Thursday, October 10, 2013

TNA Impact 10-10-13

Cops ended with MARIJUANA PLANT THEFT! Tremendous. It's been THREE YEARS since 10-10-10. THEERRREEE HEREEEEEE. Then they left. And now TNA's just kind of existing. Show-opening video focused on Hardy SHOCKING THE WORLD by wanting to be in the X division. Also, Sting basically agreed to give Magnus a pity fuck at BFG to boost his confidence. Speaking of which, Hogan refused a ride on the Dixie train, and they didn't show Dixie begging him to stay. Dixie is out in an actual dress and not a tablecloth. Lots of kids and 20-somethings are in the Hardy zip-ups. Hogan is now just HE, so yeah, I'm leaning towards him being back. SHE DID NOT NEED HIM. She don't need anybody to come here and tell her how to run her rasslin company. "Good lord, I don't need any MR. STEPHANIE LEVESQUE or THE JARRETTS! I'M THE BEST THE INDUSTRY'S EVER SEEN!" This promo is amazing. Sting is sadly interrupting it. Dixie's threatening to fire everyone. Locker room's probably overjoyed - they can make more money on indies now. Sting-Magnus is WALKING TNA ON THE EDGE OF THE CLIFF! Dixie's now making a match for them to have a tag match against Bad Influence. I think if the faces lose, their PPV match is off. It's hard to hear due to the crowd drowning her out and their equipment apparently being on loan from The Arena. I hope she gets a new theme soon. "Welcome to the Dixie-dom." Oh yeah, Dixie let Bully put AJ in any match he wants later. EGO HOF graphic rules. And Aries faces Hardy, because...why the fuck not when you've got a 1:1 heel to face ratio. I do love him talking about the goofy Hardy head-talking bits from months ago. First ten minutes have ruled so far.
 AJ's got his $40 rolling luggage with him, because he's allowed to wrestle without a contract because...why not. I love him wearing his TNA merch while not under contract. Christy's cleavage introduced Aries, who got no reaction and whose entrance took no time. Hardy got his full deal. Yup. Put the nearly middle-aged guy with painkiller and drug problems in an ultimate X match. That can't go badly. They referenced Manik, which reminded me that he was a champion, and a face - so much for 1:1 heel:face. So instead, Sabin's fighting against massive odds to win the title he once held. IT HAS NEVER BEEN MORE IMPORTANT TO FOLLOW DIXIE CARTER ON TWITTER. They hyped up the Frank Shamrock special, which should be awesome. I'm astonished they didn't reference Ken being a former world champ in TNA. Aries did Raven's clothesline>corner bulldog spot. Taz gives no shits about anything EXCEPT the position of the body during a pinfall. For that, he'll go into extreme detail. Diving clothesline off the apron led to a break, and a shot of the stagehand or timekeeper, or someone in a Slammiversary T-shirt.

Hardy knocked the announce table back missing something, which makes the table seem cheap. Nice double sledge off the top to the floor - better one when Hardy was against the railing. That was gorgeous. They said this was a preview of the PPV match. I disagree - I thin it will wind up being better than the PPV match. Missile dropkick missed once for Aries, but he got it on the second try after doing a bit more damage. DROPKICK to the rope crotched Aries - I like that. It's a simple way to do an established spot in a new way. Nice brainbuster off the ropes too. Excellent match. Joe's out to I guess add himself to the X Title mix. Joe's impressed with Aries and Hardy, and both men adding themselves to an X title match. Joe said they could both be super-charismatic, or it could be the mics - because HE'S ADDED TO THE MATCH AS WELL. Boy that really sucks for Kenny King. The Bro Mans are being wacky. Robbie's got BRO cut into his hair. Jesse is I think about to turn face. Shame. He's really fine in this wacky mid-card act.

They showed JB talking about the EY/Joseph Park road trip skits on the TNA site. Jesse got beat by ODB at some point, and Jesse wants he and Robbie to embarrass her. ODB and EY have a new bit where she sticks her ass out and he slaps it. Hard chops to the pecs from ODB. EY got a motorboat, then ODB dodged a charge and got a schoolgirl cradle for 2. EY and Robbie brawled to the back, then Tapa came out. She reminds me a lot of Nidia facially, but minus the nice ass. Tapa destroyed her. I'm terrified that they're going to put her on live PPV because she can't even work well on either a taped PPV, or just doing run ins. Nice graphic for Bad Influence-MEM tonight. I guess the Mafia is still a thing. Bully's talking to the guy about a revenge match. I guess that's about AJ. Dunno.

Bisch and Knux bitched at Bully about the club being nothing now. Well, they did lose a ton of dudes. And all the strippers. Bully blamed it all on Anderson, so he's back. Knux stood up to Bully again, and Bully made a handicap match with them against AJ tonight. Sting and Magnus had a wacky meeting. Magnus is wearing TNA's Save the Tatas shirt. That comes off as a bit crass. Magnus with a five o'clock shadow makes him look 35. Kaz and Daniels had a wacky Wizard of Oz meeting while tilting themselves to go with the '60s Batman "evil is always crooked" deal. I don't quite know what that was other than awesome.
Kevin Hart Blu-Ray was advertised...why does stand-up comedy need to be in HD? Holy God. Kaz and Daniels came out in all-bright orange and perriwinkle suits. Then they jousted with their canes. I'm very disappointed that Roode's not in an all-green suit. They said this was a Dumb and Dumber tribute for Throwback Thursday - but their suits are far better. Bobby sat in his giant wooden chair as Kaz showed him the video that "he slaved over a hot computer over", which was just clips of him and guys talking about everyone else but him and "Bobby Roode" being dubbed over. Daniels for Option C world champ! After a long wacky speech, Roode said that he deserves to go into the HOF and not Angle - because Kurt hasn't done anything recently. Bobby, on the other hand, was the longest-reigning world champ in company history. Angle came back before his hyped up BFG weekend return, took off his shirt, looked pretty ripped and kicked BI's ass before challenging Bobby. This was awesome stuff. Velvet-Brooke is apparently next, but Velvet's got hurt ribs. 

Roode cut a promo on Angle in an all-white suit. Velvet came out looking kind of cocky. The ribs are taped up due to Tapa, which I forgot. Sabin covered up her ass-shake with his vest. Velvet's ribs got smacked up with kicks and punches. Velvet countered with... a Russian legsweep that caused her to land on her back and impact her body. Velvet's thong is showing ala Lita back in the day. Velvet regained control thanks to Brooke shaking her ass too much in the ropes. There's a sentence I never thought I'd write. Velvet hit a flying neckbreaker and landed right on her ass doing so. I'm pretty sure she's doing that wrong. Sabin distracted Velvet, and Brooke won with a schoolgirl holding the pants. Velvet's shoulder rolled over at 2.5, and they didn't even get a good shot of the finish - boo-urns.

Ethan has a full name - Ethan Carter III - EC3 is coming! This gimmick is going to rule. It seems like his gimmick is being Dixie's douche son, or nephew or something, which fits Dixie too. BFG card was recapped. Seems kinda not amazing. Could be fun though. Kaz and Daniels are sadly out in regular gear. According to Taz, "A lot of people remember Sting from back in the day here." As opposed to during his SEVEN YEAR TNA RUN. Bunch of nothing happened until they mis-timed a miscue spot for the faces. An ad for BetterSex and a 50% off coupon code aired. I thought they just stuck with those for the on demand reruns. Wow. Sting got in after the break, got a hot tag, ran wild. Gave Magnus the chance to win with the flying elbow and it led to the cloverleaf, which he was hit due to. Sting got a blind tag and won with the splash>Death Drop combo. Magnus was angry about...his team winning because he didn't get the win...which he couldn't do after TWO FINISHERS. Magnus is kind of a dick. Dixie met with AJ and gave him a check - good for enough money for him to START A LITTLE FOUNDATION FOR THEM LITTLE REDNECK KIDS THAT CAN'T READ! He tore it up. Amazing. 

Aces came out, complete with Bully and Brooke's ass doing hydraulics. Fans in Hardy gear held up the world title replicas. Hardy is so the biggest draw in this company - those things aren't cheap, and that's just assuming they're the $300-$400 ones and not the $1,200 ones. Bully sent Tenay packing. I'm not expecting good things here. Bully called AJ "kid". I think he's maybe five years younger than AJ. AJ's black and blue (with white trim) gear looks awesome - it makes him working in a shirt actually sorta work. Pele got the win for AJ. Bully beat him up with the chain, and the other guys weren't amused. AJ was taken out on the ramp with a nasty bump.

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