Monday, June 17, 2013

Raw 6-17-13

TONS of Punk signs in the crowd tonight judging by the cut-in clips during NCIS. They changed up the PPV hype vid and are now doing a flipbook style for it. It's really epic and made the PPV seem like an all-time classic. Some great shots in it too, including a silly one at the end with Cena mugging. Ricardo and Alberto start the show, which actually makes the world title seem important. Great shots of the Alberto-Dolph match in the graphic. Alberto's back to speaking English poorly and being a prick, which is far better than him being MR MEXICO, THE MOST MEXICAN MAN IN THE HISTORY OF MEXICO. And he's angry at the fans for cheering Dolph instead of him on the post-WM Raw. He's also mad at folks not cheering him, but cheering for some point as well. The angle of Punk and Paul separating has been changed up, as Heyman's out with Punk - who did get a huge pop. Punk looks at least five years younger now. 
Punk wants Alberto tonight, but Heyman insists that his clients don't fight for free...other than when Axel wrestles ALL THE TIME ON FREE TV. This is a fine way to have them break up on TV though, and get Punk into a main event program and make the world title seem like a huge deal again. And the crowd is using the Si chants against Alberto now - this rules. Vickie came out and made the match official - so I guess we'll have Axel cost Punk in some way. Also, Vickie has a surprise for the McMahons - hopefully it's a meeting with Dr. Shelby. And Orton faces Bryan tonight - if it's given time, that should rule. Axel faces Barrett next.

A Did You Know graphic hyped up Classics on Demand for the first time in ages, and lied about it having MSW now. Punk talked to Heyman about how he nearly lost the match due to him, and that he doesn't want him at ringside again. So they basically re-shot the angle on the site. Barrett got a jobber intro. They showed a graphic of Axel's win, complete with Miz making a wacky face. Vickie just came out and cancelled that match to have Christian return. So is Vickie's surprise for Vince that he gets to talk about Christian's stack of dimes neck? Cole talked about Christian's title wins for a second, but spent more time running down all of the networks Raw is on. Tornado DDT hit by Christian, but Cole wasn't sure if it was classic or vintage. Christian won with the Killswitch. So much for Barrett losing the title being a good thing. King called Christian young...despite him pushing 40. Also, you can pick the stip for Bryan-Orton.

Sandow-Sheamus got a recap vid and came off like an awesome little match, with Sandow busting out a baseball slide underneath the bottom buckle and Sheamus hitting THREE IRISH CURSE BACKBREAKERS IN A ROW. So now Sheamus gets to kill BOTH of the Rhodes Scholars in one match - boo. Sheamus busted out the White Noise after a fallaway slam catch - I always love finding new ways to do existing moves. Sheamus basically killed them, but lost via fluke schoolboy while setting up the Brogue Kick. Cody still got kicked though. Cole said it was okay since it made Sheamus feel better. Remember, it's okay to attack people as long as it makes you feel better afterwards. They teased Henry's retirement and hyped A GREAT WWE.COM ARTICLE ON IT. Re-airing of RVD vid from last night. It's amazing to think that he's been gone from WWE since before the HD era began. Really made him seem like an older star of the past than he is.
Brickie met with HHH, who asked why Christian was a surprise when he's been cleared for a month, and which one of them signed RVD when he did. He also buried 3MB. Well, he was a bit of a prick here, but I was amused by him asking what main event Vickie would've made if Punk hadn't come out when Alberto was out there. They showed a tag title match graphic recapping that match, and the pose Orton is in makes him look like Emma. Bryan and Kane argued, and Bryan broke up the team so he could be WWE Champion, and Kane called him a DB after talking about Team DB. This ruled. Orton-Bryan is up next, TYPE TO TAP ON THE APP!

They recapped Bryan making the Shield lose for the first time in 6-man tag action, which is great since Bryan came off like a huge deal there. They showed Orton saying words boringly ON THE APP. Now you can watch him not emote on two screens instead of one. Bryan is back to being all YES, which is great, and they showed a fan with a giant fake beard and his shirt on in the crowd. THE UNIVERSE voted no DQ. Cole thanked THE UNIVERSE and THE WWE APP for allowing a no DQ match. They picked great stip possibilities here. Orton kicked the shit out of Bryan in the corner with some mudhole stomps. HOLY SHIT, THE WAR GAMES DVD IS OUT NEXT WEEK! Calgary Crab from Bryan. Orton did a clothesline on the floor and favored his knee afterwards. I hope he didn't step wrong or something. They hyped up RVD, and how HHH IS RESPONSIBLE FOR BRINGING RVD BACK. That is quite hilarious. Suicide dive got side-stepped by Orton, but not in that cool Samoa Joe don't-give-a-fuck way. Bryan took a hell of a bump on the barricade there. And JBL called weapons toys again. Despite the Axel-Cena rematch ending via count out in a no DQ match, the ref never bothered counting when they were on the floor. They went to a break with Orton throwing him in the ring.

Superplex attempt by Orton was countered with some forearms and a headbutt before the missile dropkick. No DQ is trending worldwide. YES kicks got countered into the exploder, which didn't come off perfectly as Bryan landed on his right arm badly. Orton did a low blow, leading to Cole asking if that could be a a no DQ match. The arm injury ended this for Bryan, so Orton won after they did a mini-version of the Alberto-Dolph story last night. This was definitely underwhelming, but understandable if it's a legit injury. Orton consoling Bryan after the loss looked hilarious.

According to Diddy, bullying is bad. Unless you're Sheamus, Vince, or HHH. Actually, since this is a cyber-bullying ad, maybe it doesn't apply to them. Great recap of Alberto being an asshole to start the show. They showed AJ-Kaitlyn stuff from last night, and oddly focused on Kaitlyn's acting. There's no diva as strong and smart as AJ according to her, so I guess Beth is coming back. Or Steph, because there's no one smarter or stronger than her. Loved AJ going "HI BOSS LADY!" to Steph. Steph is against women being degraded on TV...cue the Trish-Vince bit. And in case you forgot, STEPH IS A MCMAHON, as her tron indicated. She's also the ruler of the queendom. Steph then bullied AJ for saying she's younger than Steph. Kaitlyn came out to confront AJ, but was instead leered at by Steph and Steph buried all the woman saying they shouldn't dare interrupt her. Kaitlyn looks like she's losing her balance in a ball pit or something trying to attack AJ. Kane gets a rematch against Ambrose...I guess because he only lost via countout or something.
Bryan update is that he's still being evaluated, and could have nerve some body part or another. Cole wasn't specific. Shield came out to cost Kane the match. I'm fine with this - Ambrose was wronged having to defend the title against Kane again. Cole talked about HHH demanding SOMEONE do something about them. That had damn well better not lead to him coming out to kill all three guys. Mark met with the PTPs and Tamina in an amazing pink suit jacket that could cover a small car. The Shield met with Brickie backstage, which should never happen again because the Shield comes off as a bit of joke near these guys. Vince met with them in a glorious purple suit. He loves them...but HHH hates them...YAY MORE MCDRAMA! SOCIAL MEDIA IS TALKING ABOUT THE WYATT FAMILY, and they need to stop talking about the group like that because it makes them seem like just another cookie-cutter group with a different coat of paint to the presentation.

Zeb's out. WE ARE AT WAR! And war causes unusual alliances, like Zeb and Swagger's alliance with Cesaro - a man who speaks FIVE LANGUAGES, including the most important one - English. Cesaro's out to face Regal - YAY! JBL talked about Zeb liking "Ree-nee" Young. Cesaro's all-white getup looks a bit ridiculous. They never actually talked about the match, which was a shame since Cesaro did some swank stuff, including a delayed butterfly suplex counter, A SWINGING SLEEPER, and the Neutralizer for the win. Commentary sucked, but the match was very good.

Cena's out to cut a top of the hour promo. He FEELS GOOD ONE DAY AWAY FROM TUESDAY. I guess because he won't be on SD. Hashtag RVD is trending worldwide. Tremendous. Cena is happy because EVERYONE IN THE BUILDING IS HERE BECAUSE THEY LOVE THE WWE! HE EVEN LOVES THE FOLKS WHO DON'T LIKE HIM, God bless 'em! But instead, he wants to talk to the people who love him. He's saying a bunch of words. None of them seem to serve much of a purpose. Now he's talking about MITB and how whoever cashes in won't have an edge CUZ HE'LL ALWAYS BE READY. Henry came out with his boots in hand. He's soaking in the cheers, telling Cena he can let his guard down and there's something he wants to tell him - all the boys, and girls in the back. AND ALL Y'ALL IN THE AUDIENCE! Even the fat guy in the tie dye shirt. This was the best fake retirement speech ever, playing it to the hilt fully - talking about his family for the first time on-air, saying he'd be home...and then whooping that ass with a world's strongest slam. Everything about this after Henry came out ruled.
Henry called everyone fools for believing him and said he had two boots with him CUZ ONE WAS FOR CENA'S REAR END. Then Jericho came out to face Slater, while Cole recapped the networks Raw is on for the second time tonight. Henry and the world's strongest slam are trending worldwide on Twitter. JBL called the Codebreaker by Storm's name for it, and then Jericho hit Drew with it. It was sold gloriously, and Drew's black and hot pink pleather pants rule. Heyman is fine with being THE BEST FRIEND OF THE BEST IN THE WORLD! And his client is a man who was born to be better than perfect. 

Sheamus interrupted man-humping in a restuarant to Brogue kick a guy and date a his gear. This was to hype up 1-800 FELLA. Miz was out to be annoying and observe Axel beating Sin Cara for the third time. Miz, like a babyface, just whined a lot after losing fairly. JBL hyped up Axel and Curt Hennig as the first father-son combo to win the IC Title. Axel won with a DDT, and Miz slow-clapped. I can't wait to see Axel beat this douche.

Ambrose-Bryan is SCHEDULED for Friday, which led to them bringing up the injury from earlier. Vince hyped up Brickie, leading to Henry-Cena being announced at the PPV and HHH, Steph, and Vince bickering. Steph sounds like she's got a bigger dick than either of them. Heyman met with Punk and told him he loved him and that he is THE BEST IN THE WORLD! Cole talked about "Which McMahon or HHH would you listen to?" There's more than one HHH!?

They came back with Ricardo endlessly clapping for Alberto - awesome. JBL knocked Punk for telling Heyman to stay backstage when he guided him to his 434 day reign...or at least over half of it. Buzzsaw death kick got 1. The commentators bickered amongst themselves for eons. Nice running kick to the arm while Punk was in the ropes. Not sure it should really lead to an ad break, but whatever. It did lead to a Last of Us ad, and that game is amazing. I'm surprised at how much later-game footage is in the ad, but none of it prevents the story from sucking you in while you're playing. Bryan apparently suffered a stinger, but it won't prevent him from facing Ambrose on SD. And Bryan apparently got pissed at HHH backstage, which could've been fun to see thanks to the dueling beards.

Forearm>backstabber combo THAT NEVER WINS MATCHES "could have been enough" according to Cole. Since when? This match is really by the numbers stuff. GTS led to a countout win for Punk when Alberto chose to leave. Dolph came out in a Sonny Crockett season getup of a black pants/suit jacket combo with mango shirt. This led to Punk standing in the ring while BROCK LESNAR sauntered down the aisle. Brock came in, grabbed the mic and instead of saying anything, just threw it down and F5ed the hell out of Punk. Well, they seem to be doing SOMETHING to tease a three-way for the world title at MITB, so Brock-Punk could still work out perfectly for Summerslam.

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