Wednesday, November 12, 2014

TNA Impact 11-12-14

TNA is apparently in negotiations with Destination America for Impact, which I think is a channel I watched while getting a root canal last year. This year, I was able to watch whatever channel had the '60s Batman on it, and damn that was a lot of fun. If you've got to get extractions done, do it while watching Liberace play himself and play straight.

The show opens recapping MVP-Roode and King acts like a little shit to Lashley, who shoves him around. The Revolution comes down to get Davey's answer. Wolves come out. God do I not care about this. Davey looks either constipated or conflicted. Eddie keeps yelling "STORM STORM!" Davey's done a lot of thinking and he's got a response. What? That there's never a right time to say goodbye? Nope - he's A WOLF. Not a man. Not a shark. A wolf. Revolution attacks and Storm ties the rope around the leg and chairshots it. Storm is great, but this group isn't really all that good and anything that requires the Wolves to act is asking for trouble. Revolution leaves so they can air clips, and then they KO Eddie with the case and destroy Davey's leg with the case too. The case is his feast or fired case, so he can cash it in right now.  Tenay says he's been waiting until this moment for the shot. He gets 2 off a base cover, with Manik in his corner, and then hits the Eye of the Storm before cutting a nice ominous promo on Eddie.

Taz says this is plan B, and plan A was to get Davey to join the Revolution. So now all of the pieces of the puzzle fit into place reasonably well. Abyss comes out and Tenay ponders if it's to help the Wolves. Nope, Abyss is the newest pledge, and he chokeslams Eddie, hits the Black Hole Slam and Storm tags in to win the titles. Eye of the Storm to "Eddie" says Taz is done to Davey. Well, the Wolves sure came off like absolute jobbers here. At least when WWE used them as jobbers, that was for a tryout, this just marginalized a team that killed themselves for the company in an incredible series. This had better be leading to The Wolves getting the titles back on the next Impact if/when there is another show because they looked unbelievably bad here.

Madison comes out and does her wave while they run down the Terrell-Rayne feud. Taryn's enormous breasts march down to the ring in a smaller silver top instead of her usual small gold top. Taryn dives off apron like it's a pool onto Madison. Madison throws her into the apron, threatens to leave, but gets thrown in. Taryn goes up top, but is pulled down revealing a cleavagy-closeup. "You don't wanna sleep on Taryn Terrell - hold the joke - you never know what she'll pull out!" Taz brings the funny here. Tenay talks about Shaw-Gunner later. No thanks. Madison gets the headscissors hydraulic drop. Diving Hart Attack from Taryn leads to a pervy spread eagle camera shot and then a close-up of Madison's ass. Madison scoops the legs for a 2 with the ropes. Taryn gets a suplex and flies off with the pool belly flop, but misses. Oklahoma roll leads to a near wardrobe malfunction with Madison pulling her gear. Madison goes for the Rayne Drop, but it's countered into a Cutter for the win. This was certainly worth watching, but less so for the in-ring action and more for the fanservice. Angle calls someone about asking if something's legal. Oh the comedy. Lashley wants a rematch with Roode tonight and Kurt tells him he can't because Roode's doing promotional work and then stares down Kurt in his golf hat. That hat has simply got to go.

Manik rides Shera, and Manik apparently got him drunk last night to lure him into meeting Storm. Kenny King talks about his squad while dressed like a Wal-Mart shopper. MVP's out for a photoshoot, while Lashley's PISSED OFF AT YOU DUMMIES! Anderson and Melendez come down. Oh yeah, this angle. Tenay puts over Veterans day for them and then King does Kaufman's Memphis accent for PA. Anderson told Kenny that Melendez volunteered to get his leg blown off, and King says that he's not sure if Anderson's using his mouth or his a-hole. Nothing about this is good. King wants to face Chris, but without Anderson. King yammered on, cheapshotted Anderson and then left. Gunner-Shaw is no DQ. I still don't care.

Gail and Taryn's breasts meet with Kurt about wanting Havok. He makes Havok-Terrell-Kim for the title next week. BPs are on the apron with no real intro having the new Bro Mans slide through their legs for an elimination match against Rebel, Knux, and Steve - so no Freak or stilt guys. Menagerie is outnumbered instantly here. Rebel's ass starts against Angelina. Angelina does an ass shake, gets tripped, and then eats a snapmare with a split! Steve slaps Love on the ass, so Rebel schoolgirls her and eliminates her. Knux faces Jesse and does a cartwheel into a dropkick, leading to Taz saying it's like Lazertron! Tenay puts over Hector. Jesse cheats to help DJZ take out Knux. Cradle by Steve beats Z. Rebel gets a kinky sunset flip for 2, but takes hairspray and loses. Jesse goes after Steve, while Taz calls Velvet Mrs. Pectacular, and she then loses via makeout by Steve. Steve goes for a rana but eats a Last Ride while a chest press cover gets 2. Jesse puts the boots to Steve showing off his thinning hair. Jesse goes for a superplex, but poses, eats a shove and a flying tornado DDT for the win! This was both super-fun and pretty hot with the KOs. EY talks to JB about the slap, while Sergeant Spud comes out in a camo suit. EY faces Tyrus later.

Wolves-Revolution recap. Storm talks to Abyss about being there as long as he has, while Manik brings in Shera. Storm didn't approve of this, and spits on him before shaming Manik. Tyrus is out with EC3, while EY is flanked by Spud. EY tries to outwrestle Tyrus, who rotates around randomly. Tyrus clubs him and hits a chop in the corner. Tyrus gets a tree slam counter and EY takes a nasty bump in the corner. Joe's announcement is teased, while they plug footage from TNA's site of Joe being taken out. Why on Earth that didn't air here, I have no idea. Heart punch from Tyrus and a splash gets 2. Taz talks about doing personal commentary for EC3 while he's on his jet. Corner charge from Tyrus misses and EY comes back with some punches and a really bad flying forearm "hits" and Tyrus takes a worse bump. Big slam from EY. Spud shoves down EC3, but it opens the door for Tyrus to try a superplex. EY counters and hits the flying elbow for 3. So Tyrus is done, right? Because he's lost 2 out of 3. Lashley comes down and EY pushes Spud out of the way and eats the spear. Spud takes it anyway. Lashley Pillmanizes EY's left arm and stomps on the chair and crossfaces him. Aries comes down to make the save with a chair and makes a challenge for a match tonight. Lashley accepts. I dug Lashley looking like a killer here - THE GOLF HAT NEEDS TO GO!

Shaw and Brittany ac-ted. She has some-thing she needs to tell him. He's not going to like it. Gunn-er came onto her. This was clearly a ploy, and her face and Tenay's commentary confirmed it. Joe's announcement is next, and he's out. Joe was carried out last week on an ambulance, so now, as he makes the announcement, the injury's aftermath is explained. He has some sort of upper body thing and he's got a hard decision to make. Joe's not medically-cleared to compete tonight, and he'll be out of action a while. Joe said that when he won the title, it was to make it great again. When he was first here, it was the division that stood for innovation and it was the title that represented the best wrestler in the world. Joe says that the wrestlers deserve to face the best, and the fans expect the best as well.  He vacated the title and put it on the turnbuckle. He said that the title is more than plates and leather - it's a beacon for him, and when he comes back, whoever has the title will be hunted by him! This was a damn fine promo and it's a shame it's happening at this point in time, because if this was done at any other point, it would've been something very special. Heck, even as it was, he made it stand out thanks to his delivery and putting the title in the turnbuckle. It was almost like a retirement speech, minus the comeback statement at the end of it.

 A graphic shows Uno-DJZ-Low-Ki-Manik for next week for the title. Dreamer and Devon tag match is recapped. Bram challenges Dreamer to a hardcore match next week. OH TOMMY BOY, I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU BLEED. OH TOMMY BOY, THE PIPES ARE CALLING! Bram's got something. Shaw and Brittany come out and they plug his Creepy Bastard shirt. Shaw goes to the ramp and puts on his gloves to jump Gunner while Brittany distracts Gunner. Gunner apparently doesn't watch the show on a monitor backstage, although this is a new spot. They brawl and Brittany twirls his stache. Gunner hits a chair to the back and Brittany runs. Gunner gets his chair dropkicked into the face. Brittany and Shaw make out. He goes for the choke, but Gunner counters. Gunner misses a charge and Shaw hits some gut punches. Shaw takes a HIGH dropkick and eats a Cactus clothesline from Gunner. Stun Gun from Shaw to Gunner on the steps. Gunner hits a jumping lariat to Shaw's flying nothing off the top. Gunner puts a bunch of chairs together ala the Cesaro-Ambrose SmackDown street fight from a few months ago. Gunner superplexes Shaw onto them, but eats the chairs too. Gunner powerbombs him on the steps while she calls Gunner a sick bastard. She comes in, kicks Gunner in the balls, which leads to him being distracted, eating a chair, but Gunner hits the F5 or the Airplane Hangar or whatever it is for the win.  This was a fine match, but man is this angle bad and I hope it's over. Shaw took a great bump for the F5 - kudos to him for that. Aries-Lashley is next and it's the main event.

Tenay puts over the great Aries-Lashley match from Destination X, while Aries jumps him with the shirt and goes for a brainbuster immediately. He takes him down and gets the chancery. Lashley escapes and throws him out, leading to a dropkick against the guardrail. Lashley fights back and gets some nice forearms and kicks in the corner. Aries fights back with lefts and mounted punches. Lashley pushes him down for an ad break. A horribly sped-up ad for Knockouts Knockdown aired. Lashley hits an overhead belly to belly and then gets a second one. Taz plugs the belly to belly with an arm trap being like Magnum TA or Shane Douglas. Double arm trap overhook suplex. Single hook one yet again. Nice! Lashley sends him across the ring with one more. GIGANTIC one yet again. This is now a bit like Cena-Lesnar from Summerslam, but with belly to bellies, and more variety in them. Better, safer bumps from Aries here. Aries boots the spear! He goes up top, but Lashley tries a super belly to belly. Ear biting and an ear box leads to the dropkick off the top. Tenay puts over Tito-Bonnar, while Aries hits a low kick and a forearm followed by a discus forearm! Aries gets more forearms, then flips into a discus forearm and hits a neckbreaker on Lashley on the ropes to send Lashley to the floor. Suicide dive! Taz explains that you do a discus motion to add torque, which I like. Aries goes up top but IS TOSSED OFF THE TOP INTO THE STEPS FACE FIRST! This was beautiful. Nasty, but beautiful. Lashley picks him up and tosses him upside-down into the steps. Kudos to Aries for busting his ass at this stage in the company's life. Spear is setup on the floor, but Aries takes the bump before the move hits. Double countout finish works for me since it fits the narrative. Lashley's not focused on winning - he wants to destroy. Press slam on the ramp leads to the crossface yet again. This was a really good show overall. Next week's show is the final one on Spike, but not put over as a finale in anyway.

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