Thursday, June 6, 2013

TNA Impact 6-6-13

There's a chance of Hogan cutting a promo on gizmos plus Rampage being all batshit crazy. Should be great trainwreck TV. The PPV recap show made it seem like you missed an awesome show - and put over the KOs match nicely. Angle in the HOF also seemed like a big deal and it made you want to buy the show ASAP. Bully coming down and staring down a guy in a wheelchair with an Anvil beard was something. Bully brought up Sting being jumped at last year's Slammiversary by the Aces - something they should've mentioned before the show to make it seem a bigger deal. Bully said there were no more heroes, which led to Hogan coming out, getting some amazing cheap pops with "ATLANTA" and Bully demanding he not do it anymore. So he didn't, but instead made Bully-Hardy in a MONSTER LADDER MATCH! With a hammer hanging instead of a belt or case. Oh, and next week is the selection show for the BFG Series. Okay vid for the deal, and then Chavo called Hernandez "man" about a billion times in an annoying promo. Oh, and apparently they're each in the series despite the selection show happening next week.

Instead of shooting videos to hype up the ShopTNA site, they're now just showing T&A KO photos to do so. Turns out Chavo's facing Hernandez tonight to...get into the BFG selection deal or something. Follow Dixie on Twitter to find out about signings, or you can friend Brock on Facebook and see its handler post upcoming feud plans for him. Great face vs. face match here, as they just did holds and moves without trying to hurt - but focusing on a win. Hernandez missed his gorgeous belly flop splash, but Chavo hit a nice standing somersault senton I don't remember him using much. Chavo hit the amigos, but strangely, they didn't have him block the third and do his 20 minute delayed suplex. Instead, he just chucked him into the ropes, got countered and koppo kicked. Stacked cradle got the win for Supermex. This was Hernandez's best solo outing since his big push a few years back. Rampage walked backstage and who did he meet for his first on-screen TNA appearance? SIMON FUCKING DIAMOND. With a grey beard and pink shirt. Thankfully, GunStorm was there too.

AT THE TOP OF THE HOUR, Rampage will be live in the ring. Taz called Devon's title loss a travesty and misjustice. Devon's promos really haven't evolved a lick since '97. He's still doing the SHUT DA HELL UP bit. Joseph Park came out, and he's got a really fat ass. He did some hilarious ground and pound before getting massacred by Devon by golly. Park fiddled with his gear before going into the post. He came up with the fake mouth blood deal, but when Abyss's theme hit, they had Devon say HE'D GO FIND HIS ASS, BITCH! backstage. I can't wait to see that beating.

Christy's cleavage brought out Robbie, whose theme had the fans in the building (and me) pumping their fists to it. He came off huge here. Then he cut an awesome promo about being the MVP of the BFG tourney last year, beating Hardy and getting FIVE POINTS BRO. He might get 20,000 tonight. I bet not. New color scheme for Joe, with black and yellow making him look like a killer Samoan bee. Joe murderkilled him gloriously. VINTAGE JOE squash match here. They hyped up Rampage more and showed a bit of the Angle vid that will apparently be shown in full next.

They showed Gail kicking Velvet's leg out of her leg last week. Mickie said...something to Velvet that couldn't be heard because of terrible audio mixing. To make up for not helping her, Mickie got her a lotto scratcher. SHE COULD WIN $25,000! They should send Ion one of those so he could win $25,000. Tenay hyped up the PPV replay on TNAOnDemand and on PPV too. All of the '96 stuff for the Angle vid made his rapid aging even more apparent. Rampage is up in 6 minutes, so a long break is up. That part was underwhelming, but this felt like something important and TNA has badly needed that.

They replayed the Angle-Rampage deal, which they damn well should have since it's such a big deal. Bully and Ken met in the to a staircase. Anderson wants to be VP. 1. Why wouldn't Bully just make Devon that, and why does being the VP of an imaginary biker gang matter? Roode's the one guy on his team that looks like a star since King largely looks like a prelim guy and Aries's gear looks like shit and he doesn't have his cape. Christy didn't fuck up Aries's name, but did "and Zoidberg" Sabin. Also, his belt's gold looks super-faded compared to the tag gold. Really good stuff here, although I could do without Roode and Aries doing the slingshot>wacky hopping elbow double team due to Aries doing a few wacky things that shouldn't be done when the idea is a move needs to be done with urgency. Tenay called Gunner Mr. Intensity, which sounds awful. I much prefer Taz's "pitbull" moniker. Sabin and Aries did some stuff, so maybe Aries will be Sabin's opponent at the Destination X show. Sabin pinned King here with the All Hail Sabin, so that appears to be all done. Mickie was backstage in super-short shorts bragging to unseen people about being champ - her match is next.

But first, Knux and Devon went into a wacky dark room. Then they showed an epic replay video of the KOs match that showcased every big spot in it. Taryn talked with Booke's giant boobs and giant red lips about wanting a title shot. And oh, she may or may not be in love with Bully still. Mickie came out for her match with Hendrix, who's got some great gear. I love Mickie's giant fake clapping deal. She's added in a GIANT THUMBS UP too. I loved Taz saying if Brooke Hogan put you in a headlock, she'd smother you. Taeler got a giant Yes chant that Taz took credit for. Mickie suffered an injury out of nowhere, but it luckily healed itself in mere seconds before a hook kick win. Knux and Devon's search led to a wacky silhouette attack.

Replay of the Bully-Sting vid from earlier led to Sting's tweeting about "being alone", so he gets to be emo again. Next week, Angle-AJ happens again and Bad Influence faces the tag champs in a tag team BFG series match. Another replay of the Rampage-Angle deal. Hardy's out for the ladder match, which will be getting maybe 15 minutes here. Hardy jumped Bully while he was chatting with Taz. Hardy's showing a ton of fire here - I dig him doing this wacky pose...could've done without the air humping, before a lariat off the apron. Great spot there. Bully regained control by smacking Hardy's leg into the apron before a break.

They came back with Bully dropping some big headbutts to Jeff's chest in the corner. According to Taz, "Hardy has heart, BUT BULLY'S GONNA RIP IT OUT AND EAT IT. RIGHT HERE ON SPIKE!". That'd be something. Bully screaming "I DON'T NEED A HAMMER" before Taz said "or a mic" ruled. This led to an earcup and giant "HI DAD" handwave. This was ruling fine until Bully had to do a hop over the ladder to set up the ladder being kicked into his nuts. This led to a great "MY BALLS!" bellow from the champ. Bully won, but Hardy got the hammer after a twist and then collapsed on the ramp. Bully hobbled to the back where Hogan planned to de-brain him with a hammer before Brooke yelled no and Bully scurried away again. This was indeed something.

Screens -

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