Monday, December 9, 2013

Raw 12-9-13 - Slammys

Show starts with wacky starring credits and an app tutorial! Bryan comes out and Cole says they'll get to the Slammys once they get this match out of the way. He faces Fandango, who now has a purple puffy silk shirt - AWESOME. Bryan is kicking the fuck out of Fandango here. Big kick combo got a big YES chant, but the buzzsaw missed terribly - but was still sold. Falcon arrow from Fandango gets 2! Running knee gets the win. Tremendous promo from Bray ending with him begging him to join, and the fans saying NO NO NO. Booker and King hosted the show with bad forced comedy. Outlaws showed up in Dumb and Dumber suits. How dare they steal Bad Influence's deal. LOL moments were stupid, and gave them an excuse to re-air the puking bit again. I hope they're paying Vickie well, because she was at the expense of two of these bits. Boy, this is weird. Match, ANNOUNCEMENT OF AN AWARD...and then another match to lead to the actual winner. They're dragging things out as long as possible.

They're back to the ring with Sandow...and the match will start once the LOL moment is done. Vickie accepts and...that was nothing. Big E's tremendous on commentary - stating that he's unbeaten since becoming champ and putting Sandow over. Sandow won with the full nelson slam and did a staredown with Big E. Sweet suits for the Shield. They've won 2 Slammys on the pre-show...which was apparently a thing. Ambrose interrupted Reigns. Kofi's out for a match. Kofi-Miz - why not just put this on the pre-show? HBK and his greying beard won - he was bitter about it taking this long to win double cross of the year. Miz got a jobber intro, and is dressed like a grape. They did moves, then Miz won with a schoolboy holding the tights. Kofi kicked Miz after the match - what a sore loser. Eve, ONE OF THE GREATEST DIVAS CHAMPIONS OF ALL-TIME, presented the diva of the year. All of the Total Divas chicks, and AJ, got nominations. Rey's tron was shown, setting up him coming out for an 8-man tag.

THE CHAMPIONSHIP ASCENSION CEREMONY will be tonight's main event angle, with 20 legends. "It's the last time you'll ever see both titles." Bellas won, and got booed. Bellas didn't play to it, but were sarcastic. So that was weird. Rey, Show, and the tag champs face Rybaxel and the Real Americans. Ryback's blue, black, and white singlet is great - but also similar to Show's. Goldust got the hot tag, did 2 moves...and they went to a break. Rey's Mexican flag gear rules - it's my favorite outfit of his yet with this top+bottom setup. JBL, after saying that Rybaxel was a great name because he came up with it, buried it. Real Americans teased a double spinebuster, but Goldust turned it into a double DDT. THE RUNNING BUS SPEAR hit Ryback, then the Real Americans on the floor. 619 and the big splash got the win. Another app tutorial. God, the King-Booker stuff is terrible. HBK's out to present the Superstar of the Year award. Instead of Superstar of the Year, IT SHOULD BE HB-SHIZZLE! Brock murdering dudes was showcased. Hunicara's out to face and lose to Alberto after the Slammy is awarded.

An in memoriam graphic for Nelson Mandela aired...that sure was random placement at 9:15. Cole exposited about the HBK and Bryan deal. "Sin Cara is the real deal." They did some moves before teasing a finish, and a dive, before Alberto just left the ring for an ad break. Eminem's CoD Ghosts song is awesome. They came back, did moves, and the double arm DT led to an Angle (Anglo) slam from Cara. JBL ASKED IF KING WAS EVEN HERE. King is hosting. Good lord. Alberto's neck was mangled off a powerbomb, and Sin Cara won again with the swanton. Well, they're definitely going all-in (relatively) with this - good. PTPs are out in suits. DYoung's white and black suit is great. Titus is struggling to recite this crap he's been given. Bryan won for chant of the year. New vid for the Champion of Champions match - BROUGHT TO US BY THE BRAWLING BUDDIES! Brodus is out to face Xavier, who gets no intro. Brodus hit a big splash off the second rope in no time to kill him. Poor Xavier. Brodus snapped and splashed him afterwards. Miz presented insult of the year - AJ's "sucked...up" line made it in. Punk's out for a match with Ambrose. Steph's insulting of Show won. Steph taking the fist pump away from Ryder.

An IT'S BURYING TIME made air when she left. Punk hit a springboard crossbody on Ambrose, but it was countered with a knee to the gut. They got over The Champion of Champions moniker again - so they've gone with something that wasn't even an option for the app vote last week. Reigns shook his head clearly when Ambrose missed a shoulder charge. Ambrose and Punk are having easily the match of the night so far. Floatover butterfly suplex got 2 from Ambrose. There's a mohawked fan in the front row on the corner dasher board side by the announcers losing his shit with Punk prone for a super butterfly suplex. He's slapping the barricade going NO NO NO! Rollins and Reigns teased an attack, but Ambrose told them no, so they left. Punk won with the GTS. It seems like the end of the Shield is coming very, very soon. Big spear from Reigns to set up him saving Ambrose here. An outstanding hype video for the the WWE and World titles with tons of clips that made the PPV match seem more important...and then it was BACK TO THE SLAMMYS. Y2J chant broke out due to him being left out of the video. Terrible audio for King here, and it cut in right when he talked about dying on-air. Foley's out for the extreme moment of the year. Foley put over Punk and Ambrose on the mic here. A fan held up a Get Well, Dynamite Kid sign. Usos are out for a tag match.

Punk won for beating Heyman up. Usos face Harper and Rowan. Harper's big spinning lariat won. Booker introduced BRET HUT! Great videos for Punk-Taker, the Battleground tag, and HHH-Brock. It took a sledgehammer, cage, and manager for Brock Lesnar to beat HHH! I'm astonished a tank wasn't used as well. Rock-Cena's video was okay. Nattie got to hug Bret out on the ramp - that was sweet. Rock and Cena won, drawing some boos. Nattie's facing Tamina in the death spot main event, which really makes the in-ring action seem even less important than it has so far. Nattie won with the sharpshooter. Up next, THE LAST TIME WE'LL SEE THE WWE AND WORLD TITLES IN THE RING AT THE SAME TIME. Yup - two whole hours of hype.

SD vid centered around Bryan and the Wyatts. Henry's pink suit returned. Swagger's in the ring here, and Christian's suit is something else. HHH being shut up by Daniel Bryan chants is amazing. Love HBK telling them to keep it down. Orton said stuff and the fans chanted boring at him. I love this crowd. Orton, the face of WWE, bragged about taking years off of Mick's life. That was ab it much. Cena wisely stood next to Bryan to cut his promo and put him over and avoid getting booed. Cena's ruling it here, saying that Orton had it easy, while Bryan earned everything. Cena put himself over for giving Dolph a shot, giving Punk a shot when he was going to leave, and giving Bryan the only fair shot at the title he had. Cena said if he won, Bryan would get a rematch. Loved the shot of Orton and Cena standing apart, with the titles behind them, and Bret and Shawn standing side by side behind them. Cheap shot from Orton as the belts were raised, so Punk attacked him only to be thrown down like a jobber by Hunter. Punk got Superkicked, then HBK got kneed, then Steph fell during an RKO leading to HHH pedigreeing him...what the fuck!? Cena helped Steph up and stood next to the Authority...well, that was odd.

Screens -

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