Monday, November 3, 2014

WWE Raw 11-3-14

Holy crap, it's November already! 2014 has flown by. Before the pre-show, it's the week in WWE. I've never watched this, but the last five or so minutes recap all of SD's important events and showcase the RKO Vine thing. This goes on way too long and has an industry-exposing bit with soccer players doing it and then no-selling. Byron talks about THE MEMBERS OF THE UNIVERSE SIGNING UP FOR FREE! "If you're watching on the WWE Network, YOU'RE WATCHING FOR FREE!" No, only if you're new. I'm paying $10 for this goofy shit. Booker's talking about a pre-show posedown or something for the PPV. Booker plugs the US Title match and Riley is JUST AMAZED. YOU GETTIN IT FOR FREE. YOU GETTIN IT FOR FREE. 7:32 by the way.

 Cena-Authority recap. I'M GONNA GO. THROUGH THA FUTURE! Ugh. I'll go with Halo Master Chief Collection instead of this. Opted for Volgarr instead - fun game. Booker asks Riley who will win Team Cena vs. Team Authority. HOW ON EARTH CAN YOU PICK TEAM CENA VERSUS TEAM AUTHORITY WHEN THE ROSTER HASN'T BEEN ANNOUNCED!? Henry-Show issues recap. "RUSEV IS THE NEW FLAVA OF THE MONTH - HE'S GONNA BE AROUND A LONG TIME!" WE GOT EXCLUSIVE NEWS BABY. DEAN AMBROSE FACES CESARO in their third scheduled TV match in seven calendar days. "Speaking of not caring, let's take you back to SmackDown." Riley says that WWE IS THE BEST IN THE WORLD WHEN IT COMES TO WRESTLING. Someone get that man a G1 DVD set, stat!
 Raw itself starts with an Orton-Authority recap. Also, Cena-Seth. IT'S VINCE! Vince got a HUGE pop and tried to get a face pop for the Authority. Vince himself came out to plug the free month of the Network. WM plans? Nah - he doesn't return for that, but FOR THIS. Vince wants to RAISE THE STAKES! AND BY GOD, HE BEAT THE U.S GOVERNMENT! AND THEN HE BEAT TIME WARNER AND TED TURNER, AND WCW. HE BEAT THEM TOO! "Then there was that ficticious battle with God - we know how that turned out." Hilarious. If the Authority loses, they will no longer be the Authority. Boy, it's a real shame this Authority thing really isn't over given the level of its TV time. If it was, then they might've driven some buys/free subs. So then Jon Moxley came out confront Vince McMahon. Or nothing. He just walks to the ring and makes wacky faces. I guess it's time for Ambrose-Cesaro.

But first, Vince leaves the show to Steph and HHH. HHH and Steph are confused - clearly they only read the 3:30 PM version of the script. Cesaro came out to NOTHING. Zero reaction at all to this man. They showed clips of the SD match and quoted Charlie Brown in 2014. They exchanged a lot of basic matwork to start and thus sell you on WWE 2K15's new gameplay mechanics. They fight to the floor a bit and Dean awkwardly goes to the barricade to do a hot shot on it and then do a diving elbow to Cesaro from it. Dean rakes his elbow on Cesaro and blood IMMEDIATELY flowed from Cesaro's head leading to a lariat over the top And then things go to a break with a wacky Bray video. Okay then.

Bray's on stage and we get the over the rope Cesaro plex. MASSIVE on the head bump German with a rolling sell by Cesaro to Dean. Dean's doing everything he can here to get Cesaro over as a badass. AWESOME spot where Cesaro counters the tornado DDT with the pop-up uppercut! Dirty Deeds hits and that's the win for Dean. A Harper video...I think aired allowing Bray to leave. Steph and HHH do a wacky bit about how YA CAN'T LET THEM SEE YA SWEAT. HHH wants to call Orton, THE MAN WHO DEFIED AUTHORITY, and get SETH ROLLINS, THE SETH ROLLINS WHO WON MITB!? Jimmy Uso's out to face Star or Goldust. Or a Matador, as there are no other teams. OH MY GOD, HE'S FACING MIZ! FOUR TEAMS!

Miz is married to Maryse. Miz is married. To Maryse. How is this man not the company's top heel? Snapmare and a sliding D from Jimmy. Jey is doing Jimmy's moves on an invisible move while Sandow sells from the invisible man. Okay, that's great for right this second. Mizdow distracts Jimmy leading to a rope kick and to a Finale for the win. Sheamus is out and Lilian screws up his title. HE'LL BE IN ACTION HERE NOW, AND LATER ON THE NETWORK. So basically, this will likely be a bigger setup for the US Title match. "The US Championship versus Rusev!"
 Sheamus faces Tyson Kidd here. "He must knock off THE Tyson Kidd here.". Cole is not having a good night. Sheamus drops back to back knees to the face and then hits a flying knee off the second rope for 2. I like that sequence - it's new-ish, but fits him. Kidd gets the kneeling dropkick and some corner blows. Kidd nails some awesome forearms shots and kicks here. Nattie's breasts are bouncing wildly outside with this clapping. Sheamus gets a rough Alabama slam into a cloverleaf, which gets a rope break. Why not just have that be a finish here? It was set up perfectly and he's used it as a finish before. Tyson gets a neck snap and a springboard dropkick sends him to the floor. Kidd's shining brighter on Raw here than he has in a while. Finlay roll to the floor sets up Tyson using Nattie as a shield AND WINNING VIA COUNTOUT! KIDD FOR CHAMPION OF AMERICA! Or not - ate a kick.

Dolph came out on EPISODE NUMBER 1,219 or something like that. Dolph's out for a match with apparently The Authority. Or it's time for the 20 minute promo since it's the top of the hour. Steph announced Seth, Kane, and RANDY OR-TIN on their team. Dolph's hair is 80% dark and 20% dye job - looks ridiculous. HHH yammers on for ages about how Dolph's a nothing on Cena's team as either a winner or loser. HHH says that no matter if Dolph gets on top, something hurts him. HHH puts him over for being the hardest worker in the company while Cena gets the credit. Well, they did feud two years ago. Remember that? DOLPH WON THAT MATCH. HHH talked some more. After a few centuries, HHH brought up Cena not being here. How has HHH not made a you can't see him joke yet? After several more years, HHH says that if Dolph joins their side, he can get whatever he wants. On one hand, holy shit, on the other, hey, the IC Champ's in a major feud! Dolph says HE WANTS HHH OUT OF POWER. Nice. Now unfortunately, he surrounded by the people he just insulted, so I don't see this going well for him. HHH makes Seth-Dolph for the IC Title! So now the IC Title goes to someone who's actually a major deal!? Well, regularly - man has this feud really helped the IC Title for this exact show.

They start off with matwork and I've got to think Dolph wins. For one, it would keep the 50/50 booking alive and also give Cena's team momentum before the show without him there tonight. Or they just do a fuck finish/brawl. "Why use a big word when a diminutive one would work better?" Or you could say small one there King. Seth catches the Stinger splash into the corner flatliner for 2. Sets hits a snake eyes on the apron for a break. They did a dreadfully desperate plug for the Network. IF YOU DOWNLOAD THE APP AND THEN REGISTER ON WWE'S SITE, YOU'LL GET A FREE MONTH OF THE WWE NETWORK! Fameasser ducked into a cradle for 2 by Seth. Slingshot to Seth in the corner. Corner mount punches lead to a corner to corner BUCKLE BOMB! Fameasser hits for 2.9! Superkick is avoided, but the enzuiguri hits for 2! Noble cheapshots Dolph leading to a shoulder-posting! CURB STOMP, BUT ORTON RKOS ROLLINS! Posing. Posing. No bell.

WM 31 hype vid aired with stadium shots of pyro. Steph's breasts were angry at Randy, who came in and ranted gloriously. Coked-up Randy rules. He said he should fight for Team Cena...shouldn't he want the team to be Team Orton? Orton panted heavily while HHH said he needs Randy Orton. Like the Legacy breathing bit, this needs to be a meme. They get up close head-to-head. HHH's head is ungodly huge. Somehow. He gives Orton his match with Seth tonight. Show-Henry is next, I think.

Nope. Titus. He says a few words before Ryback in his NWO-inspired gear (complete with 4 Life on the back) come out. Titus hits a Train Wreck. This didn't end after a Meathook instead of the running boot why? Spinebuster. Meathook. Shellshock. Authority's looking on impressed while massive FEED ME MORE chants go on. Thank God this guy's back over - it's amazing too since he was dead in the mid-card, and lower mid-card, and now he's at the semi-main event level again instantly. Renee talks to Show, whose match is next. He hypes up Team Cena vs. Team Authority and wants to be on Team Cena. Oh yeah, he did have an issue with them a year ago - at Survivor Series no less. "I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN HOW BETRAYED I FEEL!" I love Show referencing that both he and Henry have turned back and forth constantly. He misses his friend. It's a shame this team was so strung together, because they actually put effort into their backstory.

Lilian talks about WHAT THE NFL PLAYERS WATCH!? WHY MONDAY NIGHT RAW OF COURSE! since the Bills are there. Show's out followed by an extended recap of last week's events, again. Show punches him in the corner and hits a slam and flying elbow drop for 2. Henry lightly shoves Show into the post twice. Show SPEARS HIM him on the floor. Show and Henry should not be taking floor bumps on TV in their 40s. Running elbow to the back mid-ring by Show. Cloverleaf-style Calf Killer here instead of the Hoss of Pain. Henry eats a draping apron chop. Why is Henry being downright squashed here? Show STEPS ON HIS CHEST ON THE APRON. Awesome. Show goes up for a flying elbow, but Henry slams him off into a 2. WSS hits, but Show kicks out at 2.9! Love Henry just going for rib kicks - reminds me to add that to his 2K14 lineup. Steps off the head are a DQ, but this "OBVIOUS DQ!" sure does raise questions about Orton earlier. Loved the post-match slam on the step base and a guy telling Henry to speak English. Henry drapes his THAT'S WHAT I DO shirt on Show after this beating in a fantastic little touch. Steph says that Henry BRINGS RUTHLESS AGGRESSION to the team. Oh God no not that again.

WWE compensated for the network's two inch dick by showing graphics. AJ's at ringside. Brie's backstage, but Nikki prevents the interview. ROWAN RETURNS. And he's a comedy act. Maybe a face. He thinks Renee's pretty, she says thanks. #renowan Nikki's ass faces Emma. They do moves. DIL-EMMA! Dropkick counters the sandwich and the Rack Attack wins. Brie smacked AJ at Nikki's order and then AJ tried to attack Nikki.

Xavier Woods is now MISTAH RANDY WATTTTSSSOOON! Maybe James Brown with the cape bit. Ryder sent out a tweet wanting to be on Team Cena. BWAHAHAHAHAHA. And he gets killed by Rusev for it. Later, it's clarified that this is due to the Authority. Every Rusev squash ever happened. Ryder has once again disgraced America. Can I sign a petition to deport him? Lana and Rusev cut a promo on Sheamus, and it's response time fella! I think he said the exact same thing from SD since they already showed it.

They showed a weekly Network schedule and the EVIL RUSSIANS walked backstage and talked with Steph. Steph says that they managed to grant the title match...yes, we know that. This was apparently a favor now, and Lana says she'll talk to Putin about it. WE'RE SET FOR FERNANDO VERSUS STARDUST. This is a thing that was said. Miz and Mizdow are at ringside for commentary. I guess now they're in the tag title hunt to go for 3 titles in 3 PPVs. Miz was fucking awful on commentary. The bull knocked Goldust into the goofs, backstabber wins. Vince recap. Randy-HHH-Seth recap.

Back from the break, we get ANOTHER RECAP, now of the Orton RKO to Seth last week. On SD, it's the Dust Bros against the Usos for the tag titles. Why is this a cage match, and why is a cage match being put on SD? Orton came out and flexed his pecs. I liked the Authority A squad being with Orton while Seth gets Noble and Mercury. Orton attacks with a clothesline and some stuff on the floor for a break. Back and Seth's mid-ring with Orton on the floor. Orton avoids a plancha and gets a mid-ring chinlock. Ref says "going home in 5". Seth works on the arm for some reason. Orton clears the table and the commentary sounds all echoey. Seth hits the kick and sends Orton down, but not for long. Orton gets a superplex for 2. One guy yells NOBLE! Seth counters the draping DDT and hits a suicide dive while the commentary gets wonky again.

FLYING KNEE FROM SETH shockingly doesn't lead to an RKO. Cole says HHH and Steph want this match over NOW, right at that 5 minute mark. Mid-ring enzuiguri sets up the curb stomp, but Orton counters with a powerslam for 2. RKO COUNTERED INTO A BACKSLIDE FOR THE WIN! Well, that's why Seth didn't lose earlier in any way, shape, or form. Orton's pissed and there's a ring full of goons. Randy shakes Noble's hand. No RKO. Ditto Mercury. Same with Seth and Kane. Crowd's chanting for an RKO. Seth says he's the little man and Orton's the bigger man and he's sorry. "I'm sorry too" leads to an RKO. Orton's crazy post-match brawl with all of them ruled. Orton even got color here. LOL @ Kane tripping on Orton. Seth did Orton's pose AND THEN CURB STOMPED HIM OFF THE TABLE ONTO THE STEPS. It's a damn shame we're not getting this version of Seth as WWE Champion because he deserves it and he'd be perfect in the role as the young lion corporate champ.

The post-Raw stuff on the Network features so many graphics that they're actually obscuring other graphics.  They show more replays of the attack and it's clear that Orton was cut open by a pen. They give the US Title match a big-match intro and Cole points out A NEW FACT - Sheamus has never tapped out in 5 years. I really like this black/blue/white getup on Rusev - I should try it out in FPR. Corner headbutt by Rusev. CLUBBERING TIME, but Rusev counters, and Sheamus counters that with headbutts and eats a big round kick to the gut from the apron. Sheamus dives off the apron and eats a powerslam on the floor. "YOUR VODKA STINKS!" Ah, the crowd tonight. Rusev gets the spinning wheel kicks and twirls. TWIRLS FOR...communism? Kneeling head and arm choke from Rusev - I should really give that to him in FPR since it's in there. Spinning powerslam from Sheamus. Running axehandles set up the knee. Loving the reverse chest clubs. A fan holds up an I A RONDA ROUSEY GUY sign. Accolade time, but Rusev can't lock it on. White Noise gets 2! Crowd chants this is awesome, and it is. It's Rusev's best match to date. Brogue kick misses in the corner. Tons of kicks! ACCOLADE! TIME FOR A NEW CHAMP! The crowd, after 4 hours, is hot AND RUSEV WINS VIA PASSOUT! YES! HISTORY HAS BEEN MADE ON THE NETWORK! I can't wait to see him wear it - it matches his gear perfectly. I am genuinely excited by this since the belt's on a top-level act and it's one who's protected AND over.

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