Thursday, October 3, 2013

TNA Impact 10-3-13

Cops features crazy bitch fighting. I love the cop playing peacemaker of sorts. There's a new VO guy for the show-opening video. He's nowhere near as good as the most recent dude. The look of shock on Hogan's face after the Dixie bit ruled. A fan is doing the RVD thumbs bit. I wonder if I'm a Chris Benoit Guy makes air again. AJ's character battles me. He's not happy AJ, cocky heel AJ, or emo tweener AJ. NWO Granny is rooting for AJ. AJ doesn't wanna bury Dixie with every shovel he many does one man need? He's trying to do a decent job hyping up Bully Ray, but that match has been done a lot over the past two years. AJ needs to lose the beard now because he looks every bit of his 36 years with it. Brooke's ass is bouncing down to ringside with Bully. I love Bully saying that AJ ain't fighting Dixie at BFG, he's fighting him - the man who ruined Hogan and kicked his own brother out of the club. Bully wants to take AJ away from the people - he's tired of people chanting it. And so is Brooke, who is plugging her ears with the chant going on. Bully cut a goddamned great promo about how AJ had better pray to whatever God he believes in because he'll send AJ home after BFG without a contract to his wife and 3 kids. AJ made Joe-Bully via Hogan. Magnus faces EGO later in a gauntlet, and Hogan-Dixie is hyped up. She's meeting with AJ in the back, in a blue hankerchief dress.

I love Sabin being a dickhead who Velvet seemingly can't stand being around. Aries is on commentary and it's King and Sabin against Manik and Hardy. Hardy feels like he's slumming it here. Dude should just not be in the X division mix in any way unless they're trying to make the title mean something...around July when he can cash it in for the title that matters. A crazy Hardy fan kid is next to NWO Granny. I love the fakeout spot leading to Sabin going to the floor and Hardy getting tagged in. King's cut is re-opened. Aries said that the workout app should be inspired by him. Taz pitched a Joseph Park app. A couple of front row fans have TNA replica belts. They look really good, so there's a chance they spent about $1,000 each just to get belts on-air for a few seconds. Sabin did the yambag Yakuza kick...and then checked his knee brace at the same time. TREMENDOUS. Aries was impressed by Manik's missile dropkick to THE BRAIN STEM. I used to think that Velvet was just a bad wrestler, but she's not really good at being ringside either. Hardy hit the swanton to King to get the win for his team. Aries challenged Sabin to a match, which was changed into a 4-way with everyone in this match. Hardy demanded an Ultimate X. Oh goody. If there's one thing a mid-30s Jeff Hardy needs, it's a new way to kill his body. I like the idea of Hardy being X Division champion, although I'd like it more if I had any reason to believe it would actually give the division more than like four dudes.

Sting is dressed like a fucking boss in a slick blue shirt and black, blue, and white tie. Hogan met with Sting and they talked A TON about Bischoff. Someone gave Hogan a gift from Dixie - the same HoF watch Sting was given. I was hoping it was re-gifted, but nope. Sting looked so much better and younger than Hogan here. Taz and Tenay did a terribly-edited in VO where they talked about Dixie giving Hogan a retirement gift and Hogan having a history of changing things on the fly. Replay of Magnus being all pissy from last week. After Sting and Hogan were on-screen, Ageless Male was hyped up.

Daniels and his giant douche goggles are out to start the gauntlet. Magnus's theme sucks. This is Glory should do reasonably well since they're hyping it up nicely here. Tenay's commentary is what Commissioner Gordon from the '60s Batman would sound like if he was on a wrestling show. Daniels really seems like a guy who should win the title via the X Title clause. Magnus won with the Mag Driver. Kaz is out. Oddly, Kaz didn't just rush the ring against a weakened guy - he instead talked with Daniels, which led to a beating before a break. Magnus kicked ass during the break. The gorgeous flying elbow got 2. That's easily his best move and should be his finisher. Fade to Black countered into the cloverlead for the tapout.  Great finish. They showed an overhead shot of Magnus that exposed his poor hairline - that might be one reason why he looks older than he is. Kaz clipped the knee, which is nice and fits into last week's deal...but Roode doesn't do any knee submissions. Match is up after the break.

Roode's dominant, but gets hit by the driver for 2. Cloverleaf gets locked on. I dig the idea of this gauntlet, but the matches aren't doing a thing for me. Flying elbow misses and he hurts his knee in the process. Crossface is locked on. NOW Roode's got the ankle lock on - I'd be so fine with this move being used by him to set up an Angle series. Rock-solid storytelling here. Magnus flipped out after the loss. Sting came down. He does not approve of chair-flipping, or the God-awful VO work here from Tenay that is impossible to hear. Magnus is super-pissed. Sting got the mic and told him to chill. This all feels a bit rushed. On the upside, it does make this gauntlet that didn't seem very important before seem more important afterwards. Magnus said that Sting, Kurt, and Joe have faith in him. But he simply doesn't have it. Sting said that he just needs to focus on the good. Magnus replied by saying he's done with pep talks - it's a results-driven business and he's not getting the results. Sting said he was in Magnus's spot at one point and he grabbed the chance against Flair. Magnus said he knows the match - HE'S STUDIED IT. Magnus said that Sting was put on the map by Flair, but who would do it for him? Sting said he would. This was just about perfect - it's a battle for respect. Sting has it for Magnus, and he's going to do whatever it takes to make sure that Magnus realize that he's as good as Sting and everyone else believe him to be.

Aries met with Hogan after giving him some vegan vitamins and hoping that they and maybe some prayers would help him. He thanked Hogan for giving him Option C, even if they haven't always seen eye to eye. Hogan recap video was amazing, in large part because it being THREE YEARS since Immortal started and two years since Hogan's last match on TV/PPV. This spent a lot of time on Immortal, giving Dixie a good reason to WANT to be rid of Hogan. Sabin met with the interview dude, said Velvet didn't need him at ringside, and instead, he would drink his diet soda and meditate. COOL DUDE, COOL! Heel Sabin rules! And Brooke's ass is facing Velvet next!

A BetterSex ad for toys and porn DVDs aired. Rinky dink stuff here. Nice recap of the gauntlet. Kaz and Daniels sang Roode's theme. Roode's off the chain and sells propane. They hyped up that Roode's going into the HOF - the EGO HOF. This is so leading to Roode-Angle - YES! Roode's not going to be dressed to the 9s - he'll be in the 9 and a halves. Kaz will be to the 10s. Brooke's ass came down and did the booty shake on the ramp. Velvet's in pants, which should make her look less hot, but don't - she's got a shapely ass in them anyway. Tapa came down and destroyed Velvet. Remember how shitty Kamala's kicks to Taker looked at Summerslam? That's what her stomps were like here. Her theme is awesome though.

Someone who I guess is Ethan is being a mega douchebag. Yup. It's Ethan. I think it's just Evan Markopolis from Gut Check, but with an awesome gimmick. They showed Gun Storm winning the titles at Slammiversary, which just shows how they've done fuck-all since then. According to Storm, Gunner's a straight-forward Chrsitian guy, whereas he's a partying guy who loves to drink. They showed Gunner in war photos, which makes him seem really likeable. There's a strong idea behind this team, and some chemistry, but it's easily a step down for Storm and doesn't feel as good as use as Gunner as when he was getting a bit of a singles push. They ran down the BFG card, which really doesn't feel very special. Sting-Magnus kind of does because it's new and should be a fine storytelling match, but doesn't really have much build to it either time-wise or quality-wise. The great Angle HOF vid aired to kill more time. Angle comes off as such an icon with this video. Angle could about be a draw with these video packages. Joe's out for his match, which reminds me that he's doing jackshit at the biggest show of the year despite being in the MEM. Maybe he'll join the Aces or start a NEW HEEL FACTION - the Nation of Violence. Tenay basically just said that this match was filler until tonight's big Hogan-Dixie deal. Joe flashing gang signs is funny. Him working in a shirt is a bit sad, but it's a better look than him without one now. Bully called Joe a STUPID SAMOAN SON OF A...then just stopped so Joe could push him. That was odd. Bully grabbed the chain, but Hebner grabbed it, so Bully just hit Joe in the nuts. TO THE BREAK!

Joe kicked Bully's ass after the break - including using the Yakuza kick. Joe looks like a generic NM CAW with shorts and Big Show's Big Nasty Bastard shirt on. Double axe handle with the chain, which fell...DQ...this sucked. Piledriver tease on the floor from Bully. How in the hell would that piledriver have worked exactly? There was no room at all behind Bully. AJ saved Joe and celebrated with a few fans. Hogan pondered while wearing DIXIE'S WATCH! They hyped up a Frank Shamrock documentary next week. Well, that should be pretty awesome.

TNA WRESTLING PRESIDENT Dixie Carter's tron led her out while Tenay talked about this being THE MOST IMPORTANT DECISION IN TNA HISTORY! #dixiesring should be trending worldwide. Dixie talking down to fans about not understanding business is tremendous. Dixie sounds like she's summoning Hogan to the start of a porn scene here. It's 10:57 and Hogan's just stepped into the ring. Dixie was flattered by his watch, that she gave him. Then she asked if he's ready to "take a ride on the Dixie train." Is that anything like a conga-line buttfuck? Hogan said it's been HIS DREAM IN HIS 35 YEARS IN WRESTLING to be in a power couple like this. BUT it's a great offer for someone else - he quits. Dixie's boobs bounced on the ramp. "We want Vince" chants and "get on your knees" chants making air alongside "Dixie sucks.". This is brilliant. Hogan has balls of steel to leave like this. Dixie and TNA came off as so low-rent here. Hogan got paid millions of dollars, STILL GOT TO MAKE OUTSIDE LICENSING DEALS (not just with WWE, but with Slingshot Shirts), and now gets to book his return to WM XXX while having the owner of TNA basically begging to fuck him to stay. It's impossible not to look up to this man. The crowd should've chanted "you've still got it." after all that.

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