TNA Impact 10-31-13

I'm not sure what to make of the music for the Angle-Roode hype. It's got a Western twang to it that doesn't fit anything. They recapped THE WORLD CHAMPION LEAVING THE COMPANY. Dixie's in like a Halloween-colored librarian's outfit. Loved the dude blowing kisses when Dixie said AJ took her title. Dixie just let AJ take the belt and the car. AJ'S GOING TRAILER TO TRAILER TRICK OR TREATING SAYING HE'S WORLD CHAMP. I demand a skit of this. Dixie said that it's not AJ's title, and she needs a REAL WORLD CHAMPION. Well, Flair's not around. I like her saying she wants to find a guy who can make the company even bigger, as opposed to saying just big. 8-man tourney to crown a new champ, made up of 7 former world champs. Everyone came out and got a little video package after Dixie said their name. This part was clunky due to the placement of the videos, but the packages were good. I'd forgotten that Aries got a big confetti celebration for his win. Bully and Brooke came out. She's got some fine fuck me boots. The 8th slot will be filled by the winner of a gauntlet for the gold. Dixie said Bully wasn't going to be in this since he lost to AJ twice. Anderson ran down in street clothes looking like a schmuck.

ShopTNA ad featured Gail and Velvet in MK cosplay and hyped up the Black November Blowout - aka, the one time of year to buy stuff from ShopTNA. You can get an 8x10 of Brook's ass for a buck. Speaking of which, Brooke's ass berated Anderson, and Bully jumped him. They blurred Bully whipping Anderson to make it seem more violent. Christy's dressed in the world's brightest mad hatter outfit. BroMans have a new theme. It's still terrible. Odd to have Storm in both the tag title match and the world title picture, although that could just be due to how low it makes Storm feel. Taz said the Modern-Day Viking should be in Vikings colors. Tenay said that was a stupid thing to ask of MISTER INTENSITY. This man badly needs better nicknames. Okay tag match. Dug the return of the Warrior-Rude ending with Robbie holding Storm's leg down after a suplex. Sting met with Dixie in her office, which is a hum going throughout it. Dixie told him she'd lift Sting's ban on the world title tonight because the fans want it, and since he's still got it, he can go out first! He said he never felt entitled, and she asked if that meant yes in the greatest way ever.

Recap of Abyss's return, and it led to Bad Influences as Holmes and Watson. They said they'd find Abyss and solve the mystery of the missing TV Title. They should just give it to EC3, who is out to kill a jobber. He's got new black and blue gear that looks a bit better than his purple stuff. This dude desperately needs some entrance gear - he comes off like the Pope sans the swank gear. NORV VERNUM returned. Big BFG rematch. Horribly-done VO work from Tenay to hype up the Bellator show after Impact. Love EC3 no-selling the TWO FLYING SHOULDER TACKLES. Headlock driver with a flip bump. This was a fun murderdeathkill squash. Roode met with the doctor to explain to him why Kurt shouldn't wrestle him tonight. Roode said that for Kurt's safety, he wants to make sure that he's cleared by this dude. Sting walked backstage for his gauntlet. It's next. LOL. WWE 2K14 ad with  Hogan.

ODB's giant boobs were on-screen and met by Bad Influence. EY said Joseph isn't there, BUT IT'S A GREAT NIGHT FOR MONSTERS! Kaz sure did change quickly, because he's out for the gauntlet. Sting hit a suplex and got a "you still got it" chant. Knux is out...break time! EY's out. Hell of a showcase for Knux there. Taz said that people in Utah were weird, had 90 wives, and the altitude was terrible! TREMENDOUS punches from Daniels in the corner. Love Tenay burying Taz for rambling. ANOTHER AD BREAK, at 9:55. Manik's out and finally gives this match something noteworthy - a springboard dive onto Daniels. Hot damn - the XStravaganza DVD is only $5! Also, you can buy Kurt's wacky flag glasses! LOL at Taz - "I gotta get out of this club. THIS CLUB SUCKS!" It's down to Bad Influence versus the Mafia. Magnus got rid of Sting and Kaz. This...should have felt like a big deal, but didn't. They weren't kidding about the DVD deal - EVERY DVD is only $5. They showed Taz and Tenay with maybe $5 in Halloween decorations on and around the table. Gail's in the back with Tapa - her match is next. Another WWE 2K14 ad. Also, a great one for the next season of Moonshiners.

Dixie hyped up the brackets and A LITTLE SUMTHIN SUMTHIN. Also, THE WHEEL OF DIXIE! Tapa's theme is awesome, but sadly not on sale on TNA's site. ODB's on fire, and now has a bionic vagina. Taz is on a different world here. More bad VO work hyping up Turning Point. Between these shows and the Bellator deal, it really makes Spike as a whole seem low-rent. Great headscissors from Gail, but it got countered into a half-crab. Pretty hot one too since Gail's no-ass was hanging out. Super-sloppy front suplex hit from ODB, but Tapa's distraction allowed Gail to get a rollup win. Bad Influence bragged about putting on their OFFICIAL detective clothing, they've solved the mystery, and the fans have permission to worship them!

They hyped up "Where Action Never Ends", sadly without the clip of Brooke twerking. Daniels grabbed a pumpkin from under the ring, which led to Taz slightly burying it. That hot Brooke ass 8x10 isn't on the ShopTNA site yet - BOO! EY's out dressed like Joseph Park. Taz said he smelled like wet mayo in the sun. Egads. Abyss came out to end this silliness. He hit the slam on both members of Bad Influence. This was not great. A fan held up a Bring Back the TV Title sign. Holy crap, I completely forgot about Angle-Roode. What a bizarre show to have that match on. Better Sex ad hyped up a discount code for toys and porno.

They showed the brackets for the TNA World title tourney. Dixie showed off THE WHEEL OF DIXIE for the Sabin-Hardy match. It came up with a ladder match to show that Dixie's nice or something. Sabin looks like a low-budget douchebag. Nice video for the Roode-Angle match. I noticed that they put some white curtains on the entrance area - looks super cheap. Fine match so far - I liked Angle's quick roll out of the crossface. Nice elbow-raking abdominal stretch from Roode. Taz said the triple Germans were "crippling.". So weird to sorta hear a Benoit reference on TV. Crossface from Roode turned into the ankle lock - nice. Crucifix into another cradle, back into the crossface. Turned into an Angle slam! This is better than their PPV match. DEATH VALLEY DRIVER from Roode. Don't recall him ever doing that before, and it was a nice variant of it too since it ended like a neckbreaker. Grapevined ankle lock, but Roode got the ropes. Pop-up belly to belly got 2 after Angle draped his arm, but he stopped moving afterwards. Then he started convulsing. Ref called it. Roode won via TKO and they replayed the suplex. This was an effective deal, but really makes Kurt seem beyond over the hill. 

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http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/4zfq14b5htl6hs10ugqgl8zy6y0r7r8b

Raw 10-28-13

Before the show, they showed the HBK superkick and then Cole asked FIND OUT WHY HBK WILL BE HERE. Um...to talk about the superkick YOU JUST SHOWED!? Also, Cena will start the show and there's a fan with a Bryan beard pumpkin sign. Hilarious bit where Heyman is shown in pain while Cole says THIS MUST FEEL GOOD FOR PUNK! Ryback-Punk gets a rematch tonight, with a fan-approved stip. King said IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE WE'VE SAID THE CHAMP IS HERE. Yup. 2 whole months. "I'M BAAAAACCKKKK!" compete with a goofy facial expression. He's going off on JBL for saying he was coming back too soon. JBL mentioned it every now and then. Hardly enough to focus the promo around him. Also -  he was concerned for your safety, asshole. Oh, and Cena's apparently going to be working SD as well. John Cena looks a bit ridiculous cutting this intense promo in all-pink. Cena then laid out a challenge to Orton, and rapped. The Cenation runs the show. Sandow came out and said IT'S IMPOSSIBLE for Cena to be healthy. So yeah, he's losing. Sandow teased a cash-in, said he wouldn't, beat the arm to death with the case. Crowd's going crazy for Sandow here - well, relative to their usual reaction. He trapped the arm on the steps and smashed him with a chair. Ad break before the match began, but after the cash-in. Seems like poor timing.

AFTER the break, Cena's still in the ring and waiting for the cash-in to start while the ref asked him if he could fight.  Cole said Cena underwent surgery the day after Summerslam...so during Raw then?! Ad break after moves like elbows and a suplex. They came back with more arm work. He's got the Cenation pink armband underneath his protective gear. AA hits, but Sandow got to the floor. They're teasing a doctor stoppage. Doc asked him, and Cena just waved him off, and...the Doc just left. Terminoose got 2. You're Welcome countered for a 2. "You're Welcome" was a bad catchphrase and makes for a worse finisher name. Sandow debuted the crossface, which would make a far better finisher. Countered into an AA attempt, then the full nelson slam for a dramatic...2 count. "THIS IS AWESOME" was called the ultimate form of respect. Flying crossbody missed, giving Cena another obstacle to overcome and he did - after another AA. This started off iffy, but got really good. Shield promo in the back. Big E-Ambrose later. Love Ambrose putting him over by saying he'd buy stock in the guy - and that he's a human bulldozer. He said HE'S GOT THE ONLY TITLE IN THE SHIELD, leading to get a death stare from the other guys. DO NOT FUCKING BREAK THESE GUYS UP.

Punk-Ryback hype. What the fuck is the difference between a street fight and falls count anywhere match? Langston looks like a badass with the stitched-up wound under his eye. They went a few minutes before the other Shield guys cost him the match.  I'm astonished they didn't cost Ambrose the title. Maddox made this a holla holla six-man. Cole brought up Show by saying "Speaking of the Big Show...", which no one was doing. TREMENDOUS Terry Funk-esque selling of a kick from an Uso by Ambrose. He fell like a tree...slowly...onto his ass. Intense spinebuster from the Uso with double arm sleeves. DOUBLE SPEAR BY REIGNS gets the win. Holy crap. This was short but sweet. Reigns continued the death glare the win when they focused on Ambrose. HBK explains himself next.

Could Shawn have any more crap on his wrists right now? It looks like the back of a car with 1,000 bumper stickers. Loved the middle-aged Punk fan going crazy with a "you sold out" chant. HHH is his best friend AND THAT'S NEVER EVER GONNA CHANGE. Unless he sledgehammers him in the spine again. HBK made a great case for saving HHH because he was there for him in his darkest hour. You screwed Bryan chant broke out. Loved HBK getting pissed and calling him a little puke for refusing the handshake. He reached for it, teased it, THEN LOCKED IN THE YES LOCK! Then Coel blandly exposited everything. Cannot wait for the actual match though - should be awesome. Timing-wise, it feels like it should happen at Survivor Series, but seems like a waste until HBK's coming back as a semi-regular until WM. No more shots of the top of Shawn's head please. He'd better do that match before God takes his hair away. The Rock tops the top 5 superstars on Twitter.

Renee interviewed Bryan, but stopped when...the Wyatts video played. And then they beat him up. Goddamnnit. Now he's back to Team Hell No AND we're not getting HBK-Bryan at that show either. IT'S VEGA! TWO VEGAS! DOS VEGAS! They're out to face 3MB. Oh boy. At least Heath has a giant fish net with him. It's 2-on-3. Not like it'll matter. JBL kept going on about El Torito being kidnapped since they've got him in a different outfit. Heath's got some titties on him. Fire extinguisher to the face. Butt gore,  double something or other for the win. Heath got put in his own net, then hit with a TRIPLE SPRINGBOARD headbuttblock by the bull.  They showed the app tutorial - in case you have something with apps and don't know how to find or install them.

A silly Dolph-VOed ad about breast cancer awareness aired - I did like that it said to get screened, but the rest of this was too goofy for such a serious issue. Recreate WWE's most famous matches with Power Slammer figures...how? The figures just seem to spin around a ton. Brie's being forced to compete in a tag against AJ and Tamina by the Authority. TREMENDOUS bump by Brie off the top for Tamina. Brie's outfit is something out of Rumble Roses. Tamina struggling to get Nikki's tits overhead into a Samoan drop. Super-snug Black Widow for the win. Kane returns next against the Miz. Zero setup for this from the announcers.

It got a recap...after the break with stills from the PPV. FUCKING SERIOUS MIZ...in his pink shirt. Miz is either in pain or needs to take a shit."Miz is a former WWE Champion - HE'S NOT A WALK IN THE PARK!". Hilarious. Chokeslam after a couple of minutes of action. Well, that wound up being a walk in the park. Kane was blown up and demanded Steph come out. I can't wait for Dixie to get a knock-off of Steph's theme. Love Steph cutting a promo with Glenn Jacobs. "The Monster is Yours to Unleash.". That was hilarious. And then he just unmasked and she held it up like a severed head.

PTPs shilled merch. TO said that DY couldn't catch, then he held up a Divas title. Subtle. Free shipping with the promo code PTP. Otunga's site video aired - so I think he's a face now. Punk cut a promo on the Ryback match and didn't lead for any particular option. Results and the match after the break. Okay, there's no good reason Ryback's buckle bomb should look less damaging than Rollins' version. Flying elbow through the table into the vice. This was damn near a squash for Punk. Wyatts theme hits. YAY - team ROH vs. the Wyatts at the PPV! D'Arce choke by Harper. Punk got busted up, but had a brief comeback before eating Sister Abigail and the spinning lariat.

Real Americans came out to a nice pop and did their flag javelin routine. YES! They're facing the tag champs - hopefully this leads to a best of 9,000 series. Cole hyped up the VERY COMPELLING footage of...Goldust putting paint on his face. Massive Goldust chant to start the match. Goldust certainly...was a part of the Attitude era. Not sure opening the Rumble PPV in a nothing match in '98 counts as being an architect of the era. He was one BEFORE the era, but not much of one during it. This dark turquoise gear works well for Cody. Great joke from JBL about Zeb's hair growth getting black and white time lapse photography. I cannot wait for the inevitable Cesaro-Goldust match on Match Event/Superstars. These two have tremendous chemistry together. Flying...we'll be nice and call it a knee to Cesaro to set up a hot tag to Goldust. BLIND DIVE CROSS BODY OFF THE TOP FROM GOLDUST! TREMENDOUS close call with that, then the Patriot Lock, then a schoolboy. Knee clip led to the Lock again and a tapout! YES! VIVA LA REAL AMERICANS! Loved this match. A non-title win over the tag champs actually felt important.


175 MILLION pictures are viewed on WWE's site each month. Recap of the MITB cash-in match. Alberto came out and waved his flag before putting it back in its stand. Alberto demanded his rematch. He vowed to break the arm. He's not going to break the arm until he takes armbar lessons from Ronda Rousey. Great Goldberg-Undertaker clips from 2K14. His press slam>spinebuster is in! Summer Rae's out to face Nattie. On live TV. Hype vid for Cena on SD - good to see them hype something up for that show. Summer Rae's got a great act and is a perfect bitch character. Iffy-looking stuff, but I liked her stump puller even though it didn't look good. Nice to see that back. LOLed at the belly flop to the knee. Nice shot of her ass as Cole talked about her being a WW II buff. Lots and lots of yelling here. This may be the longest women's match on WWE TV all year. Distraction by the goofballs, and then Summer Rae re-did the "leave Khali and turn to Nattie" part of the finish before tapping to the Sharpshooter. I forgot about Orton's celebration - it's the main event! Total Divas ad. So...bitch and roleplay are fine on WWE TV, as long as they're clips from...another WWE TV show.

The whole roster is on the stage for the Orton celebration. Axel's out in his gear, so he can at least come out and second Ryback for a while. I would actually have Ryback defend the title as his surrogate to help rebuild him. HHH said a decade ago that Vince asked him who the future would be and he chose Orton. HHH took credit for Orton's success. TAKE THAT, FOLEY! Steph's tits are A+ tonight. They put him over and he spoke. His TIE-TLE defines him, and his voice is shot. Show's out. Roster's revolting against the Authority. We're fixing for Walkout 2.0. "And Cody Rhodes as well!". Poor fucker got "And Zoidberg"'d. Show grabbed a mic and said you can arrest him - he'll just have friends bail him out. And his lawsuit will cost them MILLIONS. HE'LL TAKE EVERY DAMN DIME! Show's got some really nice clothes for a dude with no money. Nice KO punch. God, it's a shame they're building up Show-HHH because that never winds up being good.Nice "Let's go Big Show" chant.

Screens -

FATALITY!

SD 10-25-13

Sweet - SD's actually recording! That means I can watch WSOF live tomorrow night. Basic Raw recap opens the show. Lots of stuff with Show, man did Raw ever come off as 3 hours of nothing here. Tonight's main event looks awesome. Cole in-ring interview with HHH starts the show...why not hype that on Raw? Love Cole saying "you saw the footage" for events HHH lived through on Raw. Steph fired some IT and tech people today. Big Show has been banished from the WWE Universe, oh, and he's irrelevant too. HHH, like EVERYONE IN THE WWE UNIVERSE, can't wait for Cena's return. WWE Title has been vacant for 6 weeks now. Sure doesn't feel like it, especially since this angle's only gone on since August. HHH and HBK have been friends for 20 years- even when they were rivals. Bryan's out to end this thank God. Great crazy face on Bryan at the end of this 13 minutes of nothing. Bryan teams with Miz and the Rhodes Bros. against the Shield and Orton - should be fun. OUTSTANDING image for the Usos' match next - wallpaper-worthy.

WWE HAS MORE FACEBOOK FANS THAN THE NFL AND MLB COMBINED! Miz is out on commentary, and active on Facebook apparently. JBL told Miz to run, and Miz asked if he ever did - JBL rightly said yup - a couple times! I forgot how terrible Miz was on commentary - he's been in WWE 8 years and haven't seen anything like what they offer come along. AWESOME over the top flip bump from Harper on a clothesline. Miz attacked Bray, then ran like a pussy. Usos win after a double superkick. Good stuff here. Love the Usos boogieing after the win. AJ and Tamina will be out next.

Nikki's giant boobs are out to face AJ. They hyped up the Bellas being on Kimmel. Stuff about Total Divas. JBL called them "The Bries". I'm not sure if Nikki's going for a flying clothesline or just falling forward. AJ won with the Black Widow. Raw's Cena vid re-airs next. This show is so by-the-numbers. Nice Cell vid though. 2K14 vid. They hyped up Hogan and Goldberg being in it. Cole hyped up Cena's history returning from horrible injuries. That's kind of odd. Bray revealed Miz being beaten up and covered in a sheep mask with "Liar" on his chest. The Wyatts left...and the camera guy didn't help him. What a dick.

Cole was so concerned with what he saw, he hyped up the Cell and talked about 3MB. Now they're talking about the Miz deal. JBL "understands zero" of this. He should try to make sense of Impact. Tremendous exchange with Cole and JBL after Cole said he's a bull in a costume. JBL didn't like the bull goring Zeb low, but still wants one for himself. Best of 9,000 series continues. Real Americans are out on the ramp. JBL said the bull's nose ring was cute. Oh boy. Cole isn't even bothering to try and say words here. Los Matadores won. The bull could have rabies. JBL is so amazing. They helped the bull do a leapfrog - so does that make it a bullfrog then? Zeb insulted "the border-hoppin ban-dee-tos!" Love the bull getting pissed off about being called a kidnapping victim. Real Americans-Matadores was made for the PPV. Zeb prepared by PUTTING UP HIS DUKES for battle. Ryback and Heyman compete in a handicap match next. For whatever reason, this local Ford ad has scanned actual money and is blurring it.

Heyman and his "big, beautiful" Ryback came down. Recap of Big E and Punk's deal with them on Raw, which I'd forgotten about - so the vid served its purpose. E pinning Axel makes me think that maybe they'll keep it on Axel, but really, just take it off the guy and give Big E's singles push a shot in the arm. He introduced CM Skunk, CLEARLY SAID AS SUCH, which Cole sold as him saying Punk. The guy's in a Punk cosplay getup with a white stripe in his hair. THIS is how you do a wacky jobber deal - take notes, TNA. Heyman got the kendo stick and an ECW chant. He's just beating the fuck out of this dude. RYBACK, FINISH HIM OFF! #heyman4mkvoiceovers. Love Heyman doing Sandman's pose with the stick. Great promo afterwards, and the touch of grey on his hair adds to the craziness perfectly.Vickie laughed maniacally at the Punk-Skunk joke, while Big E demanded to replace Miz in the main event and said he's young and hungry and deserves a shot. YES! She said that she'd run the idea by HHH, and he said he thought she was the GM of SD - and not Maddox. Fine smart babyface logic there.

Alberto's out to cut another promo. Awesome all-black suit. Alberto says Cena thinks he's Superman, but Alberto stands for truth, justice, and the Mexican way. In Mexico, THEY'RE NAMING CHILDS after him.  But he only speaks for the Mexicans of his stature. TREMENDOUS dick move there. How could they ever try to turn this man face? Alberto is carrying this feud marvelously - shame it's second-fiddle to the VINTAGE ATTITUDE ERA recreation deal. Then he told the fans to kiss his ass. This wasn't as great as last week's promo, but still good. Truth's shilling bit was interrupted by Santino. You can buy SHEEPFACES AND FAKE BEARDS. Also, basketballs - Punk's looks good. This is a brilliant way to add filler to the show and make WWEShop's numbers better. Fandango faces someone next.

It's Khali. Cole told JBL to watch their Youtube show. They showed people Fandangoing. And a kid trying it. Giant close-up of the Komen logo and more hype about them donating some of the money made from the campaign to the group. JBL said that Khali was out with "a Hornswoggle and a Nattie Neidhart.". Cole hyped up Otunga talking about the Show lawsuit - feels odd to have that added to the story in such a nothing way. Catfight broke out causing a DQ after Fandango clipped the knee and Khali took the safest bump in history - Hogan's in '11 was AJ at BFG compared to this. Main event is next.

Bryan's out, then Big E. Cody and Goldust did separate intros despite having a new mashup theme to sell. Guess they needed to kill more time on the show. Big E and Bryan in maroon is a great look. Cole reminded everyone that the Rhodes Bros. story began at the beginning of the month at Payback - their match will certainly be on the Best of the year PPV set, so yay for Goldust getting more royalties. TREMENDOUS chop series from Rollins to Big E. I demand more with these guys - so give Big E the IC Title and have he and Rollins feud over it. Tremendous stuff from Goldust here. TOP ROPE DIVE FROM CODY TO THE FLOOR. Nice. Draping DDT to Bryan. RKO countered by Big E into the flying knee - awesome finish that doesn't bode well for Bryan on the PPV. Perfect match for Big E though - easily his best overall match yet.

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http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/pky1l644ioyse6ie8jswyw1vusxrym2o

TNA Impact Wrestling 10-24-13

It's a week before Halloween and yet TNA is already full of doom and gloom. BFG was the most underwhelming show bearing that name yet, while Eric Bischoff might be gone. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR THE FUTURE OF WRESTLING GARETT BISCHOFF!? Hopefully a WWE developmental deal so he can actually learn the craft before being thrown on national TV. Great recap of the PPV. Good lord did AJ's left pec get all bruised and welted up. Dixie Land's tron hit and her theme's been given a more two-bit country twang. She's got a giant WELCOME BACK AJ STYLES banner that might as well have been printed up on old '80s computer paper. They appeared to spend about $100 on this whole deal. AJ's out with the revamped TNA World title for the first time - looks great, as did his anti-cancer gear. They showed the red carpet for the ring not even reaching the corners. Crowd is hot for all this. Dixie offered him the second-best dressing room - next to hers. She offered him Hogan's old watch that she found on Craigslist. AND A CAR! Holy shit. That car needs a fish tank in the rims. AJ renounced her material goods. AJ's gotta get some cream for that double chin of his. Combined with the beard, he looks 40. Dixie said AJ didn't have to wrestle tonight - they could get on her private jet, get out of this God-forsaken town and GO SOMEWHERE FUN!

Bully's out, and angry at Dixie for threatening to take his shot away. AJ turned down the chance to go to Dixie Land - tremendous. AJ said he came here to defend this title contract-or-not...so he isn't holding her up for money for some reason. Bully hilariously called AJ a kid again, despite them being about five years apart in age. Bully blamed Earl. This is going on for ages. He cut the exact same promo as last week, minus the Dusty/Flair stuff. Oh, and Bully's now a wrestling God. AJ said the Aces won't help Bully tonight and vowed to beat Bully and go back with his fans...just like he did on the PPV. Loved AJ saying afterwards, that he'll tell Bully what his name is - THE WORLD CHAMPION AJ STYLES! Bully beat him down with the picture stands. Powerbomb through the table was teased, but Anderson returned...in a T-shirt, jeans, black hair, and very little tan. He got blown up doing the corner punches. Oh boy.

Anderson's destroyed the celebration set over the break. Oh thank Christ, more talking. It's 9:29 and he's just rambling. Everyone's sick of Bully, or something. Fans are sick of it. Dixie's back out to talk. GODDAMMIT. She said Anderson's fired, and he said it's weird that she's into handcuffs. He likes getting arrested, I guess so he can try to cosplay '97 Austin. He left while doing very little to resist. This ate up time and adds to the count of current WWE things they're recreating - shame he's not seven feet tall. Great recap of the KOs title match from the PPV. Tapa's out on live TV, thankfully with Gail, who will be handling the work in this tag match.

Brooke's out. Not sure who she'll be teaming with since there aren't any other heels. Velvet's out. Well, this is odd. Turns out, she'll be teaming with Gail - odd since Gail beat her and Tapa KOed her. Tapa's not working, although that might allow her to get better. Brooke's ass is glorious, and Hemme in Flex Mag was hyped. They hyped up THE TNA WHERE THE ACTION NEVER ENDS campaign. What really goes on...because what's on TV is fake, you see. Velvet's ass is on display a ton here. ODB speared Brooke...who held on to drag her to the floor so Tapa could kick ODB and cost her the match. EC3 is next, to continue the '90 AWA vibe.

BroMans are backstage being wacky. IT'S CELEBROTION TIME! "The following. The Following..." Christy's not having a great night here. EC3 really needs some dazzling pre-match gear. Dewey Barnes is his opposition. This guy's theme still isn't the worst in TNA history. I hope this is building to either a match against Spike Dudley or Colin Delaney. Tenay outright begged people to DVR the show next week since you'll either be drunk or trick or treating. TREMENDOUS bump for the headlock driver. Goddamn that's one hell of a scar on EC3's stomach. He looks a lot like Rick Martel facially, and has a bit of his pre-drug testing physique. Angle will be out next to cut a promo, because fuck wrestling.

Outstanding Sting-Magnus video made the match seem far more epic, and better, than it was. Sting said he wanted to give him the chance, but didn't expect it would be against him...so why'd he make the match then? Magnus apologized for being an asshole at BFG and they shook hands. Good stuff here - it doesn't quite make up for them rushing the angle, but it does give this thing a chance to breathe and seem important. Nice recap of Angle and the HOF deal. Goofy ref mugging for the camera is ruining this Angle-Roode recap. Angle hurt his knee on the moonsault in his first match back. Yikes. Angle said he isn't ready for the HOF yet and put Roode over. Roode said that Sunday made up for two years ago when he lost to Kurt at BFG. More talking. Angle made a challenge for a rematch tonight. Really now - why buy PPVs? Roode said yes, but no - because Kurt's hurt DUE TO HIM. Loved Kurt hitting him with a punch and Roode bumping for it. Roode should really be in WWE right now - he'd be perfect as a Heyman guy in Axel's spot. Bully cut a promo with the Aces, but with the Impact bumper music playing over it, so it was impossible to hear. Bully sent the guys down to make sure Anderson doesn't post bail.


Trojan ad and a Better Sex ad back-to-back. Well, at least they're related to some degree. Bro Mans came out to be wacky. They've got a DJ, and the fans chanting "you can't wrestle.". Idiots. Jesse rules. Gunner's THE MDV. Because Modern-Day Viking might not roll the tongue. Storm insulted DJ Salami and called him Anus, to Taz's chagrin. "We're gonna take yer beer and protein bars – but you can keep your sister's skinny jeans.". Storm rules. Kaz insulted Gunner for being a pretend viking. Well, that's accurate. Loving him showing the Bro Mans what three is. Daniels insulted their lack of appletinis. Then EY and Park came out to be silly. Bottle smash from Daniels to Park. Rut Roh. Chokeslam to Jesse. AJ and Bully are backstage. NOW AJ has taped ribs?!

Tenay hyped up Where Action Never Ends, with some terrible-sounding VO work. Roode-Angle was announced for next week. The orange and white graphics rule. Bully rushed out for his intro. Didn't give Brooke's ass nearly enough screentime. A fan held up a #realheel shirt. Beyond the tape, AJ's selling the ribs. Oh yeah, he got hit with the photo rig. They should've recapped that. EARL's the ref. Screwjob V900. They plugged the Tournament of Champions PPV for 11/1. Ain't no fucking way on Earth anyone's buying that not even 2 weeks after BFG. I just remembered that Anderson's in jail - so I guess we'll get a run-in by the Aces, and then he'll make the save to give AJ the win. AJ took a backdrop and landed right on his left shoulder hard as hell. Bearhug from Bully was SHADES OF TED ARCIDI. Rampage 4 Real continues. Maybe he'll actually look good this time around. Running bionic elbow to a downed AJ missed. Bully did the Hogan ear cup. Springboard elbow got 2. Springboard 450 missed and AJ killed his ribs. Fat chick in the front row texting is distracting. Earl got clipped accidentally before the calf killer on Bully. Bully tapped...well, that should count since Earl's awake. Chain lariat from Bully. So the calf killer sure didn't do shit. Bully got 2. Cameras missed Anderson coming down. He did a neck snap on Bully and AJ did a shitty crucifix to win. Everyone was all tied up in each other for this. Weird. Dixie's got a giant AJ STYLES CONTRACT to present next.

They hyped up the PPV with a really shitty video showing how out of date it will be when it airs. Dixie hyped up his new contract with a bunch of zeros. Those zeros must be his royalty percentage. Dixie threw the new car in for the wife. This is really missing a "Sign it, ALLEN!". Dixie's a little tea pot now. AJ shot on Steph for buying a new house on the backs of her talent roster through Dixie. AJ wiped his ass with the contract while Dixie protested with the mic way too far. Crowd chanted Yes. Well, at least Bryan's a top-star on TNA TV now. "You suck Dixie." Tremendous. AJ said he's leaving the company with the title FOR THE PEOPLE. So he took her belt, and the keys to the car too. PUT THE MIC WITHIN 20 FEET OF YOUR FACE, DIXIE! AJ got in the car, now facing the exit.



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Raw 10-21-13

Between last week's awesome main event and reconnecting with a high school friend via Facebook tonight, I'm in a great mood before Raw. So let's see if a 20 minute opening promo can kill that. THE AUTHORITY will cut a promo to start Raw...goddammit! Same awesome video from SD on the tag title match opens up Raw. Hunter, who doesn't sell, because he's HHH and Steph are out. Their intro is broken up with clips of Show (still fired, getting tons of airtime) KOing Maddox. Now Maddox has a concussion. Today anyway. Bryan faces Ambrose tonight. Should be fun. Steph's "yer just jealous" almost won me over. Steph is looking pretty young tonight. HHH saying that YOU ALL CHOSE SHAWN MICHAELS BECAUSE YOU TRUST HIM doesn't bode well, especially with him saying he trusts him too. Big Show is live via satellite in front of a brick wall for some fucking reason. I guess he has a friend in production crew. Steph had the power to cut him off in 5 seconds, but not to prevent him from getting on the show to begin with.

Bryan-Ambrose is the opener. JBL mocked Cole for getting his facts about HHH from the Onion. JBL then said that Show must have friends in Anonymous after King said he must have pals in the truck. King's hyping up HIAC as a guarantee about the stip meaning NO INTERFERENCE! Then he talked about HBK in one...like the first one...where he won via interference. Cole referenced the 15th anniversary of the Cell match between Mankind and Taker. Well, it sure will be the 15th anniversary, in June of next year. Bryan's main eventing the PPV and opening the free show, and God this crowd is dead. JBL mocked Cole for saying JBL is under contract to the Authority. JBL rightly busted his balls for that idiotic statement. Cole concluded that a loss tonight would be bad for Bryan before the PPV. Well, no shit. Ambrose and Bryan doing the double-crossbody smash perfectly. Buzzsaw kick ducked into a cradle, then the Yes lock for the win. Nothing wrong with this, but it was pretty by the numbers.

WWE HAS 20 MILLION FOLLOWERS ON TWITTER! Punk threatened to thrash Heyman inside the cell. Vickie met with The Authority next to a giant blue UPSTAIRS box. HBK met with HHH and Steph overpowered both of them on the phone. HBK sounds like Hunter's old, gay best friend. Steph talked about how NO ONE IS SURE how Big Show got on Raw. HBK said that he and Hunter did it all the time. Steph kept bringing up a fired man's name for some reason. HBK said they've grown up, but he hasn't, so he made a wacky noise and leapt around. Santino, Khali, and Hornswoggle came out dressed like the Kings of Wrestling - TNA version, not ROH.

HE'S NOTHING BUT A ROUND DOG! EATIN ALL THE TIME! JBL has earned his salary for a decade. It's Santino against Slater. Crowd gives zero shits about this. Cole said THIS IS ENTERTAINMENT as if Vince was yelling at him to say it. The cobra has an Elvis wig on. Kip up into the cobra for the win. This was really, really, really, really stupid and didn't amuse me anywhere near as much as it was meant to. Santino said there's only one King - Jerry. King danced with him on the table. Why King couldn't just work this match, I have no idea. The WWE Pruniverse chose to recreate Punk-Taker, with clips switching between his default gear and WM-colored stuff.

Recap of Show invading the Show via satellite. Dolph's out to face someone. Randy Orton, WWE Title contender...in an unannounced match... Cole read lines off a green sheet of paper to recap what happened on the app. Tremendous bump from Dolph off a ringpost shove from Orton. Jerry Lawler and the Elvis Cobra are trending worldwide. Exploder led to Dolph taking a crazy video game shoulder bump for it. VINTAGE NO MERCY T-BONE. Dolph, two-time world champ, winning would be a "big upset" RKO win for Randy. "John Cena's diary of persevernence." aired. AJ faces Brie at the PPV, and tonight, AJ and Tamina team up against the Bellas. Cole said THERE'S A GREAT READ ON WWE.COM about AJ, exactly like you'd hear in the games. Nikki's ass crack made its Raw debut. Brie's thong showed up a bunch, and she smacked Tamina with the big knee that actually hit and then got the X Factor on AJ for a win. So AJ retains. 30 Second Youtube Fury on the armbar. Sadly, they showed Alberto highlights and not Ronda Rousey ones. Usos face the Shield tonight for a shot at the tag titles - why would the Usos lose their shot through no fault of their own?  I was looking forward to the idea of a 3-way tag too.

Renee talked about Heyman, and showed the Big E turn from SD. He confronted Heyman on his promo. Mat Great vid on Bryan and HBK's history. Miz and Kofi face Rowan and Harper. Kofi hit the kick to Rowan on the apron, but ate the big lariat and lost. This was a match. The family tied Miz up and held his eyes open. Axel and Ryback came out and Cole pimped the anti-cancer campaign. Big E's out to face Axel. Match never got going as he got double-teamed. I sense a HOLLA HOLLA TAG. Big E did great and survived a cane shot, then Punk came out and bonked the heels with a cane. Vickie, who earlier was given the crap jobs of the night, made a holla holla tag. Sadly, she didn't offer to marry Heyman and Ryback after saying "with the power vested in me.". Punk's got his Bret homage gear on. Cole said the app was APP-solutely free. Loved JBL saying that King's just mad at Heyman because he shaved his head 20 years ago in Memphis. King said that mother nature shaved Heyman's. GLORIOUS! Ryback's legdrop needs a WEEEE GIF. Big E beat Axel with the Ending. Truth pimped merch and a promo code for the site.

Goldust faces Rollins on Main Event. I might actually watch the show! Fat guys face Real Americans. Recap of the bull attacking a war hero. THE BULL CUT AN INSET PROMO! Also, the bull fighters were there too. MONKEY FLIP FROM TENSAI! Finlay-esque seated senton from Cesaro. Zeb asked if WWE writes checks to Matador Uno or Dos. Cesaro swing on Brodus, ankle lock got the win. YES! Big E gets an IC Title shot on the pre-show. King pimped the Cena brawlin buddy. They aired a super-dramatic history of Cena video. Dude's been gone 2 months. They showed him beating Brock. This was the most rah-rah-rah Cena video ever. If there's ever a video package that can draw money, that was it. They replayed Alberto's great promo from SD on Cena. An AWESOME mashup of Goldust and Cody's themes hit. They'll do commentary for the Shield-Usos match.

Poor Cody has to follow Zeb. I hope he at least puts himself over here. Miz TV returns with Orton. I don't see that ending well for Miz. Crazy Taker dive STARTED the match. GLORIOUS flying elbow strike in the corner to Reigns on the top rope. JBL demanded that Cody start saying something with conviction. Cody said that he and Goldust were better than the Briscos. In neither case is that true. The Usos have the best pink gear of anyone on the roster. Earthquake powerslam from Reigns. Cody I think said something on commentary. Dude's super-quiet. Ambrose was disgusted by his commentary and attacked him. Mayhem broke lose and it's a double no contest. YAY 3-WAY! VINTAGE SHANE-O-MAC mounted punches from Cody. Contract signing is next.

HHH and Steph got a partial entrance while everyone else got full ones. HHH put over HBK gloriously. HBK adhered to the code of honor by shaking Bryan's hand. Bryan brought up Orton only being in the picture due to HHH. Oh yeah, the pedigree at Summerslam. It's impossible to believe this has only been going on for two months because it feels like it's gone on forever. Orton said words intensely. Bryan said words. HHH said that Jericho and RVD weren't THE GUY, and if they were, everyone would be working for Turner. They already started setting up Bryan-HHH in HHH's return. HHH said he'd only fight A+ guys. Sheamus is A+! HHH said that HBK wasted his time training Bryan, and HBK corrected him. Yup. As JBL said, he just took his money while Regal trained him. HBK misses the guy who played strip poker with him....Maybe he's jealous Hunter spends all of his time with Steph instead of with him. HBK backed up Bryan's goofy beard because he had one, and says that HHH's angry because Bryan keeps fighting and has proven HHH wrong. Bryan moved the table, then a big rig  driven by Show got into the building. Big Show is the one man able to rock a leather button-down shirt. Bryan got in a cheap shot. 


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WWE SD 10-18-13

Show-opening video was entirely dedicated to the Rhodes title win, and made that match seem like it was even better than it was. They also showed HHH throwing the Rhodes' out of the ring. Regular blah SD intro followed. Brad and Vickie are out. I hope she asks Brad to kiss her LIKE A MEXICAN! Big Show will NOT be here tonight. Maddox is a mad ox according to Heyman, and a "mad ducks" according to Vickie. There's security all over the place to make sure that the Big Show won't be here. Brad sucking up and saying he sure hopes that the fans all have a good time ruled. Daniel Bryan's out. Wow does his star feel like it's fallen. Sure, he's got a decent crowd reaction, but he feels pretty secondary now with Cena coming back. A sign proclaims him to be the Wrestling Jesus. Bryan said there's a rumor that a sasquatch-like creature is here. OH NO, IT'S THE YE-TAY! Or the Big Show. Well, that was a hell of a thing to build up for...seven minutes. Theme and tron cued up and...he's not there. Thank God. Show will be here later, and Goldust and Cody are here and out! YAY! The penny belt looks decent on Goldust. Team Babyface faces The Shield tonight - yay! This was an efficient use of 10 minutes. Punk faces Big E later. Wyatt Family faces Miz and Kofi, or as I'll deem them, Awesomely Racist next.

I love the little touch of Rowan's mask being slightly smashed up - makes him look even more sick. Kofi avoided the big boot, but ate a spinning lariat of death from Harper to lose. I love the little New Orleans twang in Bray's promos - it adds an unsettling element to everything he says. Brie's out WEARING PINK BECAUSE WWE SUPPORTS SUSAN G. KOMEN AND WILL DONATE A PORTION OF THE PROCEEDS OF ALL PINK MERCH SOLD. These kinds of pitches make Cole hard to take seriously at times since he has the same inflection for everything. I love JBL busting Cole's balls for AJ being at ringside and it not being fair despite AJ DOING NOTHING and Brie losing fairly. This isn't really just an issue with Cole, but how faces are booked - poorly. Cole recited part of the speech AJ cut a month or so ago - minus saying they gave head to get jobs. Nikki talked about Brie mode, so AJ kicked her ass more and skipped around. Brie's got a massive welt under her left breast, and she countered AJ with a...reach-behind jawjacker...ish thing. Running something resembling a knee from Brie. Brie won with the shittiest-looking X Factor in history after some shit outside and a terrible schoolgirl cradle as well. Everything in this that involved Brie moving was not good.

Big Show...just walked on through the crowd, over the barricade...and has THE WORLD'S BIGGEST HOODIE and biggest anti-cancer shirt too. Lilian gave him the mic, so having an autographed ticket from Bryan means you can walk through the crowd, get into the ring, and cut a promo. The Tweets have helped Big Show - I'm amazed he can afford a phone bill. Maybe he should be sponsored by Metro PCS. Maddox did his best Bischoff impression, was an asshole, and got KOed. He just fell down gloriously, like a tree, and Show did the yes bit. Love JBL saying that while KOing Brad is popular, IT'S STILL CRIMINAL! Punk-Langston is up next. BUT FIRST, an awesome video with a creepy song and Cena getting sewn up. The jokes write themselves about this video being filled with needles and syringes.

Punk's out for his match with Big E. Beat the Clock recap. Crazy plancha from Punk to Big E, who caught him and hit a backbreaker on the apron! Ouch. Big E did the best half crab in ages - take notes Brie. The move looks so deadly with him doing it. Punk avoided a shoulder charge, which Cole called NIFTY! Love the one guy in the crowd saying GO BIG E, C'MON KID! This is way beter than their Raw match. Punk's knees are fucked, so I wish he'd take the flying elbow out of his arsenal. Maybe if it looked good, it would be worth it. GTS countered into the body clap, then the giant running frog splash. Big Ending countered into the high kick and GTS for the win. Outstanding match for Big E. Heyman insulted Big E, and I just noticed that Ryback's singlet has his giant mouth logo on it. At the PPV, Punk faces MY RYBACK. Heyman is so great. Heyman quoted AC/DC. Tremendous. Ryback I think just fell right into the apron trying to attack Punk. Crowd popped big at the sight of E just being next to Punk - yes! TREMENDOUS sell for the body clap from Axel. Can't wait for him to be IC Champ. Wouldn't be surprised if they do that match at the PPV. If they'd done this on Raw, dude would've been made. As it is, all they need to do is replay/redo it and they're golden. Alberto's walking backstage to talk about Cena next.

Yosh is interviewing Alberto, and is shown the Cena vid from Raw. Alberto's reaction involved him carrying the Mexican flag because he's God's gift to humanity. Gringos have no passion - NO MEXICAN PASSION! As a result, he must face THE ULTIMATE GRINGO John Cena. Alberto said Cena needs to start from the bottom - not with THE CHAMPION. Alberto cut an awesome promo about Cena going soft and not being the man he used to be - outside of his ego, which is growing. It will be gone after Alberto defeats him. He said he'll snap his arm and demonstrated the armbar on Josh. This greatly exceeded my expectations. Alberto's clearly got a fire lit under him getting a main event slot again. Alberto then used the flag as an imaginary shotgun. Alberto ruled all here.

Real Americans are in the ring and JBL and Cole are hyping up the Youtube show. They'll face the Usos here. U-SO bit got over huge. Love seeing JBL and Zeb back together, and on commentary too! Nice sliding D by an Uso. Love Zeb saying that people didn't like what he had to say about Alberto, but boom, look at him now! LOS MATADORES AND THE BULL SHOWED UP TO THE GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN! Cesaro Swing got nine billion reps. Zeb wants him to swing a matador next. Also, THE LOS MATADORES ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR TEXAS ROBBERIES. Swagger is goddamned pale now. LOS MATADORES KIDNAPPED A MAN AND PUT A BULL COSTUME ON HIM! Zeb is amazing here. Loved JBL saying HERE COME THE KIDNAPPERS when the matadors came out. The match didn't end, by the way. Everyone just stopped so goofy bullshit could occur. Zeb got gored in the balls and the ass, then the Usos won. They really should've done the goofy stuff after the fall, because this undermined the Usos being top contenders. Swagger got hit with the Los Matadores/Torito finisher. So...why aren't they in the tag title picture officially?

THE DICTIONARY DEFINITION OF SMACKDOWN was shown. Recap of HBK on Raw. Contract signing for Orton-Bryan on Raw. Presumably, unlike Impact, they won't have Steph come out and say THE MAIN EVENT THAT'S BEEN HYPED FOR WEEKS MIGHT NOT HAPPEN. Orton cut a bad promo and flubbed some stuff on Bryan. They showed Bryan-Orton in 2K14 inside the cell - every single thing shown can be done in WWE '13, and if it wasn't for the redone title belt, it could've passed for footage from that. Cole talked about interviewing HHH on WWE.Com...and that's it - no clips. Cole brought up how Cody and Goldust were re-hired at Battleground, which means they're running two firing angles way way way too quickly, and too similarly. TREMENDOUS running boot to the side of the head from Goldust to Reigns. Have Reigns work with him for enough time and you'll have a guy you can throw into main events without any worry in a few months. Disaster kick sent Rollins from mid-ring to the floor! Crazy shove to the floor on Goldust, who avoided a spear into the steps. Knee to the gut from Ambrose was countered with one from Bryan, who then hit a front chancery suplex. Super double underhook suplex from Ambrose got 2. Buckle bomb to Cody onto Goldust onto the announce table. Yes Lock, suicide dive, YESaiku knee got the win. This was a tremendous show overall. Exactly what they needed to rebound from last week's show.

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TNA Impact 10-17-13

They're hyping up the Rampage doc. Dude pisses his bed and raps terribly. BOY WHAT A SUPERSTAR! They recapped Angle-Roode and Magnus being pissed that Sting won when he was unable to do so...after hitting both of his finishers. Dixie's back wearing tablecloth tops. Dixie has two goons carrying a cheap-looking briefcase that they might've gotten from a thrift store. Dixie is better than Michaelangelo CUZ HE DIDN'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH NO REDNECK AJ STYLES! The crowd is chanting for puppies...um...she's nearly 50. No thanks. Dixie's threatening THREE DAYS BEFORE THE PPV, to take AJ out and replace AJ in the main event of the company's biggest show of the year. Goddamn how stupid is this. She's offering up fifty grand in Dixie Land fun bucks. I bet that buys you a lot of rides on the Dixie Train. MAKING PEOPLE RICH IS WHAT SHE DOES BEST! Hahahaha. Bully's voice is shot. Magnus came out. Dude needs to just use the British Invasion theme - this theme is terrible. "Men put their careers and their lives on the line..." is he auditioning for the role of VO guy for Don't Try This at Home for WWE DVDs? He said that fifty grand is a lot of money to him AND THE GREAT PEOPLE IN TULSA, and that she sucks. They showed a few fans repeating it, and he challenged Bully. Bully is doing his damndest to get this kid over by pointing out how great and impressive he is. This felt like a two-bit indy doing a Raw intro.

Bully's ranting about OLD SCHOOL ACES AND 8S! VINTAGE 2012! Knux faces half of the tag champs, and Bisch will help him. Daniels is out. Sweet Christ, that was a live shot - I thought they were playing an old clip and putting a weird darkness filter on it. Hernandez and Robbie E are in the ring for a VERY SPECIAL 4-WAY MATCH. Involving EY. Tenay said that the road trip required them to come back to Tulsa to do the show. Well, they tried. EY's gear is awesome. Taz wishing death upon EY and Park, complete with cliff-falling sound effects, is a bit odd. Tenay's hyping up the HALL OF FAME FESTIVITIES airing on Spike, which just reminded me of that shot of Moe's SUPER BOWL LUNCH SPECTACULAR consisting of some Wonder Bread. Dual missile dropkick from EY - nice. Tenay keeps talking about this match being important, but took like 8 minutes to get to the point - the winner's team goes into the gauntlet last. Taz was shocked to see EY do a "KARL GOTCH-LIKE" belly to belly. Robbie E stole the pin after the flying elbow from EY. EY's flying elbow looks a thousand times better than Punk's. Jesse tried to cash in on the bounty. You know, if this was done a month ago, it might've meant something. By doing it the show before the PPV, it really makes the whole idea of the bounty seem stupid.

They came back and showed Dixie saying MAKING PEOPLE RICH IS WHAT SHE DOES BEST. Then AJ came out. Do most marked men just walk around with their back to everyone? AJ teleported from the ramp to the ring with one crowd shot. AJ looking homeless just doesn't work. This half-and-half gimmick simply doesn't work at all - it worked THE NIGHT he went back to being Phenomenal, and then they just basically made him too much of the emo character to really work with the Phenomenal one. Knux (with Bisch) is out to destroy him. GunStorm came to save AJ. It's impossible to believe that Storm was once world champ and the biggest star in the company, and seemed like he could be the man to lead TNA to the promised land. Gunner-Knux is next. The show is only 40 minutes in and already feels like Raw does 2 hours in where it just won't end.

Taz revived the MISTER INTENSITY nickname for Gunner. Tenay hyped up #rampage4real - where you can see him sing badly and hear him talk about pissing his bed.  BUY THIS MAN'S PPV! Taz scolded Storm for drinking a "beer-like beverage" and spitting into Bisch's face. AWESOME fallaway slam by Gunner. Gun Rack countered into the FLYING BEAR, which Taz said was like the Midnight Rockers. Bully didn't come help his boys, and it led to a loss. Sabin's going to get 50,000 bucks and get Velvet nice - maybe he'll get her something nice with one of those Adam and Eve promo codes they show during Impact ads.

Just who is Bad Grandpa supposed to be marketed towards? Anyone old enough to care about the original show is likely mature enough to not care about it, unless they're acting like Sabin and the rest of the X division were when Jackass 2 came out. Knux and Bisch were pissed at Bully. Tapa's horrible-looking beatings were recapped. I'm astonished she isn't being added to the match, but glad, since she's at least a year away from being remotely capable of being carried by Gail. Brooke took selfies of her ass for Instagram. They hyped up that Aries was the undefeated X Division champ...yup...when he gave the belt up. He lost it to Sabin earlier this year. I love Sabin being a jerk to Mr. Security Guard, and Joe threatening him in his match tonight and at the PPV. Their match is next.


They replayed the Bully-Magnus stuff. I didn't notice how badly that shot exposed how few people were there. Tenay said HOPEFULLY THEY'LL MAKE THE PPV MAIN EVENT OFFICIAL TONIGHT. Three days before the PPV. Joe came out to his theme and didn't do gangsigns, so I don't know the status of the MEM is. Joe is having a ton of fun in there just beating Sabin up. Nice machine gun punch>chop combo from Sabin. Shame it didn't work well and he just got chopped the fuck out of the ring by Joe. Sabin used her as a shield, and nearly got Samoan dropped, but countered it into a DDT on the ramp. This is not the show to take a ramp bump on. Joe got in the ring at 9.5. Taz said Sabin is demonic now. What? He's basically just a douche. Nice STJoe. Inverted atomic drop led to the running Yakuza kick for 2. This is easily the best thing on the show by far. Springboard tornado DDT got 2 for Sabin. Cradle Shock 2.0 was countered, so he tried to win with an O'Conner roll, which Joe turned into a quick choke for a tap.  Aries attacked Joe, leading to Hardy attacking him in the world's brightest yellow shoes ever and camo shorts.  He brought out a ladder...so I guess those will be unbanned for UX. Hardy's got a bright yellow belt too. Manik, who is the champ, came out and dove onto dudes off the ladder into the ring. TO THE BACK where Bad Influence is attacking AJ. $50,000 buys a lot of wacky suits. AJ escaped with hijinx, so I guess the bounty is now the Crash Holly hardcore title.

EC 3 is now officially Dixie's nephew. And he'll be at BFG. Brooke's magical hydraulic ass brought Bully to the ring. Bully-Magnus is up at 10:15. Wow. So much for even pretending this is a main event. God, this hard camera shot is sad. It actually looks like a bunch of people dressed as chairs. So it's a shame Sting isn't main eventing. Magnus has a giant welt on his right shoulderblade. Great back and forth punch exchange between them. Beautiful back suplex. Less beautiful running kick got to maybe his stomach. God-awful ref bump with Earl getting bumped into the buckle...or about a foot from it. Sting grabbed the chain from Bully. Bully took advantage of it with a low blow and got the win. So Magnus is winning at the PPV. Hopefully not after a 45 minute match. Magnus and Sting are bickering mid-ring with the crowd dressed as chairs - yes! Loved Magnus saying HE HIT ME IN THE BALLS!The neck-bearded gentleman in the front row and his...mother...I think, are distracting. IF AJ survives the bounty, and signs his contract, then the PPV has a main event. There's a lot riding on the last half-hour of the final show before the PPV going well. Angle will be out to cut a promo next.

BetterSex ad. Sting tried to meet with Magnus, who was pissed at Sting cuz the ref was looking at him and he got HIT IN THA BALLS as a result. Anyone else want Sting to just beat up this whiny fucker? I dig Joe trying to calm him down, just because it showed the Mafia is still a thing. The PPV rundown really showcases how many multi-man matches the card has - it seems like 90% of it is just a way to get folks on PPV, so I guess Tapa will be on there to do a run-in. Live. Yikes. Angle came out and they showed a fan holding up some $20 WWE and World title belt replicas. Angle said that Roode reminds him of himself 5 years ago, and that Roode's messing with his legacy and has dug his own grave as a result. Then he said he'd never be Kurt Angle. Unless Roode's winning, and he probably shouldn't given it's Angle's return match, that was a stupid line to keep in. Roode should really win to make up for that and the BFG '11 loss. Roode is killing it on the mic here saying that he WANTED to be Kurt a decade ago, but not now. Roode said he's done a bunch of nothing - except beat him at BFG two years ago. Love seeing that brought into this - makes this seem like a bigger deal. Roode said that was a wake-up call and it led to him being the world champ (longest in the TNA World Title's history). BOBBY ROODE IS GONNA BEAT KURT ANGLE. Roode is so great here. This came off like a placeholder match - a great one, but now feels like a semi-main event. Roode's just in jeans and a suit jacket - no belt. Really makes him look low-rent. Bad Influence made the save. Roode ordered them to leave so he could kick Kurt's ass. Crossface made Angle tap. That greatly exceeded my expectations. Roode looks a lot like HHH with his poses. I would love to see him brought in as part of the Authority - Roode as the corporate IC Champ would rule.

Dixie's out with the goon squad and CAN AJ SURVIVE THE BOUNTY HUNTERS!? Love Bully just putting his GIGANTIC hat on Brooke and it falling right in front of his face. Bully's giving a wrestling lesson about Flair and Dusty. The Rhodes Family is the biggest thing on TNA TV too. Love him comparing himself to Dusty since they played off of him 11 years ago with the bionic elbow, so it feels a bit more fitting than it otherwise would. Loved him saying he's caused the downfall of Hardy, Sabin, and Hogan - so much so that wrestling's greatest icon is out of the company. He'll put AJ, his family, and fans on hard times. Bully said he'd send AJ home with no contract, no title, and possibly without a wife and kids cuz they'll leave him. BULLY RAY IS THE DARTH VADER OF WRESTLING AND AJ AIN'T NO FRICKIN LUKE SKYWALKER! AJ, the newest Nature Boy, was offended by Bully comparing himself to Flair. AJ called him a BIG DUMB BITCH! Ugh. That reminded me of AJ and the rest of the faces being a bunch of pussies and attacking the Jarrett/Hall/Nash KOW with chickenshit attacks.

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WWE Raw 10-14-13

It's been two weeks since Show promised to knock HHH the hell out, and 1 week since the deed was done - so Steph should be out tonight to reprimand him, or rehire him, or something. Oh, and HBK is back live and the Rhodes Bros. get a tag title shot. God bless last second hype via Facebook and Twitter. HBK's out to start the show - hard to believe he's 48 - he's moving around great and looks fantastic given his age and all he's been through. And then they shot a close-up of the grey in his beard - makes him look like Steve Rhodes when he returned on MWC. HBK was glad the fans didn't forget about ol HB-Shizzle. Weird feedback on the mic. Loved him bringing up being in the first cell match - in the very building they're in tonight. Hard to believe that was 16 years ago. Cole said that he had SOME HISTORY for everyone - HBK was in the first Cell match...yeah thanks, HBK JUST SAID THAT. Lots of cheers for Orton since they're in his hometown. Brock guy is out doing a cross chop...next to a clown. Yikes. Orton faces Miz next. Miz can't catch a break. He'll be booed and I guarantee Orton ain't losing to Miz even if they're in Orton's hometown. Orton said he was born in St. Louis and knows more than anyone else that they're not bright. Orton said he'd hurt Bryan REAL BAD. Oh, and if HBK screws Orton over at the PPV, he may in fact kill him. Orton tried to RKO HBK, but he went to the floor to avoid the RKO. Then Miz jumped him from behind.

I'm digging Miz's purple and black gear. Match itself is just stuff. Miz's bangs really make him look like a tough guy... double axe handle off the top from Miz, who got booed for it.Cole had to remind everyone that Miz was going for the Finale since he hasn't done it in ages. Wyatts theme hits. Bray's just in the chair, RKO hits and Miz loses. Bray says Miz represents what he hates most - diamonds, red carpets, and the obsession with fame. Tremendous promo from Bray. THE WWE APP HAS BEEN DOWNLOADED 8 MILLION TIMES. For free. Fandango's out and Cole's reminding everyone about HOW PROUD WWE IS TO TELL YOU HOW PROUD WWE IS TO TELL YOU ABOUT ALL THE WORK THEY DO WITH CHARITY. WWE cares so much they'll donate an unknown portion of the proceeds of all the pink merch to SGK. Summer Rae's pink and black dress rules. Fandango did the splits in mid-air off the top. That was not a wise move. Fandango won the mid-card match with a SCHOOLBOY thanks to Summer Rae distracting the cobra. They finally talked about the Rhodes Bros. getting a tag title shot later.

The official HIAC theme is from Stone Temple Pilots. I'm astonished.  Heyman showed Maddox Punk CHEATING to beat Ryback. Punk-Ryback has apparently already been made for the PPV and MISTER MAD-OX cannot afford to look ridiculous, so Heyman should pick the stip. A 1-on-2 handicap match against the Heyman Guys is what's best for business. They've got a weird camera angle for this. They'll be doing a beat the clock deal with Ryback against Truth and Punk against someone - if Ryback beats the clock, Heyman's stip is active. If Punk wins, he gets to pick the stip. WWE DEVELOPMENTAL TALENT XAVIER WOODS started a petition to get the Big Show back. JBL mocked Woods then asked who he was, and then FUCKING BURIED his name. God that was funny. They aired a DVD clip and said Cena would be back in 2 weeks. God, just hearing that seems wrong. Los Matadores are out. JUMP THEM DURING THEIR ENTRANCE! The match happens after the break. You'll never guess - but 3MB faces them. JBL said they've been here two weeks. Yup, and I think they've faced some combo of 3MB for all but one of them. I would so love 3MB vs. Los Matadores with Tito. Twitter crawl is the highlight of the match, with folks giving Heyman guff for being a hypocrite. Double rack drop won. Double rack drop/senton combo on Jinder. Big recap for Show. Just like with SD, it sure is odd to cover a fired guy so much on national TV.  HHH says stuff next. And Ambrose faces Dolph for the U.S. Title on Main Event. Shocked to see anything get hyped up for that show.

 HHH and Steph are out. Her graphic says she's the principal owner of WWE, while Roberts says ONE OF THE principal owners. HHH seems completely fine - doesn't even have his jaw taped. The clown shook his head disapprovingly when HHH entered. HHH got a "you got knocked out" chant, and Steph repeated the same line about the Authority doing more for Show than she can count - same thing she said about Goldust. Steph said that sure, a story's gone around about HHH having a concussion and a broken jaw. BUT HE'S HHH - THE 13-TIME WWE AND WORLD CHAMPION WHO RULED OVER THE ATTITUDE ERA. AND HHH IS THE WWE! THANK GOD WE GOT TO HEAR HHH PUT OVER MORE! And now Hunter's talking just fine. Good to see HHH no-sell another injury and kill another main event angle. HHH lamented about BEING THE BAD GUY. HHH wants to be both the top heel and top face. Bryan came out. Oh yeah, the guy who is in theory the top face. Alberto jumped Bryan to seemingly set up Cena making the save for his little buddy. Steph made Bryan-Alberto later. Alberto doing the yes bit ruled. HHH doing it sucked. Ryback beats the clock next...why didn't they have Bryan-Alberto?  Super-creepy hype vid for Cena-Alberto. I really want to buy the song used in the vid.

Truth's out to face Ryback. Recap of Bryan-Alberto. Cole explained beat the clock in the most convoluted way possible. Truth bailed to repeat the King-Bundle match. I wish there'd be a match here where Heyman paid $1,000 per minute that the match went on. JBL said that Ryback should just just let Truth stay out there so he'll get counted out. Well, I'm pretty sure he'll get in before that. King brought up the massive Goldberg chants saying he loves them and that his DVD is out now. JBL chant broke out. Jerry chant broke out. SAt the 5 minute mark, this felt like it had gone for an hour. Shellshock counter to the axe kick gave Ryback the win at 5:44. Goldberg DVD after the match. They're definitely teasing something with Ryback and Goldberg here.

Steph walked backstage and saw the Bellas to thank Brie on her engagement. AJ might outweigh Brie now. Oh, and Brie's facing Tamina. King said this was spiteful. Yup...one on one match...so unfair. They hyped up the WWE 2K14 Streak mode. HBK's corner superkick looked terrible. Tons of Funk look like a giant bear team. DANCING DINOSAURS NEXT. I'm gonna go see if something needs to be cleaned. Real Americans face the fat guys. Running flag spot is such a babyface spot. Zeb ranted about Los Matadores - they'll expose Los Matadores AND THAT'S NO BULL! Cole thanked the fans for watching on Columbus Day - which led to a great JBL rant. Then they mocked King for getting lost a month or so ago. CESARO DROVE FORMULA 1 CARS OVER THE WEEKEND! This man rules. Leapfrog double stomp came off odd, with Brodus trying to grab him, so he had to reset himself. Wound up landing on his ass. JBL ASKED WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO Xavier Woods was. Cole mocked him for not knowing who he is since he's the NXT GM. Bunch of nothing happened. GIANT LEAPING EUROPEAN UPPERCUT set up the Neutralizer for the win. Giant swing to Brodus was teased, nixed, so they did it to Tensai - complete with the fans begging for it. He didn't get many revolutions and seemed to struggle more with Tensai than anyone yet. That's a bit odd - maybe Tensai's just a bit to thick for it.

Lilian talked about her mother having breast cancer and Titus talked about his grandmother. The good thing about this PR campaign is that it does let the roster talk about their past - it's a chance for them to get some closure. Goddamn that Rey senton off the apron sucked. Brie is just no good. Shades of the Calgary Crab...if Lance was just recovering from surgery, groggy, and wheelchair-bound. JBL said AJ's talking to her belt and asked if the title got a tattoo of her on it - okay, that was funny. Loved JBL saying that THE BELLAS CHEAT and so it's fair that Nikki isn't out there. Valid. King called AJ a previously enjoyed companion. Big boot from Tamina got the win. Samoan drop and shoulder breaker from Tamina. Superfly Dive. This went on for ages. Black Widow from AJ. Brie...sorta winced in pain. Nice of Nikki to show up now and not during the attack. Nice hype vid for Bryan-Orton in the cell.

Steph and Maddox watched the Goldberg DVD, which Steph buried compared to HHH's. Punk came out to try and save the show. They straight up gave this a 5:44 time limit - don't they usually just start from zero and remind you via commentary that the match needs to end by a certain point? Perfectplex was just called the Fishermans Suplex by Cole. Got 2. High kick>GTS combo got the win. Punk said he loves Paul's idea - he'll have a handicap match. RYBACK AND HEYMAN versus Punk in the Cell. Should be a lot of fun. Bryan's out for his match with Alberto. They hyped up Cena's magic healing factor. They did stuff. Alberto got the lead before the break with shots in the corner.  A kick from Bryan busted up Alberto's mouth. Alberto flexed his pecs for a comeback. Cole and JBL talked about revisionist history. Bryan hit the MOMENTUM SHIFT COMEBACK, actually called that by Cole. Horrendous super rana got 2. Bryan got another 2 count and Orton talked on the tron. Orton did...things to Brie leading to sub-porno acting. Schoolboy got 2. Bryan ran to the back and got counted out to give Alberto the win. So both guys looked like shit here. Bryan went to the trainers. Bellas had no idea where Orton was. HOW COULD BRIE NOT KNOW WHERE ORTON WENT!? Did he just teleport? Everyone involved in this came off terribly - but it was pretty funny.

Shield talked about the Rhodes - they're the Rhodes Boys despite Dustin being middle-aged. Also, HHH made their match no DQ. Then Steph and HHH made out. Show could punch them both out right now. Cena journey vid. Cena shrank a lot in two weeks, then unshrank. He knows how to work out. Doesn't quite know how to put his phone sideways to shoot videos for better HD playback. Rhodes-Shield is up next. Punk will be on SD, presumably cutting a promo since that's all they hyped. So odd to see the tag titles in the main event of Raw - even moreso with Goldust and Cody being in it. They talked about how the Usos are the top contenders. I have no recollection as to why, and am beyond fine with the Rhodes Bros. getting this shot. Giant bulldog out of the corner from Goldust got 2. Crossbody missed leading to him taking a crazy rolling bump to the floor.

Spinning backslide from Goldust got 2. It's amazing that he can move around so smoothly at his age, and with so many miles on his body. Cody's moonsault got a 2.9. Springboard dropkick got 2 before Rollins made the save. Goldust and Rollins brawled on the floor. Ambrose stopped Crossrhodes. Goldust's chair prevented the triple power bomb. King hyped it up as a "Tito Ortiz swing.". That is such an insult to Goldust. Crossbody from Goldust, but Reigns had the chair up. Disaster kick was countered into a buckle bomb to the dasher boards. Reigns held his knee after the over the top lariat from Goldust. More with Ambrose. I guess we'll get Show helping the Rhodes' to win.Spear through the dasher boards to Goldust by Reigns - VINTAGE REIGNS. Show came down. Dusty finish coming. KO punch to Reigns got the win.


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SD 10-11-13

Show-opening recap of the Show HHH KO from Raw. Vickie's deal with Alberto opens the show and she's out for a promo. Show's house now has a for sale sign and he's unemployed...despite being all over the recap video and being mentioned by name a ton here. Alberto-Cena is WHAT'S BEST FOR BUSINESS because the show is called Hell in a Cell...and their match isn't in one. Vickie ordering him to DO IT LIKE DA MEXICANS complete with Eddie shimmy was outstanding. Sandow's out to praise for Vickie for her brains. He's acting very kind here, and is opposing Alberto's morals. Seems like a face turn. Nice idea. It'd be better if they hadn't treated him like crap since he won the case. Sandow-Alberto is announced for later - might as well get people used to the idea of that being a major match. Axel-Truth is the opener. Not really much going on here. Digging the Vader-esque reverse powerbomb by Truth. Axe kick gets 2, so Axel bails, snaps the neck on the ropes and his the WHATTAMANEUVER for the win.

Los Matadores are out against Los Locales. Ricardo's face is way too recognizable. Love Cole asking how you tell the Locales apart - ONE IS IN A BODY-COVERING SINGLET AND THE OTHER HAS A 1 ON HIS BOOT AND IS IN TRUNKS. Double rack drop got the win. Torito super ranad Los Local 1, and then they did the double rack drop WITH THE BULL DOING A BOMBS AWAY. This character rules. The other guys...eh. HBK recap. 6-diva tag. Bella and Nattie trons got mixed up a bit for this. It's Nattie, Eva, and Kaitlyn. They're up against Brie and the Funkadactlys...um...aren't they all faces now due to the Total Divas show? Cameron did about the worst schoolgirl cradle ever. The one Austin did after being paralyzed had more force behind it. Discus lariat is now SHADES OF DADDY. Don't remember Anvil ever doing that, but whatever. Naomi won with an O Conner roll. Renee's black and deep yellow dress rules and matches Goldust perfectly. Cody THANKED THE WWE UNIVERSE FOR BEING A RHODES at the PPV. Fucking hell, this guy is doomed.

Alberto-Sandow is the top of the hour main event. There's a sign in the crowd about kids being locked in a basement. I'm shocked that's made air so many times tonight. Nice back bump dropkick in the corner from Alberto. Cole talked about Cena's healing powers, which include recovering from a broken neck much faster than usual. Because that's something that's worked so well for Angle. Alberto tried to steal the case, or use it, or something. Armbar turned into the Edge-o-Matic for 2. Corner enzuiguri missed and Alberto took a tremendous flying bump for it. Flipping Moore-style neckbreaker got 2 for Sandow. This match is finally working out well since they've got some fire behind stuff and aren't just doing a bunch of moves. Shot to the injured knee of Sandow...which was fine on Raw...set up the armbar. Fine story told here with Sandow doing really well, but they should've at least planted the seeds for this on Raw instead of just doing everything willy-nilly here.

Fine recap of Show's night from Raw. Again, TONS OF AIRTIME being devoted to this man who is supposed to be fired. If they want to use the REAL NAMES = SHOOTZ BROTHER deal, at least just call him Paul Wight throughout all this. PTPs and Khali are out. Khali attempted to do the dance holding on to both guys, but just wound up throwing DY off. Love the goof in the Bad Boy shirt doing goofy stuff on-camera. They've facing 3MB. PTPs pink gear looks pretty awesome. Khali chop got the win over Heath. Nothing match. They danced while a fan held up a RYBACK DRIVES A PRIUS sign. I demand a skit on the site with him driving it and telling THOSE BULLIES in trucks to move. Goldust and Cody are out to face the Wyatts, because why the hell not. Cody's all-black gear makes him look a bit jobber-ish. Bray's cutting a promo that finally provides some sort of context for this. Love JBL asking which side is the bizarre side.

It's mind-blowing to see Luke Harper's gear on WWE TV, and in a main event no less. Not quite as odd as Taker-Festus, but still odd. That was a damn good match too - I remember having it in FPR immediately after it happened. Rowan's giant spin kick was impressive - more impressive was Goldust's FLYING BULLDOG. So silky-smooth. Beautiful flying knee from Cody - a bit too similar to Bryan's to see it sticking around though. Booker's corner sunset flip won. I LOVE Cody taking trademark moves from guys he's had feuds with. Wyatts first lost happened here...in an unhyped main event on the B show. This felt like a 2 hour Main Event show, but less important than that show did before. Shocked that Orton and Bryan weren't on this after being all over closing angles in recent weeks.

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TNA Impact 10-10-13

Cops ended with MARIJUANA PLANT THEFT! Tremendous. It's been THREE YEARS since 10-10-10. THEERRREEE HEREEEEEE. Then they left. And now TNA's just kind of existing. Show-opening video focused on Hardy SHOCKING THE WORLD by wanting to be in the X division. Also, Sting basically agreed to give Magnus a pity fuck at BFG to boost his confidence. Speaking of which, Hogan refused a ride on the Dixie train, and they didn't show Dixie begging him to stay. Dixie is out in an actual dress and not a tablecloth. Lots of kids and 20-somethings are in the Hardy zip-ups. Hogan is now just HE, so yeah, I'm leaning towards him being back. SHE DID NOT NEED HIM. She don't need anybody to come here and tell her how to run her rasslin company. "Good lord, I don't need any MR. STEPHANIE LEVESQUE or THE JARRETTS! I'M THE BEST THE INDUSTRY'S EVER SEEN!" This promo is amazing. Sting is sadly interrupting it. Dixie's threatening to fire everyone. Locker room's probably overjoyed - they can make more money on indies now. Sting-Magnus is WALKING TNA ON THE EDGE OF THE CLIFF! Dixie's now making a match for them to have a tag match against Bad Influence. I think if the faces lose, their PPV match is off. It's hard to hear due to the crowd drowning her out and their equipment apparently being on loan from The Arena. I hope she gets a new theme soon. "Welcome to the Dixie-dom." Oh yeah, Dixie let Bully put AJ in any match he wants later. EGO HOF graphic rules. And Aries faces Hardy, because...why the fuck not when you've got a 1:1 heel to face ratio. I do love him talking about the goofy Hardy head-talking bits from months ago. First ten minutes have ruled so far.

 AJ's got his $40 rolling luggage with him, because he's allowed to wrestle without a contract because...why not. I love him wearing his TNA merch while not under contract. Christy's cleavage introduced Aries, who got no reaction and whose entrance took no time. Hardy got his full deal. Yup. Put the nearly middle-aged guy with painkiller and drug problems in an ultimate X match. That can't go badly. They referenced Manik, which reminded me that he was a champion, and a face - so much for 1:1 heel:face. So instead, Sabin's fighting against massive odds to win the title he once held. IT HAS NEVER BEEN MORE IMPORTANT TO FOLLOW DIXIE CARTER ON TWITTER. They hyped up the Frank Shamrock special, which should be awesome. I'm astonished they didn't reference Ken being a former world champ in TNA. Aries did Raven's clothesline>corner bulldog spot. Taz gives no shits about anything EXCEPT the position of the body during a pinfall. For that, he'll go into extreme detail. Diving clothesline off the apron led to a break, and a shot of the stagehand or timekeeper, or someone in a Slammiversary T-shirt.

Hardy knocked the announce table back missing something, which makes the table seem cheap. Nice double sledge off the top to the floor - better one when Hardy was against the railing. That was gorgeous. They said this was a preview of the PPV match. I disagree - I thin it will wind up being better than the PPV match. Missile dropkick missed once for Aries, but he got it on the second try after doing a bit more damage. DROPKICK to the rope crotched Aries - I like that. It's a simple way to do an established spot in a new way. Nice brainbuster off the ropes too. Excellent match. Joe's out to I guess add himself to the X Title mix. Joe's impressed with Aries and Hardy, and both men adding themselves to an X title match. Joe said they could both be super-charismatic, or it could be the mics - because HE'S ADDED TO THE MATCH AS WELL. Boy that really sucks for Kenny King. The Bro Mans are being wacky. Robbie's got BRO cut into his hair. Jesse is I think about to turn face. Shame. He's really fine in this wacky mid-card act.

They showed JB talking about the EY/Joseph Park road trip skits on the TNA site. Jesse got beat by ODB at some point, and Jesse wants he and Robbie to embarrass her. ODB and EY have a new bit where she sticks her ass out and he slaps it. Hard chops to the pecs from ODB. EY got a motorboat, then ODB dodged a charge and got a schoolgirl cradle for 2. EY and Robbie brawled to the back, then Tapa came out. She reminds me a lot of Nidia facially, but minus the nice ass. Tapa destroyed her. I'm terrified that they're going to put her on live PPV because she can't even work well on either a taped PPV, or just doing run ins. Nice graphic for Bad Influence-MEM tonight. I guess the Mafia is still a thing. Bully's talking to the guy about a revenge match. I guess that's about AJ. Dunno.

Bisch and Knux bitched at Bully about the club being nothing now. Well, they did lose a ton of dudes. And all the strippers. Bully blamed it all on Anderson, so he's back. Knux stood up to Bully again, and Bully made a handicap match with them against AJ tonight. Sting and Magnus had a wacky meeting. Magnus is wearing TNA's Save the Tatas shirt. That comes off as a bit crass. Magnus with a five o'clock shadow makes him look 35. Kaz and Daniels had a wacky Wizard of Oz meeting while tilting themselves to go with the '60s Batman "evil is always crooked" deal. I don't quite know what that was other than awesome.

Kevin Hart Blu-Ray was advertised...why does stand-up comedy need to be in HD? Holy God. Kaz and Daniels came out in all-bright orange and perriwinkle suits. Then they jousted with their canes. I'm very disappointed that Roode's not in an all-green suit. They said this was a Dumb and Dumber tribute for Throwback Thursday - but their suits are far better. Bobby sat in his giant wooden chair as Kaz showed him the video that "he slaved over a hot computer over", which was just clips of him and guys talking about everyone else but him and "Bobby Roode" being dubbed over. Daniels for Option C world champ! After a long wacky speech, Roode said that he deserves to go into the HOF and not Angle - because Kurt hasn't done anything recently. Bobby, on the other hand, was the longest-reigning world champ in company history. Angle came back before his hyped up BFG weekend return, took off his shirt, looked pretty ripped and kicked BI's ass before challenging Bobby. This was awesome stuff. Velvet-Brooke is apparently next, but Velvet's got hurt ribs. 

Roode cut a promo on Angle in an all-white suit. Velvet came out looking kind of cocky. The ribs are taped up due to Tapa, which I forgot. Sabin covered up her ass-shake with his vest. Velvet's ribs got smacked up with kicks and punches. Velvet countered with... a Russian legsweep that caused her to land on her back and impact her body. Velvet's thong is showing ala Lita back in the day. Velvet regained control thanks to Brooke shaking her ass too much in the ropes. There's a sentence I never thought I'd write. Velvet hit a flying neckbreaker and landed right on her ass doing so. I'm pretty sure she's doing that wrong. Sabin distracted Velvet, and Brooke won with a schoolgirl holding the pants. Velvet's shoulder rolled over at 2.5, and they didn't even get a good shot of the finish - boo-urns.

Ethan has a full name - Ethan Carter III - EC3 is coming! This gimmick is going to rule. It seems like his gimmick is being Dixie's douche son, or nephew or something, which fits Dixie too. BFG card was recapped. Seems kinda not amazing. Could be fun though. Kaz and Daniels are sadly out in regular gear. According to Taz, "A lot of people remember Sting from back in the day here." As opposed to during his SEVEN YEAR TNA RUN. Bunch of nothing happened until they mis-timed a miscue spot for the faces. An ad for BetterSex and a 50% off coupon code aired. I thought they just stuck with those for the on demand reruns. Wow. Sting got in after the break, got a hot tag, ran wild. Gave Magnus the chance to win with the flying elbow and it led to the cloverleaf, which he was hit due to. Sting got a blind tag and won with the splash>Death Drop combo. Magnus was angry about...his team winning because he didn't get the win...which he couldn't do after TWO FINISHERS. Magnus is kind of a dick. Dixie met with AJ and gave him a check - good for enough money for him to START A LITTLE FOUNDATION FOR THEM LITTLE REDNECK KIDS THAT CAN'T READ! He tore it up. Amazing. 

Aces came out, complete with Bully and Brooke's ass doing hydraulics. Fans in Hardy gear held up the world title replicas. Hardy is so the biggest draw in this company - those things aren't cheap, and that's just assuming they're the $300-$400 ones and not the $1,200 ones. Bully sent Tenay packing. I'm not expecting good things here. Bully called AJ "kid". I think he's maybe five years younger than AJ. AJ's black and blue (with white trim) gear looks awesome - it makes him working in a shirt actually sorta work. Pele got the win for AJ. Bully beat him up with the chain, and the other guys weren't amused. AJ was taken out on the ramp with a nasty bump.

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