Friday, December 20, 2013

WWE SD 12-20-13

Show opened with a Raw recap, focusing on Orton destroying Bryan's arm and then Orton cheapshotting him to avoid losing. Cena coming to save Bryan was a bit too reminiscent of Hogan coming to save Bret at WM IX, although obviously far less damaging and ego-driven. I like how Orton carries both belts, but he really comes off as maybe the #3 guy in the company - the year+ in the mid-card really hurt him. Orton said he's the Champion of Champions (TM) and he JUST DOESN'T GIVE A DAMN! Cena came down to take offense and said Orton's acting like a damned fool, and Orton now holds the richest prize in WWE. AND IF YA DON'T WANNA BE THE CHAMP, THEN GET THA HELL OUT! Cena asked if Orton wanted to be remembered for his legacy, or by BEING A COWARD. Dem's fighting words. Oh, and since they didn't announce it on Raw (it was only the main event), Cena said that Bryan won via DQ. Bryan came out to continue the parade of dudes saying words. "NOW THINGS ARE GETTING REALLY INTERESTING!" - I beg to differ, Cole. Bryan brought back his YOU ARE NOT BETTER THAN ME line at Orton. Bryan, WHO BEAT ORTON ON MONDAY, just said that he'd be fine waiting for Cena to give him a fair rematch. Pussy. Shield came down...Reigns debuted a grey shirt under the SWAT vest. Punk came down. I'm sensing a holla holla six-man tag here. PUNK AND BRYAN REUNITE after a few week absence as a team. Vickie made it. Brothers Rhodes-Wyatts graphic looked odd with Christmas lights all over it.

Good vs. Bad Santa was hyped up. Zeb held up a Deport Santa Claus sign, leading to JBL examining the logic behind it since  he doesn't have clearance to fly all over...and then Cole said that Santa wasn't real. Recap of Big E taking out Cesaro on Raw in a tag match. It's Big E vs. Swagger. Zeb was on commentary with a sign saying he's a real immigrant. Zeb said he couldn't tell the difference between Santa Clara and Santa Claus. Cole asked where Zeb's family came from, which JBL quickly shifted away from beyond saying MEMPHIS! Crowd is so dead for this match. MARK HENRY LOOKS TO SAVE CHRISTMAS FOR ALL OF US. Cole sounds so ridiculous saying this stuff. JBL said that Cole is in and out of reality here, which is quite true. Bodyblock>Big Ending win. It's impossible to believe that Swagger was ever a world champion, or even back in that mix a year ago. Tamina faces someone next.

Tamina's facing all 90 pounds of Brie Bella. Cole hyped up that AJ could be the longest-reigning Divas champion ever. Quite the accomplishment for a title that's been around for five years. Loved her saying that if you watched Raw back, you could pinpoint where Nikki forgot math due to Tamina's kick. Brie got into BRIE MODE and hit the running knee against the rope. Tamina hit the superkick and got two. Superfly dive was met with knees to the gut and a shitty cradle for the win. Austin's cradle on Owen looked more credible. Another graphic for the Rhodes Bros.-Wyatts and more hype for the Santa match.

TLC WAS MORE SOCIALLY-ACTIVE THAN SUNDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL! Hunicara came out - they've now reshot all of the tron shots with him in it. JBL said that Zeb was launching an investigation on Cara since he's illegal - Cole said that if he's working for WWE, he's here legally. That at least shut JBL up. Hunico's just not very good at flying - everything he does that tries to emulate the original looks awkward, and he's always adjusting his tights to cover his apendectomy scar. JBL said IT'S LIKE WE GOT A NEW SIN CARA! HE'S DEFINITELY IMPROVED! WWE Magazine Awards issue is out...right after the Slammys.

Sweet T got a theme to face Brodus - Brodus's. I love T busting out corner headbutts and better-than-Nash elbows. Senton missed, and Cole said that Brodus would buy Tensai a tracksuit that said "I'm standing next to the main event playa." Big Splash from Brodus got 2. JBL said that Brodus wasn't a main event player, and then said that he should aim high. Tensai won with something after getting distracted by Woods and the chicks. Xavier and T did the Steiner Bros. pose. "Thanks for coming, Brodus Clay." They really might as well fire the guy, because there's nowhere to go with him after this.

They bragged about the Rock being the #1 grossing movie star. That is quite a coup for him - shame they even he couldn't help WWE as much as they needed. Rhodes Bros.-Wyatts is up. Goldust and Rowan had a weirdo staredown, which ruled. Goldust won that via uppercut. JBL compared Rowan and Harper to Brody and Hansen. Cole tried to get #thebrotherhood over as a name for the Rhodes Bros since it's on their new merch. Cody busted out Ted Jr's fakeout lariat off the ropes. Rowan's gotten a lot better - he's not doing anything advanced, but sticking to really simple punches, headbutts, and clubbing shots.  Harper hit a nice European uppercut, and Cole explained his backstory - HE WAS A TRUCK DRIVER who was possibly kidnapped by the Wyatts. Goldust missed the crossbody and took a giant side-rolling bump to the floor for it. Gator roll returned from the break, and they showed Rowan doing a noogie version of the head crush to Goldust on the app. Godlust was a tremendous face in peril, although the elbow that saved him briefly didn't look all that good. CROSS RHODES ON HARPER gives him some hope. Cody hit a flying knee that looked terrible. SOMERSAULT FLIP DIVE OFF THE APRON from Goldust! Harper measured the discus lariat and won. So yet another team beats the tag champs - this is great build to a 4-way...shame they just did one on the last PPV. Bray was going to attack, but Bryan made the save - with a chair. The whole brainwashing bit is already over - so we didn't even get one skit out of that tease. Miz came off so fake talking about troops in a Hire Heroes video.

Sandow cut a promo against Santa and about adults asking for things they don't need, and kids asking for stuff they haven't earned. Sandow changed up 'You're Welcome" to "you are all..." so AWESOME could hit. Then he cut a generic really, really, really face promo. He celebrates Christmas, and loves Santa - HE WAS ON MAIN EVENT WITH HIM. Sandow couldn't even carry Santa's sack...okay, that was a good line. Miz kicked the knee, hit the figure four for the first time in ages, but it was broken up due to a rope break. Schoolboy finish. This was something. Fandango and SUMMER RAE IN A FLESH-COLORED DRESS danced - he'll face Kofi next.

WWE offers events for free to military members - DON'T FORGET ABOUT HOW GREAT AND GIVING WWE IS! THE WWE 50 YEAR HISTORY DVD IS A GREAT STOCKING STUFFER TOO! WWE does an amazing job putting their older footage in HD - their cropping is masterful. Odd to see them use a clip of Taker out of character on their TV show. It also said he was a Superstar from 1984 to now, which makes him seem even older than he is - and doesn't fit the WWE timeline for the character. Fandango got some new moves. Kofi got no intro. Cole said that the main event was next, and credited the match to the Authority. Why? Vickie made the match. Kofi hit a big running dropkick, but he wound up with his legs hanging outside the ropes leaving him trapped for the flying legdrop for the win. That was a great little way to mix things up for the finisher. Renee tried to interview Bryan, but the Wyatts...darkened the area and beat him up. They shoved Bryan off the back area into a crash pad while Wyatt sang about falling. So now the main event lacks its glue - BOO!

Shield got jobber intros. CM Punk came out and declared clobberin time - so he's not a really good friend. Cena came out and a fan held up a SIMBA SAVE US sign. Vickie said the show had to go on, so it was now a 2-on-3 handicap match. Love Seth doing the YES bit to that. They begged to get #handicapmatch trending. They said Bryan was found backstage, and is being tended to by WWE's doctors. So all of that drama was good for a whole 10 minutes. They did some moves before a break. Cena's the face in peril after the break. Cole said if there's no update by the end of the show on Bryan, CHECK OUT WWE.COM! Cole teased the implosion of the Shield. JBL buried Cole for quoting himself as a source for that story. Ambrose locked on a crossface chickenwing to Cena. TWITTER IS BLOWING UP WITH #handicapmatch. Superman punch takes down Cena. Straight-up action movie freeze frame for that - made Reigns look like a badass.

Cole called Seth underrated, leading to JBL breaking his balls some more. JBL said Cole should work for the NY Times, and Cole said he'd love to. Is anyone in WWE happy with their job other than JBL and maybe Miz? Cena hit a tornado DDT to escape the wrath of Rollins, and bust out something new! Wacky diving tag to Punk. Cena's broad body movements haven't really changed since OVW, where it at least made some sense to play to the back row and on TV with standard-def cameras on a low-end show. Shining wizard>shortarm clothesline hit and led to the flying elbow. DDT>neckbreaker combo on Rollins and Ambrose. Nova to send a legal letter on Monday. The 3-on-2 handicap match broke down...into an unfair match, so the ref stopped it. Spear to Cena. Punk's now getting ganged up on. Triple powerbomb to Cena, who could not overcome these odds. Reigns locked on a D'Arce choke to Punk to trap him - that should be his secondary face finisher. BIG E CAME DOWN AND WHOOPED ALL KINDS OF ASS! It's a shame this was done on Raw, because it would've been a star-making deal. Reigns and Big E teased something, but when Punk got a chair, the Shield left. This was a fun match and a great ending - hopefully they build to that in the future.

Screens -

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