match for Vegas at some unknown time. Also, Mickie-Velvet happens next week. Recap of Sting's stuff earlier. AJ-Joe is up next. YAY! Hulk argued with Brooke and sent her to her hotel with a driver.

They ran down the show tapings, and the Vegas show is next week - so both big KOs matches are then. Then they plugged their TNA ALWAYS EVOLVE app with a PS1 Jeff Hardy character model lifting weights. The close-up shot of him on it is terrifying. Then AJ came out, summoned the emodactyl with the P1 pose, and said he's doing his own thing in a Dark Knight Batman voice while doing stilted '60s Batman speaking patterns. That was unintentionally hilarious. Taz reminded us that he was in the MEM before, and that he's on the e-mail list so he knows there isn't one. Joe kicking AJ's feet out from under him leading to an apron face plant ruled for an ad break.

They came back with Joe doing a sweet head-holding headbutt flurry, and had Christy remind everyone of the time limit. Five minutes left in the 15 minute limit. So we're either getting a draw or a last-second win. Superplex from Joe led to a bodypress counter that looked sick. Punches and high knee combo in the corner for Joe, but AJ locks on the calf killer into the crossface, then the kokina. They've already turned AJ's new finisher into a transitional move. They did...stuff to kill time at the end. Each guy got 2 points for the draw, and led to a LET THEM FIGHT chant. AJ's nose is all busted up, probably from the hook. Bully talked to Brooke on the phone, he was upset that she left. He wants to talk to her TONIGHT. New MEM logo looks cool and the Hardy-Roode match is next.

But first, we got an awesome vid for the Hardcore Justice ONO PPV. Then Hogan talked to the X division jobbers and reminded Sabin that he could cash in his prop for a shot at Bully at D-X on my birthday. Christy called Roode something that sorta sounded like the It Factor. They brawled on the ramp and Taz said that Roode was beating him up LIKE A POSSUM. Tenay's unbelievable WHAT!? ruled here. More hype for the wacky TNA workout app. Hardy gets the Twist, but misses the swanton. This feels like a PPV match on fast forward. Crossface was countered into a crossface for a cradle. Snap Twist gets the win. That was a video game version of their matches with specials maxed out. It's 10:47 and they've still got to fit Bully's deal with Brooke and the MEM reveal in.

Bully came out and talked about 12 guys in the BFG series, and the three X division guys fighting for a shot at his title. It's 10:55 and we're just to him teasing Brooke coming out. This led to Sting coming out with a new, more epic MEM theme. Sting took his suit off to prep for a fight while Bully talked about his family being ready at a  snap of his fingers. Can't wait for the reveal of them KOed in the back. Sting should be the new spokesman for the Men's Wearhouse. Kurt double-legged Bully and made him tap immediately after the Aces that were left were shown out cold. That was pretty cool.

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