Monday, October 7, 2013

Raw 10-7-13

Main event was truncated to just the finish in the video package. Steph is now "one of the principal owners of the WWE", which I'm sure means something. Her graphic just says she is the principal owner. Steph called Show out. A fan yelled "SHUUUTTT THE HELLL UPPP!" Stephanie is an interesting shade of orange and her saying man up just sounds odd. The crowd told him to knock her out, and then she said THAT HE HAD NO FREEDOM. Well, she's not being a star. And she's accusing him of not having a heart or soul. They keep showing a Big baby Show sign with tissues. She slaps him, fires him, and he's happy. Okay then. Impossible to believe that only took 9 minutes. Shield faces Bryan and the Rhodes Bros.

They came back and replayed the Steph-Show stuff and Dolph came out to face someone. They talked about his match with Sandow, leading to...a rematch. Oh joy. Dolph is even more orange than usual. Sandow did a headscissors almost like a triangle choke variant - I like that. Sandow should really be wearing a small brace to sell the knee injury bit. Guess there's no point since King just said he's showing no ill effects of it tonight anyway. Dolph got thrown over the top and took three bumps for it. Dolph should not be taking three bumps for a toss over the top rope in a TV match that means nothing. Well, I guess it could in theory be a possible match we'll see for the world title...which is a tad depressing given how nothing these matches are. Dolph switched his ADHD fists in the corner to just ADD ones so fans could count along. Famouser got the win for the first time ever. Goddamn did Dolph's hair look ridiculous after the match. Steph blamed Maddox for the Rhodes win, the blackout, Armstrong being rehired, and Show's deal. It is IMPOSSIBLE to not want Steph to be KOed by Show at some point. Sadly, it would probably only take her off TV for a week.

HHH DVD ad aired. They showed Bruno coming out during the break on the app. King and the crowd sang happy birthday to him. Aksana, Alicia, and Rosa came out. So Rosa exists still.  Nattie, Eva Marie, and Jojo are out. Oh my. This is on live TV, while Bruno was on the app. Aksana and Eva were in and did...things. Eva tagged in to do a schoolgirl cradle. Eva moved around when Aksana did her slithering spot, so they just did a choke. Alicia got in, then Nattie. Please let these two end it. I call bullshit on Alicia's skinny ass being able to knock two people off the apron at once. Sharpshooter won. Maddox was out to say stuff. Orton-Bryan will have A REMATCH inside the cell. There will be a guest referee - a hall of famer to be chosen later. The vote will be on the app. Hopefully it's HBK and he raises Bryan's hand in the cell with the title. So Booker's job is officially to fly around the country in case he's an option for something on the app.  Booker sorta teased a heel turn and said "more importantlyier.". Cole pimped the app and they showed the fucking app tutorial. ANYONE WHO CAN DOWNLOAD THE APP WILL KNOW HOW TO DO IT! King thankfully pointed this out. JBL sang Ole to hype up Los Matadores.

They're out to face 3MB in their THIRD MATCH in 3 shows. Good lord. Just bring in the Young Bucks for one show to mix things up or something. Cole talked about HHH inviting Vickie to Raw. Why on Earth wouldn't HHH invite the SD GM to Raw? Cole talked about a tweet from Zeb about Los Matadores. They won, and El Torito shook his ass around. Five billion star bump from Heath off the super rana. The Heyman guys are backstage. Ryback's against cancer and Axel's fighting against crowd interest. I'm kinda surprised the IC Title strap isn't pink this month.

Recap of Steph-Show. Steph's voice during "you're fired" may have actually shattered the eardrums of folks in the building. Heyman and his big, beautiful man Ryback (and Axel) were out. Ryback's half-red/half-black and smoke-filled singlet rules. Heyman said that Punk could say that he pinned Ryback, BUT THAT'S NOT ENTIRELY ACCURATE. Ryback was bullied DUE TO CHEATING! Heyman shaking his head at the low blow ruled. Punk came out with double-taped knees. They muted "balls" from Punk's promo, which is a bit odd. Punk said he'd beat Ryback again, anytime, anywhere - EVEN AT HELL IN A CELL! Truth ran out, because he wants to prove he can be killed by the Heyman Guys twice in one week. God is bullying Axel's hairline, while Punk destroys his knee. After several minutes of nothing, Punk got the hot tag and the crowd cared. He's added a double Savage finger waggle to the flying elbow. GTS hit, and Truth begged for a tag so he could get a win. Well, nice of Punk to do that. Cole said TAKE THAT MR. BULLY! after a high kick to Ryback.

The next candidate came out - BOB BACKLUND. Who still looks 40. He also DOES NOT LIKE SQUIRRELY LANGUAGE! Oh good, follow up that with a Kofi match. Fool-proof. He's facing Orton in a match that wasn't hyped up at all despite it involving a former WWE Champion and THE FACE OF THE COMPANY. Four years ago, this was a major star-making program. They came back from a break to say that Orton was IN DESTROY MODE. I wonder if that's anything like Brie Mode. Flying crossbody got 2. No good reason to not have the RKO out of the high cross there. Springboard crossbody led to a sweet powerslam. Draping DDT on the floor led to an in-ring RKO for the win. Bryan came out and jumped Orton after a hard-fought match, and sent him over the table with the plancha. Agents separated them - I really want to see Finlay-Bryan. JBL's voice seems to be failing him now.

Vickie bullied some goober who looked like Crimson, but skinnier. Alberto asked if her announcement would be to name him as the face of WWE. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Alberto said she's sexy and intelligent. Well, they do have great chemistry together. Final candidate is hyped. It's a freshly-shaven HBK, who JBL already said you should vote for without saying his name. HBK got a great pop, a nice chant, and a guy in a flannel shirt with a white undershirt should've worn a bigger one because it rode up way too high. HBK's hunting shirt looks at least three sizes too big. HBK said he trained Bryan. HBK said that you should vote for HBShizzle, which got a chant. It's hard to believe it's been nearly four years since he's wrestled - more time has passed between then and now than passed between either his WM 14 match and his match with Paul Diamond, or between that match or the '02 run. They showed how to download the app on an Android device.

Show's actions from the PPV were recapped, and his firing was reshown. Like Cody, they sure are showing a fired guy A LOT on their TV show. Alberto's out for another match no one will care about. They talked about RVD leaving for a bit...after a return that lasted less than three months. Ricardo's the opponent. Then Vickie announced that Alberto will face Cena at HIAC for the title and Ricardo cradled him for a quick win. Alberto responded by beating Ricardo up. Pillmanizer to the arm. Armbar. I guess we'll get something like Austin-Owen at the '97 Survivor Series, because Cena would be even crazier than usual to return for the Cell PPV - and him not even be involved in the WWE Title mix seems odd. Cena to face the man that RICARDO RODRIGUEZ just beat in record time. At least the world title probably won't be in the opener.

They showed the Cell graphic for Cena-Alberto - they're using video game models for them. Ryder's out for a match with Fandango. Summer's dress is super-hot, and Fandango's belly shirt is hilarious. App poll winner is announced after this match. Fandango won with the flying legdrop. JBL mentioned that Summer Rae should be on a wrecking ball, which I agree with. Then Cole talked about Hogan doing it without saying his name. HBK won, while Backlund got 32% of the vote. Rhodes' six man was hyped up.

Great ad for Goldberg's DVD. Real Americans are out for a rematch with Khali and Santino. Crowd didn't give much of a shit about this until Cesaro came in. Nash's corner elbows are looking legit next to Khali's. They hyped up the Cesaro swing from the PPV. Cesaro swing got the win for the second night in a row. TURN THIS MAN NOW. Swagger threw him in to swing Hornswoggle, and he feigned a back injury at first before doing it and stopping due to Santino. Titus talked about losing his grandmother to breast cancer. These personal stories are easily the best part of WWE doing this campaign. Miz has...THE MIZ on Miz TV next. No thank you.

They recapped Orton's glorious beating of Miz from a few weeks ago. Wyatts prevented Miz from interviewing himself, which is good, because even Mick had trouble doing that on Impact. Miz's career has been following the buzzards for a while. Bray's face in the center of just a ton of hair ruled. Steph bitched at Maddox before HHH came in and hugged his wife. HHH told Maddox he'd be at ringside for the main event. I was hoping HHH would tell Maddox to get him his burying shovel. Shield came out for the main event. Reigns got more ink on his right arm - looks awesome.

Truth gets a rematch with Axel for the title. So there's really no reason to have bought the PPV. Some nice action before the break - Goldust got a "you've still got it" chant. Instead of Truth, they should give Goldust the IC title. Or given the Shield feud, either the tag or US Titles. Cody did stuff, and then the fans cared when Bryan was in. GOLDUST IS A CLUBBERIN! Reigns ate a Disaster kick for the second night in a row. German suplex got a backflip landing, then a buzzsaw kick before a Yes Lock. Ambrose's use of a chair brought about a DQ. HHH said he wouldn't allow another night to end without a finish - so he made it no DQ. Bryan came up short on a double dive to Ambrose and Reigns. Orton jumped Bryan, did a hilarious air hump, and then Bryan lost as a result. Shield attacked the faces. Show came down. So I guess we're getting HHH-Show at the Cell show.  Also, the tech guys just play the music of fired guys. The Shield is GLOMMING THE BIG SHOW! HHH IS LOOSENING HIS TIE! Show rid the ring of them, then KOed HHH. It got a nice pop, but not quite the pop you'd expect given all the airtime it's taken up. Bryan laughed at HHH - the best friend of the ref of his title match. That seems unwise. Bryan did at least leave the tie alone.

Screens -

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