Monday, October 14, 2013

WWE Raw 10-14-13

It's been two weeks since Show promised to knock HHH the hell out, and 1 week since the deed was done - so Steph should be out tonight to reprimand him, or rehire him, or something. Oh, and HBK is back live and the Rhodes Bros. get a tag title shot. God bless last second hype via Facebook and Twitter. HBK's out to start the show - hard to believe he's 48 - he's moving around great and looks fantastic given his age and all he's been through. And then they shot a close-up of the grey in his beard - makes him look like Steve Rhodes when he returned on MWC. HBK was glad the fans didn't forget about ol HB-Shizzle. Weird feedback on the mic. Loved him bringing up being in the first cell match - in the very building they're in tonight. Hard to believe that was 16 years ago. Cole said that he had SOME HISTORY for everyone - HBK was in the first Cell match...yeah thanks, HBK JUST SAID THAT. Lots of cheers for Orton since they're in his hometown. Brock guy is out doing a cross to a clown. Yikes. Orton faces Miz next. Miz can't catch a break. He'll be booed and I guarantee Orton ain't losing to Miz even if they're in Orton's hometown. Orton said he was born in St. Louis and knows more than anyone else that they're not bright. Orton said he'd hurt Bryan REAL BAD. Oh, and if HBK screws Orton over at the PPV, he may in fact kill him. Orton tried to RKO HBK, but he went to the floor to avoid the RKO. Then Miz jumped him from behind.

I'm digging Miz's purple and black gear. Match itself is just stuff. Miz's bangs really make him look like a tough guy... double axe handle off the top from Miz, who got booed for it.Cole had to remind everyone that Miz was going for the Finale since he hasn't done it in ages. Wyatts theme hits. Bray's just in the chair, RKO hits and Miz loses. Bray says Miz represents what he hates most - diamonds, red carpets, and the obsession with fame. Tremendous promo from Bray. THE WWE APP HAS BEEN DOWNLOADED 8 MILLION TIMES. For free. Fandango's out and Cole's reminding everyone about HOW PROUD WWE IS TO TELL YOU HOW PROUD WWE IS TO TELL YOU ABOUT ALL THE WORK THEY DO WITH CHARITY. WWE cares so much they'll donate an unknown portion of the proceeds of all the pink merch to SGK. Summer Rae's pink and black dress rules. Fandango did the splits in mid-air off the top. That was not a wise move. Fandango won the mid-card match with a SCHOOLBOY thanks to Summer Rae distracting the cobra. They finally talked about the Rhodes Bros. getting a tag title shot later.

The official HIAC theme is from Stone Temple Pilots. I'm astonished.  Heyman showed Maddox Punk CHEATING to beat Ryback. Punk-Ryback has apparently already been made for the PPV and MISTER MAD-OX cannot afford to look ridiculous, so Heyman should pick the stip. A 1-on-2 handicap match against the Heyman Guys is what's best for business. They've got a weird camera angle for this. They'll be doing a beat the clock deal with Ryback against Truth and Punk against someone - if Ryback beats the clock, Heyman's stip is active. If Punk wins, he gets to pick the stip. WWE DEVELOPMENTAL TALENT XAVIER WOODS started a petition to get the Big Show back. JBL mocked Woods then asked who he was, and then FUCKING BURIED his name. God that was funny. They aired a DVD clip and said Cena would be back in 2 weeks. God, just hearing that seems wrong. Los Matadores are out. JUMP THEM DURING THEIR ENTRANCE! The match happens after the break. You'll never guess - but 3MB faces them. JBL said they've been here two weeks. Yup, and I think they've faced some combo of 3MB for all but one of them. I would so love 3MB vs. Los Matadores with Tito. Twitter crawl is the highlight of the match, with folks giving Heyman guff for being a hypocrite. Double rack drop won. Double rack drop/senton combo on Jinder. Big recap for Show. Just like with SD, it sure is odd to cover a fired guy so much on national TV.  HHH says stuff next. And Ambrose faces Dolph for the U.S. Title on Main Event. Shocked to see anything get hyped up for that show.

 HHH and Steph are out. Her graphic says she's the principal owner of WWE, while Roberts says ONE OF THE principal owners. HHH seems completely fine - doesn't even have his jaw taped. The clown shook his head disapprovingly when HHH entered. HHH got a "you got knocked out" chant, and Steph repeated the same line about the Authority doing more for Show than she can count - same thing she said about Goldust. Steph said that sure, a story's gone around about HHH having a concussion and a broken jaw. BUT HE'S HHH - THE 13-TIME WWE AND WORLD CHAMPION WHO RULED OVER THE ATTITUDE ERA. AND HHH IS THE WWE! THANK GOD WE GOT TO HEAR HHH PUT OVER MORE! And now Hunter's talking just fine. Good to see HHH no-sell another injury and kill another main event angle. HHH lamented about BEING THE BAD GUY. HHH wants to be both the top heel and top face. Bryan came out. Oh yeah, the guy who is in theory the top face. Alberto jumped Bryan to seemingly set up Cena making the save for his little buddy. Steph made Bryan-Alberto later. Alberto doing the yes bit ruled. HHH doing it sucked. Ryback beats the clock next...why didn't they have Bryan-Alberto?  Super-creepy hype vid for Cena-Alberto. I really want to buy the song used in the vid.

Truth's out to face Ryback. Recap of Bryan-Alberto. Cole explained beat the clock in the most convoluted way possible. Truth bailed to repeat the King-Bundle match. I wish there'd be a match here where Heyman paid $1,000 per minute that the match went on. JBL said that Ryback should just just let Truth stay out there so he'll get counted out. Well, I'm pretty sure he'll get in before that. King brought up the massive Goldberg chants saying he loves them and that his DVD is out now. JBL chant broke out. Jerry chant broke out. SAt the 5 minute mark, this felt like it had gone for an hour. Shellshock counter to the axe kick gave Ryback the win at 5:44. Goldberg DVD after the match. They're definitely teasing something with Ryback and Goldberg here.

Steph walked backstage and saw the Bellas to thank Brie on her engagement. AJ might outweigh Brie now. Oh, and Brie's facing Tamina. King said this was spiteful. on one unfair. They hyped up the WWE 2K14 Streak mode. HBK's corner superkick looked terrible. Tons of Funk look like a giant bear team. DANCING DINOSAURS NEXT. I'm gonna go see if something needs to be cleaned. Real Americans face the fat guys. Running flag spot is such a babyface spot. Zeb ranted about Los Matadores - they'll expose Los Matadores AND THAT'S NO BULL! Cole thanked the fans for watching on Columbus Day - which led to a great JBL rant. Then they mocked King for getting lost a month or so ago. CESARO DROVE FORMULA 1 CARS OVER THE WEEKEND! This man rules. Leapfrog double stomp came off odd, with Brodus trying to grab him, so he had to reset himself. Wound up landing on his ass. JBL ASKED WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO Xavier Woods was. Cole mocked him for not knowing who he is since he's the NXT GM. Bunch of nothing happened. GIANT LEAPING EUROPEAN UPPERCUT set up the Neutralizer for the win. Giant swing to Brodus was teased, nixed, so they did it to Tensai - complete with the fans begging for it. He didn't get many revolutions and seemed to struggle more with Tensai than anyone yet. That's a bit odd - maybe Tensai's just a bit to thick for it.

Lilian talked about her mother having breast cancer and Titus talked about his grandmother. The good thing about this PR campaign is that it does let the roster talk about their past - it's a chance for them to get some closure. Goddamn that Rey senton off the apron sucked. Brie is just no good. Shades of the Calgary Crab...if Lance was just recovering from surgery, groggy, and wheelchair-bound. JBL said AJ's talking to her belt and asked if the title got a tattoo of her on it - okay, that was funny. Loved JBL saying that THE BELLAS CHEAT and so it's fair that Nikki isn't out there. Valid. King called AJ a previously enjoyed companion. Big boot from Tamina got the win. Samoan drop and shoulder breaker from Tamina. Superfly Dive. This went on for ages. Black Widow from AJ. Brie...sorta winced in pain. Nice of Nikki to show up now and not during the attack. Nice hype vid for Bryan-Orton in the cell.

Steph and Maddox watched the Goldberg DVD, which Steph buried compared to HHH's. Punk came out to try and save the show. They straight up gave this a 5:44 time limit - don't they usually just start from zero and remind you via commentary that the match needs to end by a certain point? Perfectplex was just called the Fishermans Suplex by Cole. Got 2. High kick>GTS combo got the win. Punk said he loves Paul's idea - he'll have a handicap match. RYBACK AND HEYMAN versus Punk in the Cell. Should be a lot of fun. Bryan's out for his match with Alberto. They hyped up Cena's magic healing factor. They did stuff. Alberto got the lead before the break with shots in the corner.  A kick from Bryan busted up Alberto's mouth. Alberto flexed his pecs for a comeback. Cole and JBL talked about revisionist history. Bryan hit the MOMENTUM SHIFT COMEBACK, actually called that by Cole. Horrendous super rana got 2. Bryan got another 2 count and Orton talked on the tron. Orton did...things to Brie leading to sub-porno acting. Schoolboy got 2. Bryan ran to the back and got counted out to give Alberto the win. So both guys looked like shit here. Bryan went to the trainers. Bellas had no idea where Orton was. HOW COULD BRIE NOT KNOW WHERE ORTON WENT!? Did he just teleport? Everyone involved in this came off terribly - but it was pretty funny.

Shield talked about the Rhodes - they're the Rhodes Boys despite Dustin being middle-aged. Also, HHH made their match no DQ. Then Steph and HHH made out. Show could punch them both out right now. Cena journey vid. Cena shrank a lot in two weeks, then unshrank. He knows how to work out. Doesn't quite know how to put his phone sideways to shoot videos for better HD playback. Rhodes-Shield is up next. Punk will be on SD, presumably cutting a promo since that's all they hyped. So odd to see the tag titles in the main event of Raw - even moreso with Goldust and Cody being in it. They talked about how the Usos are the top contenders. I have no recollection as to why, and am beyond fine with the Rhodes Bros. getting this shot. Giant bulldog out of the corner from Goldust got 2. Crossbody missed leading to him taking a crazy rolling bump to the floor.

Spinning backslide from Goldust got 2. It's amazing that he can move around so smoothly at his age, and with so many miles on his body. Cody's moonsault got a 2.9. Springboard dropkick got 2 before Rollins made the save. Goldust and Rollins brawled on the floor. Ambrose stopped Crossrhodes. Goldust's chair prevented the triple power bomb. King hyped it up as a "Tito Ortiz swing.". That is such an insult to Goldust. Crossbody from Goldust, but Reigns had the chair up. Disaster kick was countered into a buckle bomb to the dasher boards. Reigns held his knee after the over the top lariat from Goldust. More with Ambrose. I guess we'll get Show helping the Rhodes' to win.Spear through the dasher boards to Goldust by Reigns - VINTAGE REIGNS. Show came down. Dusty finish coming. KO punch to Reigns got the win.

Screens -

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