Thursday, October 31, 2013

TNA Impact 10-31-13

I'm not sure what to make of the music for the Angle-Roode hype. It's got a Western twang to it that doesn't fit anything. They recapped THE WORLD CHAMPION LEAVING THE COMPANY. Dixie's in like a Halloween-colored librarian's outfit. Loved the dude blowing kisses when Dixie said AJ took her title. Dixie just let AJ take the belt and the car. AJ'S GOING TRAILER TO TRAILER TRICK OR TREATING SAYING HE'S WORLD CHAMP. I demand a skit of this. Dixie said that it's not AJ's title, and she needs a REAL WORLD CHAMPION. Well, Flair's not around. I like her saying she wants to find a guy who can make the company even bigger, as opposed to saying just big. 8-man tourney to crown a new champ, made up of 7 former world champs. Everyone came out and got a little video package after Dixie said their name. This part was clunky due to the placement of the videos, but the packages were good. I'd forgotten that Aries got a big confetti celebration for his win. Bully and Brooke came out. She's got some fine fuck me boots. The 8th slot will be filled by the winner of a gauntlet for the gold. Dixie said Bully wasn't going to be in this since he lost to AJ twice. Anderson ran down in street clothes looking like a schmuck.

ShopTNA ad featured Gail and Velvet in MK cosplay and hyped up the Black November Blowout - aka, the one time of year to buy stuff from ShopTNA. You can get an 8x10 of Brook's ass for a buck. Speaking of which, Brooke's ass berated Anderson, and Bully jumped him. They blurred Bully whipping Anderson to make it seem more violent. Christy's dressed in the world's brightest mad hatter outfit. BroMans have a new theme. It's still terrible. Odd to have Storm in both the tag title match and the world title picture, although that could just be due to how low it makes Storm feel. Taz said the Modern-Day Viking should be in Vikings colors. Tenay said that was a stupid thing to ask of MISTER INTENSITY. This man badly needs better nicknames. Okay tag match. Dug the return of the Warrior-Rude ending with Robbie holding Storm's leg down after a suplex. Sting met with Dixie in her office, which is a hum going throughout it. Dixie told him she'd lift Sting's ban on the world title tonight because the fans want it, and since he's still got it, he can go out first! He said he never felt entitled, and she asked if that meant yes in the greatest way ever.

Recap of Abyss's return, and it led to Bad Influences as Holmes and Watson. They said they'd find Abyss and solve the mystery of the missing TV Title. They should just give it to EC3, who is out to kill a jobber. He's got new black and blue gear that looks a bit better than his purple stuff. This dude desperately needs some entrance gear - he comes off like the Pope sans the swank gear. NORV VERNUM returned. Big BFG rematch. Horribly-done VO work from Tenay to hype up the Bellator show after Impact. Love EC3 no-selling the TWO FLYING SHOULDER TACKLES. Headlock driver with a flip bump. This was a fun murderdeathkill squash. Roode met with the doctor to explain to him why Kurt shouldn't wrestle him tonight. Roode said that for Kurt's safety, he wants to make sure that he's cleared by this dude. Sting walked backstage for his gauntlet. It's next. LOL. WWE 2K14 ad with  Hogan.

ODB's giant boobs were on-screen and met by Bad Influence. EY said Joseph isn't there, BUT IT'S A GREAT NIGHT FOR MONSTERS! Kaz sure did change quickly, because he's out for the gauntlet. Sting hit a suplex and got a "you still got it" chant. Knux is out...break time! EY's out. Hell of a showcase for Knux there. Taz said that people in Utah were weird, had 90 wives, and the altitude was terrible! TREMENDOUS punches from Daniels in the corner. Love Tenay burying Taz for rambling. ANOTHER AD BREAK, at 9:55. Manik's out and finally gives this match something noteworthy - a springboard dive onto Daniels. Hot damn - the XStravaganza DVD is only $5! Also, you can buy Kurt's wacky flag glasses! LOL at Taz - "I gotta get out of this club. THIS CLUB SUCKS!" It's down to Bad Influence versus the Mafia. Magnus got rid of Sting and Kaz. This...should have felt like a big deal, but didn't. They weren't kidding about the DVD deal - EVERY DVD is only $5. They showed Taz and Tenay with maybe $5 in Halloween decorations on and around the table. Gail's in the back with Tapa - her match is next. Another WWE 2K14 ad. Also, a great one for the next season of Moonshiners.

Dixie hyped up the brackets and A LITTLE SUMTHIN SUMTHIN. Also, THE WHEEL OF DIXIE! Tapa's theme is awesome, but sadly not on sale on TNA's site. ODB's on fire, and now has a bionic vagina. Taz is on a different world here. More bad VO work hyping up Turning Point. Between these shows and the Bellator deal, it really makes Spike as a whole seem low-rent. Great headscissors from Gail, but it got countered into a half-crab. Pretty hot one too since Gail's no-ass was hanging out. Super-sloppy front suplex hit from ODB, but Tapa's distraction allowed Gail to get a rollup win. Bad Influence bragged about putting on their OFFICIAL detective clothing, they've solved the mystery, and the fans have permission to worship them!

They hyped up "Where Action Never Ends", sadly without the clip of Brooke twerking. Daniels grabbed a pumpkin from under the ring, which led to Taz slightly burying it. That hot Brooke ass 8x10 isn't on the ShopTNA site yet - BOO! EY's out dressed like Joseph Park. Taz said he smelled like wet mayo in the sun. Egads. Abyss came out to end this silliness. He hit the slam on both members of Bad Influence. This was not great. A fan held up a Bring Back the TV Title sign. Holy crap, I completely forgot about Angle-Roode. What a bizarre show to have that match on. Better Sex ad hyped up a discount code for toys and porno.

They showed the brackets for the TNA World title tourney. Dixie showed off THE WHEEL OF DIXIE for the Sabin-Hardy match. It came up with a ladder match to show that Dixie's nice or something. Sabin looks like a low-budget douchebag. Nice video for the Roode-Angle match. I noticed that they put some white curtains on the entrance area - looks super cheap. Fine match so far - I liked Angle's quick roll out of the crossface. Nice elbow-raking abdominal stretch from Roode. Taz said the triple Germans were "crippling.". So weird to sorta hear a Benoit reference on TV. Crossface from Roode turned into the ankle lock - nice. Crucifix into another cradle, back into the crossface. Turned into an Angle slam! This is better than their PPV match. DEATH VALLEY DRIVER from Roode. Don't recall him ever doing that before, and it was a nice variant of it too since it ended like a neckbreaker. Grapevined ankle lock, but Roode got the ropes. Pop-up belly to belly got 2 after Angle draped his arm, but he stopped moving afterwards. Then he started convulsing. Ref called it. Roode won via TKO and they replayed the suplex. This was an effective deal, but really makes Kurt seem beyond over the hill. 

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  1. The Wheel of Dixie actually landed on Full Metal Mayhem (but ladder was right next to it) and they announced it as a Full Metal Mayhem match. I'll be there at the tapings in Cincinnati. May bring an "I'm A Viscera Guy" sign.