Thursday, October 24, 2013

TNA Impact Wrestling 10-24-13

It's a week before Halloween and yet TNA is already full of doom and gloom. BFG was the most underwhelming show bearing that name yet, while Eric Bischoff might be gone. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR THE FUTURE OF WRESTLING GARETT BISCHOFF!? Hopefully a WWE developmental deal so he can actually learn the craft before being thrown on national TV. Great recap of the PPV. Good lord did AJ's left pec get all bruised and welted up. Dixie Land's tron hit and her theme's been given a more two-bit country twang. She's got a giant WELCOME BACK AJ STYLES banner that might as well have been printed up on old '80s computer paper. They appeared to spend about $100 on this whole deal. AJ's out with the revamped TNA World title for the first time - looks great, as did his anti-cancer gear. They showed the red carpet for the ring not even reaching the corners. Crowd is hot for all this. Dixie offered him the second-best dressing room - next to hers. She offered him Hogan's old watch that she found on Craigslist. AND A CAR! Holy shit. That car needs a fish tank in the rims. AJ renounced her material goods. AJ's gotta get some cream for that double chin of his. Combined with the beard, he looks 40. Dixie said AJ didn't have to wrestle tonight - they could get on her private jet, get out of this God-forsaken town and GO SOMEWHERE FUN!

Bully's out, and angry at Dixie for threatening to take his shot away. AJ turned down the chance to go to Dixie Land - tremendous. AJ said he came here to defend this title he isn't holding her up for money for some reason. Bully hilariously called AJ a kid again, despite them being about five years apart in age. Bully blamed Earl. This is going on for ages. He cut the exact same promo as last week, minus the Dusty/Flair stuff. Oh, and Bully's now a wrestling God. AJ said the Aces won't help Bully tonight and vowed to beat Bully and go back with his fans...just like he did on the PPV. Loved AJ saying afterwards, that he'll tell Bully what his name is - THE WORLD CHAMPION AJ STYLES! Bully beat him down with the picture stands. Powerbomb through the table was teased, but Anderson a T-shirt, jeans, black hair, and very little tan. He got blown up doing the corner punches. Oh boy.

Anderson's destroyed the celebration set over the break. Oh thank Christ, more talking. It's 9:29 and he's just rambling. Everyone's sick of Bully, or something. Fans are sick of it. Dixie's back out to talk. GODDAMMIT. She said Anderson's fired, and he said it's weird that she's into handcuffs. He likes getting arrested, I guess so he can try to cosplay '97 Austin. He left while doing very little to resist. This ate up time and adds to the count of current WWE things they're recreating - shame he's not seven feet tall. Great recap of the KOs title match from the PPV. Tapa's out on live TV, thankfully with Gail, who will be handling the work in this tag match.

Brooke's out. Not sure who she'll be teaming with since there aren't any other heels. Velvet's out. Well, this is odd. Turns out, she'll be teaming with Gail - odd since Gail beat her and Tapa KOed her. Tapa's not working, although that might allow her to get better. Brooke's ass is glorious, and Hemme in Flex Mag was hyped. They hyped up THE TNA WHERE THE ACTION NEVER ENDS campaign. What really goes on...because what's on TV is fake, you see. Velvet's ass is on display a ton here. ODB speared Brooke...who held on to drag her to the floor so Tapa could kick ODB and cost her the match. EC3 is next, to continue the '90 AWA vibe.

BroMans are backstage being wacky. IT'S CELEBROTION TIME! "The following. The Following..." Christy's not having a great night here. EC3 really needs some dazzling pre-match gear. Dewey Barnes is his opposition. This guy's theme still isn't the worst in TNA history. I hope this is building to either a match against Spike Dudley or Colin Delaney. Tenay outright begged people to DVR the show next week since you'll either be drunk or trick or treating. TREMENDOUS bump for the headlock driver. Goddamn that's one hell of a scar on EC3's stomach. He looks a lot like Rick Martel facially, and has a bit of his pre-drug testing physique. Angle will be out next to cut a promo, because fuck wrestling.

Outstanding Sting-Magnus video made the match seem far more epic, and better, than it was. Sting said he wanted to give him the chance, but didn't expect it would be against why'd he make the match then? Magnus apologized for being an asshole at BFG and they shook hands. Good stuff here - it doesn't quite make up for them rushing the angle, but it does give this thing a chance to breathe and seem important. Nice recap of Angle and the HOF deal. Goofy ref mugging for the camera is ruining this Angle-Roode recap. Angle hurt his knee on the moonsault in his first match back. Yikes. Angle said he isn't ready for the HOF yet and put Roode over. Roode said that Sunday made up for two years ago when he lost to Kurt at BFG. More talking. Angle made a challenge for a rematch tonight. Really now - why buy PPVs? Roode said yes, but no - because Kurt's hurt DUE TO HIM. Loved Kurt hitting him with a punch and Roode bumping for it. Roode should really be in WWE right now - he'd be perfect as a Heyman guy in Axel's spot. Bully cut a promo with the Aces, but with the Impact bumper music playing over it, so it was impossible to hear. Bully sent the guys down to make sure Anderson doesn't post bail.

Trojan ad and a Better Sex ad back-to-back. Well, at least they're related to some degree. Bro Mans came out to be wacky. They've got a DJ, and the fans chanting "you can't wrestle.". Idiots. Jesse rules. Gunner's THE MDV. Because Modern-Day Viking might not roll the tongue. Storm insulted DJ Salami and called him Anus, to Taz's chagrin. "We're gonna take yer beer and protein bars – but you can keep your sister's skinny jeans.". Storm rules. Kaz insulted Gunner for being a pretend viking. Well, that's accurate. Loving him showing the Bro Mans what three is. Daniels insulted their lack of appletinis. Then EY and Park came out to be silly. Bottle smash from Daniels to Park. Rut Roh. Chokeslam to Jesse. AJ and Bully are backstage. NOW AJ has taped ribs?!

Tenay hyped up Where Action Never Ends, with some terrible-sounding VO work. Roode-Angle was announced for next week. The orange and white graphics rule. Bully rushed out for his intro. Didn't give Brooke's ass nearly enough screentime. A fan held up a #realheel shirt. Beyond the tape, AJ's selling the ribs. Oh yeah, he got hit with the photo rig. They should've recapped that. EARL's the ref. Screwjob V900. They plugged the Tournament of Champions PPV for 11/1. Ain't no fucking way on Earth anyone's buying that not even 2 weeks after BFG. I just remembered that Anderson's in jail - so I guess we'll get a run-in by the Aces, and then he'll make the save to give AJ the win. AJ took a backdrop and landed right on his left shoulder hard as hell. Bearhug from Bully was SHADES OF TED ARCIDI. Rampage 4 Real continues. Maybe he'll actually look good this time around. Running bionic elbow to a downed AJ missed. Bully did the Hogan ear cup. Springboard elbow got 2. Springboard 450 missed and AJ killed his ribs. Fat chick in the front row texting is distracting. Earl got clipped accidentally before the calf killer on Bully. Bully tapped...well, that should count since Earl's awake. Chain lariat from Bully. So the calf killer sure didn't do shit. Bully got 2. Cameras missed Anderson coming down. He did a neck snap on Bully and AJ did a shitty crucifix to win. Everyone was all tied up in each other for this. Weird. Dixie's got a giant AJ STYLES CONTRACT to present next.

They hyped up the PPV with a really shitty video showing how out of date it will be when it airs. Dixie hyped up his new contract with a bunch of zeros. Those zeros must be his royalty percentage. Dixie threw the new car in for the wife. This is really missing a "Sign it, ALLEN!". Dixie's a little tea pot now. AJ shot on Steph for buying a new house on the backs of her talent roster through Dixie. AJ wiped his ass with the contract while Dixie protested with the mic way too far. Crowd chanted Yes. Well, at least Bryan's a top-star on TNA TV now. "You suck Dixie." Tremendous. AJ said he's leaving the company with the title FOR THE PEOPLE. So he took her belt, and the keys to the car too. PUT THE MIC WITHIN 20 FEET OF YOUR FACE, DIXIE! AJ got in the car, now facing the exit.

Screens -

No comments:

Post a Comment