Jericho-Big E came off like a big deal thanks to the opening vid.
Holy crap, the PPV is only in two days. Tag title match feels important,
while the U.S. Title match feels like something on the card. I loved
how Bryan worked both YES and NO logically into the promo and putting
over his title wins over the past year or so. I loved them having a
wacky breakup and Bryan calling Kane the weak link. Orton being fine
with Kane chokeslamming Bryan...except for it hurting his match on
Sunday ruled too. The Shield taking pride in causing this disarray was
good too. This didn't set up anything new, but was an awesome use of 12
minutes anyway. Sheamus is walking around backstage, preparing to come
out and be an asshole.
Or to face Cesaro, who sadly
got no intro and even did the generic jobber hand raise. I love
Sandow-Sheamus getting more and more build now that it's a pre-show
match. Also dug Sandow putting Cesaro over as a man who knows five
languages. At least someone's trying to put him over. Cesaro and Sheamus
done hit each other hard. Twas great. Zeb cut a promo ON THE APP...and
they just showed him pointing. I sure hope the app has him saying words
aloud. Sheamus's style is now "catch as catch can". Maybe that's Texas
for clubberin. Cesaro was taken out with a nice shot into the barricade
leading to an ad break. They came back with some body blows and Cole
called a basic Bret Hart backbreaker was now the Irish Curse. Zeb feels
that both Cesaro and Renee are the "good kind" of immigrants. So he's
now basically a slave-owner who approves of his negros as long as they
don't cause problems. JBL suggested they have this match in a phone
booth. I've seen a shark cage match, and it was awful. Then again, it
also involves Strongbow.
Sheamus's shoulder is covered
in blood, which explains why the ref had gloves on when they came back.
OUTSIDE-IN IRISH CURSE BACKBREAKER got two. I love that spot and demand
it be featured in the games from now on. Modified version of Sean
O'Haire's WWE finisher slam got two, but seemed really impressive due to
how big Sheamus is. Brogue kick got the win. This vastly exceeded my
expectations since I figured Cesaro would just be squashed. Somehow,
Sheamus OVERCAME THE ODDS. How that happened in a straight-up one on one
match with no interference I have no idea. Sheamus paid too much
attention to the ring and not enough to his surroundings, as Sandow was
able to sneak up and attack him from behind on the ramp. Gorgeous shots
of Punk are building up a return hype vid, and would look way cooler
without the giant NEXT graphic on them.
Bray Wyatt is
going to be something else when he hits TV. According to Cole, TWO OF
THE WORDS THE WWE UNIVERSE IS USING TO DESCRIBE THE WYATT FAMILY ARE
UNSETTLING AND INTRIGUED. Less bullshit like that and more vids. Punk
video ruled. THE BEST IN THE WORLD RETURNS on Sunday. Shame it's a day
after a UFC show. Teddy got a call in the HARDEES BACON CHEESE
THICKBURGER control center, but was interrupted by Dolph's posse. Big E
ate his burger and he was sad. Not sure why he didn't just eat the other
burger on the table, or why he acted surprised seeing A COMPLETELY
PREPARED MEAL in the room he was in. Maybe the burger fairies made it
appear out of thin air or something. Khali wrestles next. Also, there's a
Last of Us ad, which is far better than any Khali match not involving
Finlay or Cena.
Slater's facing Khali, and Drew's new
wacky baseball shirt rules. Slater being in designer jeans is a nice
change, and Cole talking about how hard things are for Khali was sad. He
has to buy himself three seats to fly. At least Vince is helping him
make as much money as possible before he has to retire. Kane and Bryan
are having a muted argument ON THE APP. I'm not sure what's worse -
muting the audio so it doesn't detract from TV, or not muting it and
making it so you can't hear what's supposed to make you want to watch
the app. Thanks to some help and a reverse DDT, Slater won. Holy shit.
Alberto/Jericho vs. Big E/Dolph is up next.
Dolph's
concussion was brought to us in replay form by Hardee's. It's great that
WWE has this money rolling in, but good lord they come off like TNA did
during the BROUGHT TO YOU BY MORPHOPLEX era. Lilian's now introing
Ricardo introing Alberto, which is getting the ALBERTTOOOO part over to a
variety of balding middle-aged men. They added in some terrible ADR
hyping up Nikki Bella being a judge on some pageant on NBC this weekend.
Dolph is also on the JBL and Cole show on WWE's Youtube show. I liked
JBL bringing back the idea of Big E wanting the gold, and saying he
didn't become one of the top power-lifters without having a big ego.
Jericho going for chops on Big E seems like it should be sold like a
headbutt on a Samoan. Nice bodyblows by Big E. Heels bailed from the
faces to lead to a break.
Wedge E. was taken out with a
baseball slide from dropkick. Terrible ADR job plugging some WWE.com
article. Massive leaping bodyblock from Langston took Jericho down. Rude
Awakening, complete with hip swivel, got 2 for Dolph. Alberto's stolen
Orton's clothesline>clothesline spot, but with a tilt a whirl
backbraker instead of a powerslam. Dolph took about three bumps for the
backbreaker. Alberto cradled Dolph to win the tag match, so he's not
winning on Sunday. Chicago is ONE OF THE BEST WWE UNIVERSE TOWNS
according to JBL. Good lord. I hated that phrase when Punk said it on
Austin's last DVD, and it's still terrible. Kaitlyn's cleavage is ready
for action next.
But first, THE WWE APP HAS BEEN
DOWNLOADED SIX MILLION TIMES. And Jericho needs to talk with Renee Young
about Punk. He talked about his WWF debut in Chicago, so it won't be as
pro-Punk as some may think. Heyman offered a handshake, which was
declined. Loved him saying good luck, and saying that Jericho will in
fact need it...before SHOUTING THAT CM PUNK IS THE WINNER OF THE MATCH
AND THE BEST IN THE WORLD! Aksana's sax music showed her as the
opponent, while Big E's humilation of Kaitlyn was replayed. Kaitlyn
girl-slapped the ref, who was terrified and then she got DQed for a hard
slap. This was hilarious, and the close-ups of Kaitlyn's lips were
terrifying. Five millionth recap of the Ryback-Cena deal. I cannot wait
for this feud to end so it will just be over. Ryback calling himself
Satan just reminds me of South Park's version, since he's impossible to
take seriously. His promo are hilarious, and he gets title shots by either losing or not winning major matches.
Curtis
Axel's match is sponsored by Hardee's. This product placement deal has
to go. "The Undefeated" Curtis Axel faces a mystery man next. Him using
Lashley's intro pose doesn't seem to fit him at all. The SUPER BACON
SLAM presents a video showing Miz beating Cody and Axel being brought in
to build up the IC Title match. Holy shit, WADE BARRETT, THE IC
CHAMPION got a jobber intro. DID YOU KNOW THAT THE HARDEE'S BACON THICK
BURGER HAS SIX STRIPS OF BACON, THAT'S BACON IN EVERY BITE! This is
truly ridiculous. I liked Barrett appealing to Heyman's business side to
avoid facing Axel tonight. Goddammit, Miz is out with a mic. Miz took
this Hardee's-presented match as a chance to plug Starbucks and make
jokes with a lisp before breaking into a Homer-esque FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.
It is absolutely impossible to like Miz's character. They talked about
how great it would for Axel to win the IC Title on father's day. AWESOME
story there. Shame they're telling it when he's a heel. Axel won with
the not-McGullicutter, before getting hit with the Finale from behind.
Barrett came off as such a jobber there. DID YOU KNOW THE WWE UNIVERSE
REFERRED TO THE WYATT FAMILY AS UNSETTLING!? Another great Wyatt vid
aired. They're coming - time to run from the eater of worlds. The videos
rule, but having Cole do his forced bullshit hurts the build. YAY
SHIELD IS OUT TO BE AWESOME! A very cute brunette jumped up and down
when Ambrose was in front of her. GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY, THIS MATCH IS
BROUGHT TO US BY HARDEE'S. Fucking hell.
Babyfaces got no intro beyond the crowd yelling YES constantly. I'm fine
with that. Cole oddly talked about the "storyline of this match" and
JBL pointed out how it's the exact same each and every time. Nice dragon
sleeper from Ambrose led to knees to the face as a counter. Babyfaces
in peril lead to an a break. An outstanding Punk-Jericho video aired that made it seem truly epic - it was aided quite a bit by lacking any logos on it. JBL oddly talked about the Shield breaking Team Hell No up...as they were in a match with them. Cole hyped up the Shield taking out the Rock, while JBL brought up Taker not being seen since they destroyed him.
Sideslam from Kane got a 2 - as noted by a fan with a giant 2 sign. Bryan got the tag and beat the fuck out of everyone. Double dive onto the champs, then he dropkicked Rollins TWICE in the corner - once standing and the other with him against the middle ropes. MMA elbows prevented Ambrose from knocking Bryan off the top, where his diving headbutt missed. Bryan appears to have a scar on his chest now. RKO countered into the Reigns spear. Spear to Kane on the floor led to him getting chucked into the timekeeper's area where Ambrose was chokeslammed into. Then Rollins dove into an RKO>No Lock. This wasn't the Shield's best match, but holy crap did it ever come off like a big deal that the Shield lost. Every secondary title match that they're involved in feels like a main event level match with major importance, which is more than I can really say for the WWE Title match right now. Bryan is easily the hottest act in the company and the best in-ring babyface they've had since HBK retired.
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