Wednesday, November 5, 2014

TNA Impact Wrestling 11-5-14

Well, today was not a good one for TNA as the previously-planned Best Of Impact shows aren't airing on Spike. Instead, movies will be put in that timeslot. With the rumor being that Spike was accepting them at a low-ball rate, this is somehow worse news than that or IT'S A SWERVE and they've actually done that and are just fucking with them. Probably the former though. I think the last show taped is for next week, so this could be the second-to-last episode of Impact ever and...yeah wow would last week's show have been a better finale.

A music video airs showing Roode's journey back to the top, starting with the contender's match in October and culminating with last week's title match. Tenay runs down tonight's matches and a cute redhead bounces around in the crowd. Angle hypes up a NEW TNA WORLD CHAMPION IN THE HOW! Kurt and Bobby are in a very dim ring with next to no people around them. 'Words can't describe this moment!" - I bet. Bobby talks for a few minutes about being honored about being able to share this with ALL OF YOU. Shame this crowd is so small - really, this should be a fun thing, but it's more sad than anything. I love him saying it's an honor to be World Champion in there with Kurt right now. Of course, that would've meant more if he won the title from Kurt at BFG '11 to add a bigger sense of history to this. Lashley, King, and MVP are out. I don't know how to describe MVP's shirt. Lashley in street gear and not athletic gear looks odd.

 I love MVP burying the fans in the crowd and at home for not loving Lashley. They're too scared to even look him in the eye, let alone fight him. MVP says that Lashley was only champion because MVP hurt his knee, so he wants the shot he never had. Kurt asks Bobby if he wants that match and Roode accepts. Lashley looks pissed. Well, as pissed as a guy in a golf hat is going to look. Tag tourney recap. Low-Ki sternly talks about picking Joe as his partner since he needs a tough man who is battle-tested. Joe says they'll put their differences aside for tag team gold and tonight they will defeat the legendary Hardys. This is up next - this should be a ton of fun.

Joe and Ki are out first followed by the Hardys and their theme that somehow works with lyrics that absolutely sucked without them when Matt was a solo act in TNA a few years back. Jeff's black and purple getup rules. Low-Ki is mixing it up with Jeff Hardy in a match I'd loved to have seen for the X Title. Jeff takes control on Ki and then tags in Matt for some arm-wringing. Ki leans on his head for an odd upkick to get some offense rolling. Joe tags in and punches away in the corner machine gun-style. Ki comes back in and gets the Flying Chuck after a long delay. Why Matt didn't move I have no idea. Double team gets 2 for the Hardys, but Joe and Ki come back for the break thanks to Joe demolishing Jeff with kicks and chops.

They come back and Joe sets up the muscle buster, but Jeff fights back and sends Joe with the Whisper in the Wind. Ki and Matt are in exchanging blows before Matt gets 2 off the Side Effect. Joe comes in and eats a punch n the corner so Matt can bulldog him and clothesline Ki for 2. Matt goes up for a moonsault, but Ki puts him in a tree of woe and hits Warriors Way for 2 thanks to a Jeff save. Gordbuster from Jeff sets up Poetry, but Ki gets a cradle for 2. Twist from Matt gets 2 thanks to Joe. Twist leads to a choke, but Jeff swantons onto Matt to break up the choke. Jeff goes for a Twist, but Ki wants a Krusher. Jeff counters that with his wacky kick setting up Poetry in Motion. Swanton kills Ki, followed by a Matt moonsault for the win - a goofy fan went nuts.This was really good - during a better time in TNA's history, it would've been pretty memorable. Storm talks to Davey about knowing what he's going through, and he'll give him one week for an answer. Roode explains that MVP kept him away from TNA while he was in charge, and now he's back as champion and tonight, he'll beat MVP.

OH MY GOD, A SAMUEL SHAW RETROSPECTIVE! Oh yeah, he's with Brittany. They try to get #SamuelandBrittany over as a thing. The wacky flame effects added to Shaw was less annoying than the usual stuff done for the Wolves. Brittany's back with dark hair, so she looks average. Ass is fine though. Shaw now has a creepy rapist mustache. SAM-MULE, GUN-AR WAS NE-VAR YOUR FRIEND! AND CHRI-STY HEM-EE COULD NE-VER APP-RE-CIATE YOUR ART-ISTIC TAL-ENT! Then she licked his stache. They make out and Tenay gets his best line in ages - "while they're riding first-class on the crazy train, HERE COMES GUNNER!" Gunner got all philosophical...and then called Shaw and Brittany creepy bastards. They brawled and Gunner tossed him around. Brittany hops on Gunner's back to set up a Shaw low blow. Brittany gives him leather gloves and Shaw does his goofy choke that I guess is harder to break with the gloves. Brittany stood right over Gunner and they made out. Devon and Dreamer face Bram and Magnus in a hardcore match. Okay then.

A video airs for Mahabali Shera - a former Ring Ka King wrestler from India. Kurt puts him over as a superstar and they show people going crazy for him. Good lord is he ripped. Recap of the show-opening deal. Kurt told a guy to change something from here to there and MVP interrupted. Bram and his generic theme bring their team down. Since when is he the star of this team? Dreamer jumps Magnus early leading to Bram standing around like a goof while his partner gets hit for a bit until Devon jumps him. Dreamer attacks Magnus with a broom on the ramp. A few people go through the motions of an ECW chant. Twitter pants are back for Tommy, who claps the fans into caring. Drinks to the face of Bram and Magnus. Dreamer takes an atomic drop on the guardrail. Taz rightfully buries the ECW guys for attacking from behind. Magnus attacks Devon with Mr. Turnbuckle. Bram follows up with a shirt choke. Cookie sheet shots from Dreamer lead to Taz talking  about him being the Innovator of Violence - by doing the same old shit? Drop toehold into the chair from Bram to Dreamer.

Bram attacks with a tiny cookie sheet to Dreamer's head. You could maybe fit a whole brownie on that thing. Double backdrop to Dreamer. End this. It's just stuff after stuff. Devon attacks with a shot to the balls. Poor Bram. Dreamer takes a Tower of Doom spot here in front of maybe 100s. Poor Dreamer. Bram hits a horrible punch to Devon, leading to a neck snap sending Bram through a table on the floor. Magnus canes Devon and Dreamer, who calls for one more and gets it. Magnus hops over eating the can lid, then gets kicked in the balls and tossed in the can anyway. Dreamer DDT gets the win, leading to Tommy's dreadful theme playing. This was 15 minutes of nothing. Gail talks backstage in a very green-lit area about Havok.

ROCKSTAR SPUD IS OUT being fantastic in a blue and white sky suit with his I'm With Spud shirt. Tenay put over the shirts as only being $9.99, which as the owner of a cat named Spud, is a fine reason to get one. Spud asks for silence and this is astonishingly hard to for him to get. He admits to doing some bad things and listening to the wrong people. He'd have done anything for EC3, except that he turned INTO A COMPLETE BLOODY WANKER! Crowd chants "he's a wanker!" and Spud cuts a damn good promo on EC3. He loves his suits, the people like them, and he's not changing for anybody! EC3's a big-nosed douchebag and he doesn't need him anymore! Goddamn is he great! Loved Taz's "Jeremy's with Spud" bit since it fits me. EC3's out in a velvet suit being called a wanker. EC3 calls Spud the biggest loser here and then points to all the people! EC3 offers Spud the chance to apologize. Tyrus stands behind Spud to further bully him - Spud says no and get grabbed by Tyrus. Spud says he's sorry...THAT EC3'S A BIG-NOSED DOUCHEBAG! EC3 slaps JB and he takes a bump, leading to a Spud comeback. Shame they already beat Tyrus or they could do a fun Giant Killer bit with Spud. EY makes the save here for Spud. Gail-Havok is next.

They plug the TNA-Lister thing. Gail's out in a hot white outfit with her left shoulder taped up. Havok comes out and they plug her theme and Gail tries to get the jump on it. She eats a big kick and takes a nasty bump on the ramp. The ref prevents the bearhug slam into the post leading to a Gail escape. They exchange some bad forearms. They keep brawling on the ramp. Ref's not doing anything to actually start this. They brawl up the ramp and Havok tosses her off the ramp. Why do this? I get doing an injury angle, but you've got one ready-made that doesn't involve taking a bump on the floor in front of a few hundred people. 

JB says that Gail is not able to compete, but she theory demands the match go on. Too goofball here. Hammerlock bearhug slam into the buckle and then mid-ring. Gail log rolls to avoid a stamp and elbow. Running dropkick leads to the corner bodyblock. Havok drops her with a forearm on the apron. Gail moves and sends Havok into the steps. Gail goes up for some victory roll position punches and eats a drop face-first on the steps! Havok prevents a 10 count. Hammerlock slam leads to Gail countering into her headscissors necklock. Sideslam nixes that. Gail counters...something with...I think a stunner. That was nasty whatever it was. Arm stunner to Havok. Havok misses a corner charge and Gail gets 2 off a blind crossbody off the top. Eat Defeat countered into the hammerlock slam gets 2.9! EAT DEFEAT! 2.9! This has been really rough at times, but it's a damn good match. Gail comes off the top and eats the chokeslam for the loss. Shera eats and Manik greets him casually. Manik offers him some soda and asks for some info. Manik was damn good here. MVP's backstage and Lashley leaves in a huff. King is gone too for whatever reason.

 MVP came out for "the main event" at 10:50. MVP gave JB his chains and a fantastic look, like if these sustain ANY damage, it's your ass. Roode's out and yup, the belt looks good on Roode even with that goofy robe/vest thing. MVP's not working in a shirt and is actually stretching on the top rope here. Match begins at 10:52. Collar and elbow into the corner leads to an MVP cheap shot and a double underhook suplex for 2. Shoulderblock gets 2 for MVP. MVP hits Roode with a rabbit lariat, his old finisher. MVP hits a nice running boot on the floor. Roode's sent into the steps and eats a 2. MVP's facebuster hits and Roode sells it perfectly. Ballin elbow sets up a Perfectplex that gets 2. MVP looks great here. Tenay plugs Glory and Bellator's Bonnar-Tito show throughout the match. MVP misses the corner kick and eats a spinebuster for 2. Big superplex from Roode gets 2. MVP counters the Roode bomb with elbows and avoids the Blockbuster. A goofy sliding kick hits that looks awful because Roode has to keep scooting around to get into position for it and gets 2. Drive by misses and Roode schoolboys him for 2. MVP's boot in the corner hits, and he's able to avoid a Roode bomb, but  he takes it after the Play of the Day gets countered and loses. Lashley spears Roode after the match. Lashley brushes MVP off. Nice. This was a sub-10 minute match, but damn good for one and MVP's best TNA match yet. Next week, Lashley bullies EY and faces Aries again. Hardys also battle the Wolves for the tag titles. 

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