Friday, October 18, 2013

WWE SD 10-18-13

Show-opening video was entirely dedicated to the Rhodes title win, and made that match seem like it was even better than it was. They also showed HHH throwing the Rhodes' out of the ring. Regular blah SD intro followed. Brad and Vickie are out. I hope she asks Brad to kiss her LIKE A MEXICAN! Big Show will NOT be here tonight. Maddox is a mad ox according to Heyman, and a "mad ducks" according to Vickie. There's security all over the place to make sure that the Big Show won't be here. Brad sucking up and saying he sure hopes that the fans all have a good time ruled. Daniel Bryan's out. Wow does his star feel like it's fallen. Sure, he's got a decent crowd reaction, but he feels pretty secondary now with Cena coming back. A sign proclaims him to be the Wrestling Jesus. Bryan said there's a rumor that a sasquatch-like creature is here. OH NO, IT'S THE YE-TAY! Or the Big Show. Well, that was a hell of a thing to build up minutes. Theme and tron cued up and...he's not there. Thank God. Show will be here later, and Goldust and Cody are here and out! YAY! The penny belt looks decent on Goldust. Team Babyface faces The Shield tonight - yay! This was an efficient use of 10 minutes. Punk faces Big E later. Wyatt Family faces Miz and Kofi, or as I'll deem them, Awesomely Racist next.

I love the little touch of Rowan's mask being slightly smashed up - makes him look even more sick. Kofi avoided the big boot, but ate a spinning lariat of death from Harper to lose. I love the little New Orleans twang in Bray's promos - it adds an unsettling element to everything he says. Brie's out WEARING PINK BECAUSE WWE SUPPORTS SUSAN G. KOMEN AND WILL DONATE A PORTION OF THE PROCEEDS OF ALL PINK MERCH SOLD. These kinds of pitches make Cole hard to take seriously at times since he has the same inflection for everything. I love JBL busting Cole's balls for AJ being at ringside and it not being fair despite AJ DOING NOTHING and Brie losing fairly. This isn't really just an issue with Cole, but how faces are booked - poorly. Cole recited part of the speech AJ cut a month or so ago - minus saying they gave head to get jobs. Nikki talked about Brie mode, so AJ kicked her ass more and skipped around. Brie's got a massive welt under her left breast, and she countered AJ with a...reach-behind jawjacker...ish thing. Running something resembling a knee from Brie. Brie won with the shittiest-looking X Factor in history after some shit outside and a terrible schoolgirl cradle as well. Everything in this that involved Brie moving was not good.

Big Show...just walked on through the crowd, over the barricade...and has THE WORLD'S BIGGEST HOODIE and biggest anti-cancer shirt too. Lilian gave him the mic, so having an autographed ticket from Bryan means you can walk through the crowd, get into the ring, and cut a promo. The Tweets have helped Big Show - I'm amazed he can afford a phone bill. Maybe he should be sponsored by Metro PCS. Maddox did his best Bischoff impression, was an asshole, and got KOed. He just fell down gloriously, like a tree, and Show did the yes bit. Love JBL saying that while KOing Brad is popular, IT'S STILL CRIMINAL! Punk-Langston is up next. BUT FIRST, an awesome video with a creepy song and Cena getting sewn up. The jokes write themselves about this video being filled with needles and syringes.

Punk's out for his match with Big E. Beat the Clock recap. Crazy plancha from Punk to Big E, who caught him and hit a backbreaker on the apron! Ouch. Big E did the best half crab in ages - take notes Brie. The move looks so deadly with him doing it. Punk avoided a shoulder charge, which Cole called NIFTY! Love the one guy in the crowd saying GO BIG E, C'MON KID! This is way beter than their Raw match. Punk's knees are fucked, so I wish he'd take the flying elbow out of his arsenal. Maybe if it looked good, it would be worth it. GTS countered into the body clap, then the giant running frog splash. Big Ending countered into the high kick and GTS for the win. Outstanding match for Big E. Heyman insulted Big E, and I just noticed that Ryback's singlet has his giant mouth logo on it. At the PPV, Punk faces MY RYBACK. Heyman is so great. Heyman quoted AC/DC. Tremendous. Ryback I think just fell right into the apron trying to attack Punk. Crowd popped big at the sight of E just being next to Punk - yes! TREMENDOUS sell for the body clap from Axel. Can't wait for him to be IC Champ. Wouldn't be surprised if they do that match at the PPV. If they'd done this on Raw, dude would've been made. As it is, all they need to do is replay/redo it and they're golden. Alberto's walking backstage to talk about Cena next.

Yosh is interviewing Alberto, and is shown the Cena vid from Raw. Alberto's reaction involved him carrying the Mexican flag because he's God's gift to humanity. Gringos have no passion - NO MEXICAN PASSION! As a result, he must face THE ULTIMATE GRINGO John Cena. Alberto said Cena needs to start from the bottom - not with THE CHAMPION. Alberto cut an awesome promo about Cena going soft and not being the man he used to be - outside of his ego, which is growing. It will be gone after Alberto defeats him. He said he'll snap his arm and demonstrated the armbar on Josh. This greatly exceeded my expectations. Alberto's clearly got a fire lit under him getting a main event slot again. Alberto then used the flag as an imaginary shotgun. Alberto ruled all here.

Real Americans are in the ring and JBL and Cole are hyping up the Youtube show. They'll face the Usos here. U-SO bit got over huge. Love seeing JBL and Zeb back together, and on commentary too! Nice sliding D by an Uso. Love Zeb saying that people didn't like what he had to say about Alberto, but boom, look at him now! LOS MATADORES AND THE BULL SHOWED UP TO THE GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN! Cesaro Swing got nine billion reps. Zeb wants him to swing a matador next. Also, THE LOS MATADORES ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR TEXAS ROBBERIES. Swagger is goddamned pale now. LOS MATADORES KIDNAPPED A MAN AND PUT A BULL COSTUME ON HIM! Zeb is amazing here. Loved JBL saying HERE COME THE KIDNAPPERS when the matadors came out. The match didn't end, by the way. Everyone just stopped so goofy bullshit could occur. Zeb got gored in the balls and the ass, then the Usos won. They really should've done the goofy stuff after the fall, because this undermined the Usos being top contenders. Swagger got hit with the Los Matadores/Torito finisher. So...why aren't they in the tag title picture officially?

THE DICTIONARY DEFINITION OF SMACKDOWN was shown. Recap of HBK on Raw. Contract signing for Orton-Bryan on Raw. Presumably, unlike Impact, they won't have Steph come out and say THE MAIN EVENT THAT'S BEEN HYPED FOR WEEKS MIGHT NOT HAPPEN. Orton cut a bad promo and flubbed some stuff on Bryan. They showed Bryan-Orton in 2K14 inside the cell - every single thing shown can be done in WWE '13, and if it wasn't for the redone title belt, it could've passed for footage from that. Cole talked about interviewing HHH on WWE.Com...and that's it - no clips. Cole brought up how Cody and Goldust were re-hired at Battleground, which means they're running two firing angles way way way too quickly, and too similarly. TREMENDOUS running boot to the side of the head from Goldust to Reigns. Have Reigns work with him for enough time and you'll have a guy you can throw into main events without any worry in a few months. Disaster kick sent Rollins from mid-ring to the floor! Crazy shove to the floor on Goldust, who avoided a spear into the steps. Knee to the gut from Ambrose was countered with one from Bryan, who then hit a front chancery suplex. Super double underhook suplex from Ambrose got 2. Buckle bomb to Cody onto Goldust onto the announce table. Yes Lock, suicide dive, YESaiku knee got the win. This was a tremendous show overall. Exactly what they needed to rebound from last week's show.

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