Monday, February 24, 2014

Raw 2-24-14

The pre-show VQ is fantastic. Sandow vs. Kofi is...sorta the first match ever shown live on the Network. They showed the finish and some no need to watch that really. Love Booker doing a goofy Jamaican accent. Oh thank Christ, Batista-Alberto again! YAY BORK LAZER RE-RE-RE-RE-RE-RETURNS! Maddox was interrupted by Christian yelling at someone, Sheamus - they'll have a match tonight. I demand Booker T get a podcast on Podcast One - he rules just saying shit endlessly. Hogan STARTED OFF RAW being awesome, but did screw up "WWE Network" at first. This was short, but sweet. Then JBL hyped up his own matches on the Network - name-dropping Angle. King's iPad again had no service. Batista-Alberto is next. Alberto's a bigger face now than he was a face...WOW THE BOOS FOR BOO-TISTA! BOO THIS! This is so great. Orange and blue trim is a good color combo for Batista's gear. ADR's getting a gut. Why on Earth is Batista taking a bump on the apron? They talked about Batista being booed and it being due to Bryan being so popular. So, how does taking his kneepad down HELP HIS KICK THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE THE KNEE AT ALL!? Wow, Batista lost his TV a really weak way. Orton just came down and Batista got beat by a theme song distraction. Even Axel gets to kick out of the distraction schoolboy finish. Orton brought up the fans booing Batista and then they had a hilarious exchange where Batista basically said he'd be nice to the fans cheering him and a dick to those who booed him. Big E vs. Cesaro in a match neither guy should lose.

Big E bust-up 1,083 coming soon! Big E's out. Odd to not show the spear in highlight form. LOL @ WWE giving NXT the credit for Cesaro. Good of them to hype up Arrival though. Big E tossed Cesaro around with suplexes. JBL and Cole buried themselves into talking about Big E and what the E stood for. Cole said it was Ettore, which JBL called Egor from Winnie the's Eeyore... Giant Steiner-esque catch into a tilt-a-whirl from Cesaro got 2 and no replays. Replay after the break along with the alternating European uppercuts. They talked up Swagger possibly being jealous and then had King talk about it too. CESARO LIFT got 2. "Sucked the jelly out of his donut" doesn't sound very PG. Clothesline sequence from Big E led to the Ultimate Splash for 2. VERY EUROPEAN UPPERCUT got 2! ST-JOE counter from Big E demolished Cesaro. Only got 2. That was nasty. CESARO SWING, but Swagger locked on the ankle lock to cost him the win...that's about perfect. Neutralizer to Big E. Really nasty bump on that. Cena-Wyatts recap - HE SAYS WORDS NEXT!

Cena's out - RAW NUMBER 1,083 IS HISTORIC! Cena's promo has me not looking forward to Bray-Cena. Cena stands for illusions, while Bray stands for what is real. And if the future has to go through Cena, it will.  Bray said he'd put an end to Cena's era of lies. Group attack on Cena. Bryan, Punk, and/or the Shield would've all made fine saviors here. Cena has no friends. They came back and showed Cena being stretchered out. He did appear to hurt his knee during this, so he may not be doing anything until WM. Christian and Sheamus are having a fine little match here. JBL burying Winnie the Pooh is glorious. They're just doing moves. Cena's apparently got a bunch of knee swelling. Boring chant. Cloverleaf, but Christian got to the ropes. White Noise was countered into a sunset flip for 2. This is both really fun and "a bunch of moves". Flying whatever into the Brogue Kick. Fun match overall. Recap of Bryan-HHH on the app. So...are HHH and Steph faces or heels? HHH came off like a face here with Bryan just rambling on and yelling while he's all calm.

WWE Network hype. Black history month - TIME FOR THE MICHAEL HAYES VIDEO! Or Tony Atlas. And Rocky Johnson. Atlas with a goatee looked awesome. One of WWE's greatest duos...and not just that because they ran out of weeks for video packages. Ambrose said he was sick of Roman and Seth ganging up on him. ROMAN CHALLENGED BRAY ONE ON ONE TONIGHT! And Bray accepted - this is glorious. Booker and Flair talked, Flair did the YES bit to set up Bryan-Kane. Mr. Kane looks so low-rent in this sub-IRS getup. They did moves and went to a break. This isn't doing a thing for me. Diving headbutt into a chokeslam for 2! Running knee KOs Kane! Big win for Bryan there. Bryan talked about HHH hiding behind Steph's skirt...can't blame him for that. Summer Rae's backstage in a hot skirt for a match next.

A really wacky Batista graphic for SD was shown. Emma came out with...a minor polite reaction. Summer Rae using a shoot choke to transition pulling. OF COURSE! Santino looks old enough to be Emma's dad. JBL talked about Summer and Fandango doing THE BALLET AND THE MONGO! Hogan recap. Yay, Usos win the titles next! They recapped the Usos-Outlaws match in five seconds in screens. Outlaws got jobber intros here. So did the Usos...The Outlaws told the Usos to leave, so they did, and then they jumped the champs for the win. This was... something. Should've been for the belts to really do this, although this gives them a reason to have a title shot. Poor Usos - they're against legends who can't get boos.

Roman came down and has a really badass aura about him. I really want to see Roman-Brock at some point. WM XXX hype vid - it's 41 days away. TREMENDOUS shoulder tackle from Reigns to Bray, who took a nice bump. Cross chop to the throat led to a big boot from Bray and a ton of corner headbutts. Idiots chanted Husky Harris. Big clothesline on the floor from Reigns. Big senton after the break. Bigger JERRY chant. Falling headbutt led to a side headlock punch combo on the ground from Bray. Sidechoke from Bray. RANDY SAVAGE chant. Bodyblock got 2. Big Undertaker chant. Roman prepped for the Superman punch, but the Wyatt bit hit and they came down. Schoolboy distraction got 2. Neck snap on the rope led to the Superman punch! Ambrose ran in to cause the second DQ for a partner tonight. Ambrose does look pretty badass in a hoodie and jacket, unlike AJ. Paul begged Brock to not kill anyone. YES Movement merch ad aired - it's pretty great.

The star of Need For Speed is next week's guest star. YAY BROCK! And the ring is clad in black for whatever reason. Since Brock can't get a title shot at WM, he gets an open contract at WM...a consolation prize. So, again, are HHH and Steph heels or faces? Heyman put Brock over as the first man to go from WWE to UFC Champion and now he'll make history by conquering the WWE World Heavyweight Champion, but he can't! Even Brock is beneath HHH and Steph. Heyman said that since Brock can't get a title shot, they can keep their contract. YAY TAKER'S DONG HIT! It's Grand Daddy Deadman! The look on Brock's face is making this rule. He's just stunned. Taker's entrance is the one thing in WWE worthy of the Tokyo Dome. Taker STARED AT THE SIGN! Brock shook his head yes. OH NO HE DIDN'T JUST PUT A PEN TO TAKER'S CHEST! Shit's on now. Taker then grabbed the pen, STABBED HIS HAND WITH IT, and chokeslammed him through the table. This fucking ruled.Hand stabbing got a holy shit chant. Awesome.

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